Monday, June 9: Last night the sunset was lovely. Not brilliantly colored but awesome just the same. Big white fluffy clouds piled high in the sky and the sun backlit them and tinted them lemon and peach. I thought "Wow...Now I know why artists have painted skies like that so often!" It was truly moving and gave me such a deep sense of peace and rightness with the world.
This morning, I had my usual alarm anxiety and woke at least an hour before the darn thing went off. That didn't bode well for me, since I'd been late going to sleep last night despite attempting to drift right off at a decent hour. I must remember a prayer that I read...Can't remember where but it was a vlogger or blogger who is fairly well known. She said if she's had a bad night's sleep to pray that her strength be equal to the day before her. It's a worthy prayer to pray, very wise. It's never failed me when I've remembered to pray it after a tough night. I only wish I remembered it always!
I believe in prepping the night before to ease the morning rush. I laid out my clothing and set out my makeup and morning pills prior to going to bed last night. My lunch was ready in the fridge. I had supper plans and had managed some prep for the week. I felt strong on that score.
I couldn't quite shake the anxiety I'd had the night before. John was chatty and I was withdrawn. We discussed what work the two porches need. Both need painting and the back porch needs deep cleaning and the trim on the sheds must be painted fresh this year. How is any of that even going to get done? No offense to John, but those jobs are in my corner of life, they don't even come into focus in his. He's not going to do any of that work. When he saw tears trickling down my cheeks he was upset. "What's going on?"
"I'm not complaining. I'm not. But I feel overwhelmed and anxious about doing this job before me and the things I won't get done at home. There are so many things that need doing here and needs I must meet elsewhere. Sometimes it all seems like too much to handle."
I dried my tears and didn't say anything more. John does not understand. His understanding can't stretch to the things he might do that would be a help. Not faulting him there. All of these years, these things got done while he was working hours and hours away from home. He was faithful and loyal to his work, and he brought his check home and provided for his family at a great sacrifice of time. There was no one picking up his shifts so he could be home to celebrate a birthday or holiday with his family or to face crises that arose. I did my part here at home by taking on lots of extra duties. He's never once considered that I was the one who did them or that I am the only one who attends to them still. It's sort of a 'man blind' thing. You can say the catsup is on the top right-hand shelf of the door, and they stare at it and say, "Where?"
Never mind. I dried my tears and swallowed down my overwhelm and got up from my chair.
I decided to water the plants here indoors because it's a small task but a soothing one. I saw that the impatiens I'd set in water last week had roots. I happened to have a plant cell of soil ready to go and planted all six of the new plants this morning. Somehow, I felt re-centered with these two activities and less hopeless. The seeds I planted haven't come to much but everything I've set to root has increased and multiplied. There's a life lesson in that I'm sure, if only I can figure it out.
The day went fine overall. It's meant to rain all week. It was meant to rain right at Caleb's outdoor time. Katie and I talked about it yesterday and I said, "I'll take him out on the porch at least," and she said, "Mama just let him play in the rain if it's not thundering and lightning." She knows how badly he needs that time outdoors. I was a bit amused that she thought I might need that caution about thundering and lightning. I let her play in puddles and in rain, but never did I once let her go outside in thunder and lightning!
When it began to rain this morning, I called him to come get his raincoat on and sent him right back out. He stomped in puddles and proudly announced that he had a mud hole in one spot of the yard. He pushed his trucks and cars through ponds of water, and he jumped on the rain wet trampoline. He hung himself limply over a swing and twisted the chains round and round until he went into a gentle spin. I remember how much enjoyment I'd found in that same activity when I was young. It thundered gently only once but that was enough for Caleb to come right indoors. He changed his clothes, and we settled down to the work of the day.
He sailed through almost all of his work sheets and then he painted and cut paper and made me bracelets from beads and pipe cleaners and the morning went right by. Henry happily bounced in his bouncy seat and chattered at nobody and smiled at everyone.
Henry wasn't any too keen on taking a nap in the play pen. He fussed and groused and called Mama and Dada to no avail. I checked his diaper, and he proved that babies are still in the business of pooping all the way up their backsides. When he was all fresh and clean once more, I rolled him over onto his tummy and rubbed his back and the tired little fellow just lay there and let me, but he wouldn't close those eyes for love or anything. I finally put him back in the playpen and he started playing with his toys. He talked to each one he picked up, whole conversations before he'd put one down and choose another. Then suddenly he fell over and was sound asleep. Just like that. He only napped for about 20 minutes, but it was something.
I can't say it was a hard day. For a first day and a new summer routine for two households, it went fine. I wasn't exhausted when I left. But I did appreciate that quiet 40-minute ride home. It grounded me and helped me be ready to relax at home.
Wednesday, June 11: My feet are up. I have made dinner and cleared up and I'm sort of listening to the sermon, but not with my full attention since I've chosen to write, too. The week has gone by.
Yesterday John insisted on going with me to Katie's. He's informed me he intends to come with me again tomorrow. I'm of mixed minds about this. On the one hand, it is a help to have him there when I need that extra pair of hands. But it also means that there is no quiet time on the way home to unwind. John chatters, sings nonsense songs, keeps rhythm to the turn signals' clicking, and is just generally vocal. I find myself fighting the urge to tell him to just be quiet.
Yesterday it was nearly 7 before I got supper on the table. You might well say, "But Terri...you planned meals. You had easy things in the freezer. Why so far off your usual supper hour?" I'll tell you why.
John refused to go order his glasses on his own. He wouldn't go until after I got done with childcare. The last thing I wanted to do was to sit in the vision center at Walmart. But there I was, amongst a whole crew of people and one single technician working and everyone needing his help. He was literally turning people away and suggesting they come back later or leave their name and number, and he'd call them when they were less busy.
As it happened, John could not order the glasses he'd chosen at another location, so he had to choose a different pair, equally well priced. He was happy I was there to give an opinion, so I suppose it worked out quite well. As a bonus, two other men there began talking of how they had met their wives and how happy they were in their marriages, which is not something you get to hear every single day. It was nice to hear.
After Walmart, we went to pick up prescriptions and there was another long line to sit in. We got home about 6:30 and I put my readymade meal in the oven to reheat.
But you know what? While supper was cooking/heating, I also cooked some of Sam's fresh zucchini and yellow squash. And then, I made yogurt. I did, too! I really wanted to make homemade yogurt this week, and I just grabbed the opportunity before me. I was shocked at how quickly it got made. It helped a lot that though I put the milk on lower heat to come up to the right temperature I had the flame a bit higher than I thought and it came up to a boil. That took a lot of simmer time off the table...and meant less evaporation, too. I flash cooled the hot milk in a pan of cold water, stirred in my yogurt, poured it into jars, set it in a bit of 120F water, covered it up and left it to incubate overnight. It all came together in under 30 minutes! I was so pleased over getting that yogurt made.
My savings was substantial. I paid $1.39 for the half gallon of milk and used half of the jug. I bought a cup of Fage plain yogurt for $1.25 and used half of that. So, I ended up with 2 full to the brim pints of yogurt for $1.94. While not quite Greek yogurt it does tend to have more body than the regular yogurts. In my area right now, 32 ounces of yogurt is anywhere from $5 to $7. Mine has no pectin, cornstarch or carrageenan. It's just milk and cultured yogurt.
After supper last night I worked on payday stuff. GROAN...which reminded me just now that I completely forgot to drop mail off in town this afternoon. Phooey! Must get that done tomorrow. Anyway, worked on bills last night. It was after 9:00 pm before my day officially ended.
I watched an episode of the new detective program we're watching. Highly recommend! It's titled "Endeavor" and is set in Oxford, England. I haven't seen nudity or heard foul language and there are only mildly gruesome things seen only on rare occasions. There's always a Bible verse involved in the show somehow and a lovely police chief, and captain with a sense of morals and decency who are genuinely aghast at extramarital affairs and free love (the show is set in the mid-1960's). An hour later I toddled off to bed and went right to sleep.
Today I had Bella and Caleb together. That is a whole different kettle of fish. Twice as hard to keep two satisfied when they both want the same thing. I told John the solution I see is to simply buy two of everything! At one point I'd gotten a little frustrated and Bella turned to me with eyes wide and said, "Are you angry?" and I said truthfully, "Yes, Bella. I've gotten a little frustrated with you and Caleb arguing over everything." Do you know she stopped fussing with him right away. I don't expect it will go that easily next time but there you are.
Bella was only with me for a few hours. Her mom came to pick her up and then it was just Caleb and I for the lunch hour.
Henry started eating baby foods yesterday. He didn't do taste tests. A full four-ounce jar is where he started, and he ate in record time. He's a very easy-going baby overall, always has a happy smile and even when teething and miserable is pleasant and loving.
One little Caleb story. Groceries got delivered this morning to the house and Caleb helped me and Taylor carry them in. One bag was very heavy, laden with lots of bottles of fruit juice and such. I said "Oof! That bag is heavy." "You just leave it, Gramma. I'll help." And he did. He managed to push that paper bag of juice bottles across the floor and around into the kitchen. "We'll just leave it right here. You can't reach where it goes. Dad will deal with it when he comes home." Wait a minute...wasn't he five all morning long? Where did this young man come from?!
Friday, June 13:
There's a storm brewing outside. John is gone for the moment. He was asked to play for a youth camp of some sort and has gone off into unknown territory with a group of strangers and only one person known to him, the minister he leads worship under at the Homeless Outreach. You can be sure, I'm anxious to hear how it all went. John doesn't like doing these sorts of new experiences without me along.
It's been a long day and a wearing week, but it's done. I put my foot down on Thursday when John told Katie he'd be back on Sunday. We will see the children tomorrow at Josh's birthday party. I told John no way I was going to Katie's on Sunday and then spending five more days keeping grandkids. I needed time apart from them.
But that's the back end of the horse, not the front.
Yesterday went fairly well. Caleb did his work with some urging. He was distracted by having Cody and Grampa both in the house. Yes, John came with me on Thursday. I'd rather he wasn't there on Thursday but there you are. He's determined that if I'm going to be gone, then he'll just come with me. At least when he does come along, I can get a chance for a potty break!
John and Cody distracted each other. I went about my day with the boys with minimal interruptions. Cody went to work after lunch. Taylor hung out with us a bit at her mom's insistence. Katie took her back home yesterday evening.
Today was bearable. Caleb and Bella are just 8 months apart in age. They fight like children their age generally do. "He's not sharing!" "She won't let me play!" when they were just not sharing or allowing the other to play themselves not five minutes before. But there were pleasant times in the day as well, when they were doing work or crafts. Katie has done well planning a daily schedule for the children.
The pattern of the day is to eat breakfast and have a quick clearing up of breakfast things. Then they get dressed. Henry has a bottle, while I pull the baby's jumper over to the glass door so he can look out at us outside when he's done. Then the middles and I go outdoors. This is free play time, when they can do as they please. There is water in the pool and the sand box lid and puddles in the yard from all the rain we've had over the past week and water play is a hot commodity.
Bella waters all the plants repeatedly. Caleb stomps in mud puddles. Heaven forbids, if Bella gets a drop of water on him or she get splattered with mud as she runs past him to the plants. Never mind that he is playing in water and she is running through mud.
Then we come indoors. Henry goes into the playpen after I check his diaper and give him hug. The children do two or three simple work sheets, usually some kind of writing practice. They get a ten minute or so break to play, but I'm finding a structured game of some sort works well during this play break, and then they craft, and color or paint and then free play indoors until lunch. Once they are settled at the table, Henry is put in the highchair so he can have his lunch.
After lunch is my favorite part of the day. Quiet time. Not that it means much, that word 'quiet' being fairly unknown to those two middles. Even Henry can be a fairly noisy little fella if he's not asleep and he doesn't sleep a lot during the day anymore. But I can sit and play with Henry for a bit once the other two are settled for quiet time, and then he goes into the playpen with a bottle and with any luck, he might go to sleep. Today he did go to sleep, but he got disturbed too many times by others so gave up and chattered to everyone.
On my way home I thought, breathe deeply. I'm done with four- and five-year-old children until tomorrow's family party. Ha. I hurried home to take the children from The Manor to the library Reptile Rescue program. Got there and gradually the place filled up with parents and kids. I was sitting towards the very back near the play area. Isaac was restless so I asked if he'd like to go play quietly. Soon all these little kids about 4- and 5-year-olds were playing with him. And because I was the adult at the back, I'd feel a tap on my shoulder, "She's not sharing!" "He won't let me play!" I laughed ruefully inside but sorted out squabbles firmly and quietly. You can bet though I was really happy to get home. Sometimes, I feel God has a very real sense of humor.
Saturday, June 14: I fell asleep quickly last night. Not a shock nor surprise. I lazed about this morning. There is all sort of things to be done but I am still tired from my week. A leisurely day seems the best.
We got ready to go to Sam's big family party celebrating Josh's and his birthday and Father's Day. It was a wonderful, easy family gathering. The house was spotless. Sam told me that Bess and the kids had done that as a gift to him. They went above and beyond.
Sam did his usual culinary wonders. Burgers for the kids; Steak, baked Potatoes, Grilled zucchini for the adults; a raspberry cake with a Lemon Marshmallow Butter Cream frosting. Bess made Raspberry Lemonade. We feasted.
Josh was happy with his gift. Family laughed and talked and enjoyed being together. And then we came home. I sat down in my chair and went right to sleep.
On the one hand, I wanted to stay home today and do nothing, absolutely nothing. On the other I wanted to stay home and cook a proper meal from start to finish. Neither of those things happened. Instead, I went off to the family party and enjoyed my time there. And we came home and had sandwiches for our supper because my cooking aspirations were done, lol.
It's been a long week and frustrating financially speaking. I went to Kroger on Thursday night, and it was a complete fiasco when it came time to check out. I had to go through customer service and try to get things squared away. When I got home, I found more register mistakes. I wrote a letter to the corporate office and was contacted by the store manager who basically sent me a 'too bad, so sad' sort of letter rather than "We're sorry your experience was bad, tell us more." I wasn't looking for compensation but wanted an acknowledgement of the issues I'd faced. No such luck.
I've been playing phone tag with an agent of a company trying to find out why I've not received an expected check and have been told repeatedly she'd 'send me a text explaining." No such luck. Today I received a bill charging me for two months of service, which was cancelled two months ago. I now know why I haven't received the refund check, but why wasn't the service cancelled? I went in and signed papers and everything.
I went into another store and was charged for items I didn't purchase. No resolution there either.
The auto insurance renewal arrived, and it has increased. Not a huge amount but enough that we'll need to adjust our budget somewhere. Our income isn't increasing but the bills do. It is what it is, isn't it?
Sunday, June 15: I got up with the alarm this morning and got ready for church. John didn't say anything to me until we were eating breakfast, and I was half dressed for the day. "I don't think I want to go out today. I feel a bit dizzy." I encouraged him to drink some water, as he's prone to dehydrate himself. I checked his blood sugar which was fine. We had another homeopathic remedy here that he took a bit of in another glass of water.
I left him watching tv and went off to clean the bathroom up properly, do a half pedicure, clean up our room. Then I went outdoors and weeded around Baby Tree. I might try planting something there under Baby Tree. He's still small enough that he doesn't suck the ground dry. I checked the flowers sin the shed bed. Not one of the seeds sown so far this summer have come up at all. I do have some lovely rudbeckia that I seeded out last fall and a beautiful echinacea plant from last year. Oh well.
I planted the oregano and tomato plant that Katie sent home with me on Thursday as well as some more strawberry tops. The beans, flowers, nor tomatoes I planted ten days ago have come to exactly nothing. I am down to tossing out all the sunflower seeds a friend gifted me. I wonder if they will do anything. The sage, figs, basil and impatiens are all doing very well. The tomatoes Katie gifted me last month are holding their own. The very old Heavenly Blue morning glory seeds have germinated and area growing.
Overall, it's been a very disappointing year for sowing seed. I think from this point forward I will look for some coleus and different perennials to plant into pots. At least the perennials should come back next year!
John came to the door to say that online services were starting, so I came indoors and washed off, changed into dry clothes, started a one pan meal for lunch and sat down to watch and make notes.
My one pan meal consisted of dry rice, half a can each of corn and kidney beans, 1 cup of salsa, 1 cup of water, and two chicken breasts. I used to make something similar years ago for the family. I could toss it all into a pan, cover with foil, pop it in the oven and then have a sit down for an hour or so to play with baby Kate, talk to the other children, fold laundry, etc. It turned out really good and we enjoyed it.
I need to plan meals, all three daily meals and take things out to thaw, do some prep work for those once they are planned. I have two shirts to mend. I should lay out clothing for tomorrow morning and set up outfits for the week. Nothing fancy, not with keeping the children, but I don't dress for baby-sitting as I do for being 'at home'.
All in all, it was a busy first week of my job as John now calls it. Next week, I will bring Caleb home with me on Wednesday evening and take him back to Warner Robins on Friday morning. I'm sure I could use the break from him by then, but we've been promising since school let out that he could come spend the night and it would be convenient to do it this way rather than on a weekend. I don't even have a free weekend any time soon.
I am procrastinating on this meal planning. I really do need to figure it out or I'll regret it deeply come tomorrow and all the weeklong. I'll talk to you all again next Sunday.
Amazon Associate Affiliate Link: If you use my link to enter the Amazon site and place an order, I may earn a small commission on qualifying purchases. Thank you!
.jpg)
