Then When?

I've just changed up my blog motto.  I'd been sort of looking for something that rang true with me but after last year, I felt sure that the phrase would come up at the right time.  I found it today.  I changed the words only slightly from the original.  To bring riches from the everyday life...It says quite a lot doesn't it?

Way back in the 1990s I got into the solo artist Tracy Chapman.  I bought her first album and listened to it repeatedly.  One of my favorite songs was titled "If not now..."  The first line went "If not now then when?  If not today, then why make your promises?"   In a world of waiting until tomorrow to begin to change or to keep a promise to yourself or someone else, it was a particularly poignant song.

As I've embarked on this new journey into business for myself, I've been reading a good deal of positive thought mottos and listening to inspiring motivational speeches.  One thing that stands out over and over for me is the phrase, "If you don't change today, then when?"  "If you want to live your best life and you won't start today, then when?"

It's been food for thought that's for sure!



I thought back over that season of my life when I looked over my life and realized that it revealed nothing of myself.  Not one of my dreams  had become reality.  Not one thing about my life looked anything like the life I dreamed of having.  I sat down and wrote out a  story of sorts.  In it, I wrote down what one day in my dream life looked like.

It opened my eyes.

I realized that really I wasn't looking for fame nor riches nor glamour.   I wanted to live a better life than the one I was living.  I wanted to be free of the constant worry over bills, free of the general unhappiness I felt with my home, free of the chaos and chaotic feelings that were spawned by the clutter and yes, in my marriage, too because unhappiness in one area always bleeds over into another area...It's a bit like that yeast Christ spoke of.  

So that day I sat down and tried to figure out how to begin to have the life I wanted so badly.  It started with the most impossible thing looking thing of all: writing.  I stumbled upon a free four week course online.  I jumped on it and took it. I learned a few things.  Eventually another course was offered and I took that one as well.  And then another and so on until a free one year course was offered.  It was unconventional but a pilot for a proposed online course to be offered by a university.   At the end of the year I discovered that all through out that course, our writings had been posted in a public forum.  That knowledge freed something in me.  I began to write for Jennifer Loudon who was then known as "The Comfort Queen" and several online webzines.  I got good feedback and good reviews.  And then one night the inspiration came to me to begin Penny Ann Poundwise as  yahoo group newsletter.  Here I am nearly 20 years later still writing and still loving every moment of it.

I began to keep a gratitude journal during those years.  Every single day I sat down with the intention of writing out five things for which I was grateful each day.  Some days all I could write were "I woke up.  We ate.  The sun rose.  This day is over and done."   But the bulk of the days contained entries about something sweet John had done or said, or a moment I'd shared with the children, or a particularly good, if humble, meal.  There were many things for which to be grateful in my life.   I'd just been blinded by my overall dissatisfaction with life.

I reassessed my daily life a few years ago, after I'd gone through my grief at Katie leaving home.  I looked around and saw the house was okay overall but I knew I could do finer things with it if I was determined and had a vision of what it was I wanted.  So I sat down and wrote out what my ideal home looked like.  Now the funny thing is if you'd seen what I'd written and you saw where I was today, you'd be very puzzled. It doesn't look at all like my original vision.  It does however, reflect my personality and I get a little rush of  happy going through my veins when we have first time guests and they tell me "It's not what I expected.  I really like it!"   It began with a vision for my guest room and that room as you all know was a bit bossy about what it was meant to look like.  I had to just give in and let it be what it was going to be and I'm always pleased with how it turned out.  It freed me to look at other rooms in my home and see possibilities in the things I loved best even if it wasn't what my vision for the room had been.  

Of course, the main point of all this is that none of it just happened.  It took a desire to make changes where I could.  It took me showing up six days a week asking, "What can I do today to make my dream a reality?"  Sometimes the only answer was to clean a cluttered area or do some bit of work that was hard and not very satisfying.   Most before and after pictures skip over  the waiting for the right pieces, the endless editing and rewrites and the days when what you have to do is scrounge up all the pennies and make do, and the hard work that is involved and the TIME it takes to create something out of next to nothing.  But you know what?  It's all part of the process of change.

When I came into December, I was excited by what I saw Bess doing.  She had built up a community of women who supported her personally as well as professionally.  AND she was earning some extra money for her household.  I'd found myself without even the minor earnings I'd counted on in the past.  Ads were not generating income as they had, Swagbucks was slower and I'd been dropped from two two survey groups because I wasn't a target market.  I also had time on my hands that I desperately wanted to fill with something productive.  With Bess asking me to help plan parties with Jamberry I'd seen I could earn a bit of money in that way.  It seemed a natural step to take to join as a consultant.  I mean, I was already planning parties.  I'd already learned what kept interest going...so why not run my own parties?   And wouldn't I enjoy a closer relationship with people I sort of knew anyway?  Because that's part of what this business is about, building relationships with other women and getting to know them and letting them get to know me. 

The first few weeks have been a LOT of work.  I've been listening to training videos and working parties and doing all I can to be a Great Jamberry consultant.  I've also been keeping up my work here at home and now that the intensity of it all is a little less, I can come back to my writing with a fresh perspective and a renewed interest.

So what are you waiting for tomorrow to start?  And why not start today, instead?