Oil Spills and Grown-up Pants

 

Tuesday, July 9:  Let's go back to yesterday when I took Millie out for the day.  The boys have gone to camp, and we went together to do an errand, eat lunch, do a little shopping and come back here.  The day went too quickly, but I personally found my day out with her a delight.  

First she confessed to me her worry that her Papa Pat was dead.  I told her he was not dead. "But he's old..."  "Yes, and one day he will die, but he knows Jesus as his Savior...He'll be in heaven with Grampa and one day you will be there, too."  Perhaps only a Southern child finds this line of thought logical and reassuring.  I don't know, not ever having dealt with any but Southern children!  However, Millie chatted happily after that and made me laugh out loud with several funny observations.

Millie and I have spent time alone together in the past but always here.  I don't think I've ever taken just her, by herself, off for a day as I did yesterday.  First, I had to go to the bank and that proved to be a rather lengthy visit.   Then we went to Warner Robins and went through the car wash.  Hold that thought...

Then we'd decided to go to Burger King because she wanted to go to the play spot.  I am here to say now that while our meals yesterday were perhaps better value than my last visit to BK, I can safely say that quality overall is not what it was once.  In future, our visit might be limited to the purchase of a cookie and drink!  

Millie is terribly shy.  That's one reason why she's incredibly easy to have along as company!  She won't draw attention to herself if she can avoid it.  So, our lengthy wait at the bank wasn't an issue with her at all.

At BK, she ate her meal and watched the children play and finally she got up and stood by her chair and watched.  She'd start to go and then she'd back up and sit down and then stand again.  This went on for a good 20 minutes before she finally went in by herself and started to play.  A little boy came out of the play area crying because he was frightened to do something, and Millie had just made up her mind that since no one was playing with her, she'd rather leave.  I gently suggested she take the little boy up the slide and keep him company.  Well, she made fast friends with him and his older brother and the three played for a good 40 minutes.

We headed over to Target after the play group started to split up. I found her a pretty sundress that had been marked down and I took her into the toy section and let her pick out a toy.  She did very well there, neither wanting dozens of things nor taking overlong to deliberate.  When I suggested a baby doll, she looked sad and said "No please...I don't really like them..."  

Well, there's the story of my life.  My baby dolls were life to me when I was her age but not one of my daughters and not one of my granddaughters has given a fig for a baby doll.   Samuel and Caleb were the only two to want a baby.  Samuel had a My Buddy doll.  Caleb adopted the pitiful doll I'd ordered online which wasn't quite as advertised.  He soon abandoned it...Can't say I blamed him!  Oh and Josh had two Melissa and Doug bowling pins that he called 'babies and carried everywhere with him.  But not one of the girls ever wanted a baby doll.

We picked up a donut for a treat and came home where she happily opened her toy and then crafted for a little bit before walking home.  She'd been over to the house on her own before but for some reason she hesitated.  I watched her as she went slowly across the yard, stopping to look carefully through the trees to the path and then she'd hesitantly move forward.  But in the end, she must have gathered all her courage up together and went running through the opening.  I'd have happily driven her home, but she'd requested to walk on her own.

My back raged at me.  The Honda was the culprit, of course.  It just sits too low and having gotten in and out again a dozen times, I felt it all over.  I reminded myself that the Honda is a perfectly good car...and it is!  Hold that thought, too...

So, this morning, after a ridiculous struggle to sleep (reminder to self that both iced tea and iced coffee in one afternoon are great for keeping one awake all night), I dragged myself from bed early-ish and got ready to leave for an after-lunch appointment in Americus.  

I decided to drive the Toyota.  I debated on taking the Honda, but I'd had a long prayer the night before about the cars overall and I reminded myself that the Toyota had driven just fine to and back from Warner Robins on Sunday.  I vaguely thought I should check the oil, but then I caught a glimpse of the clock and realized I was about to miss my window for prompt arrival at my appointment.  I hopped in the car, said another prayer and off I went.  All went well though I thought once or twice I heard an odd sound in the engine.

What was obvious was the smell of oil.  I contacted Sam when I arrived and told him that it still smelled strongly of oil.  "I spilled some on the exhaust when I filled it, Mama.  I'm pretty sure that it's just burning off still."  Okay then.  

I went to my appointment and attended to things and then I left and headed home.  I took the same route back that I'd taken going down.  I've told you all before that I live in a very rural area.  And I mean what I say!  There are no real towns between Butler and Americus, unless you drive off on a side road to go to Ellaville or Ideal.  Neither has a thing to offer in the line of mechanic or proper gas station, etc. 

I was about 10 miles out of Butler when the oil light began to flash.  I called Sam and warned him that I was needing a rescue.  I made it to a church we used to attend which is literally in the middle of nowhere.  I was relieved to see the landscape had changed in one way: there's now a cell tower closer by.  Despite this I had a hard time getting enough bandwidth to contact AAA (which Sam had just signed me up for on Sunday!).  I ordered a tow truck and called Sam to tell him where I'd landed, then called the mechanic to let them know my car was coming back.  

Then I waited.  Not for long thankfully, and my experience with AAA was a good one despite my misgivings at having to visit the website to ask for assistance instead of being able to speak with someone firsthand.  I didn't like that part at all!  However, they responded via text and kept in touch with me the entire time.  Sam arrived.  He looked under the hood and told me, "I don't know why but it's leaking oil like crazy around that repair area.  You can see it spilling out on the ground."  

I left the car where it was and came home with Sam.  Just as well, because the tow driver had to come out of Byron which was a good 50 miles away.  I only just missed having to pay any extra for service over mileage on that tow!

So here at the end of a long day, my car was delivered to the mechanic at closing.  It will be seen to tomorrow.  

There's nothing I can do.  Not one single thing.  I'd been praying about the cars; both of them.   While at the car wash yesterday the Honda had a leak into the interior.  Sam and I discussed my options.  He suggested I wait until I hear from the mechanic about the Toyota, and I certainly will, but I have a strong feeling that John's feelings about getting a new to us vehicle this year may well be fact.

The Honda is lower mileage, but John didn't baby it.  The Honda was treated to routine oil changes, and run like crazy without any concern at all. It wasn't kept clean or vacuumed or anything.  It led the life of a proper working man's car.  And it's run well all of the time, despite deer accidents.  It has roughly 137, 000 miles on it.

The Honda is sporty.  It sits lower and the seats are lower in the car than those in the Toyota.  We took the Honda to Florida last November and we got 50mpg on the trip.  If you're not getting in and out and in and out and in and out, it doesn't tend to bother my back.  I can't fault its good qualities at all.

The Toyota had the tune-ups and belts changed, routine parts replacements and all the bells and whistles attended to.  It got cleaned more often and has been thoroughly detailed inside and out on several occasions.  It has always ridden like a dream and been reliable as could be.  Typically, I get around 31mpg.  It has 237,000 miles.

But I have to look at this objectively.  Am I really ready to pour more money into a 21-year-old car?  I've just put over $8000 in them in the past six months, over $6000 of that went into the Toyota...I researched cars this evening, checking mileage prices, safety ratings, Kelley Blue Book statistics, car experts opinions.  I printed off sheet after sheet of information.  I could afford a newer car if I do have to buy another and stay well under 70,000 miles on the odometer.  I figure pretty much any car I get will likely last me another 20 years.  And if I'll want a car after that, when I'm 87, will just have to be seen when I get there!

But can I just say that I am deadly tired of adulting at the moment?  Oh, I'll keep right on doing it but the number of decisions, legal matters, hoops and loops I've been through since April 1 is a bit daunting on its own and adding the need for a newer car to the list is not helping.

I'm calling this day done and going to bed!

Thursday, June 11:  I had a whole list of things I was going to do today, all 'ought to' things...Which would have been day six in the series of getting out of the house and doing the things that must be done.  I reluctantly include yesterday which wasn't an onerous day of ought to but a promise made to go out with my friend Susan.  Truth told, I came very near cancelling that day.  I was tired yesterday morning.  I pushed through and thoroughly enjoyed myself, but there were still things I had to do because I 'ought to' like go pick up my car from the mechanic.

Yes, the car is all fixed and this time it sounds absolutely fine, the way it's always sounded which is super quiet and smooth running.  And it was the mechanic's error so no charge.  A gasket had pinched and so the valve cover wasn't fully sealed, hence my woes.  The engine was tested for any damage and came out clear.  Just for good measure they filled the thing with oil and adjusted the brakes.  So there we are.  

I am sure that many of you are like me.  You can 'hear' your car, and you know what sounds off and what sounds normal.  Today when I drove it home, it sounded normal, like it always sounds.  Which makes me think I probably should have taken it back last week and left it all over again because it didn't quite sound right then.  I decided I was just over tired or paranoid or both.  Reminder to self for today: trust my instincts!

So I didn't finish my to do list from Tuesday on Wednesday and I thought I'd just get up early this morning and go to it.

But today the list is set over to the side.  Not completely out of the 'ought to' way, because I needed to water plants and make meals and do something with the six bananas that went ripe all at one despite my wrapping the stem end tightly with plastic...but weariness today sidelined me.  And I've let it.  There are leftovers I can eat for the day.  I'm staying in, not doing anything but the absolute necessities and going nowhere at all.

Sam came over as a courtesy to check my oil level.  I confess I'm little gun shy about oil levels since the last two episodes.  All was well.  He looked over the research I'd done thus far on purchasing a newer car, told me his opinions on some of the make/models suggested by a website, confessed he rather liked the two cars I'd most liked.  

No, I'm not buying a new car right away.  It's not a matter of money nor of time.  It's a matter of being exhausted from making so many decisions about so many things.  I have true decision fatigue.  I really do.  

My friend Roni pointed out something I'd failed to take into account this month.  "A lot of the decisions you're making right now have added emotional weight, because they were things you'd normally have had John helping you determine.  And each time you do this on your own, you're reminded that he's not there."  

I told Samuel today that I think I'm going to incorporate a mandatory, "Want to..." day in each week from here onward.  I generally try to keep a Shabat on Saturday still, but I'm a little more relaxed about that lately.  However, waking every day and saying, "Today I ought to do..." and listing off multiples of tasks (all of which do need to be done but not all right away!), has taken its toll.  If I have one day when I wake up and say, "Today, I want to..." and I go off to do the fun things I've put aside in order to cram more 'ought to' into the week perhaps I'll feel less stressed. 

For instance, I want to go to Lowe's to look at plants, choose paint samples for the study, and purchase paint (and paintbrushes) for the entry doors.  I have pushed it back every week for the past six weeks because I was so busy doing so much else that has to be attended to.  

I want to take an afternoon and honestly play with making an art journal, or a glue book or something.  At least getting one started.  Instead, I sit at my desk and open the computer to write a post, which I love to do but at the same time I consider writing as 'work'.  It has a purpose.  Whereas playing about crafting, coloring, doing genealogy, or working a jigsaw puzzle don't feel like work.  Those things are all fun things for me.  They don't serve anyone else in any manner.  They're just things I like to do.  

When I shared about my mandatory 'Want to' day, Sam nodded.  "And remember, Mama.  It's okay to just 'want to' lie in bed an extra couple of hours, or to sit and do nothing at all."   He's right.  My son is as goal oriented as I am and it's nice to get a reminder from someone else who has learned the art of doing less at times.

So today, I've totted up my checkbook which I had to do, and I've popped banana pieces into the freezer but also made banana bread.  I've watered the poor plants which are drooping.  I've made my bed and put away dishes and clothes.  But this afternoon, I'm retiring.  I feel a nap coming on.  And I'm going to go ahead and spread a puzzle out on the dining table and sort through the pieces.  I'm going to grab an old notebook and begin the process of creating a glue book.  I'm going to take it easy.  

Tomorrow, I'll do what I ought to do.

Saturday, June 13:  Sheesh!  How is we've come to the middle of June (or very nearly) already?!  I'm telling you these last two weeks were hard ones.  

Well, I didn't get much done on Friday.  It started out gung-ho and ready to go.  I had my plans made and was up early as well.  But then I discovered that the gift I'd ordered online for Josh was not right.  He wanted two games which I'd found at a phenomenal price.  Turns out that I couldn't give them to him, as I'd ordered digital games.  They were auto downloaded onto my personal account and could be only used by me, or himself when he was here.  Or he could sign in my name to his system at home...Well, I don't want to play the games, and he doesn't want to sign out of his account where his friends know him to sign into mine.  I get that.

So, I returned them, got my money refunded and went to Amazon to purchase the games.  One will arrive tomorrow.  The other was also a digital download.  And that one turned into the biggest cruddiest pain in the backside of an elephant you have ever dealt with.  The code auto downloaded into my account on the game site where I'd purchased the original two games. You have to have an account to purchase the games hence I had an account.  I asked if they'd release the code and let me gift it to my grandson.  Nope.  Ask for a refund from Amazon.  Amazon doesn't refund games and why should they?  The game site has the code and won't release it.  Therefore, Amazon is not getting the game back.  Someone was going to lose money on the deal, and it wasn't going to be the Amazon seller.  As well he oughtn't!

Argued, begged, pleaded. No go.  In the end, I overpaid for the one game by about 4xs what I'd originally paid for it and I lost my money.  A lot of money for a normal, not any special year number birthday gift.  And it took up 3 hours of my morning.  Which meant I no longer had time to go tend to the duties outside of the home before meeting up for Josh's birthday lunch.  So wasted time and money.

Never mind.  Josh requested an adult only party with no little kids and no extra family.  Just his two grandmothers and his dad.  He wanted to go eat at 5 Guys burgers.  I'd heard it was pricey.  Never mind.  His dad wanted to treat him to his requested meal, and the grandmothers were lucky recipients.  And it was good!  Honestly no pricier than eating out at my favorite restaurant and ordering a burger. 

After lunch we came back to their house and enjoyed a White Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake which Josh had requested.  He requested that Sam make a cheesecake, but Sam was not interested in attempting that again having had a spectacular failure on his first trial.   Sam ordered one from a NY chain that specializes in cheesecakes.  Isn't the internet wonderful how it will allow us these sorts of treats?  I just love it.  Carrolyn sent me an authentic Polish pastry ring when John died.  It came from a Wisconsin bakery and golly gee, but it was pretty wonderful!  My guests loved it.  I'd frozen it and saved to serve the night we scattered John's ashes...

Anyway, the cheesecake was super yummy and though it looked small it served us all with half leftover to serve the family twice again.  So, there you go.  What seemed extravagant was on the one hand, but a better value than thought at first on the other hand.

I came home from the little party, sat down in my chair with much wanted cup of coffee and nodded right off to sleep.  I was still well and truly tired from the two weeks hard slogging behind me.  I woke about dinner time and found soup in the freezer which suited me just fine.  I have canned soups on hand, but truthfully, I much prefer the homemade over the canned ones, even though I bought a 'better' brand.  Note to self, make some more homemade but freeze in smaller containers.

By 10 last night I could barely see the television screen.  I gave up and went to bed and went right off to sleep.

I woke with an alarm this morning, which I switched off but I got up within 30 minutes of the time I'd intended to wake.  I sat on the back porch with my glass of lemon water, morning sunbathing my skin with warmth, listening to the birds with the Merlin app recording them to see what I could identify. It really is a lovely way to come fully awake.  

I brought coffee to the study and sat here and printed off pictures from the week behind so I can add them to my journal for the week.  

I ate breakfast then I dressed and went off to do at least some of the 'ought to' things I'd pushed off.  A couple I couldn't do since it's not a business day, but I got enough done to make it worthwhile.  It took me a couple of hours and then I was headed right back home and quite happy to be here.

Now I am going to have coffee, journal a bit and I'm going to call the day as pretty much done.  The week is over.  It's time to be fully at rest.

May next week's adulting choices not all be so exhausting! 

Lady Bugs and Sunshine

 

Monday, June 1:  As a reminder, that indeed, June is still Spring, the weather today was very mild.  There was a little breeze that carried a surprising coolness.  I've no idea from whence it came, but there it was, and since I spent midday doing an onerous task (washing the siding on the front of the house) I am here to say that it wasn't unpleasant to be outdoors at noon on the first day of June at all.  And the front of the house looks rather nice, if I do say so.

The only sad thing was that the tree frogs hiding about got sprayed too. I was terribly sorry but not able to do a thing to help them.  They seemed to recover well, and I did rinse them off with a spray of plain water, best I could.  They all climbed back up the wall again, so there we are.  I shall have to continue swinging open the screen door and waiting for the frog to drop before I step out!

I saw just lots of true ladybugs and was so pleased about that.  I hadn't noticed any at all in years past but I found true ones on the porch about my plants.  Sam told me they are all in his lovely garden as well. 

Since Cody had recently uncovered and discovered a HUGE concrete pad in the backyard of their home, the family have set up a pool and plan to put up a pergola and patio furniture.  I struck while the iron was hot and asked Katie once more if she'd like the iron patio table.   She said, "Yes".  It has a hole for an umbrella, I threw in all four chairs and though two chairs and the table need scrubbing and a coat of paint, I think it will make a nice addition to their space.  And it frees up my narrow patio from the oversized table at last.  

It also means that I am now in the market for more chairs but oh well...I'll find some when it's the right time and price.  And in the meantime, I've still got a small cafe table and folding chairs, plus two chairs that were Grandmother's.

I also took time this morning to toss every seed that is viable to plant this time of year into pots of soil or a flower bed.  Fingers crossed and here's hoping.  So far, I have a hearty crop of marigolds and zinnias coming up from my last sowing session.  And I've prayed over them all.  I'm hopeful that this year, I shall at last have flowers blooming about the patio once more.

I'd made a list last night before I went to bed of things I meant to get done and I promised myself today that if all were done, or at least started in good measure, then I'd allow myself to have fun for the rest of the afternoon.  I made good on my promise, but I added several things to the list.  Like sowing the seeds, doing a load of laundry and baking bread.  Fair enough, I earned my reward and I sat down and happily played about with genealogy until time to prepare supper.  

I've had the hardest time with keeping these sorts of promises to myself.  I always add in more jobs and then go to bed disappointed and overtired because by the time I stop working I'm too tired to play, but today I'm trying to 'start as I mean to go on' for all of June.  Work by all means, but fun in equally good measure!  That's my plan.

I tried an experiment today.  I brewed tea using one peach tea bag and one black tea bag.  It turned out just as tasty as straight Peach tea.  Since the peach tea is a luxury sort of purchase, it's good to know I can extend it in this way, because the black tea is Aldi's Benton tea and it's inexpensive.

I added up last month's grocery spending and while it's not a true figure, it seemed a bit high to me.  It's not a true figure because I added in the takeout meal I'd purchased with the debit card, but not all the take-out meals I bought were purchased with the debit card nor were all the groceries.  I paid cash for some things, and in some instances, I was buying for a family or another person other than myself.  My skewed figure came out to about $83 a week average.  That figure seats me in the Moderate food plan.

My actual budget should come in considerably lower...But I've admittedly played loose with the grocery money this past month because I have so much stuff on hand.  In fact, one of the tasks I did this afternoon after lunch was to start inventorying my pantry.  I can't help but think that for one person this is an incredible amount of food...and most all of it will serve 2-3 or even 4 people.  I shall have to determine what a stockpile for just one should look like.  It did not seem an excessive amount for two but it's almost overwhelming to think of it all in terms of one.  

All in all, for a first day of the month, today went incredibly well.  Here's to all the rest of June going as smoothly.

Thursday, June 4th:  I thought I'd return to publishing once a week, so you all don't have such a long post to slog through.  I'm not promising that any week will be so terribly much to read on its own, but it will at least eliminate long readings on those weeks when I do feel more talkative than usual.

I have had quite a week with a few accomplishments but nowhere near what I'd hoped to have.  On Tuesday I spent the day more or less relaxing as I'd overdone it on Tuesday.  I did a few simple tasks but mostly I sat about looking at YouTube because I've lost momentum with the whole idea of Junk Journaling as a hobby.  I like my own journal (done a month-by-month basis) quite well, but it's more art journal than junky.  And I think the thing is I don't like the overall messy look of the junkier type of junk journals. I like something that is a bit neater and a bit more artistic and a bit more of a possible journaling forum.  

So, I was scrolling around looking to see how others approached the journals and discovered Glue books, which can be themed by color, subject, genre, etc.  Most repurpose a composition book.  I have about 20 composition books (the board type covered ones) that I'd made sermon notes in over the years, and I'd been wondering how to dispose of them.  Obvious answer is to use them as art journals and Glue books.

On Wednesday, I was determined to get out of the house, go to the grocery store, run errands and have fun.  Well reality was that my day turned out considerably less than fun.  On my way over to the main shopping area, the 'check engine' light came on.  I noted that every time I decelerated it went off but acceleration prompted it to flash on again.  Then the car started idling hard at the stoplight and sounded horrible on take-off.  I prayed my way the 8 miles over to the mechanics.  And there I was for the next six hours.   Repairs cost me $1600 which I put on a credit card because I had no desire to have low balance warnings from the bank on top of the day, I'd just had.  

I didn't have a book with me, only my phone, no ear buds, so I didn't feel I could watch vlogs on the phone without being a nuisance to others.  I sorted through the 3-year-old magazines and created a stack next to my chair that I flipped through.  I also didn't have a jacket and it was cool both indoors and outdoors due to a heavy chilly breeze, though the sun shone like a dream come true after weeks of cloudy skies.

At one point I walked across the street to McDonald's and got a quick lunch.  If Burger King left me in sticker shock a couple of weeks ago, McDonald's does have a decent pricing on their items, and the value menu is under $5 for a meal.  Since my former plan for the day had included going to mine and John's favorite restaurant and using our gift card there, I was inclined to keep lunch a low priced affair.  Later in the afternoon, when she was off work, Katie came to pick me up and we went to Kroger to get a few necessities.  Milk for her family and eggs for my household.  

Eventually the car was diagnosed properly, the repairs done and I went on my way.  Traffic was pretty bad by the time I got to that point in the day.  I did manage to make one return, and dropped off donations, but then I headed to the backroads and came home.  It was nearly 7pm by the time I finally got here.  Fortunately, I recalled that Wednesday night service at church was live on air, and I caught the sermon part of the service.  It was quite a good sermon and lifted me up.  I needed that!

Today, I woke fairly early.  A long-time pen pal has recently discovered she can make voicemails over Messenger, and I listened to her voicemail.  Then I was inspired to send one back to her.  It's rather nice to listen to a voice speaking instead of just reading an email.  It feels even more personal.  We can never get our hours straight to call through to one another (though she did manage somehow the day John died) so this is a lovely alternative.  I discovered today that the voicemail stops recording at 10 minutes.  But you can start another right up if you were in the middle of a thought.  I soon received a return voicemail from her.  I was just waking at the time I was talking to her and she was just going to bed and yawned as she talked, lol.

I puttered around the house, then went off to shower.  Since I'm doing intermittent fasting, I am taking the start of most days even more leisurely than I might in the past.  The mornings this week have been so cool, I haven't even gone outdoors to sit in the sun as I ought.  I've opted instead for sitting in a sunny window.  From what I've read it's not beneficial in the least but I'm not chilly.  I generally listen to a Bible study or short sermon, write morning pages, have lemon water and sometimes coffee if it's late enough to break my fast.  

Off to shower and immediately I heard one of the grandkids walk onto the back porch, then the sound of the lawnmower chugging over to the house, lol.  I knocked on the wall of the bathroom that is backside of the back porch wall and told Sam that I was in the shower and I'd be out shortly.  When I was decent, I went to the backdoor and looked out and was startled because I thought Bess had come over with Sam.  

No... It was Josh!  He's sporting long hair these days.  He's grown even more in the last two weeks and he's incredibly tall now next to Sam or so he seemed when I looked at him.  It took me a minute to recognize him.  

Josh did the weed eating and Sam did the mowing.  My yard is incredibly green and lovely, but it was beyond needing to be cut.  The Bahai grass has started coming up which means we shall have to be more vigilant about mowing because it is terrible stuff when it starts to get tall or it's the slightest bit damp.  It bends and then pops right back up again.  John used to mow both our yards twice over when the Bahai had come in.

Sam's back has been a bother for nearly two weeks and yesterday when I was having car woes, he was at the chiropractor getting adjusted.  He'd just completed a round of corticosteroids for the inflammation in his back.  I do hope that mowing for 7 hours today doesn't cause him any more issues!

I puttered in the kitchen this morning, sorting out jars from the pantry.  I've had a motley crew of storage jars that I've accumulated over the years and I've decided to empty them all, wash well and offer up to kids or donation.  I'll be using the mass of canning jars I've accumulated in the last few years and plan to buy more of them.  It just makes sense to have those as storage jars to me.  I like the look of them, too.

I made up three small Chicken Pot Pies and cooked the last of a jar of egg noodles that didn't fit in the quart jar.  I had some cooked venison burger that I chopped up and made Julia Pachecko's Hamburger Stroganoff.  I managed to knock the recipe down to a 2 serving size portion.  It's more like a hamburger helper sort of recipe than a proper Stroganoff but it's really tasty and I was quite happy with my portion for lunch today.  I should have diced and reheated some of the beet I'd roasted to go with it, but I didn't think of it at the time.

After lunch, I loaded up the dishwasher and then washed everything by hand that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher.  I tried to pack all I could in there but there's only so much space.  Now it's waiting to be emptied.

After that, I emptied three of the boxes of books that were behind the guest room door and put them on the shelves here in the study.  They filled just three shelves.  I have plenty of room to move 'extras' from the living room shelves and I think I'm going to set up one shelf as Genealogy stuff and empty the tub where I've hoarded those things.  I also have one shelf dedicated to John's music books and notebooks and papers.  I will eventually be sorting out those and culling out the multiples of things, but not right now.  Some tasks are still too personal and painful to handle just at present.  I take those things a little at a time and then I'll have to recover from the emotional wear of doing them.

The empty boxes the books were in will be packed with the China and glassware that I've hoarded and not used.  It's hard to admit that something I've held onto for so long is simply not going to be used, but it's not and so why am I keeping it all?  

While the decluttering spirit moves me, I need to let go of as much of the excess of stuff I have accumulated as I can.  I'll still have plenty of stuff.  I am a collector by nature, and by no means minimalistic, but I'm determined that in future I shall collect and store only what I'm actually using.  No more money spent on pretty things to sit behind closed doors unseen and unused.

The house is changing.  I don't find that unusual.  There's been a major change in life here and I've always responded to the outward changes of life by adjusting the interior of my home as well.  There's the fortune of having a wealth of inexpensively gotten things.  I can afford to let them go and find something else that suits this current phase of life.  Mostly decor items or thrift and yard sale purchased furnishings, not the stuff we paid proper good money for.  I do tend to hang on to those things and use them until they are past their lifespan. 

Now I am off to put my Chicken Pot Pie in the oven.  I'll try to put away the dishes, which takes far less long to do than it does for me to make up my mind to doing.  When supper is ready, I shall officially call my day "Finished".  There are a puzzle book and a coloring book waiting on me after supper, and I'll listen to music or TV while I play with those.  

Saturday, June 6:  Interesting thoughts to note today.  I was thinking about Grandmothers in general, different grandmothers and how they approach their grandchildren, etc.  

I can't say much about my great grandmothers, as my time around both was fairly limited.  Granny was very much prone to being a hands on sort of Grandmother.  She kept us when we were too young for school, she took us on holidays when we were in school and she periodically came to stay the night and spend time with us all throughout the school year.

Grandmother and Granddaddy tended to come see us about once a month.  Pretty much catching up with the whole family at once.  We spent a few summer days with them, but not necessarily every year even though they didn't live that far from us, perhaps an hour and a half?  Part of that had to do with an alcoholic and sometimes violent uncle.  

And I think part of it had to do with Grandmother's own lack of grandmothers.  Both her mother's mother and her father's mother died when her parents were young children and so they more or less were raised by other family members.  There were no grandparents about in her childhood.  She had no clue what a grandparent did.  

Yes, she did keep us when we were young and my uncle was not yet the threat he became in later years, but truly the only time we were allowed to go spend a week with them was when the uncle was locked safely away in jail for a few months' time and not likely to be about.

My mother, though she'd grown up with both her grandmothers and spent lots of time with them was not to be bothered with children.  Indeed, she always proclaimed to me that she wasn't going to spend her spare time doing my job for me.  Granny sometimes took my children for a few days at least giving them a taste of what I'd had growing up, but not often and seldom did she have them that Mama didn't call and fuss at me over the fact that they were with Granny, whom Mama was convinced I was taking advantage of.

I have friends who have grandchildren, some of whom live near enough and some who live far away.  And in varying degrees they choose to spend time with them, or not, as their personality dictates. I  don't criticize anyone.  

I know only what I had in Granny and those occasional visits with Grandmother and I loved the times I was with them.  Hence, I have often tried to say yes to my own children and grandchildren when they request time to come here.

But occasionally I do say 'No'.  

I said no earlier today when I had a request for a grandchild to come over.  Supposedly wanting to 'work' but from past experience I can tell you sincerely that she is very much into the attention seeking stage and if I don't pay attention is prone to get into trouble doing things she oughtn't.  Like gluing coloring pages to the wall or using the carpet as a work surface to put paste on things or leaving the dining table covered with paint or nail polish.  Not in a destructive way, nor done to be mean.  Simply the way any six-year-old does that sort of thing, with an intent to do the more grown-up things not allowed at home.

Today I was not up to it.  

I've had residual guilt all morning.  Never mind that one of my scheduled days next week is simply for her particular pleasure. 

Otherwise, I've a rather busy and taxing week ahead.  The final legalities to tie up, or at least so I hope and a day out with my friend Susan which should be fun, and a day with Millie, as promised, and then a day to have an 'adult' birthday party with Josh.  In fact, in the next seven days I've only one day planned to be at home.

Yesterday I went to run errands and get groceries, finishing up what I'd meant to do on Wednesday when I ended up sitting at the mechanics.   None of this was what I really wanted to do.  What I wanted to do above all else was go do something 'fun' for myself like visit a garden center and get some coleus or go to the hardware store for paint for the entry doors or wander about a clothing store or anything in the world but adult responsibilities.  But there you are.  

However, next week is already scheduled to the max. Yesterday had to be about the other necessities:  Post office, dollar store, paying bills, running by the bank, getting gas in the car, getting groceries, going up to Sam's to get produce for the week ahead, and two or three more things I can't recall just off the top of my head. 

It was hot.  It was tiring and exhausting.  My hip was aggravated from the previous day's work of lifting and shoving heavy things about in my home.  I left home around 11am and got home around 6pm with a car to unload, hungry as a bear, and a new worry. The 'check oil' light started flashing on and off as I was finally headed home.  More car trouble?  And me just having put $1600 into the car...  I'm a little worried.

Mind you I do have a second car and it's a perfectly decent car.  It just isn't 'my' car and isn't nearly as comfortable to drive as the Toyota.  It's a Honda Civic, equally as old as the Toyota, that sits much lower, and I can just see over the nose of the thing because it is so low.  And the speedometer is perfectly hidden by the steering wheel, which sits just about the level of my pupils.  However, it's far fewer miles on the odometer than the Toyota. So yes, a viable car but it just doesn't 'fit' me like the Toyota does.  Not to mention the AC is iffy and this time of year, AC is desirable, almost more than desirable.

I didn't even put away all the groceries last night once I got in the house.  I was just too done in.  I put away the cold things in fridge and freezer and this morning I've had to divide and sort and put away in proper places all of the things.

We won't even discuss prices.  I spent my entire budget, and I know that I shall have to return later in the month for milk and eggs at the least. I made countless choices and swaps in what I wanted and what I felt I might better spend instead. I'm very grateful I have the money to manage on, but ding dang darn I hate to feel I'm running right to the very edges of my income, you know?  

So, there you are.  My rest day today, protected, but lots of guilt worrying about others and others' feelings and on the other far too tired to do much about anyone's feelings including my own!

But the sun is shining and has since Wednesday so there is a positive spin to it all.  The lawn is freshly mown, gloriously lush and green looking.  I've done enough yardwork this week that the difference shows clearly.  The house is clean, too.  

I sat on the porch yesterday evening watching the sunset without being eaten alive by mosquitoes and this morning I was out watching sunrise and listening to the birds calling out as they began their day.  I've sheets flapping in the breeze on the line gathering up all the good fresh air and sunshine smells.  

My windowsill is full of lovely fresh herbs that Sam cut in his garden yesterday: basil, dill, oregano, parsley).  I did think to buy myself flowers yesterday while I was out and they are glowing about the house in the living room, kitchen, and on my desk.

I have good food to cook today for my meals...

And because I've been sensible today, I very possibly might get a nap to make up for the restless night I had.

So, I shall end the week with a list of the positives and no complaints.

June is going to be a good month...

P.S.  Sam came to check the oil which was only 3 quarts low...Sheesh.  We've not noticed any leaking anywhere, and think it might have been part of the problem with the car's issues on Wednesday, just something they didn't check.  

Sam urged me to take that car to church tomorrow since I'll be in an area where he, Bess, Katie, Cody and Not the Mama will all be close to hand to help if I get stranded.  I shall drive cautiously.  We discussed his putting me on his AAA service which would be a good thing, I think.  

May As Well

 

Wednesday, May 20:  I did it.  I finally took the plunge and went to a 'proper' salon and got a proper haircut.  Even though I had only a lot of pictures and vague ideas of what I wanted, I got a decent cut. I was flabbergasted at the cost, roughly 2.5 times what it costs at 'Gyp and Clip'.  But this experience includes the shampoo and styling...Making it an experience to enjoy.  I've contemplated over and over again whether it is genuinely worthwhile to spend such a sum getting hair washed and cut.

I've decided that yes, yes, it is.  Number one because they do include the extras, the things that makes one feel they are in a salon, the things which are all extra fees at 'Gyp and Clip' and would run their costs up nearer to what they charge in the proper salon.  Number two, I felt pampered and cared for.  Not rushed.  Number three, they suggested I not return for 8 weeks since I am still in the process of growing my hair out.  So, the extra cost is at least spread over 2 months and not a monthly charge as it is at the places I've gone to in the past.

May or May Not

 

Saturday, May 2:  I had a lovely day today, despite it being rainy and cool enough to warrant wearing a sweatshirt when we were out.  I was up early and ready to go out with Katie.  Then I sat down and folded the basket of clothing I'd left unfolded yesterday when I did sheets and towels.  I decided to put the linens in the trunk and that needed a good sorting out and neatening up so I did that.  Productive on a Saturday...What is the world coming to?

Sam and Katie both arrived at the same time.  Sam came to pick up the mower blades, reporting that the transmission on the mower had not leaked one drop of transmission fluid since he removed it from the mower and refilled it.  Then he left to go home.

Oh, My Goodness!

 

Thursday, April 16:  I was on my way out of the door this morning when I pulled the door shut and caught my shirt in the latch of the locked door.  I couldn't pull it loose.  It was held too tightly about my arms to allow me to shimmy out of it.  I couldn't turn to use my key to unlock the door.  I stood there for a moment rather put out but then called Bess back to help.  She'd just started towards her car.  Thank goodness she was still here!  

On my way down the highway, I was suddenly very unsure of exactly where I needed to turn when I got to the city where the lawyer's office is located...I pulled off the road into an empty lot and managed after numerous struggles to enter the address so I could follow the route accurately.  I realized then that I had a 52-minute journey ahead and only a half hour to arrive...

Rain on Sunny Days

 

April 1:  The past few mornings, I've gone out fairly early and sat on the back porch with my coffee.  It's so calm and quiet, so tender green and fresh, a little chilly so I wear a jacket.  This morning, I marveled how the droplets of dew had fallen into the serrated edge of the leaves of the rosebush.  

Amie and Ben, Lily, Ross, Rose were packing up this morning.  Amie was up early, earlier than any of the rest, anxious to get the journey homeward underway.  The rest of the family slept in a little.  It's been a busy week.  They never had a chance to catch up on themselves after that long journey.  They had a long journey ahead of them to face again.  I didn't blame them for lingering in bed and resting.  But I understood Amie's desire to get going and start the journey homeward.

Bess came over to have coffee with me before she left for work.  She's been doing that most weekday mornings.  This morning, Amie, Bess and I sat on the porch with our coffee and chatted until Bess had to leave for work.

And Then...

                                                                                                                           

March 23, 2026

Dear Friends,                                                                                                                 

My husband passed away yesterday, March 22, 2026, at 7:09 officially, but it was really about 7:00 pm.  It was unexpected and while the weekend behind is still fresh in my mind, I am writing this post.  It will stand alone for the final post of March and then I will go on with life as per usual, because that is what I need to do, what he would want me to do.  But life will be forever changed.  There is no denying that.

John didn't feel well Saturday.  Not well enough to go lead worship which he considered a privilege as well as a duty.  He didn't shun duty.  But he didn't feel well enough to go so he called and cancelled at the last minute which he loathed doing.  

John didn't believe in 'giving in' to being ill.  That was his approach for all of the years I knew him and it remained strong on Saturday.  But very quietly Saturday evening he asked me if I'd take him to the hospital.  "I think it's going to be a long night, and I might as well be there."