January 12, Sunday: Since I've yet to fall asleep and it's only just after midnight, I want to type Saturday but technically it is Sunday. Mind you, I went to bed about an hour and a half ago, but I can't sleep. I've planned menus, I've half-written a short story, I've lived over conversations I had with the boys yesterday (technically, but still today for me) and half argued (only in my mind)with John over an incident this afternoon that I'd love to address but he extracted a promise from me last month that we'd NOT discuss the matter again until February, so...My mind has held too many conversations in the past hour for me to rest peacefully.
So, here I am at 12:12 on January 12th (seems a bit portentous to my weary mind) tapping away at the computer.
I haven't mentioned what I was fasting these 21 days because it seemed a silly thing(s) to fast, but I've become very aware over the past 7 days, almost 8, what a crutch I had allowed that one 'silly' thing to become and that's part of the reason why I am sitting here instead of lying in bed.
A pastor we listen to during the week informed his audience this week that fasting is only ever about food or water and prayer and never about anything else and that anyone who refused to do without food for a fasting period was simply playing at fooling themselves into thinking they were fasting. And in his second paragraph on the subject, he mentioned that he's fasting from all food and all but has reserved the right to have a single cup of coffee each morning without which he cannot function and show human kindness.
I know that he's fasting in the way he believes it should be done, and he certainly does have all the qualifications necessary to make him a well-known and true teacher of biblical things, but I think he maligns people who have not chosen to go without food but chosen a habit (or three) as their fast. I think he failed to understand the impact giving up a habit can have on a life. And if he'd give up that one cup of coffee and acted nice anyway, he might have a deeper understanding of why even seemingly inconsequential things can be a sacrifice.
I am not even considering my sacrifice in the same light as not eating for 21 days. But unless you've battled with yourself over seemingly inconsequential things, I think you won't understand that it oughtn't be discounted because the sacrifice I bring doesn't look like the one you bring.
I promise that prayer has gone into this. Prayer went into what I'd fast for and prayer into why I felt impressed to fast these things and the struggles I've had over the past seven days. It might appear nothing to the naked eye during the daylight hours when I am busy but here in the dark...well then it hits the fan if you know what I mean.
I was going to 'cheat' a bit tonight, you see. I was going to get out of bed and sit here in the living room and just go right ahead and do that very thing I'd said I'd give up...but instead I opened up my computer and am writing, my own way of talking through a moment when I am so tempted to give up. I'd been lying there willing myself to go to sleep and listened to my own head talk and then I found myself listening to that distractor who kept whispering that after all Dr. so and so at such and such a church had already said it was nothing consequential and that I was all wrong and he would know.
Never listen to those sorts of lies. Dr. so and so may be exactly right, but this was the sacrifice I was led to believe was the right one to make for me this year and I'll honor my promise and stick with it!
I spent the day with the trio of children and thoroughly enjoyed myself with them. There is a growing intimacy between us. I wish at times that John was with us to see and hear, but John knows himself as well and better than I know him. He would not appreciate those moments out and about with the children. He would be upset that they were perhaps a bit too loud or a little too rambunctious or irritated that they were doing something utterly silly. He's of the old school, children seen but not heard especially out in public.
My dad always wanted us to be quiet and not speak, to sit still and be perfectly behaved. On Sundays at Granny's after church he wanted us to stay clean and not play. Mama usually brought a change of clothes for us, especially if the cousins were also visiting because she knew we'd destroy our clothes. And maybe it's because I felt that disapproval coming from him so often, and I remember how super frustrating it was as a child, I've been able to allow my children and now my grandchildren a little leeway.
Don't get me wrong! I'm not a pushover. I can be stern. I do insist that rules be followed, and respect be shown and behavior be the best. I remind the children that while looks are one of the ways we make an impression, behavior is also a way we impress them. But I also believe that children are children, and they just naturally break out at times and need to. John's fine with that here at home but out in public...Seen and not heard is his preference.
John could laugh when I related this story, I'm about to share with you all. However, had he been there in person...He'd have been tensed and upset.
In November, when the hunter showed up to go on my brother's property, the boys weren't flustered in the least that a stranger was in my yard, and they freely spoke with him. It was Millie who took flight and ran to the house to tell me that there was a strange man here. When all was said and done that afternoon, Millie was praised for what we deemed appropriate behavior, and the boys were lectured by their dad for showing no sense of caution at all.
I think a healthy dose of cautious fear is a good thing. This isn't the era I grew up in where a mom could leave her kids in the car while she shopped for groceries and you'd best behave because if you didn't the person getting out of the car next to you would go right in and tell on you, lol...and believe me you did not want your mom coming out of the store before her shopping was done! It's a scarier world than the one I grew up in and while we do not want the children to quake in fear, we want that balancing of caution there to help keep them safe.
Today Millie needed to use the facilities at the restaurant, as did the boys. I took everyone to the restrooms, sent the boys into the men's and instructed them that they were to do their necessary tasks then sit in two chairs placed just at the opening of the hallway well within sight of waitresses and such until I could return with Millie.
As Millie washed up, I could hear Isaac speaking in his usual friendly way and then I heard Josh speaking in a much lower but threatening voice. I came out of the restroom and saw a waitress cleaning the area near where the boys were sitting. Isaac immediately pointed at the waitress, turned to me and said loudly, "Gramma tell Josh that she is not strange!" Josh was very upset. "I didn't say 'strange' Isaac! I said, 'You aren't supposed to speak to strangers!' "
The waitress and I locked eyes for a moment, and she quickly turned away with a huge smile on her face. I explained that she certainly was not strange and that while she was a stranger, I felt it was safe to speak politely to her since she was an employee of the restaurant. Obviously, we need to fine tune on that 'don't speak to strangers' warning and explain it a bit more in-depth to the boys.
John could laugh when I related the story this afternoon. However, had he been there in person...He'd have been tensed and upset.
January 13, Monday: I've done very well getting up earlier but not this morning. And the morning flew right past as I sipped coffee after getting up. But you know what I've decided? I've worked hard all my life long. If now and then I take a weekday morning to savor coffee before tending to my home, it's okay. Goodness knows I got up at all hours for many years in order to
I've been treating myself with a lightly sweet, steamed milk foam on top of my coffee. I use about a tablespoon of Maple syrup in my Turkish coffee pot, top with 1/4 cup of half and half and warm that over a low flame until it steams and is ready to froth. Oh, my goodness. I don't like sweet coffees as a rule because I find them overly sweet but that Maple froth on top of a cup of coffee is so doggone perfect!
Yesterday we attended late service at church, and I found myself in a reverse role. Instead of waiting on John as he had multiples of conversations, he waited upon ME. I ran into a girl I adore, and we caught up really quickly and then someone who came up to speak to her lingered after Rachel left and we talked for a bit. I think John was rather amused to find himself waiting on me, because usually if I can find a pause, I've slipped out to the car and started to decompress from people-ing.
When we got home, after eating a quick lunch of leftovers, I sat down at my computer with the intention of doing genealogy but went to sleep instead. When I woke, I had to run a quick errand and then I fed the birds and the cat and dog, when I got back. It was 5pm when I sat down to start my promised hobby time. It was one of those days where everything led to nowhere. I got fooled a few times into thinking I was about to make a discovery that connected to other family members but no. Every question I researched came up nada. I worked at that until 8pm.
Today, after leisurely morning coffee and sorting through mail I did a variety of small jobs some related to Monday home blessing, some related to food for the week ahead, and some just general cleaning up. I walked out to the compost and back and around the house (go me!) and did a few other things before settling in my chair once again. I plan to spend the rest of this cloudy, dreary cold day reading. I got two books Saturday at the library and sampled the first chapter of both.
I decided to give Eileen Goudge a try because I've been looking at her name for years upon years on library shelves (she is distantly related to Elizabeth Goudge) and since she has stood the test of time, I figured there must be something to her books. I chose The Diary. And then I chose a book based solely on interest in the title and cover by Sarah Blake, The Guest Book. I liked the sampling of both books. I pulled Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte as my classic for the moment. I haven't read it in years upon years. I first read the abridged version when I was about nine and I wept my eyes out. I last read it about 20 years ago.
John must have been thinking prior to my getting up this morning. He's determined we must buy tires for our main car this year and I don't doubt that is true. My records indicate we last purchased them in 2020. He also wants to get the kitchen painted this year and get pulls and knobs on cabinets and drawers in the kitchen and bath. That will finish off both those rooms. I've stuck with the color choice I finally made in April of 2024. It's called Waterscape by Sherwin Williams. I've had large samples stuck to the walls, in different light areas and that's a keeper for sure.
I don't think I'm making supper tonight. Even though I haven't eaten a lot today, I'm not hungry. I've told John he can make himself a sandwich if he likes but I'm not cooking. Nothing I took out to thaw for this week has even begun to thaw.
January 14, Tuesday: I am ready to throw in the towel. I had to call our car insurance carrier yesterday to make a payment over the phone because the statement has not yet arrived. It's the mail that's at fault not the carrier. Last month, it was house insurance that didn't arrive to the agency on time, so they were threatening cancellation. I made a payment over the phone and guess what showed up the next day? My 'missing' payment. So I paid ahead for January...
And if that isn't frustrating enough, I have an item that is 'out for delivery'. The carrier is Fed Ex again. When I look online, I note that my item has now been there for a week and each day it says, "out for delivery" and each morning it says, "On the truck for delivery"...I told John I'm so tempted to start paying for express shipping and he said, "Oh no you're not!" I say what's the point of free shipping if you're waiting weeks for it to be delivered. It also bothers me because I'm sure I'll forget I've an item floating around out there somewhere and I'll end up having paid for things I never receive.
Yesterday afternoon, I decided to go look for the annual renewal paperwork that is required. Renewals aren't until the first week of February, but they must be done (driver's license and tags) so I figured I'd best just go ahead and pull the papers needed now.
That led me to gathering deductible papers for taxes and filing all the rest of the stuff. I also culled a few files but I did a big sweep through them last year and so it was much easier and far lighter this year. I doubt I pulled more than a dozen or so papers.
This morning, I have cleaned out the buffet drawer that the children use and arranged the top in a more pleasing manner. I have placed two pictures there to be hung on the wall above the buffet. I still haven't decided what I need to do about that cabinet on the end that is awkward looking.
I have a short shopping list of things I need to order. Necessary sorts of clothing are what's on my list for now and a shorter list to start searching for spring/summer. I order only because I can generally find my size online and going into a store is like rolling dice. Maybe so, mostly no, if you know what I mean. I am loath though to order and then wait for shipping through who knows what venue. Oh well. Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
Today I put up two bananas in the freezer that I sliced into chunks. I've only just made a dozen muffins, found a dozen more when I went to put those in the freezer as well as a loaf of banana bread. I've started a half gallon of vinegar from apple cores.
The last batch of vinegar now has four separate mothers, so I took one and put in the new jar of vinegar. I'll have to watch it closely since I noticed I had cores floating up to the top and those are what will ruin my vinegar. I wish I had one of those fermenting weights. I think it might work better than the jar of water I put in the top to hold things down. We'll see how this batch turns out.
I also stripped leaves off the celery in the fridge and dried those. They are now in my herb jar ready to be used. I bought celery salt the other day, but I prefer the dried leaves. I find them so versatile and not bitter like celery seeds can be.
Right now, I have a small batch of applesauce cooking on the stove top. I had wrinkly apples to use. I used the cores left from that to go into the vinegar along with frozen cores I'd been saving up in the freezer.
July 15, Wednesday: It figures. John said we were going to leave early this morning. So naturally I woke early, and he slept late. Bless him, he rarely sleeps in, and I lay still for over an hour and a half because I didn't want to disturb what was obviously good rest.
Since I had a bill arrive yesterday that was due on Friday, I felt it would be wise to drive the payment to the office. We were going to be in town where the agent was located anyway, so it worked out. And yes, that is twice this week that I've had to make special efforts to pay bills due to late mail.
We had the car serviced and went to lunch. No complaints. I'll be eating out again tomorrow, too, because I'm going out with Mama. I did not expect to eat out so often this week.
When we got home, I tracked a package that is being delivered by Fed Ex. Since last week it has been sitting in Macon and is 'on the truck for delivery'. I tried to contact Fed Ex directly. Having gotten nowhere last month with phone calls and automated answers, I went online and contacted the Help desk. Also automated and also pat replies. Delays are due to: weather (not appropriate), holiday (uh no, we're done with that), or the need to further investigate the package due it's suspicious appearance (no). No help. No answer. The last package was 3 days shy of being a month before it was delivered. Perhaps I'm looking at the same thing again?
Katie called and said they'd run over this evening which was wonderful. When she got here, I was telling her about my frustrations with Fed Ex. She nodded. I said, "Wait are you having problems with deliveries, too?" "Oh yeah. Everyone is. One of my friends posted on Facebook the other day 'Fed Ex just pulled into my drive, who all needs their package?' She actually had people reply!"
I enjoyed the time with the boys. Caleb is stuck on Grampa. I did finally get him to give me a hug. I was pleased that when I said we'd eat after Cody arrived, he got out the paper plates and set the table without any prompting to help. I know that at home things are too high up and out of his reach, but he could be a great help if allowed.
I sort of scratched up a meal that wasn't quite enough, but I added heavier sides to help stretch it out. When Caleb wanted more of the ribs we were having for supper (enough for three stretched to feed five), I offered him some of mine. That little boy then took his almost bare bone and pinched off a bit so small I couldn't quite see it and said, "Let me share with you, too." So sweet!
Henry cries every time I pick him up. He looks at me and then his mouth turns down, he screws up his eyes and he cries real tears. However, later in the evening, when he'd been here awhile, I was able to hold him and he decided I was okay after all, so he told me how good his fingers were and how pleased he was with life overall. He's very much attached to his mama as well you'd suppose he might be.
There's a photo of the fellow with his Mama just after Christmas. Handsome boy isn't he?
Bella's mom called Cody to show him Bella's ballerina leotard and tutu. Bella kept saying, "I'm a Bella-rina, Dad!" She did look about as precious as you'd expect in pink leotard and tutu.
I so enjoyed having the family here to visit.
January 16, Thursday: We're in a warming trend here and I am not complaining. I do get awfully tired of feeling chilled all day long. Today was about 60F. I came out of my jeans jacket about 2pm and actually drove home with the windows partially down.
I looked over grocery ads on Tuesday and Wednesday and nothing is making me feel impelled to go to the store to buy anything. That's a sign that (a) we really do have plenty here in the house and (b) sales are pitiful here in January and have pretty much been for the past 2 weeks. Never mind. My grocery budget will be happy for the break. I'll take out in cash what I don't spend on groceries this month and stick it in the vacation fund earmarked for food when we go to the beach.
Today, I decided it was prime time to do something I've wanted to do for a few weeks. Stop at the local mercantile store and pick up local honey. I bought 2-pint jars. They are pricey, but it's local and it's oh so good! There was a buggy (shopping cart if you're not from the South) filled with Satsumas that were nearly the size of grapefruits. There were leaves and stems attached to many of them. They were so pretty and very well priced at 12 for $5. I'll bet I got 5 pounds of Satsumas today. I know that to be a good price since I'd been reading ads and pricing foods.
After lunch, I told Mama I needed to go to the peach shed to pick up pecans which is their second money crop of the year. Pecans are HIGH in price. Mama wanted halves and they were $14.99 for a pound bag. I got pieces and paid $12.99. I told John when I got home that I sure wished our trees would at least produce enough that I could have my own, but they don't. The tree in the backyard hasn't produced a decent crop since about our fourth year here. Ah well. I'm grateful I had the grocery money to spare to buy good things with today. I know the pecans I bought are fresh and not half rancid which is so often the case with store bought packaged nuts. And they are locally grown. I put them in the freezer when I got home. I'll get a good bit of mileage out of that pound of nuts.
Mama and I had a nice ride through the country coming back to her apartment. When I left her apartment, I looked at my grocery lists on my phone and determined there absolutely was no need to go into any of them. Nothing was needed and nothing was such a good sale I felt I couldn't just wait on it. I decided to go to Cato and see what they had to offer.
I guess Stitch Fix inured me to paying higher prices. Things didn't seem half so dear as they had in the past. One advantage of NOT getting Stitch Fix lately was that I've saved quiet a little of my allowance, so I was free to buy something today.
I only came home with two things, a long-sleeved pale coral pullover sweater and a white tank top, which I use as a layering piece in the cold seasons and wear alone under an open shirt or kimono in the summer. The coral sweater isn't thick and heavy. It's a fine knit and will do through winter and then into the cooler portion of Spring. It will go with several things in my closet which is always my rule of thumb. I found a set of bracelets and two necklaces on the clearance rack. I tried on a chambray-colored tee-shirt with a boatneck that I really liked. The trouble is I am narrow shouldered, and the neck was so wide that it was practically off both shoulders. I could only have worn it over a tank which is very 1980's and not to my taste. However, the color is gorgeous with my salt and pepper hair and definitely something I shall seek out in another style.
This evening, I've shopped online. I looked Stitch Fix and I was left cold. I contemplated getting a fix but seriously the last four have been big fails for me. And I find that I often feel obligated to keep something so the stylist will get some sort of commission. Which is why I have tops in my closet I currently don't care for...so I just closed that site and went to Cato online. I found a different style t-shirt in the blue I really liked at the store, got a Navy tank top, a wine-colored sweater that is exactly like the coral one and the smaller size of a clearance cardigan that I really wanted at the store, but it was HUGE on me, beyond oversized and there were no smaller sizes. I shall have a nice beginning to spring/summer and finish off the winter well-set. I think I am done now. But I did follow my rule. I shall let these sit for at least 24 hours then go back to visit the shopping cart again and make a final decision.
On the way home today, I 'saw' an outfit in my mind that combined things I already have. I have written the idea down so I will have it. I keep a listing of ideas that occur to me. This one will be pretty for spring, I think.
January 17, Friday: I have puttered about the house today doing nothing much and yet accomplishing a few things. It was enough.
First let me say that I got the order I was waiting on these past three days from Fed Ex. They made a late delivery to Sam's last night and he accepted my package there to save him coming up here at nearly 10pm. The driver told Sam he'd been out of work for nearly two months and when he returned found that the sub driver had been skipping making deliveries...
Well, that accounts for my missing stuff, but what about those in the cities? Oh well. I got mine. Which is great since the tennis shoes I ordered the other morning are coming Fed Ex...
I did my Friday home blessing. I still need to sweep the kitchen and the guest bath, but I'll freely admit that it might not get done. I'm at that point of the day where I consider myself 'Done' regardless of what remains that needs doing. It's 5pm on Friday...Time for the weekend to begin!
After the home blessing, I took time to dust the living and dining room. Then I pushed that cabinet that has bothered me so to the other end of the dining room. I finally decided that what bothered me was the room looked too heavy on the entry end. Now it appears to be more balanced and looks nicer. I may swap the printer to the other cabinet top but that also opens a whole can of worms trying to figure out what to do with the paper and ink and such. Too much trouble if you want to know the truth.
I walked out to the compost bin and fed the birds and petted Sassy who was desperate to be loved on. I made bread, cleaned the kitchen, helped John fold clothes and so many more things. Nothing much to any of them and yet they all took their portion of time.
I reviewed my cart at Cato this afternoon and took out an item or two and placed my order. I shall not be buying more of anything except intimate apparel for now.
The day is done...and the weekend is ahead. We have Outreach tomorrow morning, and we'll see Taylor Sunday.
How was your week?
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