Diary of a Homemaker's Week: Long and Short

 

Saturday:  John had told me we'd go out today.   He'd hinted again that we'd go to the grocery.  Well, we didn't.  As usual we drove aimlessly around and finally ended up at our favorite restaurant.  We have several gift cards given to us over time so that's where we went.

It was a pleasant enough meal, but the place was very crowded, and the waitress forgot a couple of things, though I didn't blame her.  Anyone could see they were working their feet off that day.   I suggested that we might in future skip the noon day hour on the weekend as a choice time to stop.  Perhaps we'd ought to wait until nearer 2-ish.  

We came home afterwards with no stop at all at the grocery.  After the crowded restaurant we determined we'd not care to go into other stores bound to be equally as crowded.  I was glad I'd put something for supper in the slow cooker.  It was very cool and raining outdoors so not conducive to long rides.  So, we came home.  The rest of the family was in from their morning out.  After a couple of hours, we let Little One out of their room and tried to let the other family member get an afternoon nap.  

This did not go well.  

Tension built between us all.  The Little One's reaction was to get louder and louder.  John's reaction was to continue to be tense and build up his tension.  I am merely a magnifying glass.  I magnify whatever emotion he is displaying.  And I will tell you plainly that my tension took a turn of sheer frustration as I failed to calm anyone near me.  In the end, we two adults had words that escalated into something more than a mere spat.  

The rain pounded and pounded on the roof.  The yard was a sucking muddy morass.  Everyone retreated to their own rooms, but I had no place I could go.  This too has been a part of my frustration.  Everyone seems to have a safe place, but I have nothing.  

I went to my room which I naturally share with John who was already there.  I shared a deep dark portion of my heart.   This was greeted with stony silence.  I picked up my car keys and book and went out to the car in the chill dismal day.  It was so cold there was no way I was going to be able to sit in the car.  So, I drove to town and picked up the items I needed for supper, and thinking ahead I grabbed a few others I also needed for this week ahead per my own meal plan.   I contemplated that (a) Dollar General has done a service to the community for carrying a few grocery items and such in their stores, including fresh produce items.  And (b) that the prices are not so terribly high.  Higher than Aldi for sure but comparable to only our highest end grocery.  And finally (c) that I was awfully glad to have a local place that was a mere 4 miles from home instead of 30.

The drive home was miserable and the trip up the driveway was difficult at best.  I thought for sure I was going to get stuck a couple of different times, but I recalled all our past experiences and stayed in the ruts and kept steady speed rather than slow down and risk sinking.  

Once safely parked I sat in the now warm car and read two or three chapters of my book before coming indoors.

No one was speaking.   Everyone was silent and after supper, I cleared the kitchen and took myself off to my room to examine the new book I'd just received.  When I got cold, I crawled into bed.  At 7:15. It was PURE luxury.  The world did not crumble.  I managed to read several chapters, listened to some uplifting spiritual music.  

Did I sleep better last night than I have.  Some perhaps. Not any sooner than usual which is pretty typical but there was my book to read and music to listen to and when I began to doze over the pages, I put out the light and slept rather well.

And yes, we all made up.  It was just a difficult afternoon.  In the end, we all apologized, one to another.

Meals:  Bagels, Croissants.  Don't know if I mentioned this but two or three weeks ago, as we were wandering through Kroger's bakery, I spied a dozen large croissants on the reduced rack.  $5.01 for the full dozen.  Compare to four at about $4.99.

Mississippi Roast on Buns with Provolone, Chips, Mandarins

Sunday:  I groaned when the alarm went off this morning.  John apparently took a shower, etc., but I heard absolutely nothing until he quietly shut the bedroom door.  Why that should shake me awake I have no idea.  I crawled out of bed, contemplated my cold bathing facilities and settled on a compromise.   It worked out just fine, I was clean, and it limited my exposure to the very cool room.

This morning, rather than skip making breakfast ahead, I started toast while coffee was brewing then went off to the bedroom to do my makeup.  I came out fully dressed just in time for the toast to come from the oven.

We ate in the dark.  I don't know why neither of us turned on the overhead light or even turned on a lamp.  Perhaps the darkness suited the skies outdoors too well.

Church.  And after church we sat in the front lobby and had coffee and doughnuts and spoke to various people we know.  We were killing time, planning to head to pick up a prescription and I had a short grocery list for the store we were going into.  Always with the grocery store lists, but never ever with the pantry/absolutely needed list. Sigh.

We picked up the groceries, noted a special on a semi-boneless half of ham and determined the savings per pound (about $5 per pound) was more than worth bringing it home to cut into quarters and freeze.  John did tell me to ask the butcher about cutting it up, but the answer was a firm no.  Which I already knew but sometimes you need to have another hear the "No" for themselves before they believe.  We wandered around through the dairy aisle, completely forgot the sliced bread John considers necessary for the Little One (really, it's not that darn hard to slice the homemade loaf, he's done it now for years), grabbed prescriptions and headed to the checkout.  I'm still within my budget for this month but I' okay with not shopping for a week or two.  I think we can manage fine with what we have and perhaps in that window of time I can make out a real grocery list, not just a store list!  We shall see.

Home to make tacos for the Little One who had asked two or three times if I was making tacos in the past week.  He was delighted and I am happy he was pleased.

Then after lunch, everyone settled for quiet time.  My quiet time culminated in a half hour or longer nap.  Lovely and much appreciated and hopefully just the reset my sleep pattern has needed.

Now I am off to read my book.  I'm still going through Melissa by Taylor Caldwell.  It's picking up...I'm liking it well enough I am eager to get back to it, once I put it down.  

Meals:  Cheese Toast and later at church we had doughnuts and coffee

Tacos, Chips and Salsa

Eggs, Ham, Hashbrowns, Maple Oat Scones

Monday:  I slept rather well last night.  I'm always surprised and pleased when I sleep because to wake up feeling truly rested is a joy for me.  I've been praying each night before I go to sleep, a prayer that I think Annabelle shared from another lady and it is a simple prayer.  "Lord, please give me sufficient rest to meet the needs I must face tomorrow."  I won't say I don't feel tired at the end of the day, but I did not struggle to make it through this day.  I'll take that as sufficient.

Today, I turned over a new leaf.  I am not going to struggle on alone.  I asked for and received help.  It might sound perfectly obvious to you all, but for me this is major.  I struggle hard with this but it's something I've got to incorporate more.  I cannot be the do all go to person.  And no one expects me to, but no one knows what to do unless I tell them plainly.  I said "Please...." and listed a couple of jobs and they were done.  Which left me time to sufficiently clean the kitchen counters and cabinet doors.  When Little One asked to watch tv, something I've held back on in the past, I said "Sure..." and I took advantage of that time to get some other work done in another room.  I've been rigidly trying to imitate daycare.  But I am not daycare.  I am Gramma.  I can make my own rules.   

I'm happy to say that mostly he wants tv at that particular hour because he's already tired.  He might not nap but he does lie down and rests.  Later he gets up and plays and that's quite all right, too.  

This afternoon, John got down three lollipops from the cabinet, told Little One we were all going out to sit on the porch and then passed out a lollipop to each of us.  There we were, all three of us enjoying our Tootsie Roll pop.   I enjoyed the sun most of all.  Little One got excited hearing the train whistle in the distance.  

John went to men's meeting this evening.  While I had supper simmering, he amused himself making a bed for his cars.  Then he kissed each one and lay them down on their roofs...I thought that was sweet.

I had a little time alone this evening and that too is something I'm going to be seeking out more of.  I just need that alone time and if the only time I can get it is in the evening, then I'll take it then.    For the past two or three days, I've gone to bed early and read or listened to the music.  

Another day done.  

Meals:  Turkey Bacon, Yellow Grits, Scones

Leftovers

Chinese Dumplings and Vegetables, Strawberries

Tuesday:  I am alone at the moment.  John's been gone all morning.  Little One finished his lunch and went in for quiet time in his room. 

I wandered outdoors to refill the bird feeder that's been empty since Sunday.  I noted two daffodils, a load of muscari blooming and listened to the distant honking of geese flying north.  A physical season is beginning to wan already, five weeks prior to official Spring.  I noted the weeds were growing, the wild soapwort that is determined to take over in the yard, the dandelion greens, the chickweed, and lady's mantle, and another weed that has purple trumpet shaped flowers that grows close to the ground in mounds.  It means that mowing season is nearly here once more.

It is time to consider the porches.  Not to paint them, as pollen season will be roaring in upon us shortly.  Already the cedar has its first flush of yellow tinged tips ready to disperse pollen.  But it is time to empty those pots I've been trying to get to all winter long, to clean them and ready them for future planting.  

I'd meant to get daffodils planted and to purchase pansies to put in the pots.  I'd meant to start peas and lettuce and spinach and beets, but I've done nothing.  I'm caught in an endless cycle of picking up, cleaning up, making meals, doing dishes, changing diapers and continuing to get a hand on potty training and trying to just get through each day with grace while losing the battles that arise at every turn.  

I've been thinking a lot of Sarah who came into the nursing home in tears and died crying.  She lay in her bed every day, able to care for herself but unwilling to do anything but cry.  She just lay on her bed and cried, the floor beside her wet with the endless tears.  Staff tried to keep it mopped up but eventually towels were placed on the floor near her head to catch the tears and changed when they became sodden.  Honestly, I've never understood how a single human could have such a quantity of tears stored up in the body, but she was living proof that you can cry without ceasing.  I wonder now if she sobbed in her sleep, too?  I never thought to ask anyone back then but ought to have done.

I've been thinking about her and wondering what caused that surfeit of tears.  Was it too many dreams laid off to the side and never realized?  Was it a lack of hope?  Did she feel trapped in a life she couldn't escape?  Was she unloved?  Unwanted?  Tired and weary?  Defeated?

Or was she just always a victim, in her own mind, if not in fact?  Was she the flawed person?  Was it just a set of circumstances she couldn't overcome no matter how she tried?

I think of Sarah, and I'm frightened at times.  Where did she lose her grip?  How close am I?  That's what I wonder.  How close am I?

I've always said there is a very thin line between the sane and the insane.  The sane know it.  The insane forget how thin and how easily one can cross right back over.  

Not that I am Sarah, but still, she's been there all this week, right at the front of my mind.  I think because I used to not pity her but look at her in disgust.  And now, now I have compassion enough to wonder what sent her reeling over that line and why she couldn't make her way back.

I've made the sauce for our pasta for supper.  When I make pasta sauce, I use lean meat, zucchini, dried tomatoes, canned tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, onions, carrots, mushrooms and bell peppers.  It is seasoned with parsley, garlic, bay leaf, basil and oregano and is served on a proper portion size of whole wheat pasta.  I'm not sure why that is considered unhealthy.  1 slice of garlic bread and a 2-cup serving of lettuce with red cabbage and often as not more grated carrots goes alongside.  This meal is full of good vitamins, minerals and fiber, low glycemic, and the only fat is the bit of butter used on the bread.  If I struggle with any one flaw in my cookery, it's that I don't use enough fat which binds with vitamins and minerals and helps them to be better absorbed by the body.  

Meals:  Peanut butter toast with Banana.

Split Pea Soup and Turkey Sandwich.   John was very disappointed in this split pea soup.  I said, as I brought it to the table, "This is not how I remember split pea soup..." and he agreed.  "No, it's not the way I recall it either."   The soup can was well packed with peas and carrots, and nice little cubes of ham, but there was no broth at all to speak of, so the water the can instructed me to add was it.  There was a decided lack of creaminess and the peas appeared more whole than split.  Disappointed!   It tasted okay and we ate it but I've a feeling there will be no hurry needed in making that second can for him anytime soon.

Spaghetti with Meat Sauce, Salad, Garlic Toast.

Wednesday:  There is nothing worse than to be sound asleep and have a text message 'ping' into the inbox...especially when the phone is set on Do Not Disturb.  I'm going to complain just a moment.  I belong to a prayer group and the preferred method of communication is group texts.  I don't mind genuine prayer requests and responses but seriously...6am for non-essential texts?  Come on!  Especially after you have had a rough night of broken sleep patterns and you have exactly 1.5 hours in which you might possibly get sleep before facing the full force of a 3-year-old child who has had a full 12 hours of sleep.  

It was the straw that broke this camel's back.  I requested to be removed from all future texts from this group. I'll continue to pray for our church members, teams and pastoral staff.  I'll follow along with the prayer requests that scroll across the screen of our televised programs or for those that ask specifically that I pray for them.  No problem with that at all.  But no more being awakened because someone wants to post a text at 6am and let everyone know they personally are awake.  Sheesh.

I'm afraid my mood did not immediately improve either.  The moment I walked out the bedroom door and punched the coffee pot's brew function, I was busy, busy, busy with requests from a little man.  I didn't get the first sip of that cup of coffee that was more than lukewarm.  You really want to mess with my day, get between me and that first cup of coffee.  Honestly.  

I managed to hang on to temper this morning and get all accomplished but finally at about 10:30 I decided to try for coffee once more. I made decaf because no one needs me wired and crazy.  And the very moment that cup of coffee was ready, guess who was needed and necessary right then?  I complained loudly to John over it, but I did finally get a warmer cup of coffee and got to drink probably 90% of it in relative peace.  I'll take that as the blessing it was.

This week has been so odd. Monday went by swiftly, yesterday seemed to drag and drag.  I'm not really sure if today is long or short but I do know it's another day.

Oh gracious!  There's a cat that came with the family to this house.  I've mentioned before that Misu is rather Queen of the place and has grudgingly allowed his presence to be limited to the back porch and back yard.  Every now and then she comes around to be sure he remembers his allowed space.  I wish she'd communicated it half as well to the possum that came to visit Monday night.  John came in Monday night and said there on the porch railing sat the possum, apparently planning to help himself to Bean's leftovers.  

I'd heard Rufus barking frantically on the back porch, but I'd not gone out to see why.  Honestly, I thought he was just taking up Misu's orders and reminding Bean where he was allowed to be.   Nope.  Possum.  Not that I'd have chased the nasty thing off if I had gone out.  Possums have the most horrid sharp yellow teeth and once they bare them you just can't unsee what you've seen.  

John came in and got the gun and killed the thing.  Once they've found a food source they return over and over again.  The only other option is to trap and release miles away and since there are cats and dog here, the likelihood we'd catch others than the possum was high.  

I do not know what we shall face in the future. I believe I mentioned that the county had determined they needed to place a dump right next to my property line.  I won't see it from the house, but we'll see it each time we come in or go out.  We'll also experience the residue of freely blown trash all up and down our road.  I protested to the county commissioner, not just on my behalf but on behalf of the neighbor who must look at it from her windows each day.  Of all the empty plots of land just on this road and the main road alone there are plenty of sites that have no houses right nearby but no this was the chosen spot.  

When I called with my concerns, both for myself and others, I was told that she'd let me know...Yesterday while outdoors, I heard them cutting down trees in the space where they plan to put the dumpsters.  All the cleared spots where it might go, and they must cut away old trees to place these dumpsters...I felt defeated.  I wondered how my poor neighbor was handling it all and felt so sorry for her.  I doubt she had any more of a heads up than I did.  

I just wonder how many more wild critters we will now have.  The county dumpsters seem to be the spot to drop off stray dogs and cats, not to mention deer hides and offal in hunting season.  And where those things are come coyotes, wild cats, possums, raccoons, etc.  Not to mention those unsavory folks who think the dumpsters are a suitable meeting place for nefarious means.   Sigh.  

How I wish our county would set up a trash service instead!

Meals:  Cereal, Toast, Fruits

Meatloaf Sandwiches, Apples

Baked Chicken and Wild Rice Dish, Brussel Sprouts.   This was not on my second variation of this week's menu.  I'd originally planned roasted chicken and then found I had no whole chicken.  I bought one and then promptly tossed it in the freezer...Silly me.  I took out chicken today to roast and will cook it as I do the Baked Chicken and Rice dish.  I found Brussels Sprouts in the crisper drawer this morning as I sorted the fridge out and realized I needed to use them now.  

Thursday:  I won't even discuss the night that passed.  This morning up early, to the usual ruckus.  Nothing I haven't experienced before with a 3-year-old living in the house.  Remember this is my second campaign with a 3-year-old living with me.  Then as now, I find it very difficult to start a day that is begun with screams.  Mine or anyone else's.

I know it's supposed to rain but it felt obviously warmer this morning.  Warm enough that despite the damp grass, I decided the sunny front porch would be a lovely place to be for the morning.  It gave me about 5 seconds to empty dead plants from pots while I supervised the Little One in his play.  I attempted to get him to draw a circle or square, redirected his attention 10,000 times from the wet steps and Misu's food bowl.  There were dozens of other things he might do but of course, those two things had to be the focus.  

The birds were fairly screaming outdoors this morning.  Having heard the geese flying over in droves, headed north once again, I know that spring is surely on its way.  I've also noted all the Japanese magnolia in full bloom...That means we're due a sharp drop in temperatures.  Happens every year save one in all my memory.

Meals:  Bacon, Egg Burritos

PBJ for the little, along with raisins and six or seven potato chips.  He cleaned his plate.  For us, Brats and Sauerkraut.

Burgers with Oven Fries.

Friday:  I had a decent night last night and even slept through the morning rumbles and felt like $99 this morning.  Not quite $100 but definitely on the upper end.  The moment I came from the room though a storm of tears ensued.  He wanted MY breakfast though he had one of his own.  I made him the exact same breakfast (Butter and Jelly on toast, orange) but apparently only mine was the obvious choice and when I refused to give it up we had a real dramatic display.  I took him off to his quiet place and we practiced deep breathing...well I did but he watched.  Eventually he'll catch on.  I cleared up the breakfast leavings and that created more drama. I took him up on my lap and sat just holding him for a bit and then suddenly all was wonderful and well.  

I brought in the slide when I went out to feed the cat.  It was cold and blowing rain and the porch was soaked.  He played and played, suddenly announced he needed to go potty and though he'd apparently already started had stopped himself and actually finished up on the potty.  Just when I think we're making no progress at all and that it's going to be an endless battle, suddenly he surprises me.  

So small reward was given, loads of praise and he played happily until 'munchtime'.  He ate two plates of food at lunch and has been quiet in his room ever since, but I do hear the ominous thuds that generally means he's up and ready to come out.  

After our lunch, I ran into town to pick up birthday cards and bags, look for half price Valentine's candy (none) and grabbed a loaf of bread.  I was amazed at the sunny weather, but the winds are high and gusty and cold air is blowing in once more.

I'd asked to go to the grocery this morning, but John wasn't interested in going anywhere.  I'd asked Little One's mama to stop and pick up Sunday's fried chicken on the way home.   However, when I got home, he announced his intention of going to church this evening.  We are experiencing something wonderful at our church just now and I'm excited to go join in with this move of God tonight.  But Martha-ish me sighs and contemplates the 'sudden change' of plans and wonders how to adjust it all.  Little One's mom will be coming right home, not picking up Sunday's fried chicken.  I need to figure out how to prepare a quick and easy meal for rest of household and then remind John that we will need to grab something to eat when we get home tonight.  

Meals:  Toast with Jelly, Oranges

Beanies and Weenies, Corn Muffins

????I really don't know!!!

That's our week, long and short, sunny and stormy, difficult and easy enough.  

How was yours?

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