I have this tendency to do things hard...Not the hard way, but to work hard at whatever I am currently doing. If it's housework or yard work or office work, I'll push and push until I get all I meant to accomplish finished. It took a car accident 24 years ago to teach me that sometimes things get accomplished just as well if I stop and rest a bit and then get up and go at it again. Still working hard, mind you, and only just barely allowing myself time to rest, but a slight improvement over my former self.
Well, I've been going at it hard with this whole diabetes thing. I meant to do it just exactly right and to that end I started studying hard, even while in the hospital, and I've kept it up for the past 5 weeks. I can't help but notice how many sites conflict in information. No carbs, low carbs, moderate carbs. Eat no fruit, eat at least two servings daily. Eat no starches at all, eat at least 2 servings daily. Dairy 3 times a day. No dairy. at. all. No fat, low fat, high fat. Moderate protein, high protein. This drug is no good, that one is better. No medicine necessary, diet and exercise is enough. No exercise needed, just proper diet. Just one drug can't give consistently good results. One drug will work just fine if you're patient. Testing is necessary multiple times a day within an hour of eating and two hours of eating and always first thing in the morning for fasting and last thing at night. Testing is only needed once or twice a day at most and perhaps just a few times a week. Websites that state where blood sugars should be disagree as well.... The clatter and chatter and spatter of it all inside my head got to be too much.
This week I struggled. I have a cold, a sore throat and am not sleeping well. My blood sugar numbers are not where I want them to be despite making changes and tweaking and tweaking. A wisdom tooth decided to flare up. I got up Saturday morning and had a pink matted eye after coughing my head off all night long. I went to the kitchen to do my fingerstick and it hurt, darn it. I've been cringing every time I go to do it but to have it hurt too was just too much. And this go at it hard gal sat down and cried for the second time since my life took this dramatic turn.
Mama and John both tell me my numbers aren't bad but they are higher than they've been since I started testing here at home. Mama and websites both agree that likely the cold and tooth were enough to jack numbers up no matter how well I'm eating. It's something to do with the body fighting off the virus that caused the cold and the inflamed tooth in the first place.
I'll confess disappointment. I'd planned, if I had a decent week of numbers, to treat myself this morning with a piece of crisp toast spread with a scant half teaspoon of orange marmalade...Well that wasn't happening and maybe it sounds a minor thing but it was a contributing straw that broke my spirit.
Because sometimes, it is ALL just too doggone much.
Why am I sharing this? Because I want every one of you to realize what I did this morning: we can't always be brave and strong. Sometimes things just suck. It's hard. It's not fun. And its just fine to take time out from good behavior, cry or whine a bit and then suck it up and get at it again.
So John looked at me this morning and told me all would be well. He hugged me and gave me a pep talk and kissed me on the forehead and made me breakfast. Two slices of toast this morning (it's thinner and tastes far better than the stuff I'd been choking down for the past three weeks) spread with a little peanut butter and half a banana sliced atop the two. It was good. I took a nap this afternoon. I've eaten enough salad to feel rather rabbitish this week over all. I decided that I've had enough salad for a week and just had a half sandwich and a nectarine for supper.
Oh I don't mean to quit trying to lick this thing. I do mean to lighten up on myself a bit. Maybe I'm pushing too hard from too many angles at once. I think I need to stop reading so many conflicting things and simply work at it from the spot where I was started from in the hospital with a moderate eating plan with a moderate calorie base. I'm going to stop expecting miracles and start accepting it's all going to take time. I'm going to give my body time to heal: from this cold, from the trauma it's experienced.
And that's where I am at the start of this week: lightening up.
Peanut Butter toast/Banana, Coffee
Steak Fajita, Salad with Tomato, Feta and Avocado 'dressing', SF chocolate pudding
It was after this meal that I realized I was thoroughly and totally sick to death of salad this week...
Egg Salad sandwich, Nectarine, Milk
Egg, Toast, Orange
out with a friend
Tomato Soup, Cheese, Whole Wheat crackers or a thin slice of good bread, SF chocolate pudding
Whole Wheat Waffle, Turkey Sausage, Blueberries and Strawberries
Roast Beef with Gravy, Mashed Potatoes, Steamed Carrots, Green Beans
Egg Salad Sandwich, Apple Slices
Bran Cereal, Peach, Cottage Cheese
Roasted Chicken, Sweet Potato Wedges, Coleslaw
Chicken Veg Soup, Tomato Sandwich
Peach Smoothie (yogurt, frozen peach slices), Cheese Toast
Broiled Hamburger Steak, Garden Peas, Lettuce and Tomato Salad, Whole Wheat Roll
Chef's Salad, Cherries
Omelet with Vegetables, Grits, Toast (both for John, one or the other for me)
out with Mama
Chicken Soup, Crackers, Chocolate Milk
Toast with Cream Cheese, Strawberries
Chicken Parmesan, Roasted Italian Vegetables, White Chocolate pudding
Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich, Banana
Snack: Apple slices with 1 tbsp peanut butter, 1/2 snack box of raisins
1 ounce almonds, 1/2 cup strawberries
5 whole wheat crackers, 1 ounce cheese
Banana pops (1/2 banana spread with peanut butter, drizzled with melted chocolate)
Berry Parfaits (yogurt and berries/1/2 cup size)
4 ounces unsweetened apple sauce with 1/2 cup cottage cheese
Apple Slices, 1 ounce cheddar
Around the House
Harvest Day: Pick up check, pay bills, decide once and for all how we'll manage medical bills
Grocery Day
Pantry Inventory
Freezer Inventory
Visit booth and hopefully add fresh stock. Rearrange and freshen.
Out twice this week once with a friend (today) and with Mama later this week
5 comments:
I am so sorry. I know this road so well and I hate to see you walking it, too. Somehow every morning you just think that surely it was a bad dream but it was not and reality is so tough and hard to face. I will be praying for peace and finding a balance to all of this. Peace will come.
Just a thought but could it be that your continued sinus issues be connected to using artificial sweeteners? Some have really odd reactions when they are intolerant of them. My husband gets a mouth full of cold sores but it was hard to recognize since he is a cold sore sufferer anyway. A few days break could give you the answer.
Hugs and I hope you have a good week in spite of it all. You are blessed to be walking this road with a good man beside you.
Take a breath. I about had a meltdown this weekend too. I have looked forever for a chair for my bedroom. I was in Kohl's Friday and happened to see a pretty wicker chair (actually an outdoor chair but I loved it). I could not find a price but all the summer furniture was 60% off. They gave me a price and retrieved me one from the back still in the box. Get home, unpack it, follow directions. Get to the last 2 screws and one of the holes does not line up. Okay, I will take it apart and start on this side. Nope, it's a manufacturing defect. Took it back today and they did not have another one and the one on display had some damage. I was heartbroken. It seems every time I make a decision on something, it goes wrong. So don't try to get me to pick where we are going out to eat because every time I do we have a problem.
Can you eat oatmeal? I know some people can and some can't. I am hooked on overnight oatmeal. 1/2-3/4 cup old fashioned or steel cut oatmeal, 1/2-3/4 cup Cocoanut milk, 1 TBS PB2, 1 TBS cocoa powder, and one packet trivia. Layer and place in fridge overnight. Mix well and enjoy. It can be made with fruits, no sugar added jam/jelly. Just about anything you would want to add. I have not had a Dr Pepper or any other sugar sweetened drink for 7 days now. I have had a couple of cups of decaf coffee with creamer that has sugar, but only a little. It has taken me this whole week, but I am feeling some better. But if my husband asks me one more time if I want a roll I might hurt him (jk).
Oh sweet friend. I would feel the same way! Sometimes a good cry is so cathartic, isn't it? Just getting it out of our hearts seems to be healing. Even if there aren't any new answers other than taking it easier on ourselves.
Praying for you...
What does your dietitian recommend you read? You know everyone has an opinion on everything. It can be so confusing. If your hospital has a free diabetic class that might help as you can there too ask any question. Get one opinion you feel you can trust that your doctors agree on and don't look back.
I had a melt down too this week and was ok one minute and in total hard crying the next. Silly but it was the 4th and somehow smelling the burnt papers of the fireworks and all set my mind to days gone by and how much I missed all the older family members. Everyone is gone now. I so love to hear of your visits with your mother. Enjoy every second of them. If there is Anything you want to ask or tell her do it now.
I tend to work till I can hardly move. Last night I did it again. worked trimming bushes till it was dark. By the time I trimmed and raked and got the trash cans away I was walking like Frankenstein I was so sore. I haven't even completely finished all that needed done. I do love though to work outside. My body rebels though at times especially as the years go by. I am grateful though at 68 I can still do what I can do.
We love watching the numerous birds here too. We have feeders and water out for them and bird baths too and several humming bird feeders. Every day the scrub jays squawk for their peanuts. What a wonderful God to even give us all these little creatures to help us and let us enjoy them so. I miss the fireflies. I used to live where they had them. They are not here in California though. People thought I was nuts when I described bugs that lit up!! :-) lol Oh the memories of lying on the ground in summer looking up at the clouds trying to figure out what each looked like and seeing those fireflies flittering in the air too. Like a real fairyland.
I would tell you to take it one day or one hour now at a time but you know that already. It is a big change in your life. Don't worry and analyze it to death. It will take a while to figure out what meds and ways of eating are right for Terri. God made you one of a kind and so things need tweaking a bit here and there to accommodate your unique God made body. You are special. It will get smoother. I feel like I am talking like a your mother to a daughter.. That is ok. We are all relatives in God's eyes!!! :-)))) Sarah
A few more thoughts-we eat salad at least 5 days a week and get sick of it too! I have found that varying the greens really helps the most for me. ALso just adding different foods for different flavors helps too. Just a tiny bit of Parmesan cheese or seeds or nuts can really change it and make it less boring. Some days we just do Caesar salads and some days we load them up with veggies. Anything to keep us getting the greens down. Neither of us like smoothies.
My head is stuffed full of natural medicine info because I actually did the training to treat people like my natural health practitioner but God has not given me leave to do so full time although I do help friends on a regular basis. SO......one thing that could really be affecting how you feel is your bodies' ph. Going off sugar and eating many more salads and fruits and veggies probably really changed it and sometimes it does make people feel bad. Most do not have problems with being too acid but being too alkaline makes me feel really headachy and just poor all over. You can buy ph test strips at the health food store if you are interested in knowing that. Artificial sweeteners change the ph to acid. Being acid leaves the body open to infection. One interesting fact is that cancer cannot grow in a body that is alkaline. Anyhow, just things that I know from my training and could be of help to you.
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