October 3, Saturday: I'm frustrated. Still feeling poorly. And it hasn't rained a drop though it was meant to rain for three solid days. That means I'm losing painting time on two scores. Fortunately, I feel just ill enough to shrug and say, "Oh well."
I had two bananas left from my grocery purchases on Tuesday. They were just ripe, not overripe, but I couldn't resist making one of the few treats that include pumpkin that I enjoy each October, Pumpkin Banana Bread. It's an old Land o Lakes butter box recipe that I found 35 years ago and then lost. I was able to call the company's 1-800 number and got the Home Ec department who told me they'd look in their files for it and a few weeks later, I had a lovely typewritten copy in the mail. That's the copy I have still and which I used today.
I'll post that recipe on my recipe blog and link it HERE.
later: It rained. Proper rain. But did we get a bit of the cold front behind the rain? No. We got high humidity and stifling warmth. Ugh. Still, it looked like proper Autumn, if you just looked out the window and wished hard that the AC wasn't on. Golden and amber colored leaves, golden rod, the autumn grasses, the thinner leaves on the trees. It was beautifully deceptive.
Sunday, October 4: Late yesterday evening, my wave of 'feeling better' came along about an hour before bedtime. I went off to bed at my usual time and tried to go to sleep but I couldn't do more than just barely break the surface. You know how it is. Your eyes are closed, you're fairly tired, but your mind is looping over this and that and then I suddenly had a profound thought and boom! I was wide awake. I got up and journaled for a bit, listened to my current weekend marathon show, "Escape to the Chateau DIY" which is currently showing on Amazon Prime. It's the most ultimate home renovation show ever, lol. I am totally fascinated by these people who go into these huge old buildings which are very often barely livable, have little to no budget left to work with and instead of hiring a team of people (at least not just at first), begin renovating, learning how to do all sorts of jobs as they go.
Eventually my mind was emptied of thoughts, and I toddled off to bed where I promptly fell asleep. I woke before the alarm went off this morning. I can't say I felt as well as I felt yesterday evening, but I got out of bed anyway. Sam had texted me at 6:25 (he rises very early) to say he'd come help jump the Honda off. I texted him I was up and had my coffee which is not quite the magical elixir I wish it was this week but still helps give me a little oomph.
Sam is very patient and a good teacher. I pointed out where I'd tried to ground the negative cable and he said either should have worked but it probably didn't get tight enough a grip. He told me that since the Honda has so much paint, aluminum, and plastic under the hood that getting a good ground is nigh impossible. I could place the negative on the negative battery cable or even on the battery holster if it's metal. My instinct had been to connect the clamp to the holster, but no one would corroborate that it was safe. I had just enough healthy fear of doing something wrong that I wouldn't try it.
My car jumped right off. We left it running for a bit while we chatted about his week. He loves telling me about his students and his theories for how best to teach. Honestly, he takes it as a personal failure when a student doesn't pass or is struggling.
After the car had run a bit, I took off trash, took mail into town, drove to the town east of ours and back again, just to ensure the battery got a good charge on it. I had forgotten that a flat battery means the clock hasn't been running. I kept looking at it thinking I'd get home just in time to watch the church service on the tv. I missed the song service and just barely started the sermon.
Katie has been checking on me each day and texted me about then to see how I was doing. Better, it's true, though still terribly hoarse and not quite 90% but better.
I can't share all the confidences I have at present, but many of you know that my two youngest children have had a few struggles over the past few years. Katie is struggling at present with mental health issues. She's being very proactive and has seen both her doctor about adjusting meds and her therapist, but I haven't seen her struggle like this in about 4 years. I'm personally convinced that along with routine life stress, seasonal affective disorder and pure old grief, she's stumbling. Please pray for her.
Monday, October 5: Some Mondays are Monday all. day. long. I'm having a Monday sort of Monday.
For the past few days, I kept noticing that areas of my kitchen were a bit dingy...and so I determined I'd clean the cabinets and counter tops today very well. It did not help that sundry things had been finding their way to the countertops where they didn't belong and they weren't kitchen items.
For months now, my gas range's oven door has not shut properly. Every man who has looked at it, all helpful family men, said, "Oh well those hinges are bent but if they were just whacked back straight it ought to work just fine." However not one of them ever 'whacked it'...
I've used the oven, mind you, though not often for much, but it has been used. It was keeping temperature and it wasn't dangerously open. It just didn't quite shut. But having heard how easy it was from every man who observed the darned thing, I took matters into my own hands. I took a hammer and whacked at the left hinge and got it more or less straight, but the right hinge work was hindered by the fact that I had no room to swing the hammer because of the proximity of the stove to the ell of the counter next to it.
So naturally while cleaning the stove today, I thought, "Right, I'll just slide it out and see if I can't fix that hinge." I beat the hinge as straight as I could. I don't think the door shut a bit better, but I did something instead of just letting it go as it was.
Only when I went to slide the stove back into place, it absolutely would not go. And as near as I can tell I'm lacking about 1/16 of an inch having it fit...I've tried and tried. I've tried wedging something at the one edge thinking it might slide past and go in, however stubborn it might be, but no luck. After working up great frustration and sweating heavily, I resorted to the only other weapon in my arsenal: tears. Didn't help a bit.
I think they must have installed the kitchen sink counter AFTER they moved the stove into place, and it was pushed up pretty snug to the stove. I don't know why they didn't leave a little leeway but there you are. They didn't. And that 30-inch standard sized stove is not going back into that just shy of 30-inch spot.
So, I broke down and called the contractor who built the kitchen. Mind you he's terribly hard to get hold of, doesn't answer calls and sometimes doesn't remember he's responded with a promise to come. He's a busy man with many projects and I accept this fact.
In the meantime, my gas stove is sitting in front of a whole row of cabinets I use often and blocked off the convection/toaster/air fryer corner. I can't move the stove further out because it's connected to a gas line...
Having stewed over that and gotten more and more frustrated, I decided to have a quiet spell and a cool glass of water. And then I went back and finished cleaning the cabinets and counters.
After lunch I went to do dishes and had a drain clog...
After plunging the sink for a good ten minutes I got things moving once more. But it did feel like a hard slog through the day at that point, especially since I'd picked up my family worries and was fretting over other things over which I have NO control whatsoever. You know...just to remind myself I am NOT in charge of the world in any way.
Finally, I decided I'd sew a new curtain for the laundry area. The one hanging there is a little too short both at top and bottom and was never lined, so it lacked the weight to make it hang nicely. I'd found another of the sheets I'd originally used to make the curtains in the kitchen and laundry, and it was exactly the right width with plenty of length to work with. I was trying to take down the curtain rod and discovered that when the workman had painted the area and then rehung my curtain, he'd apparently broken the curtain hook thing, and he'd used a screw which he'd bent up so it would hold the rod. So, there I was with one side of the rod down and one side firmly held into place...
A few more tears and this time a few prayers. Why I didn't start with prayer is beyond me. Always go to the highest authority, preferably first.
I fought through and just removed the old curtain, though not the rod. I used the old curtain as a lining to the new curtain so now that has lovely weight and hangs correctly at the top. However, I was not keen to take it down a third time today to hem the curtain. But again, I did something, instead of just sitting here stewing which is all too easy to do.
I don't expect I'll hear from the contractor today. I might not hear from him tomorrow. Honestly, the man never, ever returned or acknowledged one of my calls in the past. He'd only sometimes answer if John called. But eventually I'll either find help or figure it out...In the meantime, cooking my meal has only become slightly sketchy.
Finally, I texted Katie, speaking in a far more straightforward way than I might have done in the past, because after years of dealing with her issues, I could see a thing or two more rationally and clearly than she can at the moment or so I thought. I'd rather risk her being upset with me over speaking frankly, however kindly, than be quiet and watch things happen that might have been cautioned against. But as it happens, she'd pretty much figured it out on her own.
Now it is gone 5:30 and I have to figure out exactly how I'm going to manage my dinner...
Tuesday, October 6: Aside from a tendency to burst into tears at the drop of a hat, I think I am on the mend with this cold. I woke this morning to find that finally we had slightly cooler, breezy, more autumn-like weather. It's been a beautifully sunny day as well, so I'm hopeful that tomorrow the shed will be dry enough to begin work on once again. Fingers crossed that I can actually get one coat on some of the shed walls.
But in the meantime, while trying to avoid, visually and mentally, the stove sitting in the middle of the kitchen still and trying to work off my frustration that I've heard nothing at all from the contractor, I went around the house and opened all the windows. That breezy air coming in was so nice and so very necessary too. I think fresh air is good for the mental atmosphere as well as improving air quality indoors.
Since I found the stove a bothersome sort of thing, I decided that I would clean the kitchen floors really well today. That meant removing all the rugs, moving out the free-standing furniture pieces, sweeping twice and then mopping with hot pine scented water. One thing I've missed with my flooring is that I was told not to use Pine Sol to mop them. I've used vinegar water with a few drops of dish soap and a few drops of essential oil. Today I used Pine essential oil.
And since the doggone stove was in the middle of the floor, I might as well mop the space where it typically sits, right? That's what I thought, too.
I bought new brooms the other day. Brooms are expensive, in my opinion and never mind that I used the last of mine daily for four years before I replaced it. There was a broom and long handled dustpan combination that was reasonable compared to the other options, but the broom handles were only as long as the dustpan handle. They were meant to be used with one hand and not two hands as one would traditionally sweep. I just screwed the new broom head off the short handle and replaced my worn broom head with the new one on the old longer broom handles.
And those shorter broom handles will not go to waste. It is my hope that they will screw into my paint rollers and be the right length for reaching the peaks of the sheds. We'll see how that goes. I'm still a bit shocked the new heads fit the old broom handles, lol.
After mopping and refurnishing the kitchen, I cut up an older fiber filled bed pillow and made an insert for an oddly sized needlepoint pillow cover I have. Now that is done, I am down to cleaning the kitchen windows and properly hemming the new laundry curtain, getting two pictures reframed and matted, and buying new kitchen rugs and that room is done with deep cleaning and decorating...But I'm not quite there, yet.
I reminded myself, whenever I allowed my thoughts to stray to that silly stove, that for two days I have solved several 'problems' under my own thinking power and I'll figure out how to get around this issue with the stove, as well. I am just inconvenienced by a temporary state of things, that's all.
later: I had a plan in mind and called Sam. Oh, how I hated to make another call to him, but I wanted only his opinion about my plan. Well...in about a minute, Sam managed to shift the countertop the 1/16th of an inch it had moved when I took out the stove and slipped the stove right into the spot as if it were sliding in on melted butter!
Honestly, I nearly cried right then and there. I didn't. But golly gee, I was that amazed and that grateful to that son of mine.
So now that concern is over and done. Hooray. I'll not lie awake worrying over it tonight!
God bless Sam for being so ready to come when I call with a problem such as this.
Somewhere between Tuesday and Wednesday post, I seemingly inadvertently posted the blog. I didn't mean to do so and reverted it to a draft but realized later that it had been automatically sent to those of you subscribed to the feed. So, if you'd had a feeling of deja vu up to here, I do apologize. Just mark it all up to my being scattered brained and frustrated and recuperating still.
Wednesday, October 7: Another beautiful dewy and sunshiny morning outdoors. I've been waking early lately, anywhere between 6:30 and 7:15, so I've had the pleasure of seeing sunrise though none of them have been breathtaking. Just the slow lightening of the horizon and the beginning glittering on the dewy grass.
It was cool enough this morning I donned my new pair of slippers before I went to the porch with my coffee. It was just lovely out there. Sassy came to join me once she'd eaten her breakfast and even got a little playful which is very unusual for her. She is by nature, cautious and sedate and slow. I don't know if she is just that skittish or has poor eyesight, but she is not the sort of cat to play about. She truly is the most cautious cat I've ever seen.
After I'd had coffee, I came indoors and made cheese biscuits. I'd meant to make sausage gravy to go with them, but I didn't have enough milk thawed. I decided I didn't really need gravy on a cheese biscuit anyway, and I don't. The biscuits turned out very well. I put several unbaked biscuits into the freezer and will take them out one at a time as I want them for a meal.
After I'd done minor house things I headed back outdoors to start painting the shed again. I didn't get as far as I'd have liked, though I stayed outdoors for about 2 hours. I didn't quite get one whole coat on the front of the shed, but I did get the recessed strips in the paneling done. I don't mind saying, I'm seriously wondering about a paint sprayer because this roller and brush method is a time killer.
Perhaps I should have worked on the side I'd started on and haven't quite finished but the other day I looked out the window at the shed and realized I couldn't see any of the new paint at all. Reward is in seeing the new work for me. It is what will drive me forward with the project.
Today I noted that I'd already used a bit more than half a gallon of paint and I've done one coat on not quite three sides...That means I'm going to have to use the second gallon to finish this shed and buy more paint to do the other shed. So the other shed may just have to wait until next month.
However, I will say that painting the front today, even though I didn't quite finish, does help me to see that the color is lovely, truly lovely and exactly what I wanted it to be.
When I stopped today, I felt a little frustrated that I'd not done more but I keep reminding myself that "At least I did something," which is apparently the motto this month. I'm doing something. I may not be making great inroads but I'm getting things done and they are things which overwhelmed me just thinking about.
Yesterday while Sam was here, he asked if I was all right. I assured him I was. "Are you sure?" "Yes...why do you ask?" "Well, your Facebook posts..." Oh.
I guess he didn't see my post on September 30 saying that for the month of October I was going to write a post a day about depression, since October is Depression Awareness Month. I had planned to share facts as well as some of my personal history. I explained to him that I'd wanted to help others who might suffer with depression and he seemed deeply relieved. I am so sorry he had been worried.
Katie had Henry tested for autism last month. He's not speaking much at present. The tests came back today, and he is on the autism spectrum. Coming right in the middle of a mental health struggle, I was far more worried about her than Henry, who will receive therapies that will help him tremendously. Though it's a blow to her, I will say she's held up well. But I will ask again that you all keep her in prayer. It's a lot to deal with your own mental health, and deal with a job and household and children with special needs that must be addressed as well.
She asked me if God gave the hardest battles only to those who were strong warriors. I told her I believed He gave hard battles to those who often felt they were too broken to be useful so they could learn how strong they truly are.
Now I am off to research stoves. I need to buy a new one. I knew I needed to long before I yanked mine out three days ago, because the oven door doesn't shut fully. Well in an attempt to help further last night, after Sam got it pushed into place, he straightened the hinge for me. And now it won't shut at all...Not his fault. The stove is already 30 years old, and I can't help but feel a new one might be the best answer at this stage of things. While I'm at the DIY store website I think I'll look for a paint sprayer as well.
Thursday, October 8: Sheesh...First, paint sprayers are terribly pricey. There is one option that's fairly reasonable from a decent brand, but it operates with a battery powered drill. John has three drills in the shed and I'm here to tell you without any battery at all, those things are heavy as heck. I cannot imagine adding the weight of the battery and the filled paint spray canister and the sprayer. I think I'll just stick to the more labor-intensive paint brush and roller method.
Second, natural gas stoves abound. Liquid propane ready stoves? One model and it cost literally three times what a decent natural gas stove costs. Wowza.
And third, since I'm apparently in a testing season, I went out to start the Honda, thinking I ought to drive it today when I had to go out and the darn battery is dead again. I know beyond a shadow that I need to get a new battery...sigh, sigh, and grumble.
So, I went to the only thing I seem able to do at present and painted more of the shed. I finished the first gallon of paint. That has most of the front of the shed done, two coats on the west side, but only about half the strips done between boards and one coat on the back. All of these areas are not fully complete. I cannot reach as high as the peak of the shed nor quite to the eave on the sides. I was so ready to quit and come indoors but I determined that since the paint can was nearly empty, I'd use up every last drop before I called myself done today. I've now been painting on that shed for about 8 hours and I'm not done.
After I'd come indoors and cooled off, I showered and went off to do my errands. I considered jumping the Honda battery but then I worried I might not get home again...I could have driven to an auto parts store and got them to install a new battery, but that seemed a bother. I thought about going to Lowe's to check out stoves, but I decided that too was a bother. I went instead to pay the electric bill, then to check the missionary mail which I'd not checked in a few weeks and into the grocery store next door.
I am getting so much better about shopping from a list and NOT being too self-indulgent. At the moment, aside from eggs and milk, I have no plans to buy further groceries for October. I simply don't need any more that I can name at present. My splurge today was some golden kiwi which I'd read taste better than the green kiwi. And Kiwi are not only terrific for Vitamin C (my intent) they supposedly help your sleep and can raise serotonin levels.
I say I splurged but it wasn't really a big splurge. It cost $1 more than the same number of green kiwis. The bigger splurge was the bakery hot dog buns. I've been craving chili dogs for a week now, but I haven't made time to make buns. I didn't want the usual brand bread buns from the store but the brioche type buns from the bakery section. They cost a bit more than the brand bread buns, but they taste so much better and are far sturdier meaning I can use them as sandwich or hoagie buns as well.
And then I decided I would make my own chili instead of buying a canned chili. It occurs to me at this moment that if I'm going to make chili, I'd have plenty of time to make my own buns...Pfft. Didn't think of that in the store!
As I came home, I realized I was tired. I had treated myself to an unsweetened tea, but the caffeine boost wasn't enough to energize me. I hadn't unloaded the dishwasher nor done dishes and if you're counting that is three days running now. The kitchen is looking pretty bad at the moment. And to think that just Monday I'd worked so hard on making it look terrific once more. Housework always has to be redone, no matter how nicely you did it before.
Well, housework is patient if nothing else. It always waits. And wait it shall do for tomorrow. I apparently cannot do both housework and errands and paint a shed and worry about all the things that seem to keep being flung at me in a most distracting manner without getting tired and thinking life is hard. Mind you all, in the morning, following a good night of rest, I'll be optimistic all over again.
I have been trying to read Finding Dorothy by Elizabeth Letts. I realized yesterday that while I am interested enough to keep reading, the book is not compelling enough to read non-stop. It's not a bad book. But it's a bit confusing in the way they move from the far past to the present (1939) and the author continually hints that there is a reason why this or that is important to the present but more than halfway through the book (it has taken me nearly 3 weeks to get that far), I'm not convinced even the author was sure what was going to happen at that point!
I always feel guilty for taking up a book and then leaving it half read. However, that was where I've found myself this week.
What I've wanted to read is a book that felt like going home...and for me that means a book I've read before. It happens that I read Karen Hawkens book, The Book Charmer, late last summer I think and I really enjoyed it a lot. So much so that I'd planned to try to find the other books in her Dove Pond series and read them. Well, I bought the four-book series last month and this morning, I picked up The Book Charmer. I'm already on Chapter 4. This is what I wanted. It's a good book to re-read and I'm really looking forward to reading the other books in the series.
This evening the sky looked like cotton candy. It was so pretty and I was admiring it. I blinked and the sky had changed to a sky of pure flame and then cherry pink. It was breathtaking. A lovely way to finish off this day.
It's funny...those dishes in the sink are not calling my name at all, but that book is...Good night, y'all.
Friday, October 9: Perhaps it's just the result of a constant pinging of minor things that never seem to stop hitting me, or maybe it was the effects of barometric pressure, but I found today very hard, difficult emotionally. I mulled over the dead battery in the car, pondered the stove issue, watched the weather and finally acknowledged that it was as well that the trip planned to take place this weekend fell through. I haven't heard from Mama and finally called my niece to see if she was all right. She was fine when Ashley saw her mid-week. Why she is not answering calls or texting is your guess. Perhaps she's played with her phone again and shut it off.
I continue to croak like a frog and cough and have a stuffy nose. And this evening, too late to call my bank, I received a notice from a credit card that my payment had been returned by the bank. I checked online balances and there was more than enough to let that payment through (which I knew) but I now must pay a late fee and wait until Monday to call the company to discover just why they denied the payment.
Then I walked across the kitchen floor to put away something and back again and stepped on a piece of glass that pierced my foot. I haven't broken anything in ages and ages. I think I swept it out from under the dishwasher with the new broom... It happened that Bess was on her way over to borrow some paper clips and she did the minor surgery to remove the glass and took time to put triple antibiotic and a band aid on it. I was weepy and unhappy by then and feeling life was hard and difficult. In fact, I've struggled all day today with feeling blue and burdened.
The truth is I'd like to run away for a bit. I know you can't avoid your troubles, but I really do just want to walk away for a bit and not deal with any more this week. However, with all the finances about to be spent (stove, battery, more paint for sheds) I guess I won't be going anywhere but staying home, plugging along waiting for the next thing to hit me.
It's just a season. I know it's just a season.
I finished the book I started yesterday in between rounds of getting lots of housework done today, while rain fell outdoors. I allowed myself a Bourbon and Coke with my chili dog supper tonight. I'm going to go to bed early tonight and sleep in tomorrow morning.
This too shall pass.
