Finish Line

Monday, June 15:  I'm done.  I've done all I can possibly do to finish off the legal work, paperwork, transfers, etc. related to John's death.  I am awaiting one piece of paper that is going to come to me in about a week, one bit of legal proceeding that is entirely out of my hands before I have that piece of paper.  All I had to do is done.  

I am so relieved!

Every week, since the week after John's death, I have been making appointments, filing paperwork, gathering paperwork, going through all the proceedings.  Often, I'd spend one day on legwork (actually out of the house chasing things down) and one long morning on the phone.  That was two days out of every week for the past twelve weeks.

Now on to the rest of the things...like clearing, sorting, organizing, donating or giving away.  I've also spent an average of two days a week on that task.  For the first month or so, it was mostly focusing on John's things, but now it's as much about my own stuff I've accumulated. 

Last week I took a break from it.  It was just too much.   Today, riding high on the knowledge that I'd finished the last paperwork task, I cleaned out a whole section of the car trunk, and then came indoors to clear more stuff out of the music room/study.  

I have to empty John's dresser of the remaining things here this week because JD is coming up at the end of the week and I want him to take the dresser home with him since it is a piece his great grandfather hand made.  

I am by no means finished with 'stuff' but the paperwork side of things weighed terribly heavy on me.  I knew it was important to attend to it all in as timely a manner as I could.  Admittedly it was in my mind the mess my brother and I had to deal with in clearing up three estates (a loose term, not because anyone owned much of anything, but all the channels had to be clear to get things released to the two of us!)  at once with deaths that occurred over a period of four years and not one of the legatees did anything toward the estates they were meant to.  It was tedious and we had to begin at the start and work through each person in order of death date.  It took nearly two years to finish off.  So yes, I was especially keen to get it done!

Now, if anything should happen to me, it's clear for my kids to sort out.  My goal was that they wouldn't have the burden of trying to go through two estates at once.  My will is in place, signed and everything, which we didn't quite manage with John's since he died the day before we were to go sign it.  That will further decrease the things they must do as well.

I have promised myself a reward for the day when I finished this end of things off.  I'm now in the process of planning what my reward shall be.

Thursday, June 18:  Well, I never meant to have such a short post this week but short it shall be.  On Monday afternoon, I took Isaac to see "Michael", as he's a huge fan of the music and choreography of Michael Jackson.  I'd carefully examined all the reviews to be sure it was clean enough for a child.  I will admit that the shock at the register was very real.  I'd no idea that a movie cost that much these days!  Worth every bit of it though.  Isaac didn't take his eyes off the screen not once in the nearly 3 hours the movie ran.

Tuesday, I was relieved to just be 'at home' and do homey sorts of things.  I filled the bookshelves in the study.  I have a whole shelf over that I will fill soon with a set of books I am sorting through.  All of John's precious music stuff is put away for now.  Eventually that too will be dealt with but for now it's protected from little fingers that want to turn and twist knobs and click switches.  The bulk of the study is cleared out save a stack of bins filled with John's toys and coffee mugs and such.  I thought the children might want to go through those, but I don't know just yet.  

I've also packed up all of the stuff I had sitting on the chifforobe that I no longer wanted.  It's boxed for donation, as is the China set from my first marriage and a lot of other glassware I'd collected and then hidden behind buffet cabinet doors.  And the Christmas candles.  Then I packed up all the stuff I'd removed from the kitchen cabinets...Three boxes of things are ready to be loaded into my car and hauled away.  

I've been saving any sizeable cardboard boxes to pack things from the shed into.  Yes, I am determined to clean out that area as well.  

I've also started stacking furniture to one side that will definitely be leaving the house and have a good idea of what else will be leaving.  It's all a slow progress sort of thing, but I feel better for what I've set free from my grasp.  

I've made up my mind that one of my first little day trips will be to travel about the central southwest Georgia area collecting mural passports.  That's hardly even a day trip, truly, but I thought it would be a great training ground for beginning to get out and about on my own.  And yes, I shall likely be traveling in my own vehicles for these excursions.  I can't just toss in the towel and stay home.  After all, neither car has let me down because of lack of care on my part.  Just once last week due to a hasty mechanic trying to finish prior to closing.  

 Yesterday, I had to have labs drawn to determine if indeed I needed thyroid medication. My levels were well within normal range, and it appears that it was completely unnecessary to be on any medication at all. I'll see what the doctor has to say.  He does tend to follow up on labs with patients individually.  However, I came near not having lab work done yesterday.  Apparently, I'd had an appointment time, though I was under the impression I could walk in just any time to get the blood draw done.  

So, when I got up yesterday, I went outdoors to empty compost and then began weeding and pruning the overgrown border along the back porch.  It was awfully heavy and hot work, due in part to the thick humidity.  It took a bit of recovery before I could even think to get showered and ready to go anywhere.  Imagine my surprise to arrive and discover I was three hours late...

Well never mind, they offered to fit me in after lunch.  I wasn't about to go back home, so I drove over to Zenith Mill to get peaches at the peach shed.  A very sweet man offered me his military discount, when I was asked if I was a veteran.  I replied, "A veteran's widow..." and the man said, "Give her a discount.  Yes, indeed she qualifies!" I thought it quite nice of him.  

I came out of the door just in time for the rain to start pouring. I was soaked to the skin before I could walk the 250 feet to the car.   I looked a lot like a drowned puppy, and I was mighty unhappy.

You see, I'm struggling with my hair.  I've been trying for months now to let it grow out with varying degrees of tolerance on my part.  I've had a few trims just to keep it halfway in shape, but I've not gone back to full on Pixie yet.  I'm afraid that I won't last out the time until my next appointment which is 4 weeks away.  And then to get drenched made me triply unhappy with myself overall, hair being the top of the list.  

I stopped at the local grocery to get bread, milk, eggs and found a nice rump roast marked down to the price of hamburger, which as we know is not cheap but roast generally is far above hamburger prices.  

I made it back to have the blood drawn.  No easy task there.  The first stick was a miss and painful as everything.  That made all my nerve endings super sensitive to the second stick (successful!), but I whimpered like a child at both.  Embarrassed myself terribly.

After that I sort of limped (literally, since my legs and hip ached from the morning's yard work) back home.  

Today I've been out in the yard trimming more and cleaning up the messes I left behind yesterday.  I've pampered myself thoroughly with a spa morning shower afterwards.  Then I drove up to Sam's to deliver birthday cookies and card.  And to borrow cat food which I forgot yesterday when I was out and about.

I've got the house pretty much squared away.  My eldest son and his family should be here any time now.  He jokingly told me "Sorry I seem to be bringing the rain along..."  "Nope," I replied, "It got here long before you."  It's his plan to stay all weekend long

Sunday, June 21:  Technically I ought to start the next week's bit but since I've yet to edit this or find a picture that suits it, or titled it, I thought I'd just run through the last 3 days.

JD and the children (hardly children being 17 and 14) arrived Thursday afternoon.  It was raining, so I'd popped a chuck roast into the slow cooker and kept the sides simple.  They are not accustomed to gourmet foods, at least not from their dad.   

The kids weren't talkative, but they weren't hostile in their silence.  They are just quiet overall.   When I asked if they'd like to see "Michael" I had no intention of paying at the theatre.  I'd discovered it was available for rent on Prime for $20 and thought it would be worthwhile to help them pass time.  Well only Zach was interested, but I rented it and had a ton of accumulated points which brought the price down to something like $5.  You know I rolled my eyes over what I'd spent to take Isaac to the theatre compared to that but never mind.  He'd been over the moon after seeing the movie and it was worth the price.  As for Zach, he and I enjoyed the movie together, too.  Though we had to tolerate JD talking in over the top as he was prone to look up facts mentioned in the movie.

On Friday, Daniel went to visit a friend in Warner Robins for the day.  JD had determined he'd put in the light fixtures John and I bought three years ago.  So, he picked up supplies to do that, and heaven knows what all else he thought he might do.  He left a bag full of things here that I'm to return.  At any rate, he got started on putting in lights and we had only one small hiccup.  I'd wanted a pendant hanging over the kitchen sink, but it was larger than I'd thought and came far too close to the vinyl blinds.  The idea of hot light that close to them was unnerving.  We tried hanging the pendant higher, but it looked ridiculous.  So that is now a hall light, and I have an inexpensive LED type light above the sink which is inconspicuous enough I don't mind it.

They spent the afternoon and evening at Katie's.  I had the evening here to myself and went off to bed early.  I found it a little bit exhausting to have people in the house, no offense to the family.  

On Saturday, things went well enough.  JD hung the two lights in the master bath which elevated and finished off that room to a perfect 'T'.  Katie and Sam came in later and gasped at the amount of light in that room and how lovely it all looked.  

The grown-up children and Sam's children stayed for quite a while visiting with their siblings and cousins.  Katie had come by after taking Taylor to meet her dad and Caleb and Henry were home with Cody.  I missed them and Bella, but I seldom have all of my family at once.  It was rather nice to have the grown-up kids in the house, and we had many a laugh over things John had said or done over the years.  I think one of the loveliest things about John is that it's so easy to recall his humor and joy and to laugh as though he were still here entertaining us.

More rain came later in the day.  Rain, rain, rain.  The grass and trees are gloriously green.  The deer and rabbits are quite happy with their grazing grounds. 

This morning, Sam's dog Sheldon came over to visit with Rufus.  He's not been here in ages, as he's gotten increasingly deaf and blind.  He was wandering about in the front yard in the sunshine.  I texted Sam to let him know.  About a half hour later, I looked at and dear Sheldon was wandering around still.  I realized that he was lost.  I went out to the yard and got near enough he could smell me which made him come near and the two of us walked across the back yard and over the path to Sam's backyard.  Sam had decided to come look for Sheldon thinking he'd gotten lost and walked me back home and visited a few minutes with JD.

Today was packing up and going home day.  JD took the dresser his grandfather had built, and Zach acquired the desk chair that I was getting rid of.   The children amused me greatly because when they discovered I was going to take the things to donate they insisted JD should take them home since he apparently has no chairs.  When he refused, Zach put in his bid to have it for his desk.  

I confess, I was mighty nervous about the family being here, as our last visit had been such a disappointment.  I'm not counting in the day we spread John's ashes because I was so overwhelmed with everything from shock to grief to company that I don't really know how that time went along.  But the visit this time was fine.  However, I was glad to see everyone go home again.  That doesn't sound very hospitable of me, but there you are.  I like company. I like when company goes home.

This next week I've another family birthday, Katie's, but we won't celebrate until next Saturday.  Sam's belated birthday will be celebrated tomorrow.  I had company come in the day of his birthday.  He's asked to be taken out to eat.    

I need to get the last birthday card into the mail.  Take off a double load of trash.  Hope to fill a few more boxes for donation and to get the boxes delivered to the thrift store.  And somewhere in the week, there's a fun day out planned with a friend.    Another busy week of June ahead.  

Oil Spills and Grown-up Pants

 

Tuesday, July 9:  Let's go back to yesterday when I took Millie out for the day.  The boys have gone to camp, and we went together to do an errand, eat lunch, do a little shopping and come back here.  The day went too quickly, but I personally found my day out with her a delight.  

First she confessed to me her worry that her Papa Pat was dead.  I told her he was not dead. "But he's old..."  "Yes, and one day he will die, but he knows Jesus as his Savior...He'll be in heaven with Grampa and one day you will be there, too."  Perhaps only a Southern child finds this line of thought logical and reassuring.  I don't know, not ever having dealt with any but Southern children!  However, Millie chatted happily after that and made me laugh out loud with several funny observations.

Lady Bugs and Sunshine

 

Monday, June 1:  As a reminder, that indeed, June is still Spring, the weather today was very mild.  There was a little breeze that carried a surprising coolness.  I've no idea from whence it came, but there it was, and since I spent midday doing an onerous task (washing the siding on the front of the house) I am here to say that it wasn't unpleasant to be outdoors at noon on the first day of June at all.  And the front of the house looks rather nice, if I do say so.

The only sad thing was that the tree frogs hiding about got sprayed too. I was terribly sorry but not able to do a thing to help them.  They seemed to recover well, and I did rinse them off with a spray of plain water, best I could.  They all climbed back up the wall again, so there we are.  I shall have to continue swinging open the screen door and waiting for the frog to drop before I step out!

I saw just lots of true ladybugs and was so pleased about that.  I hadn't noticed any at all in years past but I found true ones on the porch about my plants.  Sam told me they are all in his lovely garden as well. 

Since Cody had recently uncovered and discovered a HUGE concrete pad in the backyard of their home, the family have set up a pool and plan to put up a pergola and patio furniture.  I struck while the iron was hot and asked Katie once more if she'd like the iron patio table.   She said, "Yes".  It has a hole for an umbrella, I threw in all four chairs and though two chairs and the table need scrubbing and a coat of paint, I think it will make a nice addition to their space.  And it frees up my narrow patio from the oversized table at last.  

It also means that I am now in the market for more chairs but oh well...I'll find some when it's the right time and price.  And in the meantime, I've still got a small cafe table and folding chairs, plus two chairs that were Grandmother's.

I also took time this morning to toss every seed that is viable to plant this time of year into pots of soil or a flower bed.  Fingers crossed and here's hoping.  So far, I have a hearty crop of marigolds and zinnias coming up from my last sowing session.  And I've prayed over them all.  I'm hopeful that this year, I shall at last have flowers blooming about the patio once more.

I'd made a list last night before I went to bed of things I meant to get done and I promised myself today that if all were done, or at least started in good measure, then I'd allow myself to have fun for the rest of the afternoon.  I made good on my promise, but I added several things to the list.  Like sowing the seeds, doing a load of laundry and baking bread.  Fair enough, I earned my reward and I sat down and happily played about with genealogy until time to prepare supper.  

I've had the hardest time with keeping these sorts of promises to myself.  I always add in more jobs and then go to bed disappointed and overtired because by the time I stop working I'm too tired to play, but today I'm trying to 'start as I mean to go on' for all of June.  Work by all means, but fun in equally good measure!  That's my plan.

I tried an experiment today.  I brewed tea using one peach tea bag and one black tea bag.  It turned out just as tasty as straight Peach tea.  Since the peach tea is a luxury sort of purchase, it's good to know I can extend it in this way, because the black tea is Aldi's Benton tea and it's inexpensive.

I added up last month's grocery spending and while it's not a true figure, it seemed a bit high to me.  It's not a true figure because I added in the takeout meal I'd purchased with the debit card, but not all the take-out meals I bought were purchased with the debit card nor were all the groceries.  I paid cash for some things, and in some instances, I was buying for a family or another person other than myself.  My skewed figure came out to about $83 a week average.  That figure seats me in the Moderate food plan.

My actual budget should come in considerably lower...But I've admittedly played loose with the grocery money this past month because I have so much stuff on hand.  In fact, one of the tasks I did this afternoon after lunch was to start inventorying my pantry.  I can't help but think that for one person this is an incredible amount of food...and most all of it will serve 2-3 or even 4 people.  I shall have to determine what a stockpile for just one should look like.  It did not seem an excessive amount for two but it's almost overwhelming to think of it all in terms of one.  

All in all, for a first day of the month, today went incredibly well.  Here's to all the rest of June going as smoothly.

Thursday, June 4th:  I thought I'd return to publishing once a week, so you all don't have such a long post to slog through.  I'm not promising that any week will be so terribly much to read on its own, but it will at least eliminate long readings on those weeks when I do feel more talkative than usual.

I have had quite a week with a few accomplishments but nowhere near what I'd hoped to have.  On Tuesday I spent the day more or less relaxing as I'd overdone it on Tuesday.  I did a few simple tasks but mostly I sat about looking at YouTube because I've lost momentum with the whole idea of Junk Journaling as a hobby.  I like my own journal (done a month-by-month basis) quite well, but it's more art journal than junky.  And I think the thing is I don't like the overall messy look of the junkier type of junk journals. I like something that is a bit neater and a bit more artistic and a bit more of a possible journaling forum.  

So, I was scrolling around looking to see how others approached the journals and discovered Glue books, which can be themed by color, subject, genre, etc.  Most repurpose a composition book.  I have about 20 composition books (the board type covered ones) that I'd made sermon notes in over the years, and I'd been wondering how to dispose of them.  Obvious answer is to use them as art journals and Glue books.

On Wednesday, I was determined to get out of the house, go to the grocery store, run errands and have fun.  Well reality was that my day turned out considerably less than fun.  On my way over to the main shopping area, the 'check engine' light came on.  I noted that every time I decelerated it went off but acceleration prompted it to flash on again.  Then the car started idling hard at the stoplight and sounded horrible on take-off.  I prayed my way the 8 miles over to the mechanics.  And there I was for the next six hours.   Repairs cost me $1600 which I put on a credit card because I had no desire to have low balance warnings from the bank on top of the day, I'd just had.  

I didn't have a book with me, only my phone, no ear buds, so I didn't feel I could watch vlogs on the phone without being a nuisance to others.  I sorted through the 3-year-old magazines and created a stack next to my chair that I flipped through.  I also didn't have a jacket and it was cool both indoors and outdoors due to a heavy chilly breeze, though the sun shone like a dream come true after weeks of cloudy skies.

At one point I walked across the street to McDonald's and got a quick lunch.  If Burger King left me in sticker shock a couple of weeks ago, McDonald's does have a decent pricing on their items, and the value menu is under $5 for a meal.  Since my former plan for the day had included going to mine and John's favorite restaurant and using our gift card there, I was inclined to keep lunch a low priced affair.  Later in the afternoon, when she was off work, Katie came to pick me up and we went to Kroger to get a few necessities.  Milk for her family and eggs for my household.  

Eventually the car was diagnosed properly, the repairs done and I went on my way.  Traffic was pretty bad by the time I got to that point in the day.  I did manage to make one return, and dropped off donations, but then I headed to the backroads and came home.  It was nearly 7pm by the time I finally got here.  Fortunately, I recalled that Wednesday night service at church was live on air, and I caught the sermon part of the service.  It was quite a good sermon and lifted me up.  I needed that!

Today, I woke fairly early.  A long-time pen pal has recently discovered she can make voicemails over Messenger, and I listened to her voicemail.  Then I was inspired to send one back to her.  It's rather nice to listen to a voice speaking instead of just reading an email.  It feels even more personal.  We can never get our hours straight to call through to one another (though she did manage somehow the day John died) so this is a lovely alternative.  I discovered today that the voicemail stops recording at 10 minutes.  But you can start another right up if you were in the middle of a thought.  I soon received a return voicemail from her.  I was just waking at the time I was talking to her and she was just going to bed and yawned as she talked, lol.

I puttered around the house, then went off to shower.  Since I'm doing intermittent fasting, I am taking the start of most days even more leisurely than I might in the past.  The mornings this week have been so cool, I haven't even gone outdoors to sit in the sun as I ought.  I've opted instead for sitting in a sunny window.  From what I've read it's not beneficial in the least but I'm not chilly.  I generally listen to a Bible study or short sermon, write morning pages, have lemon water and sometimes coffee if it's late enough to break my fast.  

Off to shower and immediately I heard one of the grandkids walk onto the back porch, then the sound of the lawnmower chugging over to the house, lol.  I knocked on the wall of the bathroom that is backside of the back porch wall and told Sam that I was in the shower and I'd be out shortly.  When I was decent, I went to the backdoor and looked out and was startled because I thought Bess had come over with Sam.  

No... It was Josh!  He's sporting long hair these days.  He's grown even more in the last two weeks and he's incredibly tall now next to Sam or so he seemed when I looked at him.  It took me a minute to recognize him.  

Josh did the weed eating and Sam did the mowing.  My yard is incredibly green and lovely, but it was beyond needing to be cut.  The Bahai grass has started coming up which means we shall have to be more vigilant about mowing because it is terrible stuff when it starts to get tall or it's the slightest bit damp.  It bends and then pops right back up again.  John used to mow both our yards twice over when the Bahai had come in.

Sam's back has been a bother for nearly two weeks and yesterday when I was having car woes, he was at the chiropractor getting adjusted.  He'd just completed a round of corticosteroids for the inflammation in his back.  I do hope that mowing for 7 hours today doesn't cause him any more issues!

I puttered in the kitchen this morning, sorting out jars from the pantry.  I've had a motley crew of storage jars that I've accumulated over the years and I've decided to empty them all, wash well and offer up to kids or donation.  I'll be using the mass of canning jars I've accumulated in the last few years and plan to buy more of them.  It just makes sense to have those as storage jars to me.  I like the look of them, too.

I made up three small Chicken Pot Pies and cooked the last of a jar of egg noodles that didn't fit in the quart jar.  I had some cooked venison burger that I chopped up and made Julia Pachecko's Hamburger Stroganoff.  I managed to knock the recipe down to a 2 serving size portion.  It's more like a hamburger helper sort of recipe than a proper Stroganoff but it's really tasty and I was quite happy with my portion for lunch today.  I should have diced and reheated some of the beet I'd roasted to go with it, but I didn't think of it at the time.

After lunch, I loaded up the dishwasher and then washed everything by hand that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher.  I tried to pack all I could in there but there's only so much space.  Now it's waiting to be emptied.

After that, I emptied three of the boxes of books that were behind the guest room door and put them on the shelves here in the study.  They filled just three shelves.  I have plenty of room to move 'extras' from the living room shelves and I think I'm going to set up one shelf as Genealogy stuff and empty the tub where I've hoarded those things.  I also have one shelf dedicated to John's music books and notebooks and papers.  I will eventually be sorting out those and culling out the multiples of things, but not right now.  Some tasks are still too personal and painful to handle just at present.  I take those things a little at a time and then I'll have to recover from the emotional wear of doing them.

The empty boxes the books were in will be packed with the China and glassware that I've hoarded and not used.  It's hard to admit that something I've held onto for so long is simply not going to be used, but it's not and so why am I keeping it all?  

While the decluttering spirit moves me, I need to let go of as much of the excess of stuff I have accumulated as I can.  I'll still have plenty of stuff.  I am a collector by nature, and by no means minimalistic, but I'm determined that in future I shall collect and store only what I'm actually using.  No more money spent on pretty things to sit behind closed doors unseen and unused.

The house is changing.  I don't find that unusual.  There's been a major change in life here and I've always responded to the outward changes of life by adjusting the interior of my home as well.  There's the fortune of having a wealth of inexpensively gotten things.  I can afford to let them go and find something else that suits this current phase of life.  Mostly decor items or thrift and yard sale purchased furnishings, not the stuff we paid proper good money for.  I do tend to hang on to those things and use them until they are past their lifespan. 

Now I am off to put my Chicken Pot Pie in the oven.  I'll try to put away the dishes, which takes far less long to do than it does for me to make up my mind to doing.  When supper is ready, I shall officially call my day "Finished".  There are a puzzle book and a coloring book waiting on me after supper, and I'll listen to music or TV while I play with those.  

Saturday, June 6:  Interesting thoughts to note today.  I was thinking about Grandmothers in general, different grandmothers and how they approach their grandchildren, etc.  

I can't say much about my great grandmothers, as my time around both was fairly limited.  Granny was very much prone to being a hands on sort of Grandmother.  She kept us when we were too young for school, she took us on holidays when we were in school and she periodically came to stay the night and spend time with us all throughout the school year.

Grandmother and Granddaddy tended to come see us about once a month.  Pretty much catching up with the whole family at once.  We spent a few summer days with them, but not necessarily every year even though they didn't live that far from us, perhaps an hour and a half?  Part of that had to do with an alcoholic and sometimes violent uncle.  

And I think part of it had to do with Grandmother's own lack of grandmothers.  Both her mother's mother and her father's mother died when her parents were young children and so they more or less were raised by other family members.  There were no grandparents about in her childhood.  She had no clue what a grandparent did.  

Yes, she did keep us when we were young and my uncle was not yet the threat he became in later years, but truly the only time we were allowed to go spend a week with them was when the uncle was locked safely away in jail for a few months' time and not likely to be about.

My mother, though she'd grown up with both her grandmothers and spent lots of time with them was not to be bothered with children.  Indeed, she always proclaimed to me that she wasn't going to spend her spare time doing my job for me.  Granny sometimes took my children for a few days at least giving them a taste of what I'd had growing up, but not often and seldom did she have them that Mama didn't call and fuss at me over the fact that they were with Granny, whom Mama was convinced I was taking advantage of.

I have friends who have grandchildren, some of whom live near enough and some who live far away.  And in varying degrees they choose to spend time with them, or not, as their personality dictates. I  don't criticize anyone.  

I know only what I had in Granny and those occasional visits with Grandmother and I loved the times I was with them.  Hence, I have often tried to say yes to my own children and grandchildren when they request time to come here.

But occasionally I do say 'No'.  

I said no earlier today when I had a request for a grandchild to come over.  Supposedly wanting to 'work' but from past experience I can tell you sincerely that she is very much into the attention seeking stage and if I don't pay attention is prone to get into trouble doing things she oughtn't.  Like gluing coloring pages to the wall or using the carpet as a work surface to put paste on things or leaving the dining table covered with paint or nail polish.  Not in a destructive way, nor done to be mean.  Simply the way any six-year-old does that sort of thing, with an intent to do the more grown-up things not allowed at home.

Today I was not up to it.  

I've had residual guilt all morning.  Never mind that one of my scheduled days next week is simply for her particular pleasure. 

Otherwise, I've a rather busy and taxing week ahead.  The final legalities to tie up, or at least so I hope and a day out with my friend Susan which should be fun, and a day with Millie, as promised, and then a day to have an 'adult' birthday party with Josh.  In fact, in the next seven days I've only one day planned to be at home.

Yesterday I went to run errands and get groceries, finishing up what I'd meant to do on Wednesday when I ended up sitting at the mechanics.   None of this was what I really wanted to do.  What I wanted to do above all else was go do something 'fun' for myself like visit a garden center and get some coleus or go to the hardware store for paint for the entry doors or wander about a clothing store or anything in the world but adult responsibilities.  But there you are.  

However, next week is already scheduled to the max. Yesterday had to be about the other necessities:  Post office, dollar store, paying bills, running by the bank, getting gas in the car, getting groceries, going up to Sam's to get produce for the week ahead, and two or three more things I can't recall just off the top of my head. 

It was hot.  It was tiring and exhausting.  My hip was aggravated from the previous day's work of lifting and shoving heavy things about in my home.  I left home around 11am and got home around 6pm with a car to unload, hungry as a bear, and a new worry. The 'check oil' light started flashing on and off as I was finally headed home.  More car trouble?  And me just having put $1600 into the car...  I'm a little worried.

Mind you I do have a second car and it's a perfectly decent car.  It just isn't 'my' car and isn't nearly as comfortable to drive as the Toyota.  It's a Honda Civic, equally as old as the Toyota, that sits much lower, and I can just see over the nose of the thing because it is so low.  And the speedometer is perfectly hidden by the steering wheel, which sits just about the level of my pupils.  However, it's far fewer miles on the odometer than the Toyota. So yes, a viable car but it just doesn't 'fit' me like the Toyota does.  Not to mention the AC is iffy and this time of year, AC is desirable, almost more than desirable.

I didn't even put away all the groceries last night once I got in the house.  I was just too done in.  I put away the cold things in fridge and freezer and this morning I've had to divide and sort and put away in proper places all of the things.

We won't even discuss prices.  I spent my entire budget, and I know that I shall have to return later in the month for milk and eggs at the least. I made countless choices and swaps in what I wanted and what I felt I might better spend instead. I'm very grateful I have the money to manage on, but ding dang darn I hate to feel I'm running right to the very edges of my income, you know?  

So, there you are.  My rest day today, protected, but lots of guilt worrying about others and others' feelings and on the other far too tired to do much about anyone's feelings including my own!

But the sun is shining and has since Wednesday so there is a positive spin to it all.  The lawn is freshly mown, gloriously lush and green looking.  I've done enough yardwork this week that the difference shows clearly.  The house is clean, too.  

I sat on the porch yesterday evening watching the sunset without being eaten alive by mosquitoes and this morning I was out watching sunrise and listening to the birds calling out as they began their day.  I've sheets flapping in the breeze on the line gathering up all the good fresh air and sunshine smells.  

My windowsill is full of lovely fresh herbs that Sam cut in his garden yesterday: basil, dill, oregano, parsley).  I did think to buy myself flowers yesterday while I was out and they are glowing about the house in the living room, kitchen, and on my desk.

I have good food to cook today for my meals...

And because I've been sensible today, I very possibly might get a nap to make up for the restless night I had.

So, I shall end the week with a list of the positives and no complaints.

June is going to be a good month...

P.S.  Sam came to check the oil which was only 3 quarts low...Sheesh.  We've not noticed any leaking anywhere, and think it might have been part of the problem with the car's issues on Wednesday, just something they didn't check.  

Sam urged me to take that car to church tomorrow since I'll be in an area where he, Bess, Katie, Cody and Not the Mama will all be close to hand to help if I get stranded.  I shall drive cautiously.  We discussed his putting me on his AAA service which would be a good thing, I think.  

May As Well

 

Wednesday, May 20:  I did it.  I finally took the plunge and went to a 'proper' salon and got a proper haircut.  Even though I had only a lot of pictures and vague ideas of what I wanted, I got a decent cut. I was flabbergasted at the cost, roughly 2.5 times what it costs at 'Gyp and Clip'.  But this experience includes the shampoo and styling...Making it an experience to enjoy.  I've contemplated over and over again whether it is genuinely worthwhile to spend such a sum getting hair washed and cut.

I've decided that yes, yes, it is.  Number one because they do include the extras, the things that makes one feel they are in a salon, the things which are all extra fees at 'Gyp and Clip' and would run their costs up nearer to what they charge in the proper salon.  Number two, I felt pampered and cared for.  Not rushed.  Number three, they suggested I not return for 8 weeks since I am still in the process of growing my hair out.  So, the extra cost is at least spread over 2 months and not a monthly charge as it is at the places I've gone to in the past.

May or May Not

 

Saturday, May 2:  I had a lovely day today, despite it being rainy and cool enough to warrant wearing a sweatshirt when we were out.  I was up early and ready to go out with Katie.  Then I sat down and folded the basket of clothing I'd left unfolded yesterday when I did sheets and towels.  I decided to put the linens in the trunk and that needed a good sorting out and neatening up so I did that.  Productive on a Saturday...What is the world coming to?

Sam and Katie both arrived at the same time.  Sam came to pick up the mower blades, reporting that the transmission on the mower had not leaked one drop of transmission fluid since he removed it from the mower and refilled it.  Then he left to go home.

Oh, My Goodness!

 

Thursday, April 16:  I was on my way out of the door this morning when I pulled the door shut and caught my shirt in the latch of the locked door.  I couldn't pull it loose.  It was held too tightly about my arms to allow me to shimmy out of it.  I couldn't turn to use my key to unlock the door.  I stood there for a moment rather put out but then called Bess back to help.  She'd just started towards her car.  Thank goodness she was still here!  

On my way down the highway, I was suddenly very unsure of exactly where I needed to turn when I got to the city where the lawyer's office is located...I pulled off the road into an empty lot and managed after numerous struggles to enter the address so I could follow the route accurately.  I realized then that I had a 52-minute journey ahead and only a half hour to arrive...

Rain on Sunny Days

 

April 1:  The past few mornings, I've gone out fairly early and sat on the back porch with my coffee.  It's so calm and quiet, so tender green and fresh, a little chilly so I wear a jacket.  This morning, I marveled how the droplets of dew had fallen into the serrated edge of the leaves of the rosebush.  

Amie and Ben, Lily, Ross, Rose were packing up this morning.  Amie was up early, earlier than any of the rest, anxious to get the journey homeward underway.  The rest of the family slept in a little.  It's been a busy week.  They never had a chance to catch up on themselves after that long journey.  They had a long journey ahead of them to face again.  I didn't blame them for lingering in bed and resting.  But I understood Amie's desire to get going and start the journey homeward.

Bess came over to have coffee with me before she left for work.  She's been doing that most weekday mornings.  This morning, Amie, Bess and I sat on the porch with our coffee and chatted until Bess had to leave for work.