Coffee Chat: Winter Returns in the South



Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. ~ Edith Sitwell

So let us have a cup of hot cocoa or hot tea and spend a few hours enjoying the beauty of winter and the bliss of home.   We'll take our cups to the living room. You can choose a sunny spot near the window or pull your chair a little closer to the propane heater if the chill air got to you as you came through the door.



What shall we discuss today?  I've had a happy morning puttering around my house, setting things to rights, washing slipcovers and towels and an afghan to drape over the arm of the new chair...The chairs.  Have I shown you my new to me living room chairs?


Katie had them for a couple of years and I brought them home about ten days ago.  It necessitated a bit of a fruit basket turnover and we had chairs moved from one space to another but I really like these here.  I used some spray Resolve upholstery cleaner on them and think they look as good as new.  I'm stunned at how well my handmade pillow covers go with these.

And where did the other chairs go?  Why to the kitchen and bedroom.  I've shown the little ivory rocker back in it's spot in the kitchen area where I love to sit in the mornings.  This wing back chair went to live in the bedroom.  I'm on the lookout for a table and lamp to put here.  I think it will be a nice place to retreat when I'm overwhelmed.

And then I had to move a chair from the entry way to the living room room, because my lady chair, as we call it, was the wrong scale for the rest of the chairs in the room. So the library chair came to live in the main living area.   And it fits so very nicely!
 I'd been wanting a new look for the gallery wall once Christmas was past.  I went off in one direction and realized that it was wrong, wrong, wrong! for my own style.  I lucked up at an estate sale and brought home two new to me pieces that went well with items I already had.  Then I had to tweak the wall a bit.  I spent this morning moving some things up and some down and some over.  I'm very pleased with how it came out.


I bought new sheets for the guest room bed so I put those on this morning.  I came very close to ordering plain white.  You know what I say, it's easiest to replace a plain white sheet (or pillowcase) and the white almost always matches the other whites.  BUT... I decided upon a soft blue green set.  One of my reasons for choosing colors and not white: it's easier to tell the full size sheet sets from our queen sized sets.  I don't know why sheet sets aren't clearly marked as to size anymore.  It used to be that they were, but these days you're really lucky if you can find a tag on any sheet, let alone on the fitted sheet to let you know which side is shortest.  Here's a hint: if the tag is sewn into a fitted corner it can go on the mattress with the tag on the top left or the bottom right.  The ones from Target have a nice big tag in the middle of one end and it plainly says "TOP OR BOTTOM" which is very helpful and much appreciated!  Still, they might have added "FULL" somewhere on there as well, but they did not.

With an older sheet set, I just mark on the bottom hem with an ink pen if it's a full sheet.  I don't bother to mark the queen sized because if it's unmarked I know it's queen sized.  

We don't have a linen closet.  I use a bedside table in the guest room and the master bedrooms to hold the sheets for each room.   But I do remember the little thrill I felt in one of the houses I lived in where there was a linen closet and the shelves had the sheet sizes written on the front  of each shelf so you knew where the various sizes ought to go.  Lovely!

I'm a little particular about how my sheets are folded.  I've tried the method of folding and putting all in one of the pillowcases but I disliked that they mussed easily.

I can fold the fitted sheet in a reasonably neat way.  Not just the way it came from the package mind you, but neatly enough that I can make a  rectangle shape.  Then I fold my pillow cases in quarters lengthwise, and in quarters width wise and stack them nearly atop the fitted sheet.  Lastly the flat top sheet is folded into a long thin column.  I place my pillowcases and fitted sheet atop one end and roll it to the other end.   What I have in the end, is a neat rectangular bundle that is nice and tight and essentially presses the sheets and pillow case so they look as thought they might have been ironed.  You could finish off with a ribbon tied about it, or just before rolling tuck in a few sprigs of lavender (oh if only John didn't dislike the aroma!).   But I do not tie mine with ribbon...yet.  I must get enough ribbon to do so though because suddenly it seems a most lovely thing!

Ready to roll

                                                              a neat little package


My sheets smelled so good today when I brought them in from the cold wind and bright sun.

Have you ever heard of drying lawns?  It was common at one point for most homes to have a lawn dedicated to the drying of clothes, most especially white clothes.  If there were shrubs surrounding the area (and there usually were) clothes would be draped on the shrubs, but they were also spread over the grass itself.  It was believed that the chlorophyll had a whitening effect that combined with the sun was a natural bleach for whites.  Now, being a practical minded person, I wonder about dogs and cats who it does seem to me are most prone to walking in places you'd not have them walk and we won't discuss children...  But I also think about the aroma that must have come from that drying yard.  I do believe I'd have pulled up a chair and  had a cup of tea right there while the aroma scented the air. I  can't imagine a lovelier thing, can you?  I do wonder they never showed a drying green on Downton Abbey.   I expect there were quite a lot of things we missed about daily life in viewing that program though.

I was reminded this morning, as I hung my laundry on the line, of those days when I had no dryer to my name and a baby who were cloth diapers, and how those diapers had to be hung on the line.  On a bitter cold winter's day, even here in Georgia, the diapers would freeze on the line.  My hands would be so chapped and raw from cold by the time I'd hung out my load of wet diapers that I could barely stand to have them touched.  And often at the end of the day those stiff diapers would be hauled indoors where they'd have to thaw before I could fold them for use.

I grew up in a family that line dried clothes.  Mama had a dryer for years before Granny or Grandmother had one but she still hung clothes to dry in the sunshine until we moved to town for that one year.

Granny never had a proper clothes line.  She hung her clothes upon a wire fence that ran along the west side of her back yard.  And if the load was especially large she hung clothes on the fence  that surrounded the old chicken house, the spot where the cows came to water in the evenings.  I recall her groans because the birds had soiled Granddaddy's white work shirts...and in she'd go to treat the stains and wash them and hang them out all over again.  Admittedly, this business of doing laundry twice was most likely to occur when the black berries were ripe.  She never looked back once she had a clothes dryer...and who can blame her?

Grandmother was still hanging clothes to dry well into her 80's though she also had a dryer.  She kept wooden clothespins for years.  She removed them from the line after each washing was removed, putting them in a bag and brought them indoors to hang by the back door, handy to take out again when she had another load to wash.  After she died, I gathered up her clothespins and used them myself for many years.  They were lovely hard wood, worn smooth by use, not shoddily made as the new cheap wood clothespins are.

Have you seen the variety of clothespins these days.  We found some at Lowes that are broader and has a padded end grip that we like rather well.  But take a look at Amazon: stainless steel, wood, plastic...There's all sorts of clothespins one might buy these days, including the old fashioned peg type which seem to be used mostly for crafts these days.

I have been on such a journey of late.  Pre-Algebra is going well but no kidding it's a little bit of a stretch for me.  I have to fight daily the self talk that tries to tell me that I am no.good.at.math.   But I am not bad at math.  I stumbled a little bit at first, but then I had a lovely note from Chris who is a retired special education teacher and she helped me better understand why my mind might work the way it does and what helps I might try to improve my skills overall.  Gracious but that was an enlightening and welcome note!   And something in me truly did open up after reading her words because I find now that instead of sitting at the desk looking at my answer compared to the one in the book and giving up because I just don't get it,   I start the problem over at the beginning and work until I do get the correct answer and understand where I went wrong.

I say I feel proud of myself, but  it's not being boastful.  Algebra, even pre-algebra was one more thing I truly believed was beyond me, that somehow I was too stupid to get, which is sad because besides math?  I was an A student.   But no not being boastful because this is pre-Algebra and I've two courses to complete but right now I understand what I'm learning.

A second part of this journey is that  of learning what it means to be involved in a narcissistic relationship.  I've continued listening to psychologists on YouTube speak about children of narcissists and the sense of recognition I feel is so validating.  For the first time in 60 years I understand myself and the twists and turns my mind can take in a seemingly innocent situation.

I've found a new set of videos by DoctorRamani who has specialized in narcissism and  I want to just weep as I listen to these videos.   Not weeping for what wasn't.  Weeping with relief at recognizing my own emotions,  for  understanding my own reactions and more importantly, understanding what I've known all along: I can change me...I can't change the other person.  Only that person can change who they are. Change is not impossible.  But it is highly improbable.

I've been very blessed in my life.  I have truly.  My childhood years might have been fraught with anxiety and my early adult hood might have been plagued with depression, but I've come to know the love of a really good man and I have children who tell me I was a good parent to them.  Not to tickle my ear but because they know my greatest fear is that I might have hindered them in some way with my own frailties and misgivings.

I'm determined this year to break out of the malaise that tells me I must only work hard in order to earn any kindness I might show myself.  It's so much harder to say daily, "What can I do to be kind to me today?"  And to believe that I am deserving of that kindness.  And to plan how being kind is also not playing into a self sabotage.  I wanted today to leave home and go shopping, but the warning signals said high danger.  I knew this when my planning went into what and where and how much I'd eat.  Compulsive eating habits might be conquered but the response trigger to soothe oneself with food never dies.  I told John this evening that not many might say it but being diagnosed as a diabetic and being made aware that my good health and long life depended upon my good choices in eating was a huge blessing.  It's helped me to redirect my thinking.

As well with that thought of compulsive eating came the thought of spending impulsively.    No more than I want to eat compulsively to soothe my savage inner beast do I want to spend recklessly.  So I decided the kindest thing I could do for me today was to stay home, fix some small things about my home that have bugged me of late and just enjoy the time alone.  And after my home was straightened and I'd had a reasonably balanced lunch, I allowed myself to do some window shopping online.   I took time to journal.  I had an afternoon hot cup of tea which was very nice indeed on this cold day.   I had an inspiration for a fresh spring time look for the mantel (to be assembled at a much later date as I mean to save the lovely things about winter first).   I looked about me, at the sunshine coming in the window and spreading itself about, at the clean house, at the neatly folded laundry and felt I'd had a very pleasant day indeed.

I've made up my mind that I shall absolutely get new dishes this year and replace the Corelle ones that I have come to dislike so.  I temporarily considered moving all my good china into the cupboard in the kitchen and using those everyday but then the reality  of having to hand wash them and never being able to microwave them reminded me that much as I might want to get more use from my china I'd not like it as daily dinner ware.  I've found a set that I think is just lovely, one that might be dressed up or down...

What do you think?  John would be over the moon if I got cobalt glasses to go with this...But I have perfectly nice clear glasses with a sort of beehive design on them that I like quite well.  I've learned the trick to online shopping.  Save as a bookmark and wait at least three days before ordering.  Well in my case I've bookmarked and am waiting until the end of the week.  Each time I've gone to look at these lovely things I've been pleased all over again at how pretty they are, and practical (dishwasher and microwave safe).   I've been tempted to buy lesser priced dishes but ultimately these were the ones that made me go "ooh!" each time I've looked at them, while the others have only made me say, "Wellll...they are cheaper..."  which is not a good recommendation if you ask me!

I've been wanting to replace the Corelle dishes for six years.  I haven't because I couldn't find dishes John and I both agreed upon.  I've come to the conclusion that we aren't going to agree...but he won't likely fuss about what he's eating off of if it sticks to his own aesthetic which is a sort of traditional/classic.   And yes, he really does take an interest in this sort of thing and likes to have his say.

Well dears, I shall end here.  Not finished with my chatter by a long ways but I do see that the sun has set, the darkness is creeping in and the night is most assuredly turning off colder.  Just hear that heater kick on every ten minutes or so.  Best wrap up tight before you go out into the cold...but do come back and be neighborly once more!

18 comments:

Angela said...

Those dishes make my heart sing too! Who are they made by? I love your folding sheets trick! These videos have been helpful to me. I think we lived very similar childhoods.I was determined to break the cycle. I think I did.

Lana said...

The Biltmore Estate has a room in the basement with floor to ceiling racks for drying. It has been quite awhile since our last visit but I am thinking they are for linens and I am not sure the drying of clothing is even mentioned in the tour. There is a workroom though for the lady's maids to maintain the clothing. I think I like the basement and the workings of the grand house better than the upstairs.

Corelle is going for nice prices on Facebook Martketplace, especially if you have an older pattern, so maybe you could recoup a bit of your expenditure. I actually went back to Corelle a few years ago but I just got plain white and I still love them.

Last Friday I really wanted to go out and do some recreational shopping so we went to one thrift store where we found nothing but were able to drop off clothing we had cleared out. Win, win, This cold weather makes me want to go out and do something! Best to just stay home!

Wendi said...

The dished are lovely. Simple, yet the blue gives them a pop. I also dislike the sheet folding method that involves putting the sheets inside the pillow case. Thank you for sharing how you fold sheets. I will try that soon.

Chef Owings said...

I like the dishes. I was raised by a narcissist so definitely understand. When I went to college I started therapy. When Mother was dying my brother made the comment that his mother wasn't in her right mind, Hubby spoke up and told her what he was finally seeing was how she had been to me always. Brother cried. It's hard for me to be not allow others to mistreat me, especially since I have daughter that is a narcissist also.As my other daughter pointed it out when I was talking to her about how she acted like Mother.

I don't fold sheets in pillowcases . Tried it and it was horrible.

Anne said...

I grew up in the 1950s and our 650 square foot house, for five, didn't have any room for a dryer even if we had had one. Hence, everything dried on the line. I remember an incident when I was a young, cocky teen and my overworked mother told me to go hang up the basket of wet clothes.

Feeling much put upon, as teens will do, I picked up each twisted piece of clothing and tossed it over the line. No unraveling, no clothespins. It took a few minutes for my mother to discover my treachery and then smoke came out of her ears. Boy, was she mad. Of course I redid everything.

But half a century later I'm still filled with shame at that mean act.

Sue said...

Pretty dishes, great price! Amazon has the 16-piece set for Prime members at $24.29. Joss & Main has them at 26.99 with free shipping.

Angela, if you right click over the image and choose "Search Google for this image" and then left click over highlighted words "All sizes" next to the thumbnail, you will see the sellers of this dinner set.

Liz from new hork said...

I think it’s awesome that you’re teaching yourself math! And I wish I could fold sheets like that I just tend to roll them up and stuff them in the closet LOL! The chairs are very elegant looking as well have a great week! Best,liz

Anonymous said...

I am planning on buying my son and new daughter in law a set of white, king sized sheets and pillow cases. Having a difficult time trying to decide on what brand to buy. Do you mind telling where you purchased your new ones from and what brand name is on them? Are you still satisfied with them? Thank you so much for your input. Penny Swinea

terricheney said...

Penny, the sheets are from Target online. I liked the feel of them under my hand as I put them on the bed, but I haven't slept on nor washed them, so no clue how they will wear. I bought these and they do have mixed reviews. Since my guest bed is not in full time use, I bought for low price and color. They are made of cotton but no clue what the thread count is. I'd guess lower end.
https://www.target.com/p/temperature-balancing-solid-sheet-set-made-by-design-153/-/A-54184062?preselect=54135579#lnk=sametab

I generally buy sheets at Ross for Less in sets since I can get a decent 300 count cotton set for queen beds at around $29 there.

The one other sheet that I bought from Target, have tested, find washes well and is very comfortable is this one:
https://www.target.com/p/queen-300-thread-count-ultra-soft-fitted-sheet-white---threshold--8482-/-/A-14196336
I am very pleased with the quality of it and it's heavier than those I bought for the guest room.

terricheney said...

Angela, I have been actively trying to break the cycle these past ten years but have made real headway in the past 3 I find. It's agonizing especially since I insist on maintaining some relationship out of honor but I am learning that, as a former pastor once said, Some walls are very necessary in our life...Indeed!

Lana, yes, I would like to see the working side of the house as well as the riches within. I don't covet the riches but appreciate the beauty..and sometimes the lack of taste, lol, but I do enjoy seeing the practical functional side of a home.

Wendi, It is a neat little packet to put on the shelf, and I know I have pillowcases, fitted and flat all in one roll. I agree that the blue pops on those dishes yet it's not a fussy, extravagant one.

Juls, I do not have a narcissistic child thank goodness...and I do understand. Now that my eyes are open I look back down my past and see all kinds of poor relationship choices (even a few friends!) that were obviously narcissistic. I am very blessed in that my marriage is NOT.

Anne, Isn't it funny how things will embarrass and shame us as adults that we felt fully justified in doing as youths?

Sue, Sue, Sue! You floored me. I didn't know I could do that whole left click search either. And while I cannot find this set of dishes on Amazon (I am a Prime member) I did discover they were $14 cheaper on Joss and Main thanks to you! Oh gracious! I learned something and will save a few bucks too. Thank you!

Liz, the chairs are more modern for my usual taste but I do like them. They are comfortable. They were sold by Walmart which I believe still carries them. Katie bought them from Facebook Marketplace and I bought them from her at a still lower price, lol.

Sue said...

Terri, save yourself another $2.50--here's the dish set on Amazon:

https://smile.amazon.com/Safdie-Co-Dinnerset-Premium-Dinnerware/dp/B07JHY1ZY1/ref=sr_1_28?keywords=blue+diamond+dish+set&qid=1579646828&sr=8-28

Sue said...

Speaking of math--oh my word, please ignore my subtraction error! I'm so embarrassed!

Terri, I also noted that Amazon has free returns on this item, which could be important if there is any breakage. Not sure about Joss & Main...

Have fun with the Google image search! It IS a neat little trick.

terricheney said...

Thank you Sue...I put it in the Amazon cart. I agree. It would be easier to use my Prime for this for multiple reasons. And yes, I shall have fun with that new to me feature.

Angela said...

Wow Sue that is so awesome! Thank you!

Tammy said...

Those dishes are pretty! Of course I had to go to Amazon and look at them, then ended up with a page full of tabs to look at several other sets as well. I didn't buy, but did save one I really liked to my private shopping list.
I love dishes and glassware and cutlery and table linens. I've probably told you before that my dream home would have a dish room. Lol.

Understanding where our parents came from helps so much in understanding their choices in parenting and relationships. Also, I remember the moment I realized my parents were just people. Being a parent didn't give them any super power - they were just ordinary people. That made a huge difference in my attitude and behavior towards them - for the good. I was a pretty arrogant teen...

I only took the required math classes in school, but remember thinking that algebra is just logic. I love that you're tackling this and learning and challenging your mind.

Lana said...

Tammy, Realizing the horrible childhood both of my parents had was freeing for me. Neither one of them knew how to love because they were not shown love and neither one of them were wanted. Dad was an after thought child born 17 years after his twin brothers and Mom was born after a shotgun wedding and always blamed for them having to get married which was ridiculous since she did not commit the crime! Now when I look back on my childhood in light of that I realize how well they did in-spite of all the baggage they had. I was a terrible teen too, and I certainly would not have wanted to deal with me!

Anonymous said...

I can so relate to your journey with type 2 diabetes. I found out 20 years ago I was diabetic and warned that I might go into a diabetic coma. What a wake up call! I lost about 35 pounds in just a few months with diet, walking 3 miles a day. It was hard work. Gramps and I have always walked but now having some hip problens and along with the weather not walking as often and putting on a few pounds. We won't mention Christmas and the cookie and candy gifts. Poor Gramps can only help so much! LOL. He is a very willing helper. Proud to say 20 years later my A1c is almost normal with a small amount of medication. Like you, I had enough of a scare to wake me up! I keep the goal of not having neuropothy, eye problems, kidney problems first in my mind when I choose a snack. I have watched my grandsons grow up and be there for my younger granddaughter. As you would agree, its hard but worth it. I have had 2 different goofy heart things go on in the last couple years and survived only because I have my diabetes under control. Would love to sit in any of those chairs and have a good chat. I think you might like this old enough to be your mother gal. LOL. Gramma D

Kathy said...

Oh I love your living room. The chairs and your gallery wall look so nice. What a comfy spot to sit and chat.
The dishes are pretty. Thanks for the tip on folding sheets. I'm one of those who washes them, and puts them right back on the bed. My mom was horrified when she knew I did that, but it saves folding them. :D
Hope you have a great week.