A Quick Visit



Hello all...I'll not offer up coffee nor tea at this hour, because I suspect we'd all like a good night's sleep,  but I will offer up a quick visit.  I've had my head just crammed full of thinking and I know I won't have time to chat at all over the weekend about to happen, so a neighborly visit now seems just the thing.



First, I'll start with our luncheon date today.  Lovely.  I mean really it was.  I'll make up the money spent from another fund.  We needed that bit of one on one time to chat about all sorts of things, which somehow we seem to do best when we're away from home.   Tired or not, my dear husband can almost always talk and he chattered as much as I did, all the way to the restaurant, through the meal and all the way home again.

One of the things I talked to him about was a little personal.  I expect some of you might understand.

Yesterday afternoon I was playing about in my closet, trying on outfits and accessories and I'd gone into the bathroom to comb my hair....and took one look at my unmade up face and decided that really a little makeup wouldn't hurt a thing.   So I played about with makeup, too.  And then I tried to take a picture.  Grim, lol.  Seriously finding the right angle these days is difficult at best.  If I look over my glasses I double my chin and make my neck look all crepe-y.   If I look up, the lights glare across my glasses and I look blinded.  Now it's all vanity, I'll admit as much, it is.  But I finally got just the right angle and a lovely picture.  Not one I'd want to share with the public at large but one I was all too happy to send my husband and which he complimented me nicely upon this morning.  No, nothing risqué, but it was...alluring, in a way.

"So why the picture?" he asked me this morning after complimenting me mightily upon it.   "Well, I was feeling pretty rotten here of late.  Not that you make me feel so, but I've been limping and I'd noted a white streak across the top of my head that's come up in the last month or so and I've been very much feeling 'Gramma' old, not at all young..."

The truth y'all: I'd been feeling my age.  I mean like really feeling my age of late.  And Katie sort of shook me awake a little when we were out the other day when she said something about how I'd done a certain thing.  I mean it was so minor I can't even tell you what I'd done or why it bothered her at the moment but I'd popped off "Well I am 60!" and she'd looked at me and said quietly sincere, "I forget that you're that age, Mama..."   And it brought tears to my eyes at the time, though I'd not let her see it, because it's Katie who is always reminding me more than any of the other children that I don't seem old.  And here of late, 60 has been sort of like 120...I think, too, that admitting on Sunday that I  should join with the seniors at church had sort of driven home the idea.

Well it all sounds a bit silly, now, but doing my hair and makeup and putting on a nice shirt and a load of jewelry in a way that I've been admiring muchly on Pinterest of late and then taking a really good photo of myself...Suddenly I felt younger.  And pretty.  And as though my age truly was something that wasn't such a big thing.  I'm worth the little extra time to do my hair and makeup.  I'm worth the time it takes to appear feminine and not asexual.   Limp or no limp, good night's sleep or not.

It's not that I'm chasing youth.  I've made it pretty plain that I think the most tiresome thing of all is the woman who is trying so doggone hard to appear she's 20, 30, 40 years younger than she is.  I have NO desire to return to my youth.  It was a miserable place to be and I don't have any desire to return hither.  But I don't want to be one of those prematurely aged hags either.

I get that for some of you this is the least important thing in the world, but for me it's important.  It mightily affects how I relate to myself, and while it's not always the most practical thing (like when I know I'm going out to work in the yard and about to sweat up a storm), it is something I could do to improve my mindset daily.  And so I shall try to remember this, especially on those days when I am hurting like the dickens and can't walk without a gimp.  If a little makeup and five minutes extra with my hair will make me feel I'm a more attractive woman, and above all make me feel womanly, I'll do myself the courtesy of taking that extra time.

I sat down yesterday morning and totted up figures for the paycheck ahead.  I've been reading loads of things on both savings and finances, etc. and you know most all of it is so old and hackneyed that I can scan a page in about 3 seconds but I do come across some good thinking here and there.  And some that is piss poor, to put it in as polite a way as I have of conveying what I thought of it.

So this one lady suggested that before each pay period you set down on paper what you mean to pay.  I do that all the time.  It was her next step that sort of floored me.  "Alter to fit" when you get your actual paycheck.  Call me the silliest goose ever, but it never occurred to me that if we had a lower than usual pay check or higher than usual expenses to do anything but stuff and cram and do without and watch the balance sink anyway.  This pay period is going to be snug.  We've some added expenses and we've got fewer hours to work with.  But last night after reading that lady's post, I went back over things in my head and realized that I am not under any obligation to spend more than we make.  I'm not. I just needed to shift some funds from one thing (sub accounts that are stocked already for 2020) this pay period  to cover our immediate need in another area.   Those future needs are already covered...I was trying to build up a balance to cover another year ahead (yes, 2021),  but I needed money for the here and now.  This morning I sat myself down at my desk and redid all my paperwork and checked my figures three times and we should have more than enough to meet all our current needs.  Easy as that...but I needed this lady's post to open my eyes up to a fact that I'd completely failed to see. Spend less than you earn is a truism that I somehow failed to relate to BILLS and expenses of living.

Wanna hear some of the poorer advice?  One blogger actually suggested that if the budget is tight, then you haven't the right mindset.  She suggested if you just PLAN to go out to eat and PLAN to have your coffees well that can happen. (Actually that part of her advice is half sound.  I do believe you should plan for those things and about what you will spend on them).  Here's where she went off the wall...She said we shouldn't deny ourselves.  It was making us FEEL poor.  And all this business of cutting out coffees and cable and not going out to eat is keeping you poor.  Phooey!  Mind you this same woman sat down and figured out she could save over $20,000 a year with this changed thinking.  Sorry, Charlie.  If you can find a way to have your cake and save over $20,000 a year, too, then you've been handling your money mighty poorly and your advice isn't for those who are really struggling hard to cover necessities.

We can't save $20,000 a year unless we have a mighty big windfall.  But we have a house that is paid for and we do have money to go into savings every month on what is a very modest salary because we learned first how to live on less than what we had.  In other words, we didn't whine about being deprived and think we deserved a $5 coffee or a meal out until we really could afford to have those things and how often.  We just kept right on doing what had to be done until we reached our first goal and our second and our third...And we kept right on learning new skills so we could do a bit more because we'd saved a bit more.   I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you're living a frugal lifestyle, you are working at it.  You have to.  But as with most things if you work hard long enough, you accomplish something.

Another thing I see just loads of these days: manifestation thinking.  Think yourself rich.  One went so far off the wall as to say, "Only hang out with those people who look well to do..."  Oh go jump off a cliff.  I'll wager that they wouldn't know a really rich man from a poser.  One of the richest women I ever met was someone you'd not have looked at twice in a line up of two.  And one of the biggest posers I've ever met was one of the most broke...The really wealthy will catch on soon enough that it's their money that makes you cozy up and not friendship and who wants to be liked only for their bank account?

Let me just add here that it was very helpful to hear from some of you that you typically have these sorts of months that are just tight and seem to come around annually.   Ours just happens to be August for whatever reason.

One thing these easy goal months do for me is to fire up my creative frugal will all over again.  Which is why yesterday morning, I mixed up my first batch of English Muffins.  They weren't ready to make until this morning.  I was less than impressed.  I like English muffins and I do not expect foods to taste as they do out of a package (John, on the other hand often does...) but this was a messy mess though we did get an edible product from it.  I plan to study recipes this weekend, if I have a chance, to try and determine exactly where this particular one let me down and then I will try again.  I'm all about adding to my skill of breadmaking just now.

And it's also why I ended up playing in my closet and discovering that what I really needed wasn't an injection of money so I could add to my wardrobe but a good dose of confidence in myself once more...

There you have it dears. Short and sweet but a lovely visit, I hope.  It's time to get set up for Shabat.  Lovely restful Shabat.  My weekend will be a little bit busier than usual but not strenuously so.  Hope you all have a lovely summery sort of weekend planned.  Talk to you later!

17 comments:

Lana said...

My husband's aunt was a social climber. When they moved to Nashville decades ago she went out and bought a very expensive dress and they went to First Baptist to get into the upper circles. She said that no one knew that her slip was in tatters. But she achieved her goal. To me that has always seemed so silly. The sad thing is that they are all dead and gone too young with tragic ends.

Our one luxury has always been eat out money in cash every month for Hubby and me. Back when the kids were home it was like $25 a month but now it has grown to more than we really need but it makes my husband so, so happy to have that cash in his wallet every month. In the lean years we could really stretch that money. We had a fast food breakfast that cost $2.10 but we were out of the house and face to face so it did not matter what we ate. What is left every month goes into a fund for a getaway trip to a place we would not normally go. But wow, we could not find much to cut from our now retired budget since we have never had the expensive coffee habit or cable TV or other expenses taken for granted by many these days. But we have everything that we need and then some even though to many it would not seem so.

I do put on makeup and do my hair everyday before I leave the bedroom in the morning. It makes me feel better about myself all day. If the kids see me with out they know I am near dead!

Mazie1956 said...

I can identify with seemingly trivial interactions with others bringing you up short and suddenly making you feel your age. A couple of weeks ago, I had to have lab work done (fasting), so went to the doctor at 8:00 with no coffee or anything. When I finished, I had errands to attend to, so I decided to go through the drive up at McDonalds. I ordered an Egg McMuffin and medium coffee. I paid at the first window then progressed onto the second. There was a little girl working there who looked about 11 years old. Before handing me my bag, she confirmed my order: "An Egg McMuffin and senior coffee?" I just said yes and took my bag and drove off. Later, I looked at my receipt and it said medium coffee. So this young lady assumed I had ordered senior coffee just by looking at me when I arrived at the window. I don't mind telling you that my ego went down a couple of notches at this point. Having had a medical appointment, I had applied make-up and done my hair, and I thought I looked pretty good. So, since it is obvious to others that I am a senior (I'm 63), I have not wasted any opportunity in the past 2 weeks to take advantage of senior discounts when shopping at places that offer them. Maybe I'll save enough $$ to buy a miracle anti-aging serum.😂

Carol in NC

Anonymous said...

Terri, I have an aging story to tell you. I will be 68 in 2 weeks, but this happened about 10 years ago when I was 58. My daughter is a 1st grade teacher. My husband and I usually come to her classroom at the end of the year to read a book to her kids. My daughter, husband and I were sitting together in front of the class. One little girl came up to my daughter and said, " I thought your mom would be young like you." My daughter- bless her heart, she is a wonderful teacher and so good with kids- said without hesitation, "Lilly, does your mom look as young as you?" She said , "No." My daughter said, "Well, my mom doesn't look as young as me either." That satisfied the girl. I thought that was a perfect response. I will admit, it made me realize I actually looked old!!!
God bless, Kathy in Illinois

Anne said...

I'm laughing at your playing in the closet. Yesterday, some tops arrived that I had ordered. As I headed into the bedroom to try them on I told my husband I had a "playdate with my closet. "

Rhonda said...

Good morning friend,
I do just what you mean, I’m 61 and some days my body feels everyone of those years.
I can’t save $20000 a year either but I am working at doing a better job of spending less and have so far kept our grocery spending considerably lower and were hoping to pay off my van.
I do wish you could come help me with my closet and work out outfits, wouldn’t that be fun?
You have a good weeks too ❤️

terricheney said...

Lana, I do need to plan for our eating out. I don't have an amount set aside each pay period. It's a small amount but truly I should put it in the budget.

Carol and Kathy, I've no desire to BE younger, but I do hate to bump up against feeling I'm older than I am, lol.

Rhonda, Id love to visit with you and play in your closet, lol. I'm working on trimming things a little closer too...all in the interest of living within our retirement income. Yet we seem to keep making room for family needs and I guess we're meant to do that while we can.

Lisa from Indiana said...

Amen! to being tired of hearing all the talk about manifesting. If that worked, wouldn't they already be living their dream lives?? I also struggle with getting older. I try to keep my favorite "grandma" that I knew in the past (not mine) in my mind as how I want to be when I'm old, and strive toward that...Hang in there sweet lady :)

Anonymous said...

You need to come play with me and my other 80 year old friends! Past the point of caring what other people think and look for fun anytime we can. LOL. Gramma D

Anonymous said...

I May feel inside like I am still 16 like my grandmother used to say in her 90s but outside like she was at that time, I am old. I have a ways at 72 to get to 90 but still way past 16. ;) I think back to my childhood now and remember the 'old' couples in homes on our street. I bet they were younger then than I am now. It astounds me to think back at my parents at the same age I am at each given year. They too seemed old. Now I realize how it feels to be seen by others as old. Still kicking though! We are doing things slower and working at how to do things easier as time goes on but....time goes way to fast !! We try to cherish each season as you mentioned too but honestly it really seems the seasons too go faster. :)
I do understand your feelings of liking to look your best..always. It makes such a difference in your day. Gives you confidence too. It is well worth the bit of time to look your best.

My aunts on my father's side said my grandmother, their mother, taught them to get up before their husband and dress and primp and be ready for the day. One said my uncle had never seen her without makeup. I wondered if she went then went to bed with it on and got up in the dark and took it off?? lol My aunt only wore rouge and lipstick and eyebrow pencil. Her hair always in a stylish french twist or a pretty bun combed perfectly. I had the most wonderful lady relatives. So varied on both sides but they all had such fun together. :) It makes me realize that those left in the family will be the ones the younger ones look back on years from now. I hope that we will leave a good impression and be thought of with love like we do all of ours.

Thanks for any information you find on helping our keep finances straight. It is good to hear something new for a change isn't it. I wonder when I hear people on tv or live complaining about having so little money how they are using the money they have? Do they just spend without thinking and so no matter how much their income may go up their expenses just go up and they get no where....and still keep whining. I hope not. Sarah

Liz from New York said...

I always think that when I look at old pictures of my family, people seemed to look a lot older than they actually were. I'm 54, and I remember my dad at that age, and my husbands mother. Alomost like they were 'old' before their time. Even shows like All in the Family , Archie and Edith are supposed to be only 50! Young is definitely a mindset, as my 2 youngest are 13 and 16, they keep me hopping, as well as 4 grandchildren.the body does not agree with the mind tho.... I have to put on a halfway decent face of makeup so I don't scare my patients, when I go to work. Lately my new obsession is with facial serums. If you look on the ulta website, 2 newish brands stand out.Revolution skincare, and another one called The Ordinary. Cheap serums (think 5.00-7.00), with great reviews. Not a huge amount, and seem to be helping my skin, and wrinkles. Btw, I LOVE your retro Avon picture, reminds me when I was a little girl.... best, Liz

terricheney said...

Liz, I was just looking at a photo the other day of my great grandmother taken in 1965 I think it was...She would have been 70 and she looked younger than her son who was 16 years younger! We age well in our family but it's that inner age that I'm struggling with...

terricheney said...

Lisa, it's a bit like wondering why the psychics don't get rich at dog races or something isn't it? lol

Dora, would LOVE to play in your closet...and Anne's and anybody else's. I like that sort of thing quite a lot.

Sarah, you reminded me of a woman I used to work with. Her next door neighbor always had her hair just so. She slept on a silk pillow case. And she too did the lips, rouge, brows and mascara thing. Said she took them off after her husband turned off the light each night...

Lana said...

Gramma D, You are your friends are my kind of people! Have fun! Lots of it!

Karen in WI said...

Lovely coffee visit Terri! I used to completely shower and put makeup on and do my hair before leaving my room in the morning, but over the past few years, I have gradually gone to wearing little makeup for much of the week and just pulling my hair up and not properly doing it. I am staying home much more than I used to, but I had the same thought last week as you. I did not feel well for much of last week and after several days of that, well, I just felt quite pathetic inside and out! I do need to get back into the habit of doing my hair after my shower and putting on at least basic makeup. Before I leave my room because it’s hard to get up there afterward to fuss with my hair when I’m already into the chores of the day. I finally got some whitening from the dentist too. I hate to do the process of that, but my daily morning coffees were beginning to show. Here’s to feeling feminine and pretty, no matter our age! Hugs to you!

Melanie said...

I can very much relate to what you wrote about needing to look pretty sometimes. Well, not that we're not ALWAYS pretty :-), but the going the extra step to put on a nice outfit (here I sit in a tshirt and yoga pants), jewelry and makeup. I just turned 57 so I'm not far behind you. I don't feel 57 most days, but when I look in the mirror, I'm definitely reminded that I'm closing in on 60. And frankly, turning that age freaks me out.

Manifestation thinking...oh, that's been around a long time. Remember in 2006 when that book, The Secret came out? What a bunch of hooey! Don't get me wrong - I do believe having a positive outlook is necessary in life, but I don't believe that it's going to magically bring you wealth or magically change your life in some way.

Have a good week, Terri!

Anonymous said...

Yes I always wondered how the ladies that get their hair done professionally each week do when they sleep? Doesn't their hair do suffer a lot?? For that matter remember sleeping in those rollers or pin curls when we were young..or maybe you still do? Now I wonder how I did that too!! Some of those rollers had brushes in them or the plastic inside had little spike tubes. The foam ones were so much better. After I was older I had my hair cut shorter and layered and discovered a lot of natural curl I did not know I had so much of. Now it is mostly wash come and go for me. I am very blessed with that. My hair has thinned a lot over the last years but the curl and wave it in keeps it fluffier than if it was straight so it does not look as thin as it really is. I used to wear makeup and fuss with y hair for years and years and liked doing all of it. I figured I would always be like that but at this point I am not. Just a bit of blush and go. My girlie side though still thinks of all the makeup fun and such and wonders if i should go b ack to doing more. I love being a girl/women. !! Sarah

Anonymous said...

Hint of the day! If you have been thinking of new makeup and then telling yourself "na, the old is fine" pay no attention when your 8 year old granddaughter and her friend are in your closet borrowing your stuff for a fashion show. Thinking with my white hair, (that by the way gets lots of compliments for those afraid of white) I might need to go with more pink tones. Somehow my cologne all evaporated while she was here, but they sure had fun. Gramma D.

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