Diary of a Week: Deeper Thinking

 

Saturday:  

This morning, John went off to the men's meeting.  I had the house to myself for two hours or so and I can say most certainly I have missed having even a small window of alone time.   Since this is Shabbat, I don't use these precious moments alone to work, though I did fold the clothes we'd hung to dry yesterday.  Tasks such as that are not distracting, nor labor intensive.  They don't require the whole of one's mind but at the same time because they require no thinking, it's easy to turn your thoughts off entirely and simply BE in that moment of smoothing, folding, putting aside into neat stacks and if you do think to be mindful of how grateful you are for the clothes and the man who puts them in the washing machine, for the machine that washes them and the grace of fresh air to dry them.   It's a good time to think of the drawers and closet that awaits them and to know that you have to chase away chill and to cover you so that you remain reasonably modest when you do go out.

Mostly I enjoyed the quiet.  I had my coffee, made a breakfast of crisp homemade toasted bread, a boiled egg and orange marmalade.   I had a cup of smoky Lapsang Souchong tea.  I love this tea in the cooler months as it reminds me of wood fires and the loveliness of autumn air scented with leaf and pine needle smoke.   The tea actually is pine smoked, so it's no wonder I find it easy to associate with the autumn and winter months in my part of the world.

The house was cool enough this morning to warrant a sweat jacket and slippers. I sat in the sunshine in the kitchen sitting area and enjoyed the bright morning light on the green lawn and noted the leaves that are changing colors and drifting down to the ground.  

I looked over my plants on the table next to my chair and found that a second Orchid has sent up a shoot.  I love that my plants are responding well to the change of light in the kitchen this time of year.  The older African violets and the two Thanksgiving cactus are blooming their hearts out.  Just as all my outdoor flowers are ending their lease on life, the indoor plants are coming through with blooms.  I enjoy small blessings such as these.

I allowed my thoughts to wander a bit after folding clothes.   I've been feeling very reflective and thinking a little deeper on things than I have all this year long.  Between retirement, shut downs, busyness overall, and more family bubble visits than in past years,  it's been easy to glide through this year in a non-thinking state.   It's a fact that my life has changed dramatically in some ways and none of it has to do with social isolation.  I've been socially isolated nearly all my life long since I've almost always lived rurally and been a homebody.    I do need some socialization but in lesser quantities than others I know and I'm all right with that.  

But yes, life has changed.  The demands upon my time haven't decreased but increased.  I have more family visitations, have to be more open in my planning due to John's spontaneous nature and his assumption that whatever he wants to do is what I also want to do (and it usually is).  I have to do more than ever in my home and kitchen due to a decreased budget.  Somewhere in there I have to carve out time to  educate myself for newly needed skills, and writing is most often an end of day task when I'm tired and already thinking of what the next day will bring and nodding sleepily over my computer.  

John has told me, since I began to be a stay at home wife and mom, that women have choices and men have responsibilities and I have argued my point many times over that while I may have had the privilege of choosing to be home and he agreeing to support me in fact and spirit at that task, my time has never been my own to "choose" what I do.  I simply took one thing off my plate, that of trying to also please and perform for an employer, and I generated more in savings than I was ever privileged to bring home from any job.  (Please do not bother to be upset on my behalf and comment on this.  Part of his thinking is the era in which he was raised...I will not approve any comments about this matter.  I can argue the point for myself quite capably.)  

Financial restraints, family needs, marital needs, church,  homemaking, etc., created responsibilities whether or not I worked outside my home and  have always taken loads of time.  I carved out writing time mostly in ten or fifteen minute increments.  Every thing I do requires a sacrifice of something I would like to do, even writing.  As it is there are so many things I never get to do because I have to choose this or that instead of another thing I might also want to do.

John and I have discussed my 'retirement' in the year ahead.  I laugh each time we discuss this.  Essentially I will begin to draw my social security benefits early.  We've done the math and it would be a great help NOW when we need it most.  It does not however mean I shall stop working in my home or for my family.  It just means I'll have some money to do some of the projects with that I'd like to do, that we won't have to be quite so stringent with our funds and it is our hope that it will allow us to enjoy retirement a little more fully.  We hope to be able to take more time out and go to the beach or mountains or anywhere a few more times a year.  It's reasonable to expect that the older we get the less often we'd be able or want to do this sort of travelling.   But we are young enough yet and we'd like to have this time to enjoy each other and our favorite places while we can.  

But time away also means I'm making another choice with what time I have...It's less time at home,  less time to save money, less family time and  less writing time...

I want to create the yard of my dreams.  I've had to push my plans back for more years than I want to acknowledge due to my own lack of strength and lack of help with the heavier tasks and financial constraints.  I'm stronger in many ways than I've been in years and have better ideas of how I can manage to have what I've dreamed of for years.

With both the travel and the yardwork, it's now or never.  I begin now and get to enjoy my labors for a few years ahead or I give up the ideas and let yet another dream die.  I want that pretty yard.  I want to really go and enjoy the freedom we currently have from schedules and financial constraints...And I'm willing to make sacrifices to see it all come to fruition.

There are home changes we want to make.  We really want to pour concrete under our carport, enclose a portion of the back porch, possibly screen in the front porch, redo the baths and the kitchen.  Those things will take money.

Other changes require time more than money.  There are many things I'd like to learn.  I need time to educate myself. I want to spend time with my family.  There are hobbies I want to take time to enjoy and books I want to read and seasons to enjoy.

There are also places where I want to just stop and sit and gaze and reflect on how the changes we're making are benefitting our lives.  

It means that I must become very efficient in my use of time and money and effort.  I will be examining all the things I do and determine if they are indeed worth the effort and if they are, how to reduce the time required to accomplish them.   As organized as I am, there are many ways in which I might be better organized.  It means trimming down what I own, too.   I'm not a minimalist but I do see the value in] having one thing that does ten things rather than having ten things to do one thing each.  The fewer things I have the less I shall have to maintain.  

I want to obtain good quality basics for each area of my life.  That's one way to minimalize, too.   Better quality means it will last longer which means fewer replacements will need to be made.

Though there will be more money it does mean I'll have to continue with my saving ways if I'm to get any benefit from having it.  There won't be funds to do all the things I want to do if I give all of my saving ways up!

So what does this mean?  It means that over the next few months, I will be tweaking a great deal in my life.  

There will be changes coming to the blog as well, because you can't change one thing without a lot of other things changing.  I have learned too well that when you move something, in a house or a life, balance must occur in an opposite and seemingly unrelated area on the other side of the scale.  If you don't believe it, just move one piece of furniture from one room to another, or even out of the house entirely, and then make notes about how many things change related to that one seemingly simple change.  Balance must always be restored even if the changes you are making are positive ones.  

Meals:  Boiled Egg, Toast (me) Men's breakfast (John)

Hamburger Pizza

Cracker Crusted Chicken, Baked Potato and Salad

Sunday:  I did not expect to get so caught up in the Sonia Choquette book  Walking Home.   I began reading it earnestly last night and couldn't put it down until I knew I'd seriously regret reading so late and rising at 6 a.m. this morning.   I managed most of a chapter this morning as I waited on John to finish getting ready and then picked it up as soon as we got home today and read two more.  Some books are just a surprise to you.  I don't agree with every one of her philosophies but so many points she brings up are parallel to things in my own life that I am prepared to take time to think more deeply about a few areas of my own most inner life.  

I have to get my head around all that I must do this week and create a plan of sorts to work by.   John asked last night if I'd go with him to clean his car up this week.  I thought a few minutes and then smiled.   "It's not top of my list of 'things I'd like to do this week', but it likely is just the sort of reprieve I need during the week ahead."   He smiled happily when  I assented to go.   I'm glad I can make him happy in such a simple way.  

I have my list of things I plan to make for the family day.  None of them are tedious, most can and will be made ahead and few need to be stored in the fridge which is almost as full as the freezers.  John has offered to go to the grocery and 'cater' our family day via the deli and  bakery and if things get too far away from me this week, I'll take him up on it.  Blast the budget.  I think I can manage all I want to do, but we'll see.  

He's now talking of replacing the toilet in the guest bathroom...I wouldn't necessarily choose this week to do it but that's John.

Somewhere  we have blow up mattresses.  I think there is a twin and a double bed and we do have an  electric air  pump.  I'll see if we can locate those and plan where we might put them.  I know that the children love going into the music room but I may just have to make it off limits if beds are set up in there. Found them in the pantry/guest room closet.  I'll pull those down where we can get to them more easily.

After writing out the above thoughts, mostly to clarify my own thoughts on the week ahead, I went into the kitchen and put the turkey breast into the fridge to begin thawing.  I got everything set up to make the jelly and now have five pretty jars sitting on the counter.  Will it jell?  There's the question.  It sheets on the spoon and droplets have jelled so we'll see.  It's all very warm and there's a thick layer of paraffin atop it that is holding in the warmth.  We did sample some of one jar and it's either going to be excellent jelly or delicious fruit syrup.  

I also entered the purchases we made over the past few days into the checkbook and brought that up to date.   I managed a short nap.

And then I picked up Tamar Adler's book, which makes my mouth water and makes me long to go into the kitchen and begin to concoct meals from odds and ends of this or that and consume them.   If ever a book was a good reminder to Gather Fragments it is An Everlasting Meal.   

Goodness!  I'd no idea when I picked this book and Walking Home that I was going to be filled to the brim with so many inspirations!

Meals:  Bagels with peanut butter, Bananas

Pizza Leftovers

Chicken Pot Stickers, Fried Rice, Refrigerator Pickled Cucumbers and Onions

Tuesday:  And what happened to Monday?   Nothing!  I was so busy and we were so late finishing up tasks that I was just too tired to even think of writing.  I expected a less busy day today.  I can't say that was entirely true but I'll share all.

I started yesterday morning by rising quite early.  I've finally gotten back into my early rising routine.  It's all to do with light coming in the bedroom window.  When the sunlight reaches a certain brightness I am wide awake.    

After breakfast, I started sheets and towels washing then headed outdoors to feed the pets.  I noted that the leaves were pretty thick over the porch but ridiculously thicker on the patio.   I got my blower and cleared the leaves.  Then I started weeding that back porch end flower bed.  Gracious but I stacked up a tall pile of weeds/wildflowers!  Also found John's sunglasses which he was sure had NOT blown off the porch.  He was happy to have those back once more.

Indoors, I made the bed, straightened rooms, unloaded the dishwasher and then Katie, Caleb and Chad were here.  I knew they were coming. John and Chad had made plans to do one job and John decided to ask Chad to do a pickup of the new toilet he wanted to get.  More on that in a bit.  

The deal was, I had NO plans for lunch and nothing easily prepared.   Katie came up with a most excellent idea which turned out really well and tasted absolutely delicious.

The day went on.  I cleared up the kitchen two or three more times and at one point told Katie, "I don't know what's wrong with my house these days.  I clean and clean and clean and yet it all still looks very cluttered."  I stopped and cleared up the kitchen one more time and felt a little better about it.

Katie and I sat on the back porch.  It was breezy and cool and jackets were necessary but we sat there quite a long while having a good long talk.  I enjoyed that one on one time with her.

About 5pm it was apparent that they guys who had worked on my car, replacing hoses and antifreeze, gone to pick up the toilet, talked to heaven knows who all while they were gone, and returned with a new toilet, decided they would put in the toilet.   

About this time, it was nearly Caleb's bedtime.  I fed him his supper and bathed him after because mac n cheese makes him one happy kid and the only way to feed him that particular meal is strip him down to his diaper and let him have at it.  About 7pm Katie went home with Chad because littlest boy was done with life and needed his bed.

In the meantime, I made a make do meal because somehow I'd forgotten supper might be wanted.  I sat down to eat at 7:15 alone.  The guys finished the job which had complications (don't all easy/quick jobs have complications?) and then ate, too.    

And while they were eating I started a final righting of the house.  Baby toys, moving furniture that had blocked baby's entry to unwanted areas back into place, clearing up the kitchen, gathering piles of trash and cleaning up the bathroom.   By the time I was done and Chad had been taken home it was 8:45 and when I sat down I told John "I am about as done as I can get...Ask nothing of me this evening."  He didn't but I think it's because he was too tired to move himself.

Monday Meals:  Cereal, Toast, Banana

Honey Mustard Chicken Salads  Katie makes a honey mustard vinaigrette that was just awesome.  The salad was composed of Romaine, Red Cabbage, Carrot Slivers, Blue Cheese, Diced Chicken Tenders.

Biscuits, Venison Sausage Gravy, Sliced Fresh Apples

Up early this morning.   I'd told John last night "I have tomorrow or Thursday.  If you want to clean up your car...Which will it be?"   He said we'd go today.  Those were my last words to him last night.   After that I fell right to sleep.

I took my book to the kitchen sitting with me this morning and read for a bit.   The book Walking Home has really opened me to more deeply explore some things I have kept closed up tight.  I had a moment last night when I woke in the middle of the night and I thought of an incident that I felt the need to ask forgiveness for.

As I talked with Katie yesterday afternoon, I mentioned some hurtful incidents that took place when Granny died.  I needed to let those situations go, though they weren't the deepest of wounds.  I've said before sometimes we just need to go back and clean places out one more time so they can heal properly and this was one of those places.

I do credit the book with opening my heart and mind and allowing me to see the necessity of letting go of somethings that I have never asked forgiveness of myself for letting the woman I was in the past experience, hurtful things that came about because of decisions I made, asking to let go of other incidents that I've forgiven, but somehow I haven't quite let go.

John made breakfast and then I puttered around doing various things, and finally sitting down to read my Bible and a couple more chapters of that book.  We had a long conversation on our way to the car wash about some of the things I've been experiencing as reading and John and I talked more deeply than we have since vacation about certain things in our lives, together and separately, that we're seeing and experiencing at the moment.

We cleaned up the car really well, taking our time and then John stopped to get sandwiches for both of us, soup to go with mine, too and we headed to my favorite spot to eat, the cemetery in Ft. Valley, sitting near Elizabeth.   John's attention was caught by the monument that stands middle of that plot of ground and got out to look at it.  He told me the birthdate on it was 1709 and that the man had died there in Ft.  Valley, which was called Fox Valley for many years until the post office was established and then someone's poor handwriting led to the town being listed as Fort Valley.  True story.

We drove home on backroads and came home to art off trash.  The county has renamed roads and it seems they renamed the road we're to go to the same as the one all the way across town...Not sure why they did that.  But good to know.

Bess came by with Miss Millie to borrow some fabric and other items to craft with.   Josh has a turkey he has to 'disguise' and when asked what sort of disguise he wanted, he said "I want it to look like someone from New York."  Bess said they were clueless about Josh's vision so Sam told him he'd draw the New York look out if he'd tell him what he meant.  It turns out that Josh wants his bird to look dressy and fancy and dandy.  Just so my 'fancy' New York state friends know what my grandson thinks of you New Yorkers, lol.   Bess took home things that should convey that appearance. 

Now I must go determine what I'm making from my still frozen meat.  I am having a difficult time this week with executing my original meal plans and yet I thought they were quite reasonable plans at the time I made them.

I said to John, "Isn't it just a beautiful day?"  And it was and it is.   

Meals for Tuesday:  Eggs, Toast, Grits

Chicken Salad and Pimento Cheese Sandwiches.  John had a Grape Yogurt Salad on the side and I had Hot Tomato Bisque Soup.  I give him my pickle in exchange for his sugar cookie.  We are both quite happy with that final trade.  We shared our sandwiches (half and half) but brought home leftovers all the same.

Cubed Beef Steak, Beans and Potatoes, Stuffing

Wednesday:  We had what should have been our first frosty night last night but there was no frost to be seen anywhere this morning when we rose.  Did we miss it?  I think it's more likely that our air was warmer here, the weather forecast was off...whatever.  They were WRONG!  That's fine.

The dogs and cats are now eating smaller meals and slightly more food, twice a day.  With two dogs that we are pretty sure are senior (Maddie absolutely is), and a senior cat (older than Maddie), it seems prudent to give them a few extra calories daily. None of them are overweight nor in any danger of being fat.  I'm decreasing their morning meal by 1/2 cup for the dogs, and giving them an extra 1 cup of food each night.   The cat is getting a slighter adjustment since she only eats a 1/2 cup in the morning.  

John and I both did chores this morning.  I wanted to leave the house extra tidy since I had planned a day out with Mama and knew that I'd likely not feel up to doing a big tidy up this afternoon.  As well, I left later than usual and I knew that meant I'd be later than usual getting back home.

Not much to say about the day out with Mama.  She needed to run a couple of errands, we had lunch, I did her shopping and as expected it was late when I was done and I was exhausted physically and in all other ways.

I did one thing today that really brought me joy.  I gifted Mama something that she needed, and something I thought she'd like to have.   It was expensive nor luxurious but I felt both items would add to her day in some way.   I  am trying to make it a habit to take her something extra each time I visit.

The other thing I did was strictly for me.  I need to elevate my soul before I do these visits, so I listened to a podcast on my way over and two on my way home this afternoon.  All were fascinating and as varied topics as you might ever hope to run into.   All three were Joy Clarkson's "Speaking With Joy" podcasts.

The first podcast was an interview with an anthropologist who had been allowed to see the Incan 'Talking Knots', Khipu, a textile that is intricately woven and knotted that records ancient Incan history.  The textiles are the first written record of their culture.    

The second podcast was with Priest and Professor John Swinton and he spoke about his work with Alzheimer Disease and how those who were spiritual still respond to the hymns, prayers, rituals and canting that they took part in before they forgot who they were.   He made some beautiful points in his talk.

And last was an interview with the professor of humanities at Baylor University who had written a book called "Talking to the Dead".  He spoke of leaving Facebook and Twitter and such and turn to the ancient politicians or great activists to see what they had to say on any subject.  It also  dealt with reading and the conversations you have with the past in reading a book no matter what subject you read upon.   I loved that he said he never reads difficult or deeply philosophical books back to back and certainly not after a semester of teaching.  Instead he suggests that we pause our minds and stop struggling through heavy subjects and choose something lighter.  His own favorites include P. G. Wodehouse, or Jane Austen.    

I purposely took a longer drive home today.  I didn't go miles out of my way but I did take a longer ride.  For one thing, I knew I needed the down time alone to recover from my day and the extra riding time allowed me to finish the last podcast.  But it was also curiosity driven.

Remember my saying that the dumpsters nearest our home had been removed?  And a neighborhood woman told us the name of the road where the dumpsters were now located...When I looked it up online they showed that road well beyond Katie's place in town.   

The other day when John and I were taking off trash, I looked at the road sigh.  They'd changed the name and it was the exact name of the road shown on Google maps and even in my map book.  I recalled clearly that the naming of the road we were on that day sort of peeved my friend who lived on the same road.  

Well today, I went to the road that was further out of town on the other side and they had changed the name of that road.  It's similar to what it was but shortened by one word.

I told John all about it this afternoon when I got in.  My driving questions:  Why is my county renaming so many roads?  And who decides that they will change?  And when?  And why is there no announcement of road name changes so that locals will know they've changed?

Honestly I had no idea how done in I was until I got home and stepped out of the car.  It was all I could do to make my way round to the other side and get my bag of groceries.  Which reminds me that I found fruit cake fruits today.  Now all I need is a bottle of bourbon to soak the fruits and my pans to arrive...There will be New Year's Fruit Cake if they'll come.

Meals:  Leftover Sausage Gravy, Toast

John ate a Chicken Salad sandwich.  I had a Salad and Baked Potato, out with Mama.

Cream of Tomato Soup, Grilled Cheese and Hot Cocoa

Thursday:  How the days do get past us!  

I was plenty tired and sleepy, too, last night and kept drifting off during John's prayers.  But once I'd said my own, and I rolled over, there began a tedious sort of night in which I flipped and flopped and turned over and back round again and got up and went back down...My thoughts went round and round on an endless loop, my joints all hurt enough to disturb any hope I might have had for rest.  I saw the clock turn hour after hour.  The last I remember was 4am.

I tried every sort of remedy I had on hand including prayer and nothing worked.   I have determined however, that physical pain seems to be related at times to what we've experienced in a day, even if we do not feel emotionally wounded.   I only dealt with an excessive amount of negativity and stubbornness  yesterday, but I am convinced that the day that went before played a huge part in that painful, restless night I experienced.

I had told John I had Tuesday or Thursday free and we would clean up his car.  So off we went on Tuesday and cleaned the car very well indeed and so I naturally felt today was free of any obligation to go anywhere.   However, when I went to get dressed, I found the morning so chilly that I wanted a heavier shirt than I have in my house clothes drawer.  I pulled out a new to me heavier t-shirt, almost sweatshirt weight and after looking at the new tags on it for a moment determined that I'd pay at least that for a cheap t-shirt to wear about the house so I removed the tags and slipped on the shirt.   Still it bothered me that I was wearing that new shirt to just be at home.

Well I puttered about and did a few things and then I began to notice that John had vacated the living room and as I listened to the house noises, I determined he was showering and I felt in my bones that he was getting ready to go out.  I recalled my own voice saying "I have Tuesday and Thursday free, take your choice."   I had no idea exactly what his plans were but felt sure they had something to do with my mention of a short shopping list of needs for the family party.   

When he came out of the room he was dressed but said he wouldn't leave home until later because it was almost lunch time and we didn't need to eat out again this week (and we don't!) but I pointed out that we might as well go on and go.  "We ate such a late breakfast and a big one at that, and what I want won't take long to find, I'm sure.  We can come home and eat lunch.  I have plenty of leftovers."   So we left home within the half hour.

I asked to go to the dollar store in town where I found a couple of items I'd been looking for and one I'd needed but hadn't thought I'd find.   Not the Chinet plates, however,  that are practically the only thing John insists we have for every family gathering.  I picked up some plastic plates but felt unhappy over them.   "Let's just go around to our grocery here and look," I said.   

John went in since I only needed one item.  I was just thinking I'd forgotten the drinks for the party and was about to call him when he called me.  "They don't have them..."   "Then we'll just do without."  "But they have toilet paper..."  "Well let's get a pack then and store it."   A discussion of brands and types ensued, I told him about the drinks and soon he was back in the car.  

On the way home we each remembered the trash we'd meant to take off...It's going to take some getting used to not having our more familiar dump nearby.  We went on to the dump that is near the house but had to bypass our own road to get to it.

When we got home I unloaded our small stash of things and discovered that the brand paper I'd told him to purchase was lavender scented.   I've set it aside at present to determine if I really want to return it or go ahead and stash it anyway.  I'm not much into buying scented things like paper and laundry detergent and hand soaps, etc.  I have a vague memory of toilet paper that came in colors back in the 1960's.  Granny often purchased the pink and it does seem that some of them were also scented.  Eventually all toilet paper was just white once more but fragrance is an issue with some certain brands.  I haven't tried the lavender paper nor opened the package so I can't say if it's good or bad, but I am reluctant to try it.  If any of you have used the Angel Soft brand with lavender fragrance in your home would you please let me know what your experience of it was?

I'd meant to work hard today, but somehow between the restless night and the trip into town, the notion of hard work was bypassed.  I'll have to get busy tomorrow!   Today I puttered slowly about the house, doing small odd jobs.  Fortunately the cooking part of the day should be light duty and clearing up behind equally light.

This evening, as I started supper, I decided to make a recipe I'd found on Jessica O'Donohue last night.  It's for Apple Blondies and with a bag full of apples in the kitchen, it seemed a good option for using some of my apples.   We each had one this evening after supper and they are so good!

Apple Blondies

3/4 cup melted butter

1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar

1 1/2 cups white sugar

3 eggs

3 tsps. vanilla extract

3/4 tsp. cinnamon

3 tsps. baking powder

3/4 tsp. salt

3 cups all purpose flour

3 cups diced apples

1 cup chopped walnuts (optional)

Topping:  1 tsp. white sugar

                1/2 tsp. cinnamon

Spray a 9 x 13 pan.   Preheat oven to 350F.  

Mix sugar and butter.  Add eggs, salt, baking powder, cinnamon.   Mix well.  Add flour and mix again.  Batter will be quite thick!  Stir in apples and walnuts and mix well.

Spread in a baking dish.  Sprinkle with the topping cinnamon and sugar.  Bake 45-55 minutes.  Remove from oven when pick inserted near center comes out clean.

**Notes:  I used chopped pecans since I forgot to buy walnuts.  You may skip nuts entirely.  Also the recipe says it serves 12 but that's some large bars...I cut mine smaller.

These were truly delicious warm.  JLO served hers with ice cream and it would be yummy but not at all necessary in my opinion.

Meals:  John made breakfast again.  Two guesses what he made?  Eggs, Toast, Beef Sausage  I had no intention of the Polska Kielbasa being part of our breakfast but there you are.  He said he left me about half a package and we'll see how if it's enough to use to make something else.

I had Honey Mustard Chicken Salad, John had leftover cubed steak and stuffing from last night's supper.

Chicken Pot Pie, Cranberry Sauce, Apple Blondie  There was more chicken pot filling than I needed, so I put that aside in the fridge.  I'm thinking it will be a nice dinner if JD and family linger on Sunday.  And if they go home, I'll put the excess filling in the freezer.

Friday:  Things were well underway this morning when I heard a text notification on my phone.  Bess asked if I could keep the boys a couple of hours while she ran to Aldi.   For the first time in quite a long while I said "Sorry, no."  I have a hard time saying no to most requests for my time but I did have a moment of clarity when I sat down and answered that text.  I was already tired and had only been underway about an hour or so.   Now, as I sit here at 4:30, contemplating the need to go get clothes off the line, clear the table for Shabbat and supper...I'm awfully glad I let my upper brain rule and not my guilty Gramma brain.   

I've been pretty much going since I got up this morning and though I did take a few time outs and sit to sip water, it wasn't nearly enough.  And no, I didn't get through with it all.  And yes, I changed things up that I'd planned because suddenly I knew that I was asking too much of myself and that in the end, no one but I would care if the cake was carrot and not chocolate.  Faced with a mountain of dirty dishes, I loaded all I could into the dishwasher and washed them instead of doing them by hand.  I reused pans and bowls that had flavor profiles that could make no difference at all in the outcome of recipes.   I have only minimal things to do tomorrow.   

I'm looking forward to family day.  And not doing anything much the rest of this evening!

How was your week?

Meals:  Oatmeal, Toast

Finger foods

Hot dogs, possibly beans since John's in charge and probably chips since John's in charge...