Happy First Year

 

Saturday: Today when we arrived at Katie's, John stopped in the yard to speak with Cody, who was hard at work cleaning out and leveling one of the flower beds where they'd pulled out shrubs a couple of months ago.  I went on up the steps to the porch and heard a loud squeal.  When I peered in the storm door, Henry was standing in his playpen, grinning from ear to ear, and began to bounce and jump as he looked at me.  What a lovely welcome to a Birthday party celebration.  

I was barely able to sit down before I had three children on my lap and a fourth child (not a grandchild, but he calls me 'Gramma' anyway) telling me all about the car he was holding in his hand.  It's good to be welcomed wholeheartedly when you enter a home and no one can be more welcoming than children who consider you a loved family member.

Eventually the older children were sent outdoors to run in the yard and Henry was fed his lunch.  He wanted to go to Grampa when his lunch was over.  

The party came a little later, nearer 5pm.  There was a cookout.  Henry was not happy that everyone but himself got to eat.  His other grampa gave him a bit of a hamburger bun and he was happy with that.  Then came the cupcakes and the singing of Happy Birthday.  Katie broke down and cried, as Henry shall be her last baby and this is just one of many birthdays to come and lessen their bond, as we all know. Katie let him have the whole cupcake and he was left to enjoy it while everyone else had one.

If I can get pictures from my phone to the computer, I'll share one...So far, no luck on that score.

(There you are...I borrowed one of Katie's from her Facebook posts.)

From there he went straight into a bath, not surprisingly.  And then he was dressed again and given his birthday presents, starting with a new set of clothing in his new size of 12 months.  And then, just as he was getting ready for that long-postponed nap...New toys went into the playpen.  Just two.

One was a little Fish Bowl sorting toy and the other is what I consider a classic and what we gave him (in addition to some new clothes), a Rock a Stack, which you'd know in a moment if you look it up, just pretty colorful doughnut shaped rings that you slip over a white rocker base.  I think I've seen that toy in any home with infants for the past 60 years and it's still a classic that kids from baby age up to six or eight years will immediately gravitate to.

The whole afternoon was long and lovely and while at times it was chaotic, which is to be expected with six children roaming around, it was so very pleasant. 

We didn't get home until nearly 7pm... I've had enough stimulation today to wear me out despite sleeping very well last night.

Sunday:  Yesterday on the way to Katie's I talked to John about some things I'd been thinking and feeling for quite a long while.  We talked all the way over, a good hour on the matter.

When we were headed to church today, I started another long-drawn conversation.  I was telling him how much I'd enjoyed listening to our friend on her daily devotional that she posts each day.  I'd noted that she really 'owned' her roles some of which are relatively new to her, specifically being a missionary and a newly published author.  I almost envy her that transformation and that acceptance of her new roles. 

Our conversation got pretty involved, so much so that John came very near missing our turn to go to church.  

Church was packed today.  From the front rows to the risers in the back, the place was FULL.  And no there wasn't any special event.  I think many people were seeking some solace.   I know I was.  Our pastor had a very good message today.

After church we had lunch with a lady that we'd met through the Homeless Outreach program.  She and John are of the same age and from the same town where they attended different high schools.  It was a wonderful meal and good company.  I found myself mostly silent.  John was enjoying the 'old home week' aspect of it, as was she.  We had general conversations of course, but really, I cannot deny that for John it's the 'hometown' aspect that he enjoyed the most.  She was lovely and insisted on treating us to the meal, which we found a little funny because you see we'd gone planning to treat her.  But she made it very clear that it was a blessing she wanted to bestow, and we have learned to accept graciously.

It was past 4 when we came in today.  

I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening          catching up on the study work I didn't get done yesterday nor this morning.  Honestly, I hadn't expected this all to be so intense.  That took a big chunk of the rest of the day.

Later I came here to write out this post and since I have tired of listening to the news reports, I put in my ear buds and put on a playlist I'd made that was very uplifting.  I went on Facebook to see if I could secure one of Katie's photos of the birthday party for this post, since I couldn't get my own to load up and stumbled upon a plethora of notifications that all were past memories with Bess.  

That brought me to anger and tears, and a load of grief threatening to overwhelm me.  Over these two years as we've dealt with this and that and helped here and there, I have not allowed myself even once to grieve the loss of a young woman that I not only loved deeply as a daughter, but whom I considered a friend.  Until they moved into the house across the field, Bess and I spoke several times a week, often for an hour or longer on the phone.  She'd come visit and stay for two or three days and we'd talk from morning until late at night.

When she backed off on our relationship hard, I tried to respect her need to distance herself, but we occasionally had long talks, vulnerable talks, the sort you have with someone you trust and love dearly.  Until we didn't.  

I knew instinctively that something was wrong, but I confess at that point, I was so overwhelmed with Katie's issues and Caleb's care, John's retirement, the duties of keeping up that house in town and our place here on a greatly decreased salary, that I let things be what they were.  I didn't push to try to discover what I might have done, or what she might have needed, and I had no idea that she was dealing with her own battle of mental health and confusion.

It's taken me two years to acknowledge how very much I miss her because I've been so busy trying to help Sam and the kids.  Not that Sam has asked for a lot of help nor allows me to give much, but I do feel the need to sort of fill the gap left by Bess's absence. 

All that to say that I miss Bess. 

I shall end here for tonight.  John's procedure is in the morning to remove the skin cancer.   We have to get up very early in the morning. I don't have any idea what the week ahead might look like. I'd like to get to the grocery to get milk and eggs while they are on sale.  And Chuck Roasts, too.   There are errands we need to attend to and the kids to keep after school a few afternoons.  

I'm tired now and it's getting late for me.  Now is not the time to think of the week ahead or plan meals.  I'll just get my mind working on overdrive.  I can plan things tomorrow.

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