I Did It Anyway

 

Sunday, July 12:  I struggled last week to 'feel good'.  Adding to my overall malaise, I have had a sciatica attack that is painful and bothersome, and I want nothing more than to toss in the towel.  I might have done just that had I been able to lie down or sit for an extended period.  Alas, I could not, which meant I had to be up and about and if I was going to have to be up and about anyway, I might as well do something.  Right?

On Friday I went to the Widow's luncheon at church.  I went because one of the first people who ever greeted us and when we began attending our church some 10 years ago, is in charge of the Widow's luncheon and she'd just discovered that John had passed away.  She asked me to attend, had called me several times over the past two weeks and reminded me each time that she was expecting me.  She is a dear, but I gather from the past two weeks that she is very much the 'in charge' sort...And indeed, I found she is the g-General that orders everything and attends to every detail in this particular group.  No offense to her.  She's quite nice and even nice people can have a bit of a take charge sort of mentality.

So, I started out on Friday mid-morning, with no time to spare.  Unfortunately, when I arrived in my town, a semi was blocking two lanes and two sidewalks.  He also happened to have blocked the only road where there was the nearest possible turn to avoid said roadblock.  I had two options: wait and hope for the best or turn around or drive in the opposite direction, adding extra miles and time to my trip over to the church.    I waited patiently in line with other cars and then drove as fast as I dared when we were free. 

Well, you'd know that I'd end being late by about 10 minutes.   Hence, I interrupted our lead widow as she made her opening talk and found myself directed to a seat at the head of the room right next to her while every last eye turned toward me, which made me feel even more conspicuous.

It was okay.  Food was the usual, catered by the same man who does all the church functions.  Nothing excellent.  Nothing bad.  I enjoyed the assistant pastor who was the speaker.  But I just didn't feel it was my space to be in.  I was the youngest of all the widows (and here I am just beyond my mid-60's!).   I gathered that the purpose of the group was merely to meet for a luncheon out once a month, which is not a high priority for me since I eat out often enough and don't mind eating alone, and have an uplifting speaker.  

I won't be going back.  I feel I would be happier spending my time in other ways, even if I were just at home.  I only had two other women  acknowledge me and one of those was the official records keeper who needed contact information.  

I ran a few errands on my way home, picking up a birthday gift and birthday cards.  It was very hot, with the thermometer reading 100F in the car and likely a good deal hotter with the 'feels like' addition of humidity.  I had worn the green and white striped version of the same cotton dress from Amazon I shared two weeks ago (and I LOVE it!) so I was comfortable enough but still very warm and glad to be back in my air-conditioned home.

Friday night the Sciatica was relentless in causing pain, spasms and cramps.  I got up early more out of the desperate need to get some relief by standing up than anything.  I'd noted the county Chamber of Commerce was promoting another event.  So far, they've had one about every two weeks in either Reynolds or Butler.  This one was a Saturday morning market in Reynolds.  After coffee, I decided I'd go out to it.  It's only a few miles into town and what harm would be done by walking around?  

I was pleased to discover that the flower stall had a variety of small bouquets of homegrown flowers that were quite pretty.  The young lady who had them is literally just across the highway from my own home out here on the northside of town.  They weren't inexpensive but they were nicer than the grocery store bouquets of the same old same old things.  This bouquet had zinnias and amaranth and dahlia and were lovely. 

I picked up a local jar of honey.  Turned out that while the beekeeper lives on the southside of Reynolds in another small town, it is her honey I've been purchasing for years now.  I was ready to get a new pint jar, so I bought one directly from her.  There were several booths offering different things.  I browsed the stalls (somehow missing the sourdough bread stall) and got a jar of salsa from one stall and a piece of homemade poundcake from another to add to my small purchases.  Walking the market took me less than 20 minutes even stopping to chat as I went along.  

Heady with the success of doing an outing on my own despite back pain, I headed over to the county seat to pick up lunch at a place I'd been meaning to try for a couple of years.  This was not a fast food placed so I had to wait 20-25 minutes.  I sat on their 'verandah' as John would have called it, enjoying the sunshine, the constant breeze, the movement of the clouds overhead.  It was quite nice.  And later when I had my lunch, I was impressed enough with the food that I was glad I'd made an effort to go there finally.

I stopped in the local Napa/Gun store to pick up the Rural Mural Passports for my trip with the kids next week.  Then I stopped at another local business to fill up with gas, bought myself a tall glass of unsweetened iced tea which tasted like nectar since it was so very hot outdoors and drove home along the more northern end of the county back roads.

I ate my lunch, napped briefly, crafted, read blogs, journaled and spent a rather lovely afternoon that passed by gently.  

I took a different over the counter anti-inflammatory that I tend to avoid which stepped firmly down on the Sciatica pain and gave me real relief (hence the nap!) and carried me well into the wee hours of the morning before any pain returned.

This morning, I headed into church.  Mindful of the heat index again today, I opted to dress more casually and comfortably in a simple t-shirt and jeans.  I have to admit, I felt far less presentable for the morning's service than I did for the Widow's luncheon.  I think I'm going to make it a point to try to dress more nicely for church.  I always dressed rather casually just to keep from standing out too much from John who wore the same 'uniform' year around: black cap, black shirt, black suspenders and jeans or khakis.  Not that he would have been self-conscious, but I wanted to appear to be in keeping with him, if you know what I mean, and not as though I were showing him up in anyway.

But I've been noticing that the people I tend to focus in on each Sunday are those who dress a little less casually and look a little nicer.  I guess it's nostalgia in a way for when we'd never have dreamed of going to church, much less gone shopping, in some of the things we tend to wear these days to do either.  I will always be a casual sort of person, I'm afraid, but I can look a wee bit nicer than I did today.

It was no less hot today than yesterday.  I arrived home damp with sweat.  I've repeated yesterday afternoon: eat, nap, craft, watch vlogs, write.  I've filled in gaps of time contemplating a plan of action for the busy week I have ahead of me

Monday, July 13:  Misery last night.  I had to double the dose of the medication I'd taken on Saturday at noon.  Truth, I hate this particular medicine as it tends to make me feel bad in other ways, but I was desperate by the time I took the second pill.  It must've worked well enough because though I woke in pain, the key point is I said I woke, which means I slept, which must mean the pain went down to tolerable enough levels to sleep through.

I eased into the day, really.  Lemon water with sea salt taken on the back porch with the pets.  I had a phone call from Miss G, the head widow of the church.  She's called me once or twice a week since she discovered I am widowed and it is awfully nice of her.  I felt like something of a heel since I'd purposely avoided her yesterday at church.

Nothing she did at all that made me avoid her.  It was a gentleman who, with his wife, has sat near John and I for years in church that led me to scurry away from people in general.  

He seems a very nice man overall, older than John perhaps.  And yesterday he'd suddenly leaned down after church and said, "Where IS your husband?!"  He had no clue John had died, and I could see he felt perfectly awful for asking once I'd replied.  And since I was feeling rather tender inside anyway that morning, it just went all over me.  

Suddenly I just wanted to go home and stay there.  I noticed that Miss G had headed out the door and there was no way I was going to get by without speaking to her if I headed out the door right away.  I was afraid I'd not hold up well if I did stop to speak.  So, I avoided her.  It wasn't just her.  I was pretty much in avoidance mode, period.  Sometimes it just seems like all I want is to not ponder the need to be sociable at all.  

At any rate, it was a short but pleasant conversation with her this morning, and I appreciated the call very much.  I came indoors to prepare coffee and mix up a batch of banana bread.

I got up this morning determined to manage my day well.  Even though I started it later than I'd meant to, having whacked the dismiss button on the alarm at the time it went off.

I am on a banana bread failure streak.  I made some a few weeks back but had tried to use the bread machine.  Blech.  So today I decided I'd make more as banana muffins.  There was a cookbook on the counter, but not the one containing my favorite nut bread recipe.  "How different can it be?" I asked as I found the page in the book.  Well...different enough I regretted using the recipe!  It has no fat or milk in it at all, and it does change the texture of the bread considerably to have neither of those ingredients.  They are edible.  But a disappointment to me just the same.

However, it was fun to note that I'd apparently used the same recipe to make Banana Bread on March 8, 2008.  I'd noted on the recipe the date and that we'd had snow flurries!  Katie would have been in 10th grade then.  No doubt my own excited comment was related to her joy at the idea of having snow.

My big task today was to begin the great master bedroom closet clear out and reorganization.  I had a later than planned start to the task what with sleeping in and puttering around with breakfast and banana muffins before I settled to work.   So, I began just before noon today.  The plan was to work in sections, a means I've employed before when I felt a task might be overwhelming.  And it was very overwhelming when everything was out of the one section of the closet and lying all around the room.  

I finally finished up entirely somewhere around 4:30. All I wanted then was a cup of coffee.  The closet looked great, but my room was a disaster overall, having gotten a bit disheveled while I was sorting out the closet and had to be straightened up after everything was in place in the closet.   I'd left tools out in the guest bedroom which I'd needed to use earlier, and I knew I needed to put those things away since I will have the trio of children tomorrow night.

I can drink coffee just as well at 5:30 as I can at 4:30...So, I got busy and cleaned up my two rooms and then I treated myself to a cup of coffee.

I have two bins of files that I need to sort out that came out of the closet.  That will generate a lot of shredding. It's part of my grand decluttering of 2026. But the rest of the closet is lovely and organized and looks neat as a pin.  I have a pile of things and a trunk that I must donate tucked into one corner of the bedroom.  I still want to go through my dresser drawers and then do some minor rearranging in my room before I can call this job completely done.  Today, my goal was the closet, and the closet is what I did.

Wednesday, July 15:  I picked up the children yesterday morning about 10:30 and we began the Rural Mural/Discover Georgia project.  I'd picked up our passports on Saturday.   There's only one trouble with the whole thing in the kids' eyes: there is a lot of car time, and it's all driven through rural areas without much of interest along the way.  Josh diplomatically called it "Fun, but boring at the same time," yesterday afternoon.  Honestly, we were all weary and tired when we returned home and we didn't complete half the planned visits.  

I think it would help a lot if there had been other things we might have done along the way.  The next part of the project will be about 100 miles round trip.  I guess we did about that much yesterday.   We viewed six official and two extra murals and stopped to see a historical covered bridge.  We ended up in our county seat where I picked up pizza for supper.   

Millie practically begged to go to bed at 7pm last night and I was in my own bed by 9:30. Isaac was half asleep in a chair here in the living room, Josh sprawled across the bed in the guest room.  I heard the boys bouncing around about 10:30pm but they were soon settled in.  Josh wanted to sleep in the living room.  I have found that if I pull the two ottomans up to one of the armchairs, it makes a bed roughly long enough for a boy who is about 5 feet six inches feet tall with a bit of room to spare at the foot.  The kids swear that 'bed' sleeps as well as any in the house.  Which just goes to show you that here I've had a spare 'bed' in the house all along and I keep forgetting about it!

This morning I was up long before any child.  I'd slept some last night with a little less pain than the past few nights, but I was hurting enough I longed to get up and just sit in a chair for a while.  I stayed in my room, not wanting to disturb the children.  And not one of them woke when I did finally come out of my room just before 8 a.m.  I managed to make coffee and have a cup before the children rose.  Millie was up first and she woke the boys.  The children helped themselves to cold pizza for breakfast.  So be it.  But that was my lunch plans shot for them. I texted Sam, I'd have them home by lunch at his house since I was out of food options.

When I took the children home, I picked a big handful of basil stems and a few of oregano. Sam came out to walk about with me, and he and I laughed over Josh with the 8 teeny tiny basil leaves he'd brought over last week. I noted his basil is getting ready to go to seed and I told him to be sure and save some of the seeds for future crops.     

Sam's garden is done.  Squash borers, cabbage worms, green horned worms have all taken their toll, as has the heat.  

He'd brought me a slice of Hot water crust Beef Pot Pie last week and I missed eating it because I didn't check the bag, which also included returns of some of my serving dishes which he'd washed and returned.  I took him a bag of goodies today: muffins (the kids will eat them happily) and one of my last jars of home canned collard greens, as well as his own freshly washed serving dishes which he'd sent over to the house.

I've put a big bouquet of basil in water and placed them in the kitchen window.  Perhaps I'll root and plant some of this.  I so love the aroma of basil.  It's scented the air of the house and is just lovely.

Saturday, June 18:  Oh, my goodness.  Time seems to slip by so quickly at times, doesn't it?  On Thursday the pest control man came by.  He's a cook himself and he paused long enough to tell me about his most recent attempt a Pasta-laya, a take on Jambalaya but made with Pasta.  He said it was a long process but super good.  

I'd been watching You Tubes about exercises to help with Sciatica earlier Thursday morning and found one for seniors that involved being seated. I've added the link in for you all if any should need it.  I followed the exercises and before I was done with the first set I felt a long deep 'thunk' in my Piriformis and immediate easing of pain.  I went on to do all of the exercises (a total of five though the video says it's three) and had moderate pain for the rest of the day.  That was a help.  

I got the guest room closet cleaned up this morning and it took only minutes.  It is not decluttered.  It was merely straightened up after Taylor left it in such a state the other day.  Tackling the decluttering part is on the schedule for next week.

And that was pretty much my entire day.  Nothing much to it.  Getting up and walking about, sitting to rest my hip, and light household duties.  

I slept fairly well, but I did end getting up at one point to sit in my chair in the living room and sleep a while, before going back to bed to stretch out.  I did my exercises.  No major easing overall but no more pain than usual either.  

I ended getting up very early Friday morning, since I was going out with Susan for today.  I'd already texted her to cut back on our plans as I did not feel I was up to another long drive/ride today.  We decided to run around the local areas.

Nicest surprise of the day was our stop in Oglethorpe when we spied a junk shop open on one corner of the main road.  A few doors down was another shop and two more that were closed, plus several little restaurants.  I was very impressed.  Alas, the old houses are starting to look rather grim, but the immediate downtown area appears to be revitalizing itself.  

We went to the Deustch Haus for lunch and visited the bakery on our way out.  I indulged and bought half a German Chocolate Cake.  I'd just last night determined that would be what I'd make next.  Well, this one is homemade and while some might balk at the price I paid, I knew that buying ingredients required to make the cake from scratch would cost me at least as much.  I can slice and freeze or give most away if I choose.

Susan and I roamed about and talked for a good three or four hours before heading home again.  When we returned, we found my lawn freshly mown and dust from the mower disappearing along the path between my house and Sam's.  Susan and I were eating a cookie and having a cool drink when Sam came through the back door.  He looked absolutely done in by the heat, immediately took two of the canned drinks from the fridge and downed them then helped himself to cookies as well.  He had purpose for interrupting my visit with Susan however, beyond just loving to see his Mama and show off himself to her company, lol.

He asked if I could give him a portion of John's ashes.  "I've decided I'm ready...I'm going to go out tomorrow morning to run errands and I'm picking myself up a beer to bring home.  Then I'm going to sit under the pine tree where Dad always stopped to rest while he was mowing, and I'm going to sit there and have a beer and talk with him before I spread his ashes."  My eyes filled with tears on two counts.  

Sam's been the longest in facing up to his grief for one thing.  Katie feels it every day, and JD feels it as much as he feels anything, but Sam has continually said he didn't have time to grieve, as everyone else's grief took precedence over his own (he meant his household by the way).  But he's alone this weekend for the first time since John passed away and he felt now was the right moment in time for him to deal with it.  

It also made me smile because John always came home from mowing Sam's yard talking about how much he loved to stop under that huge old pine tree and just admire how beautiful the property was.  That Sam chose the Sam spot to pay his last respects seems more than fitting to me.

After he left, Susan and I continued to talk.  I cried a bit, being emotional due to all the pain, lack of sleep, and this final breakthrough for my son.  Susan and I spoke of deeper things.  She reluctantly ended our visit only when her husband texted that he was starting supper, lol.  

I went to bed mentally and emotionally done last night.  I had been dozing off in my chair and when I got up and went to bed it was still daylight out the window.  Never mind.  My body wanted the rest and I crawled into bed and gave it what it required.  I slept well into the morning hours, sat in my chair in the living for a couple of hours where I dozed off and slept more, then back to bed to sleep still more.  I was still up quite early since I'd set the alarm.  

I sat on the back porch with my lemon water, Sassy leaning against one foot, Rufus leaning against the other.  I did my exercises which still hurt but are at least doable three days in, I made pancakes and watched tv as I ate my breakfast.  I played with the 'broken' coffee pot and lo and behold it is working once more, as is the hairdryer!  I'm grateful for both to be back doing their duties well.

I was able to give myself a pedicure this morning, which I'd despaired of being able to do anytime soon with the sciatica.  I'm well pleased over that.

I assembled the new lamp for my study area and am debating the color of the curtains.  I've partially unwrapped the rug and admit I quite like the color though it's far more color saturated than I'd imagined from the picture.   I have a side table I've yet to unpack and assemble, meant for a cup of coffee or glass of tea when I just want to read in the room.  

I am not putting any of it out at the moment, except one lamp.  I am going to be moving furniture and painting the walls a lovely pearly white.  At least that's my plans. I think the white will make all the other colors sing.  I'll be painting my desk a pale pink and I'm thinking I might paint the bookcases as well.  Overall, the study will be a fairly girly room with plenty of John's music stuff and pictures up to balance it to keep it from being too frou frou.

It's been a decent week overall, despite not feeling well.  I've had fun, worked enough to please me and feel better.  

Flag Waving Time

July 1, Wednesday:  If Memorial Day officially marks the start of the BBQ season for the warm months ahead, to me July marks the true beginning of the summer.  I do realize it starts in June.  Never mind.  We have milder temperatures in June as a rule, but July comes in with all the heat and humidity, gnats, flies, mosquitoes and pop-up rain showers or heat produced lightning and thunder that is characteristic of true summer here in the south.  Most of all, it is full on peach season. Farmers stands are filled with fresh produce that is truly fresh and locally grown.  

Suddenly I find myself thinking of sitting under the sprinkler on a hot afternoon, watching the droplets of water form rainbows and shivering delightfully as the cold-water hits hot skin.  Or spending an afternoon watching great fluffy cumulus clouds floating overhead. Cicadas lull me to sleep at night with their persistent rhythmic sound.  

Summer Sunshine and Cookies

 

Monday, June 22:  A few weeks ago, I asked Sam and Katie both what they'd like for their birthday gifts.  Katie's wishes were practical.  "I really need bras..."  Well, I bought her bras, but I asked again later if she'd like something more.  For her second wish, she sent me a photo of a set of crochet hooks.  "I've wanted this forever, but I can't bring myself to buy them for myself."  I know too well how it is to have something stuck on a wish list that somehow you can't bring yourself to purchase, even though you might have the money and know you will put it to good use.  

When I asked Sam the same question he scowled.  He thought long and hard before finally replying.  "What I'd really like to do is go out to eat with my family: you, the kids and Bess, and someone else pay for the meal.   If I could do that, I'd go to..." and he named off a BBQ place that is still fairly new.  I nodded.  "Consider it done."  

Well, we couldn't do on his birthday last week because family came in from out of town the same day.  And we couldn't do it on Father's Day as he'd requested, because the same family lingered and didn't leave until later in the day.  But after talking it over, we'd agreed that we'd go out for lunch today.

He and the kids came to pick me up and we headed to the restaurant where we were meeting Bess.  "I'll pay for the kids and Bess, Mama...it's too much."  "No thank you," I told him, "I have it all covered."  But we're six people...it might get pretty expensive."  "It might.  But I have a fund Sam and there's enough to cover us in it.  Please let me do this for you."  He reluctantly agreed but added, "but if it's over $$ I'm chipping in!"  "Nope.  I've got it."  

And there we are.  Adult children.  Unable to spend on themselves, reluctant to have another give them a nice gift they'd go without.  We are a long way from the days when they were young enough to believe that Mom and Dad had a money tree or three in the backyard.

We had an excellent lunch, which fell easily into the budget I'd allotted for it.  The food was really good and while we ran into tiny glitches in getting our order correctly, it was not trouble enough to mar the experience.  

On the way home, I'm afraid I talked Sam's ears off.  I told him all about my next phase plans of beginning to get out and travel about the state.  I purposely didn't mention my trepidation about using the Toyota but leave it to Sam to hear what I'm not saying.  "Use the Toyota, Mama.  I've got you on AAA and the car is a good sound car.  Yes, it needed work, but it truly should be good for several hundreds of miles yet."  I nodded.  I needed to hear that.  

And then we began to talk of travelling again and he really surprised me.

You see, we used to sit and plan where we'd go one day.  And Sam always said, "We", meaning he and I, would go to these places and experience different things.  But back then he was in high school and hadn't traveled any at all.  Now he's a seasoned traveler, though he's had little opportunity in the past few years.  So, when he began to talk of "we" once again today, I turned to him astonished. 

"You mean you still think about traveling together?"  "Of course, I do Mama!"  Well blow me down, lol.  I'd assumed, as he'd grown older and traveled so much on his own, that those long-ago days of traveling with his mama were over and done.  And I was quite all right with that.  I've always expected my children to grow up and move on in their lives.

Do you know, I'm rather liking having grown-up children.

Tuesday, June 23:  I worked myself like a mule today!  I did little on Sunday afternoon when JD left and only slightly more on Monday, before we all went out to lunch.  I made up my mind last night that regardless of the need to run errands galore today, I'd get my house in order first.  

But first, I started my morning on the front porch.  It was surprisingly cool and so quiet except for the birds and Rufus' panting his way up the steps to join me.  Do you know, I think this is one of the most sacred parts of my day.  I don't look at a screen or read a book.  I sit and listen to the birds and absorb the deep peace of the land about me.  Sunshine, the rustle of leaves, the calling of birds has its own rhythm of sound that just calms and strengthens and makes one grateful that God created earth.

After coffee, I tackled the work and it was far more work than I'd even thought it might be.  Every room in the house had to be touched and cleaned and tidied up in some manner.  And I had packages to get ready to go out and donations to load into the car and trash (way too much trash!) to load up as well.  It was so late when I got finished that I stopped to eat a late lunch before I started trekking everything out to the car.  And then my car was packed.  Trunk, back set and front passenger seats were full!  By that point it was half past 2 and I truly contemplated just waiting until tomorrow. 

But I knew I had to go.  I very much needed cat food, having borrowed from Sam late last week and used it all up this morning.  Off I went, tired and weary, but telling myself it was going to be worthwhile when I returned to my tidy home.

I got everything done and then I went into TJMaxx to look around.  I had a short list of things I was looking for, and I found 3 of those items.  I kept my unplanned purchases to less than $10.  Then I headed homeward, picking up take out on the way because by then it was 5:30 and I was starving and had nothing thawed at home.  I kept supper under $10, too...Just to remind myself that this was 'extra' and I paid for it out of my allowance.

When I came home, I found Sheldon wandering the front yard, going in circles, trying to find his way home again.  I tried to lure him into the car, but he'd just wander away.  I considered walking him home but my back and legs were tired and painful after spending so much time walking and lifting and such all day long.  So, I texted Josh to come see if he could get him home.  

Sheldon was in no mood to follow Josh, so I told him to just leave him and that if his dad found he wasn't home by bedtime he'd know where to come find him.

Then I got into my pajamas and called this day well done.

Wednesday, June 24: It's been cooler these past two mornings and the days, while hitting high 80's are very mild.  Far more springlike than summery sort of weather.  No complaints from me, however.  We've had sunshine and that right there is remarkable.  No rainy weather (though sprinkles here and there) hanging about all gloomy and gray.  

It's Katie's birthday.  I got up and texted her right away this morning.  I hope her card arrives today as planned.  I'm going over on Saturday, taking her favorite Key Lime Pie.  She wanted to wait until Saturday to celebrate with her children.

I had such a rotten night last night that I didn't rise until nearly 9:30. My legs cramped so badly that I'd ended taking medicine, drinking electrolyte drink, using magnesium lotion and turning on the heat pad to try to relieve them.  Ugh.

I had no ambition this morning at all.  But I did get all the laundry into the wash.  That was my last remaining task from company weekend that had to be done.  

I've truly taken it pretty easy today.  I did my morning writing, made lunch, prepared a new to me cookie recipe (YUM!), took an unexpected nap, had coffee and cookie for afternoon break, and spent the rest of the afternoon writing.  Now I'm ready to wind up this day and make my supper.  

I'll say this about the cookie recipe.  It does taste good, but it's got extra steps included (browning butter, grinding half the oats, chilling the dough on trays).  I think it's too sweet.  The honey is necessary though, as you can taste it in the finished cookie.  I'll be tempted to cut back on sugar next time.  And I'm not so sure you couldn't cut out a half stick of butter, too.  The instructions say it makes 2 dozen cookies.  I got nearer 40 and I made them every bit as large as they said to make them.  I put 30 cookies in the freezer and will bake them later.

Thursday, June 25:  Well, it was bound to come to this.... I sat unhappily glaring at my thin, straight, super fine hair that I've been trying to grow out since last January and I decided after six months it wasn't worth it.  I've been absolutely miserable every time I've even attempted anything, from having it gently shaped to styling it.  I tried a curling iron, root lifter, hair gel, blow drying...

And this morning it was too much.  I had to run the errands I didn't finish on Tuesday afternoon (now all done!) and I planned my route to take me by the gyp and clip salon and just have it all cut once again.  

I'll say this, I was happier with what I got for $24 than I was with what I got for $70...  Obviously, the nicer salon I chose previously is not going to be a winner in my book.   And yes, I knew the odds I wouldn't get a great haircut at the gyp and clip were not high either, but I hadn't enough in my haircut fund to go for a pricier place and I just had to get a haircut.    

I showed the picture, which clearly showed how the layers were cut, I pointed out how the layers were in the photo and repeated three times, "I want my hair to look like this."   I got something different.  But it IS better than what I've had and I'm not going to complain. I can at least tolerate looking in the mirror at myself, now.  I've said it before and I'll say it again only louder.  I CANNOT do sad and have bad hair.  I just can't.  

Never mind that my hair looks nothing like the photo.  Eventually I will find a proper salon to work with where they'll listen and just maybe explain why something won't work for my hair rather than nod and tell me they will do as I say and then do nothing like it.

Sunday, June 28:  It's been a long past few days and I am a tired woman.  I'm ready to finish up this post.  

Friday, I went out with my friend Susan to a huge antiques mall in Macon, Paynes Mill Antiques.  It's on the backside of Forgotten-ville.  They had a load of fans running, small ones, large ones, etc., but it was humid and gracious the prices on the items were rather dear.  Good quality things mind you.  I quickly caught a pattern of finding that if I liked something a lot it was (a) more than I'd want to pay or (b) unmarked with neither booth number nor price tag which essentially meant I couldn't purchase it.  We saw some spectacular things like an extremely large Murano glass chandelier and massive pieces of furniture that couldn't fit in anyone's house that I know personally and a massive wrought iron chandelier that we couldn't fathom what sort of building it came from.

I found a Currier and Ives print that I thought would go nicely with the others in my kitchen.  It was reasonable enough.  Eventually I'll likely have it re-matted and possibly get a newer looking frame but it is suitable for now and the picture is nice.

Susan was shopping for a birthday present for her daughter and when I was done, I sat in the car and told her to look to her heart's content.   It was nice outdoors.  Warm, yes, but there was a nice breeze with a chill undertone that kept it fairly pleasant. She wanted a summer weight, cotton seersucker wrap around robe that tied.  Her daughter is a modest young woman and wanted a longer robe.  Well good luck younger women if you're not willing to put on something skimpy in length and in wrap width, too.  And most of that is polyester. 

Susan had settled on what my grandmother wore in the mornings as she did housework, something she referred to as a 'duster'.   These looked just as vintage as grandmother's did in the 1960's and they were soooo expensive.  I just couldn't imagine even a modest young woman wanting one of those things.  I'm in my late 60's and I shrank from the idea of wearing one.  I think Susan did too because we eventually ended up at Hobby Lobby where she purchased fabric.  And now we know why the things she'd looked at were so very expensive, though I shall say that making it as a proper robe will make it nicer in my opinion and the seersucker fabric was quite pretty as well.  And she'd likely have enough left to make a dress for her granddaughter as well...So there you are.  Two for less than the price of one.

I got home around 6:30 and I had put a great many miles on my car.  I drove the Toyota which behaved admirably throughout our whole journey.

Saturday, just as I was getting ready to go out, Sam came over with Millie and Josh.  Millie just wanted to play.  Josh was helping his dad who put up the railing on my back steps.  He used the old fencing posts I already had on hand.  

I took the Toyota over when I went to see Katie.  I was happy when I filled the tank to find I'd gotten 41mpg which tells me that the car is running more than fine.  I had lunch and Key Lime Pie with the family.  Spent time with Henry, Caleb and Taylor, talked with Katie...and headed home about 5pm.  Another late day out for me.

Today, I went to church.  I wore the dress I'd bought from Amazon that is 100% cotton and got so many compliments.  I like the dress so much, I'm thinking I'll order it in green and white stripe, too.  I felt very comfortable and it never hurts if others will literally stop you to tell you how nice you look, does it?

An older woman I've been acquainted with for years now asked me where John was...Ouch.  I took time to talk to her, and she's the hostess for a monthly luncheon for the widows of the church, asked me to come, got my number so she may call to remind me, etc.

After I left church, I tried to call Mama...The phone wouldn't even ring through.  My brother had already called me on Thursday to see if I'd heard from Mama and I hadn't, but his daughter said she was fine on Tuesday.   Still no reply from Mama on Friday and none to my morning text on Sunday either.  I was sure that my brother hadn't bothered to go check on her (and I was right).  So I drove to Perry from church and went to check on her.  

Naturally she was just fine.  I asked if I could please see what was going on with her phone and she actually let me have it.  She'd put it on Do Not Disturb, who knows when.  I managed to get all the old messages, voicemails and such cleared out (two years' worth!).   Then I set it up in such a way that if she ever puts it on Do Not Disturb again, calls and messages from my niece, brother and myself will ring through anyway.    

I stayed and visited with her for a bit and got home about 4:30.  Mama called me when I was on the way home to see if her phone was actually working...Indeed it was.  

And that ends the week and weekend.  Just a few more days until July.  I will begin to set plans for July tomorrow...  Finding time to do my first bit of travel is proving to be a bit of a challenge with all the days that are already filled in.  Birthdays, an anniversary, holiday things, appointments abound.  Not as many birthdays thankfully as June but enough to make me aware that I must be on my toes and keep track of days.

Finish Line

Monday, June 15:  I'm done.  I've done all I can possibly do to finish off the legal work, paperwork, transfers, etc. related to John's death.  I am awaiting one piece of paper that is going to come to me in about a week, one bit of legal proceeding that is entirely out of my hands before I have that piece of paper.  All I had to do is done.  

I am so relieved!

Every week, since the week after John's death, I have been making appointments, filing paperwork, gathering paperwork, going through all the proceedings.  Often, I'd spend one day on legwork (actually out of the house chasing things down) and one long morning on the phone.  That was two days out of every week for the past twelve weeks.

Now on to the rest of the things...like clearing, sorting, organizing, donating or giving away.  I've also spent an average of two days a week on that task.  For the first month or so, it was mostly focusing on John's things, but now it's as much about my own stuff I've accumulated. 

Last week I took a break from it.  It was just too much.   Today, riding high on the knowledge that I'd finished the last paperwork task, I cleaned out a whole section of the car trunk, and then came indoors to clear more stuff out of the music room/study.  

I have to empty John's dresser of the remaining things here this week because JD is coming up at the end of the week and I want him to take the dresser home with him since it is a piece his great grandfather hand made.  

I am by no means finished with 'stuff' but the paperwork side of things weighed terribly heavy on me.  I knew it was important to attend to it all in as timely a manner as I could.  Admittedly it was in my mind the mess my brother and I had to deal with in clearing up three estates (a loose term, not because anyone owned much of anything, but all the channels had to be clear to get things released to the two of us!)  at once with deaths that occurred over a period of four years and not one of the legatees did anything toward the estates they were meant to.  It was tedious and we had to begin at the start and work through each person in order of death date.  It took nearly two years to finish off.  So yes, I was especially keen to get it done!

Now, if anything should happen to me, it's clear for my kids to sort out.  My goal was that they wouldn't have the burden of trying to go through two estates at once.  My will is in place, signed and everything, which we didn't quite manage with John's since he died the day before we were to go sign it.  That will further decrease the things they must do as well.

I have promised myself a reward for the day when I finished this end of things off.  I'm now in the process of planning what my reward shall be.

Thursday, June 18:  Well, I never meant to have such a short post this week but short it shall be.  On Monday afternoon, I took Isaac to see "Michael", as he's a huge fan of the music and choreography of Michael Jackson.  I'd carefully examined all the reviews to be sure it was clean enough for a child.  I will admit that the shock at the register was very real.  I'd no idea that a movie cost that much these days!  Worth every bit of it though.  Isaac didn't take his eyes off the screen not once in the nearly 3 hours the movie ran.

Tuesday, I was relieved to just be 'at home' and do homey sorts of things.  I filled the bookshelves in the study.  I have a whole shelf over that I will fill soon with a set of books I am sorting through.  All of John's precious music stuff is put away for now.  Eventually that too will be dealt with but for now it's protected from little fingers that want to turn and twist knobs and click switches.  The bulk of the study is cleared out save a stack of bins filled with John's toys and coffee mugs and such.  I thought the children might want to go through those, but I don't know just yet.  

I've also packed up all of the stuff I had sitting on the chifforobe that I no longer wanted.  It's boxed for donation, as is the China set from my first marriage and a lot of other glassware I'd collected and then hidden behind buffet cabinet doors.  And the Christmas candles.  Then I packed up all the stuff I'd removed from the kitchen cabinets...Three boxes of things are ready to be loaded into my car and hauled away.  

I've been saving any sizeable cardboard boxes to pack things from the shed into.  Yes, I am determined to clean out that area as well.  

I've also started stacking furniture to one side that will definitely be leaving the house and have a good idea of what else will be leaving.  It's all a slow progress sort of thing, but I feel better for what I've set free from my grasp.  

I've made up my mind that one of my first little day trips will be to travel about the central southwest Georgia area collecting mural passports.  That's hardly even a day trip, truly, but I thought it would be a great training ground for beginning to get out and about on my own.  And yes, I shall likely be traveling in my own vehicles for these excursions.  I can't just toss in the towel and stay home.  After all, neither car has let me down because of lack of care on my part.  Just once last week due to a hasty mechanic trying to finish prior to closing.  

 Yesterday, I had to have labs drawn to determine if indeed I needed thyroid medication. My levels were well within normal range, and it appears that it was completely unnecessary to be on any medication at all. I'll see what the doctor has to say.  He does tend to follow up on labs with patients individually.  However, I came near not having lab work done yesterday.  Apparently, I'd had an appointment time, though I was under the impression I could walk in just any time to get the blood draw done.  

So, when I got up yesterday, I went outdoors to empty compost and then began weeding and pruning the overgrown border along the back porch.  It was awfully heavy and hot work, due in part to the thick humidity.  It took a bit of recovery before I could even think to get showered and ready to go anywhere.  Imagine my surprise to arrive and discover I was three hours late...

Well never mind, they offered to fit me in after lunch.  I wasn't about to go back home, so I drove over to Zenith Mill to get peaches at the peach shed.  A very sweet man offered me his military discount, when I was asked if I was a veteran.  I replied, "A veteran's widow..." and the man said, "Give her a discount.  Yes, indeed she qualifies!" I thought it quite nice of him.  

I came out of the door just in time for the rain to start pouring. I was soaked to the skin before I could walk the 250 feet to the car.   I looked a lot like a drowned puppy, and I was mighty unhappy.

You see, I'm struggling with my hair.  I've been trying for months now to let it grow out with varying degrees of tolerance on my part.  I've had a few trims just to keep it halfway in shape, but I've not gone back to full on Pixie yet.  I'm afraid that I won't last out the time until my next appointment which is 4 weeks away.  And then to get drenched made me triply unhappy with myself overall, hair being the top of the list.  

I stopped at the local grocery to get bread, milk, eggs and found a nice rump roast marked down to the price of hamburger, which as we know is not cheap but roast generally is far above hamburger prices.  

I made it back to have the blood drawn.  No easy task there.  The first stick was a miss and painful as everything.  That made all my nerve endings super sensitive to the second stick (successful!), but I whimpered like a child at both.  Embarrassed myself terribly.

After that I sort of limped (literally, since my legs and hip ached from the morning's yard work) back home.  

Today I've been out in the yard trimming more and cleaning up the messes I left behind yesterday.  I've pampered myself thoroughly with a spa morning shower afterwards.  Then I drove up to Sam's to deliver birthday cookies and card.  And to borrow cat food which I forgot yesterday when I was out and about.

I've got the house pretty much squared away.  My eldest son and his family should be here any time now.  He jokingly told me "Sorry I seem to be bringing the rain along..."  "Nope," I replied, "It got here long before you."  It's his plan to stay all weekend long

Sunday, June 21:  Technically I ought to start the next week's bit but since I've yet to edit this or find a picture that suits it, or titled it, I thought I'd just run through the last 3 days.

JD and the children (hardly children being 17 and 14) arrived Thursday afternoon.  It was raining, so I'd popped a chuck roast into the slow cooker and kept the sides simple.  They are not accustomed to gourmet foods, at least not from their dad.   

The kids weren't talkative, but they weren't hostile in their silence.  They are just quiet overall.   When I asked if they'd like to see "Michael" I had no intention of paying at the theatre.  I'd discovered it was available for rent on Prime for $20 and thought it would be worthwhile to help them pass time.  Well only Zach was interested, but I rented it and had a ton of accumulated points which brought the price down to something like $5.  You know I rolled my eyes over what I'd spent to take Isaac to the theatre compared to that but never mind.  He'd been over the moon after seeing the movie and it was worth the price.  As for Zach, he and I enjoyed the movie together, too.  Though we had to tolerate JD talking in over the top as he was prone to look up facts mentioned in the movie.

On Friday, Daniel went to visit a friend in Warner Robins for the day.  JD had determined he'd put in the light fixtures John and I bought three years ago.  So, he picked up supplies to do that, and heaven knows what all else he thought he might do.  He left a bag full of things here that I'm to return.  At any rate, he got started on putting in lights and we had only one small hiccup.  I'd wanted a pendant hanging over the kitchen sink, but it was larger than I'd thought and came far too close to the vinyl blinds.  The idea of hot light that close to them was unnerving.  We tried hanging the pendant higher, but it looked ridiculous.  So that is now a hall light, and I have an inexpensive LED type light above the sink which is inconspicuous enough I don't mind it.

They spent the afternoon and evening at Katie's.  I had the evening here to myself and went off to bed early.  I found it a little bit exhausting to have people in the house, no offense to the family.  

On Saturday, things went well enough.  JD hung the two lights in the master bath which elevated and finished off that room to a perfect 'T'.  Katie and Sam came in later and gasped at the amount of light in that room and how lovely it all looked.  

The grown-up children and Sam's children stayed for quite a while visiting with their siblings and cousins.  Katie had come by after taking Taylor to meet her dad and Caleb and Henry were home with Cody.  I missed them and Bella, but I seldom have all of my family at once.  It was rather nice to have the grown-up kids in the house, and we had many a laugh over things John had said or done over the years.  I think one of the loveliest things about John is that it's so easy to recall his humor and joy and to laugh as though he were still here entertaining us.

More rain came later in the day.  Rain, rain, rain.  The grass and trees are gloriously green.  The deer and rabbits are quite happy with their grazing grounds. 

This morning, Sam's dog Sheldon came over to visit with Rufus.  He's not been here in ages, as he's gotten increasingly deaf and blind.  He was wandering about in the front yard in the sunshine.  I texted Sam to let him know.  About a half hour later, I looked at and dear Sheldon was wandering around still.  I realized that he was lost.  I went out to the yard and got near enough he could smell me which made him come near and the two of us walked across the back yard and over the path to Sam's backyard.  Sam had decided to come look for Sheldon thinking he'd gotten lost and walked me back home and visited a few minutes with JD.

Today was packing up and going home day.  JD took the dresser his grandfather had built, and Zach acquired the desk chair that I was getting rid of.   The children amused me greatly because when they discovered I was going to take the things to donate they insisted JD should take them home since he apparently has no chairs.  When he refused, Zach put in his bid to have it for his desk.  

I confess, I was mighty nervous about the family being here, as our last visit had been such a disappointment.  I'm not counting in the day we spread John's ashes because I was so overwhelmed with everything from shock to grief to company that I don't really know how that time went along.  But the visit this time was fine.  However, I was glad to see everyone go home again.  That doesn't sound very hospitable of me, but there you are.  I like company. I like when company goes home.

This next week I've another family birthday, Katie's, but we won't celebrate until next Saturday.  Sam's belated birthday will be celebrated tomorrow.  I had company come in the day of his birthday.  He's asked to be taken out to eat.    

I need to get the last birthday card into the mail.  Take off a double load of trash.  Hope to fill a few more boxes for donation and to get the boxes delivered to the thrift store.  And somewhere in the week, there's a fun day out planned with a friend.    Another busy week of June ahead.  

Oil Spills and Grown-up Pants

 

Tuesday, July 9:  Let's go back to yesterday when I took Millie out for the day.  The boys have gone to camp, and we went together to do an errand, eat lunch, do a little shopping and come back here.  The day went too quickly, but I personally found my day out with her a delight.  

First she confessed to me her worry that her Papa Pat was dead.  I told her he was not dead. "But he's old..."  "Yes, and one day he will die, but he knows Jesus as his Savior...He'll be in heaven with Grampa and one day you will be there, too."  Perhaps only a Southern child finds this line of thought logical and reassuring.  I don't know, not ever having dealt with any but Southern children!  However, Millie chatted happily after that and made me laugh out loud with several funny observations.

Lady Bugs and Sunshine

 

Monday, June 1:  As a reminder, that indeed, June is still Spring, the weather today was very mild.  There was a little breeze that carried a surprising coolness.  I've no idea from whence it came, but there it was, and since I spent midday doing an onerous task (washing the siding on the front of the house) I am here to say that it wasn't unpleasant to be outdoors at noon on the first day of June at all.  And the front of the house looks rather nice, if I do say so.

The only sad thing was that the tree frogs hiding about got sprayed too. I was terribly sorry but not able to do a thing to help them.  They seemed to recover well, and I did rinse them off with a spray of plain water, best I could.  They all climbed back up the wall again, so there we are.  I shall have to continue swinging open the screen door and waiting for the frog to drop before I step out!

I saw just lots of true ladybugs and was so pleased about that.  I hadn't noticed any at all in years past but I found true ones on the porch about my plants.  Sam told me they are all in his lovely garden as well. 

Since Cody had recently uncovered and discovered a HUGE concrete pad in the backyard of their home, the family have set up a pool and plan to put up a pergola and patio furniture.  I struck while the iron was hot and asked Katie once more if she'd like the iron patio table.   She said, "Yes".  It has a hole for an umbrella, I threw in all four chairs and though two chairs and the table need scrubbing and a coat of paint, I think it will make a nice addition to their space.  And it frees up my narrow patio from the oversized table at last.  

It also means that I am now in the market for more chairs but oh well...I'll find some when it's the right time and price.  And in the meantime, I've still got a small cafe table and folding chairs, plus two chairs that were Grandmother's.

I also took time this morning to toss every seed that is viable to plant this time of year into pots of soil or a flower bed.  Fingers crossed and here's hoping.  So far, I have a hearty crop of marigolds and zinnias coming up from my last sowing session.  And I've prayed over them all.  I'm hopeful that this year, I shall at last have flowers blooming about the patio once more.

I'd made a list last night before I went to bed of things I meant to get done and I promised myself today that if all were done, or at least started in good measure, then I'd allow myself to have fun for the rest of the afternoon.  I made good on my promise, but I added several things to the list.  Like sowing the seeds, doing a load of laundry and baking bread.  Fair enough, I earned my reward and I sat down and happily played about with genealogy until time to prepare supper.  

I've had the hardest time with keeping these sorts of promises to myself.  I always add in more jobs and then go to bed disappointed and overtired because by the time I stop working I'm too tired to play, but today I'm trying to 'start as I mean to go on' for all of June.  Work by all means, but fun in equally good measure!  That's my plan.

I tried an experiment today.  I brewed tea using one peach tea bag and one black tea bag.  It turned out just as tasty as straight Peach tea.  Since the peach tea is a luxury sort of purchase, it's good to know I can extend it in this way, because the black tea is Aldi's Benton tea and it's inexpensive.

I added up last month's grocery spending and while it's not a true figure, it seemed a bit high to me.  It's not a true figure because I added in the takeout meal I'd purchased with the debit card, but not all the take-out meals I bought were purchased with the debit card nor were all the groceries.  I paid cash for some things, and in some instances, I was buying for a family or another person other than myself.  My skewed figure came out to about $83 a week average.  That figure seats me in the Moderate food plan.

My actual budget should come in considerably lower...But I've admittedly played loose with the grocery money this past month because I have so much stuff on hand.  In fact, one of the tasks I did this afternoon after lunch was to start inventorying my pantry.  I can't help but think that for one person this is an incredible amount of food...and most all of it will serve 2-3 or even 4 people.  I shall have to determine what a stockpile for just one should look like.  It did not seem an excessive amount for two but it's almost overwhelming to think of it all in terms of one.  

All in all, for a first day of the month, today went incredibly well.  Here's to all the rest of June going as smoothly.

Thursday, June 4th:  I thought I'd return to publishing once a week, so you all don't have such a long post to slog through.  I'm not promising that any week will be so terribly much to read on its own, but it will at least eliminate long readings on those weeks when I do feel more talkative than usual.

I have had quite a week with a few accomplishments but nowhere near what I'd hoped to have.  On Tuesday I spent the day more or less relaxing as I'd overdone it on Tuesday.  I did a few simple tasks but mostly I sat about looking at YouTube because I've lost momentum with the whole idea of Junk Journaling as a hobby.  I like my own journal (done a month-by-month basis) quite well, but it's more art journal than junky.  And I think the thing is I don't like the overall messy look of the junkier type of junk journals. I like something that is a bit neater and a bit more artistic and a bit more of a possible journaling forum.  

So, I was scrolling around looking to see how others approached the journals and discovered Glue books, which can be themed by color, subject, genre, etc.  Most repurpose a composition book.  I have about 20 composition books (the board type covered ones) that I'd made sermon notes in over the years, and I'd been wondering how to dispose of them.  Obvious answer is to use them as art journals and Glue books.

On Wednesday, I was determined to get out of the house, go to the grocery store, run errands and have fun.  Well reality was that my day turned out considerably less than fun.  On my way over to the main shopping area, the 'check engine' light came on.  I noted that every time I decelerated it went off but acceleration prompted it to flash on again.  Then the car started idling hard at the stoplight and sounded horrible on take-off.  I prayed my way the 8 miles over to the mechanics.  And there I was for the next six hours.   Repairs cost me $1600 which I put on a credit card because I had no desire to have low balance warnings from the bank on top of the day, I'd just had.  

I didn't have a book with me, only my phone, no ear buds, so I didn't feel I could watch vlogs on the phone without being a nuisance to others.  I sorted through the 3-year-old magazines and created a stack next to my chair that I flipped through.  I also didn't have a jacket and it was cool both indoors and outdoors due to a heavy chilly breeze, though the sun shone like a dream come true after weeks of cloudy skies.

At one point I walked across the street to McDonald's and got a quick lunch.  If Burger King left me in sticker shock a couple of weeks ago, McDonald's does have a decent pricing on their items, and the value menu is under $5 for a meal.  Since my former plan for the day had included going to mine and John's favorite restaurant and using our gift card there, I was inclined to keep lunch a low priced affair.  Later in the afternoon, when she was off work, Katie came to pick me up and we went to Kroger to get a few necessities.  Milk for her family and eggs for my household.  

Eventually the car was diagnosed properly, the repairs done and I went on my way.  Traffic was pretty bad by the time I got to that point in the day.  I did manage to make one return, and dropped off donations, but then I headed to the backroads and came home.  It was nearly 7pm by the time I finally got here.  Fortunately, I recalled that Wednesday night service at church was live on air, and I caught the sermon part of the service.  It was quite a good sermon and lifted me up.  I needed that!

Today, I woke fairly early.  A long-time pen pal has recently discovered she can make voicemails over Messenger, and I listened to her voicemail.  Then I was inspired to send one back to her.  It's rather nice to listen to a voice speaking instead of just reading an email.  It feels even more personal.  We can never get our hours straight to call through to one another (though she did manage somehow the day John died) so this is a lovely alternative.  I discovered today that the voicemail stops recording at 10 minutes.  But you can start another right up if you were in the middle of a thought.  I soon received a return voicemail from her.  I was just waking at the time I was talking to her and she was just going to bed and yawned as she talked, lol.

I puttered around the house, then went off to shower.  Since I'm doing intermittent fasting, I am taking the start of most days even more leisurely than I might in the past.  The mornings this week have been so cool, I haven't even gone outdoors to sit in the sun as I ought.  I've opted instead for sitting in a sunny window.  From what I've read it's not beneficial in the least but I'm not chilly.  I generally listen to a Bible study or short sermon, write morning pages, have lemon water and sometimes coffee if it's late enough to break my fast.  

Off to shower and immediately I heard one of the grandkids walk onto the back porch, then the sound of the lawnmower chugging over to the house, lol.  I knocked on the wall of the bathroom that is backside of the back porch wall and told Sam that I was in the shower and I'd be out shortly.  When I was decent, I went to the backdoor and looked out and was startled because I thought Bess had come over with Sam.  

No... It was Josh!  He's sporting long hair these days.  He's grown even more in the last two weeks and he's incredibly tall now next to Sam or so he seemed when I looked at him.  It took me a minute to recognize him.  

Josh did the weed eating and Sam did the mowing.  My yard is incredibly green and lovely, but it was beyond needing to be cut.  The Bahai grass has started coming up which means we shall have to be more vigilant about mowing because it is terrible stuff when it starts to get tall or it's the slightest bit damp.  It bends and then pops right back up again.  John used to mow both our yards twice over when the Bahai had come in.

Sam's back has been a bother for nearly two weeks and yesterday when I was having car woes, he was at the chiropractor getting adjusted.  He'd just completed a round of corticosteroids for the inflammation in his back.  I do hope that mowing for 7 hours today doesn't cause him any more issues!

I puttered in the kitchen this morning, sorting out jars from the pantry.  I've had a motley crew of storage jars that I've accumulated over the years and I've decided to empty them all, wash well and offer up to kids or donation.  I'll be using the mass of canning jars I've accumulated in the last few years and plan to buy more of them.  It just makes sense to have those as storage jars to me.  I like the look of them, too.

I made up three small Chicken Pot Pies and cooked the last of a jar of egg noodles that didn't fit in the quart jar.  I had some cooked venison burger that I chopped up and made Julia Pachecko's Hamburger Stroganoff.  I managed to knock the recipe down to a 2 serving size portion.  It's more like a hamburger helper sort of recipe than a proper Stroganoff but it's really tasty and I was quite happy with my portion for lunch today.  I should have diced and reheated some of the beet I'd roasted to go with it, but I didn't think of it at the time.

After lunch, I loaded up the dishwasher and then washed everything by hand that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher.  I tried to pack all I could in there but there's only so much space.  Now it's waiting to be emptied.

After that, I emptied three of the boxes of books that were behind the guest room door and put them on the shelves here in the study.  They filled just three shelves.  I have plenty of room to move 'extras' from the living room shelves and I think I'm going to set up one shelf as Genealogy stuff and empty the tub where I've hoarded those things.  I also have one shelf dedicated to John's music books and notebooks and papers.  I will eventually be sorting out those and culling out the multiples of things, but not right now.  Some tasks are still too personal and painful to handle just at present.  I take those things a little at a time and then I'll have to recover from the emotional wear of doing them.

The empty boxes the books were in will be packed with the China and glassware that I've hoarded and not used.  It's hard to admit that something I've held onto for so long is simply not going to be used, but it's not and so why am I keeping it all?  

While the decluttering spirit moves me, I need to let go of as much of the excess of stuff I have accumulated as I can.  I'll still have plenty of stuff.  I am a collector by nature, and by no means minimalistic, but I'm determined that in future I shall collect and store only what I'm actually using.  No more money spent on pretty things to sit behind closed doors unseen and unused.

The house is changing.  I don't find that unusual.  There's been a major change in life here and I've always responded to the outward changes of life by adjusting the interior of my home as well.  There's the fortune of having a wealth of inexpensively gotten things.  I can afford to let them go and find something else that suits this current phase of life.  Mostly decor items or thrift and yard sale purchased furnishings, not the stuff we paid proper good money for.  I do tend to hang on to those things and use them until they are past their lifespan. 

Now I am off to put my Chicken Pot Pie in the oven.  I'll try to put away the dishes, which takes far less long to do than it does for me to make up my mind to doing.  When supper is ready, I shall officially call my day "Finished".  There are a puzzle book and a coloring book waiting on me after supper, and I'll listen to music or TV while I play with those.  

Saturday, June 6:  Interesting thoughts to note today.  I was thinking about Grandmothers in general, different grandmothers and how they approach their grandchildren, etc.  

I can't say much about my great grandmothers, as my time around both was fairly limited.  Granny was very much prone to being a hands on sort of Grandmother.  She kept us when we were too young for school, she took us on holidays when we were in school and she periodically came to stay the night and spend time with us all throughout the school year.

Grandmother and Granddaddy tended to come see us about once a month.  Pretty much catching up with the whole family at once.  We spent a few summer days with them, but not necessarily every year even though they didn't live that far from us, perhaps an hour and a half?  Part of that had to do with an alcoholic and sometimes violent uncle.  

And I think part of it had to do with Grandmother's own lack of grandmothers.  Both her mother's mother and her father's mother died when her parents were young children and so they more or less were raised by other family members.  There were no grandparents about in her childhood.  She had no clue what a grandparent did.  

Yes, she did keep us when we were young and my uncle was not yet the threat he became in later years, but truly the only time we were allowed to go spend a week with them was when the uncle was locked safely away in jail for a few months' time and not likely to be about.

My mother, though she'd grown up with both her grandmothers and spent lots of time with them was not to be bothered with children.  Indeed, she always proclaimed to me that she wasn't going to spend her spare time doing my job for me.  Granny sometimes took my children for a few days at least giving them a taste of what I'd had growing up, but not often and seldom did she have them that Mama didn't call and fuss at me over the fact that they were with Granny, whom Mama was convinced I was taking advantage of.

I have friends who have grandchildren, some of whom live near enough and some who live far away.  And in varying degrees they choose to spend time with them, or not, as their personality dictates. I  don't criticize anyone.  

I know only what I had in Granny and those occasional visits with Grandmother and I loved the times I was with them.  Hence, I have often tried to say yes to my own children and grandchildren when they request time to come here.

But occasionally I do say 'No'.  

I said no earlier today when I had a request for a grandchild to come over.  Supposedly wanting to 'work' but from past experience I can tell you sincerely that she is very much into the attention seeking stage and if I don't pay attention is prone to get into trouble doing things she oughtn't.  Like gluing coloring pages to the wall or using the carpet as a work surface to put paste on things or leaving the dining table covered with paint or nail polish.  Not in a destructive way, nor done to be mean.  Simply the way any six-year-old does that sort of thing, with an intent to do the more grown-up things not allowed at home.

Today I was not up to it.  

I've had residual guilt all morning.  Never mind that one of my scheduled days next week is simply for her particular pleasure. 

Otherwise, I've a rather busy and taxing week ahead.  The final legalities to tie up, or at least so I hope and a day out with my friend Susan which should be fun, and a day with Millie, as promised, and then a day to have an 'adult' birthday party with Josh.  In fact, in the next seven days I've only one day planned to be at home.

Yesterday I went to run errands and get groceries, finishing up what I'd meant to do on Wednesday when I ended up sitting at the mechanics.   None of this was what I really wanted to do.  What I wanted to do above all else was go do something 'fun' for myself like visit a garden center and get some coleus or go to the hardware store for paint for the entry doors or wander about a clothing store or anything in the world but adult responsibilities.  But there you are.  

However, next week is already scheduled to the max. Yesterday had to be about the other necessities:  Post office, dollar store, paying bills, running by the bank, getting gas in the car, getting groceries, going up to Sam's to get produce for the week ahead, and two or three more things I can't recall just off the top of my head. 

It was hot.  It was tiring and exhausting.  My hip was aggravated from the previous day's work of lifting and shoving heavy things about in my home.  I left home around 11am and got home around 6pm with a car to unload, hungry as a bear, and a new worry. The 'check oil' light started flashing on and off as I was finally headed home.  More car trouble?  And me just having put $1600 into the car...  I'm a little worried.

Mind you I do have a second car and it's a perfectly decent car.  It just isn't 'my' car and isn't nearly as comfortable to drive as the Toyota.  It's a Honda Civic, equally as old as the Toyota, that sits much lower, and I can just see over the nose of the thing because it is so low.  And the speedometer is perfectly hidden by the steering wheel, which sits just about the level of my pupils.  However, it's far fewer miles on the odometer than the Toyota. So yes, a viable car but it just doesn't 'fit' me like the Toyota does.  Not to mention the AC is iffy and this time of year, AC is desirable, almost more than desirable.

I didn't even put away all the groceries last night once I got in the house.  I was just too done in.  I put away the cold things in fridge and freezer and this morning I've had to divide and sort and put away in proper places all of the things.

We won't even discuss prices.  I spent my entire budget, and I know that I shall have to return later in the month for milk and eggs at the least. I made countless choices and swaps in what I wanted and what I felt I might better spend instead. I'm very grateful I have the money to manage on, but ding dang darn I hate to feel I'm running right to the very edges of my income, you know?  

So, there you are.  My rest day today, protected, but lots of guilt worrying about others and others' feelings and on the other far too tired to do much about anyone's feelings including my own!

But the sun is shining and has since Wednesday so there is a positive spin to it all.  The lawn is freshly mown, gloriously lush and green looking.  I've done enough yardwork this week that the difference shows clearly.  The house is clean, too.  

I sat on the porch yesterday evening watching the sunset without being eaten alive by mosquitoes and this morning I was out watching sunrise and listening to the birds calling out as they began their day.  I've sheets flapping in the breeze on the line gathering up all the good fresh air and sunshine smells.  

My windowsill is full of lovely fresh herbs that Sam cut in his garden yesterday: basil, dill, oregano, parsley).  I did think to buy myself flowers yesterday while I was out and they are glowing about the house in the living room, kitchen, and on my desk.

I have good food to cook today for my meals...

And because I've been sensible today, I very possibly might get a nap to make up for the restless night I had.

So, I shall end the week with a list of the positives and no complaints.

June is going to be a good month...

P.S.  Sam came to check the oil which was only 3 quarts low...Sheesh.  We've not noticed any leaking anywhere, and think it might have been part of the problem with the car's issues on Wednesday, just something they didn't check.  

Sam urged me to take that car to church tomorrow since I'll be in an area where he, Bess, Katie, Cody and Not the Mama will all be close to hand to help if I get stranded.  I shall drive cautiously.  We discussed his putting me on his AAA service which would be a good thing, I think.  

May As Well

 

Wednesday, May 20:  I did it.  I finally took the plunge and went to a 'proper' salon and got a proper haircut.  Even though I had only a lot of pictures and vague ideas of what I wanted, I got a decent cut. I was flabbergasted at the cost, roughly 2.5 times what it costs at 'Gyp and Clip'.  But this experience includes the shampoo and styling...Making it an experience to enjoy.  I've contemplated over and over again whether it is genuinely worthwhile to spend such a sum getting hair washed and cut.

I've decided that yes, yes, it is.  Number one because they do include the extras, the things that makes one feel they are in a salon, the things which are all extra fees at 'Gyp and Clip' and would run their costs up nearer to what they charge in the proper salon.  Number two, I felt pampered and cared for.  Not rushed.  Number three, they suggested I not return for 8 weeks since I am still in the process of growing my hair out.  So, the extra cost is at least spread over 2 months and not a monthly charge as it is at the places I've gone to in the past.