Coffee Chat: Happy At Home

It's very early but come in for coffee just the same.   I'd planned to visit Katie before she left for work this morning but her hours changed slightly for the rest of this week and so that visit was cancelled.  I'd looked forward to it but I understand that work comes first as well it ought.

So there's the coffee and creamer in the fridge.  Have a cup and let us sit for a bit before the day begins.  I have an idea of what I'd like to do today but it's very early and the day looks long from this place, lol.  Hope you don't mind the Christmas music this morning.  I felt in the mood for something peppy and cheerful.



I find myself watching more and more vlogs of late.  It's something I often do at night when I go to bed, but last night I didn't see five minutes of the vlog I'd meant to watch before I'd gone sound asleep.  We'd had a busy day yesterday and I was well and truly ready for bed.

John had asked if I'd like to go out to breakfast and you know my answer was "Yes!" because it is one of my favorite meals to eat out.  I've really no idea why.  I can easily make nearly every food we can get on any breakfast menu and yet the real luxury, is to have someone else make breakfast for me.  John does right well if it's fried eggs or an omelet and hash browns, but he always says "You make things so much better than I do..."  which is, honestly, because I do pay attention to the side elements, but a little bit of a cop out on his part because he'd really rather I did the cooking.  I think it bothers him that he makes a mess cooking and for some reason he's sure that I don't make as big a mess, though I do, I just control it as I go better than he does.

So yes, I was excited about going out to eat, but I also had a list of errands and wants that required shopping and musts that we had to attend to,  so the day was a long one overall.  I find on John's work weeks (six shifts over a period of 15 days) that of his two days off between shifts one is invariably spent with his resting and doing as nearly nothing as possible and sleeping hard, and day two is the day we cram in all the things we want to get done.   This week with one day used as a visit to Mama, I had a longer than usual list of things I wanted to get done.

I'd heeded his request to 'get up early' so I got up as soon as he began moving about.  I might normally have caught an extra thirty minutes sleep, especially after a poor night's rest but you can see how much I enjoy our breakfast out morning because sleep is the least important thing in the world, lol.  I had two really good solid night's rest the previous two nights so no great loss, and as I said, I slept hard last night as well.

The first thing we saw this morning was Josh's jacket lying on my chair in the kitchen.  Ack!  He'd already gone off to school and so I assume he had another warm coat to wear.  It's been cold these past few mornings, below freezing with hard frosts and the school bus is not climate controlled really.  You freeze or you burn up and not much in between.  I texted Bess that we'd drop the jacket off when we got back from our errands.

Sam had run by the evening before with a quart jar of chili he'd made.  He'd brought both boys well wrapped in jackets.  Isaac had no socks or shoes but Sam was carrying him  and they'd driven over in the truck.  I was, at that moment, headed outdoors to empty my compost bucket and the air outside felt terribly cold to me.  I hurried along and when I returned indoors the house, which had felt a little chilly to me, was suddenly quite warm, so I stripped off my jacket. I'm pretty sure Josh did the same thing for the same reason.  I may even have tossed my jacket down on top of Josh's.  At least he was able to tell his Dad where his jacket was yesterday morning.

While we were at breakfast John asked me what my plans were for 2019.  I stammered and stumbled a bit.   I said at first I'd not really made any plans but as we ate our meal I kept telling him more and more that I hoped to accomplish, so I guess I have made plans.  I've been thinking of my motto/theme for the coming year for the blog and posts I'd like to do.  I've thought looking for a new 'side hustle' as the youth now call the small earning jobs that are done from home to supplement income.  I've a long list of things I want to do to my house and yard.  And then, if he does go ahead and retire in the year ahead that will take a little time to adjust to, as well.  I'm a little excited for what I hope to do and the challenges that are possibly ahead, though I do not feel we shall be going without much of anything.

We were talking about tithing and a child who tithes occasionally but is still not in the place where it's done regularly.   This sort of conversation almost invariably leads to a praise of what we've seen in our lives over the past year.  This past year we increased our giving, we had family live with us for five months and saw them through some tough days financially, we helped another family member, we fed upwards of five extra people at our table routinely, and we helped establish two pantries for new households.  Even though my personal savings account sank a little, we watched our other savings grow and grow.  It has been in many ways as remarkable a year as parts of it were difficult.  In balance, you see.  Good with bad, difficulty with ease, heartache with joy, fear with peace.

After breakfast we went to Lowes.  I bought the paint to finish the chifforobe.  AFTER I'd had a quart mixed I found sample bottles of the same paint, sigh.  I'm sure I could have finished that piece off with a sample bottle...Oh well, paint always gets put to good use in our house.  I never toss any, but use it up on something.  I also bought a color for the interior of the chifforobe, something that's a contrast to the outside and shall be a bit of a surprise.  It will take time to complete the interior but I think it's going to be pretty.  If it doesn't work as I think it should, I'll use that paint elsewhere, too.

We ran a few errands after that, went back to our county seat to vote and pay our property taxes and then dropped off Josh's jacket at his home.

We did not eat lunch out even though we were quite late coming in.  Instead we had an early supper of chili mac.  John and I have been seeking whole wheat macaroni.  None of the stores in our area carry it.  Farfalle, spaghetti, lasagna and penne rigata we can find all day long every day in whole grain or whole wheat but good old elbow macaroni we cannot find.  There are a few dishes that macaroni is just best suited to: mac and cheese for instance or chili mac or tuna pasta salad.   I've looked at all the stores we'd normally shop and even the most distant one had removed elbow macaroni from their store shelves.  So I looked on Amazon yesterday afternoon and found I could order an 8 pack for a reasonable price.  Not as low as I can get the spaghetti or penne or farfalle but a decent enough price.  I added it to my current cart in Amazon.  I'll place that order shortly.  I want to look for another item or two before I finalize it.

I don't do loads of online shopping, but I must admit I do find Amazon a very convenient site.  I mean, you can get just about anything at all.  I try to buy one thing for my kitchen, two or three household needs and anything John's mentioned that is a need we can get more cheaply there than at a store.  I seldom have a problem with any order.   I joined Prime at the start of this year because I felt the savings was worthwhile.  The added bonus of prime tv, music, games and kindle books for free is truly a bonus.  Every now and then John fusses about the cost of  Prime.  When I remind him that we save that much in shipping alone each month and all the rest is free to us, he quiets down.   He just thinks every now and then that we have Amazon because of the video/tv and I remind him that wasn't my purpose at all. We had Prime long before we had a smart tv!

I love the Zulily site for bargains, too, but I've vowed to steer clear of buying clothes there any further, though I love my all weather winter coat (so light and so cozy!).  Too often I end up giving the tops I order from Zulily to Katie or Bess because the sizing is hard to gauge.  And I find it terribly tempting with all their other products to 'just look' and end ordering something.  It's like going window shopping and doing it inside the store where temptation is five times what it would be if you stayed outside the window.

Chewy for pet foods is very convenient and cheaper in many ways than what I can buy at stores.  I've not ordered routinely from them in the past however, but honestly when I can buy a 46 pound bag of dog food and someone else carries it to the porch...Well you know it's that added convenience.  John cannot always be with me when we need pet food and I can't lift the big bags as I did once upon a time, from floor to cart, cart to trunk, then from trunk to haul to the house from the carport.

I've been looking more and more at this business of placing an online order at the grocery and then just going by to pick up the order.  Oh the temptations one might avoid!   How much time, too, since we are 35 miles from nearly every store at which we shop.  I mean the shopping time saved, not the travel, because we're going to be 35 miles away regardless aren't we?

This is one area where I find myself a little frustrated with my mom.  She has a computer.  She has internet.  She steadfastly refuses to go anywhere on that computer except Facebook.  She never ever looks up a phone number or address, etc.   Mostly she fusses because there are no longer public phone books available.  I understand the desire to use the method with which you are most familiar, I do, but I can't get a phone book if there are none to be had, can I?    Instead we look things up on my phone when I arrive at her home and yet there is the computer sitting right next to us which she refuses to allow me to look up one item.

Mama is not stupid or incapable.  She is, intelligence-wise, quite smart.  She makes foolish choices often enough, but I've discovered that intelligence and emotional intelligence are genuinely too different things.  Mama is plenty smart.  She's earned two advanced degrees in her lifetime.   But she has gotten to the point where she'd rather have someone else do things for her.  For instance, she wants Katie to come visit and order outfits for the three little girls online.  She will hand Katie her charge card and allow her to use it over her phone, but will not allow Katie to use her computer to place the order.  She wants me to look up an address and phone number or to make arrangements that she generally complains over.  I know that if she'd just once try to use that computer as it can be used, she'd feel less helpless and more in control of her choices but still she refuses.  I do appreciate that some things just are more easily done if someone helps, for instance she truly does need help driving in congested areas and she does need help at the grocery.  But by the same token, she could easily order online and pick up her groceries and never have to leave her car.   That would eliminate the need to wait until someone comes along who has time to do her shopping with her.

Here too I watched as an old pattern played out.  When I visited the other day, we got in her car and I put the key in the ignition and the car went 'click click click'.  The battery was dead.  This upset Mama out of all proportion to fact.  I reminded her it was just a dead battery and easily fixed or replaced and told her to contact my brother who willingly handles such things.  I reminded her I had my car and we could go wherever we wanted and that we had the same amount of time as always.  She immediately said she didn't need to go to the grocery but as the morning went on and we took our little drive, went out to eat, etc., she kept mentioning that she needed milk and bread.  I suggested we go by the grocery.  I knew full well that she'd buy more than milk and bread because she always does, but the amount of stuff purchased was a buggy full.   "I'll get it just in case," she kept saying.   Mama was using her shopping to soothe her anxiety over her car.  Now my brother had already said he'd be by to check out the car that afternoon.  He was as sure as I that at most a new battery would be needed and perhaps not even that.  But Mama simply had to spend all that money to make herself feel better.   The truth is that she bought so much she had nowhere to put it all.  She refused any help in putting it away because we've had conversations in the past about how much foodstuffs she keeps on hand.  I promise you that at this moment, while she might well need eggs and bread and milk in the future, she could likely eat for 12 months or more from her storage and freezer.  There is no empty space in her kitchen cupboards.  There is no room in her fridge nor her refrigerator freezer.  And I'll lay odds that before 2019 is done, if she stays in that apartment, she will buy a freezer and fill it full.

Now I understand well the wisdom of a pantry/freezer and a stockpile of frozen and non-perishable foods.   John and I fed ourselves and five others off our stockpile.  But Mama easily has as much food as we began the year with, too.  She will not however, cease buying.  She will continue to add to it.   When she moved from Reynolds, she left loads of foods in the fridge and freezer and pantry.  Katie and I spent a whole day cleaning out those stores.  She did the same when she moved from the house she had shared with my brother.   As far as I know that stuff is there still because it was my brother's house and his to clear up...It is a form of hoarding and waste that troubles me a great deal.  I think I mentioned over summer that I saw quite clearly how much of a hoarder she is, for all that the surface of things appear neat and nice.   But that's the way it's always been with Mama.  The surface is clear and tidy enough but underneath, in the cupboard, under the bed, behind the door is another story.  It is mayhem and excesses of stuff.  Evidence of a compulsive set of behaviors that clearly points to an emotional and mental instability and a refusal to address it.   However, this is the way it's always been for as long as I can recall and I don't suppose at 81 that she is likely to change.

But I have moved in the opposite direction.  So determined am I to not be like my mother that I tend to be equally obsessive in my desire to insure that surface and underneath alike shall be neat and orderly and reasonably stocked.  Often we do not have to look far to discover the roots of our own behavior do we?   I am curious how my own tendencies has manifested in my children...And equally unsure I really want to know!

This afternoon when it's a little warmer, I shall go out to the shed.  I've filled my laundry basket with fall décor stuff that I am putting away and I shall plunder about in the Christmas bin to see what I might find to use in the house.  I don't have plans at present to do any shopping for more than another roll of white ribbon but that might change or not, depending upon what I decide to do with what I have.  I am obviously in the mood for Christmas this year.  I know many friends/bloggers have chosen to decorate quite early and though I did not choose to do so, I am ready to be festive minded and I find that this year I want color and pop and a little more oomph than I've had for other things this year.   I am going to run out to do an errand for Katie and I may just have a go at cleaning her home which I am sure will easily be done.  I know she's working extra hours today and tomorrow and has Taylor this weekend.  If I can lessen her burden in any way without being invasive I will do so.

So I guess I'd best end our coffee chat and get busy in my own home.  The frost has melted on the sun is shining brightly through the windows.    It's going to be a lovely day!