So how are you holding up? At first, when this whole social isolation thing came about I wasn't too concerned. Social Isolation is what I do 9/10ths of the time and I have plenty to do anyway. I was puzzled as the days went on by those who, like me, have been home long term who began to say they felt a malaise of sorts. One dear friend who shared this feeling rather surprised me as I knew she was normally industrious and busy within her home on a daily basis. I also knew she'd experienced a lot of family illness that meant she had a lot of pressure upon her shoulders. "She's probably just tired," I thought..."Too much stress these past few months..."
Well it's contagious. I can honestly say now that I am torn between sleeping long and late each morning and whiling away my time in the most meaningless and inane ways. I rouse myself for a few moments at a time and do something but then I'm right back in that place that just can't quite get off the ground. Katie asked if I was depressed and I shouldn't say that. I really wouldn't. It is more the effect of realizing after days upon days that it's easy to let little things and then bigger ones, slide.
It's a realization that there is much that can't be done without running to the store to purchase things, much as I'd like it to be otherwise. Mind you I'd been shopping loads less since the end of last year except for purchasing over the counter things for allergies that affected my ears, but now I'm not spending much of anything anywhere except the grocery once a month.
So I can't do this task or that one...Fine. But then I think, "Why bother to tweeze my brows, shave my legs?" "Why pick out an outfit for any future outing we might happen to take? I'll just wear a fresh t-shirt and these old capri leggings and that's good enough." On and on it goes...Why bother to plan meals? I don't want a thing I can afford to make anyway. Let's just have sandwiches or nachos and call it good enough at least until we're out of bread and chips.
Honestly if it weren't for schooling Josh, I guess I'd do pretty much nothing beyond making the bed, sweeping the floor, cooking a meal and clearing up behind it. Wash, rinse and repeat...
Now I know full well that this life of mine is not one whit different from the life I led before self isolation. It's not a matter of self isolating or of money or anything else. It's that I've let my mind slip into a zone that just isn't conducive to living. I've gone into la la land, that in between place where we exist but don't live, that place that is neither asleep and restful, nor awake and productive.
So what shall I do about it? Hmmmm?
Well for one thing I am testing to see if I'm truly as rested as I think I am. Have I worried a bit too much, not slept well too many nights in a row? Feel an excess of tension in my body? Am I feeding myself spiritually or have I gotten a bit careless there, too? Am I listening to too much news and not enough good music? Have I done anything creative? At all? Am I so busy listing the 'I can't because..." projects that I've failed to see the "But I can...." ones? Have I reached out to anyone? My husband? A family member? Have I thought of anyone except myself?
Have I learned anything new or tried a new recipe or picked up a new to me book and read it? Have I written in my journal of late?
Have I tried deeper cleaning or decluttering? What about rearranging things? I've really never been much of one for rearranging furniture once I found a pleasant grouping but isn't it time to do something besides what I always do?
And there's the rub my dears...I've climbed into that 'Always' box once more and pulled the lid down tight upon me! I always read my vintage magazines and not new ones. I always read this book or that one but seldom pick up any of the many on my shelves that I've never bothered to read. I always wear these clothes at home. I always clean the house in this way. The meals are the same, the house is the same, I am too much the same. Truth told, this is the most different time of my life this year and here I am sitting down in the dust at the bottom of that always box because it's what I always do...UGH!
Where are all those ambitions I had at the beginning of the year? Where are the books by great spiritual leaders I'd meant to read? Where is the resolve to make myself look nice each day? I live on ten acres of land for heavens sake...Surely I could find enough dirt to fill a pot or three with a bit of that homemade compost I have on hand?
There are many cans of paint in the cabinet and I might use any of it on a piece of outdoor furniture even if it's not really what I want...At least it would look fresh and new and not peeling and wretched.
So it's really not there's nothing to do. It's that my attitude needs to be adjusted. I'm the reason for my own malaise. I'm sitting here waiting for something to change when I'm the only one who can possibly change. So.
What shall I do, then?
Limit screen time. It's so easy to get caught up in tv, videos, or games and just sort of veg out. I'm going to go back to checking Instagram only once a day, Facebook only once and emails just once.
I'll only watch vlogs in the evenings after supper and I'll limit that time to two hours tops. Then I'll read until we go to bed. Or do handwork sewing, or go color. Anything but sit glued to the screen for hours on end.
I can't do much about John's watching so many political debate/news type programs, but I can limit my exposure by leaving the room after a few minutes of it. Presently we haven't got a series we enjoy watching together so there's no loss to me if I slip out of the room.
I'm going to make a point of getting up a bit earlier. I want to go back to having Bible Study first thing each morning before I make a meal or feed the pets or clean anything or watch Instagram stories.
I'm going to sort out the household things and get rid of the truly tatty things (at least to the rag bag if it doesn't actually leave the house). And if I happen to get especially messy, I'll just change clothes. I'm a real stickler about not creating extra laundry but it's worthwhile if it makes me feel better.
I'm going to take more time to do self care. Shower, shave, tweeze. Put on earrings. Care for my poor hands. The nails and cuticles are looking pretty rough.
Inventory foodstuffs and then make up a menu plan for breakfast, lunch and dinner and prep ahead at least once if not twice a week. I do want to get the most mileage from our foods just now but I'm sure I don't have the only repertoire of inexpensive main dishes ever made. Someone else has good ideas too.
Dump files, dump pinterest photos and start again. Seriously dumping those recipe files I've accumulated, blog lists, Pinterest boards etc and starting all over again is one of the most inspirational things I know to do. Yes, some of the same ones will likely find their way back on my boards but I'll also be open to looking at newer images that aren't shoved into whatever algorithm Pinterest has me shoved in. As for blogs, I'll go back to my favorite and peruse their blog lists to see what they enjoy. Who knows? I might find another new favorite.
Pull out clothes from the wardrobe and set up a few outfits for the rare occasion when I might be going out, even if it is just a drive into town.
Keep pulling books from the shelves until I find one I fall into and can't put down for long. Pick up a few spiritual books that I found very beautiful and inspiring and read them again. Start a list of books I mean to purchase and check prices online.
Put away the vintage magazines for now. I've looked at them over and over and over and over again. I bought two new ones, a May issue and a June issue. I'll look at those in the coming weeks but for just now I'll put my well read ones aside.
Send snail mail to someone. I'll just bet there are family and acquaintances that would love a bit of real mail in their post box just now instead of the endless bills, sales flyers, etc. that they normally get. I know I do!
Move something in each room...A piece of furniture, rearrange a table top, hang or remove a picture.
Walk daily. Over to feed the chickens, down to fetch the mail, just about the yard or along the clear portions of the property lines. Take note of nature and enjoy the sun and breeze and take the stupid allergy tablets if necessary or shower after when I come indoors.
Do some deep cleaning. I am sure there's plenty to keep my hands and body occupied in this house, indoors and out. I can tick off five jobs on one hand in less time than it takes to count almost...
Drag John out to go for a ride along our country back roads. Maybe take a picnic with us and stop somewhere that is pretty to have our meal. Ramble about and see things we've never seen before within our own county. Walk the old graveyards. Read historical markers. As dry as it's been I'd love to wander dirt roads but I know my husband doesn't care to do that unless it's well known to him.
Make things as pretty as I can possibly make them. Be it the way our food looks on plates, or the dining table or myself, I want to leave a trail of beautiful little things behind me...
I guess that's about enough of that. I've already been inspired to rearrange the dining area buffet and mantel in the living room. I've worked in the shed today and finished organizing and pulled out some spring florals and hung wreaths on front and back doors. I've pieced together three outfits which I guess is enough given the lack of going there is these days. And just think...All those nice things I bought for early spring this year will still be new to me for next Spring!
Our supper tonight is a leftover makeover of Chicken Enchiladas Verde with very colorful sides that make me excited just to look at the loveliness of them.
And that's me kicking myself out of La La Land...What are you gonna do to get out and start to live life all over again? Do share!
16 comments:
I’ve been *trying* to be awake by 8:30 a.m. fix my coffe and jump in the shower so I’m ready for the day, like I would normally. I’ve had too much screen time too, and I’m trying to be better about that. My house is slowly gett8 g more organized , only impeded by my broken shoulder. It gets sore easily. I am enjoying trying new recipes, but my one weakness in life is eating out, and we can’t!
I had to laugh at our not fixing ourselves up any more. I stopped wearing makeup unless we were grocery shopping or errand running, which is our big time out once a week or so. I saw a woman on TV who said that females had stopped wearing their bras. I (cough, cough) might just fit into that category on my at home days.
I'm living in sweatpants and flannel pants at home. I put on jeans yesterday so we could go make a purchase and they felt unbearably tight. I'm fighting to keep the weight down, because between being bored and anxious, I wander the house all day looking for food to eat, just like an old hound dog.
We were supposed to vacation in Hawaii in June, but of course that's off, but I still bought some "vacation" clothes on line. My friend thought I was nuts but there will be other vacations and, God willing, I'll get a few restaurant meals this summer. I'll dress up then.
Today we got in the car and drove over to our best friends and talked to them in the driveway for an hour and a half. It was glorious!!
Liz, have you ever watched Larkrise to Candleford? Your "My one weakness" reminded me immediately of Dorcas Lane, the post mistress. Oh now, there's something I should be watching instead of some of what I have been! I miss eating out too and I didn't even much care about eating out, lol.
Anne, you reminded me of two things. One is a quote from Beth Moore "I can't tell you the future, but I can tell you that we will make the elastic waist fashionable once more." or something to that effect. I'm not having trouble with snacking. It's fortunately never been my weakness unless there were trigger foods about and there aren't just now thankfully! But I have noticed a tendency to want comfort foods on a daily basis. I missed yet another vacation time this year. We had to cancel our reservations even though the stay at home orders weren't in at the time we felt it best. But there will be another vacation...
Lana that sounds just nice, lol!
It’s so very easy to fall into a complacent state of being when our “normal” is suddenly turned upside down. I’ve found that even if things aren’t physically all that different in my day now, my MINDSET is getting quite a workout. I’m sticking with my morning routine of waking, coffee, Bible Study/prayer, bed making, bathing, hair/makeup, and dressing (not a fan of breakfast). Then morning is devoted to home chores. Hubby works from home (even before it was imposed), and we either have lunch together or individually depending upon his workload.
Afternoons are spent doing Bible Study, scripture writing, verse mapping, or some type of spiritual discipline, along with more home chores or projects such as decluttering, reorganizing, looking at our same furnishings in new ways. Then it’s time for dinner and we eat whatever we feel like – either cook a meal or have leftovers, or occasionally pick up carry out or have a pizza delivered. Early evening hubby may do an outdoor project or task and I will read or watch a Bible study related video - my favorite new discovery is Bible Girl Podcast – Jessica Robinson http://www.biblegirlpodcast.com/. Tons of free downloads and study resources. She makes Bible study a fun adventure!
Later in the evening we typically will watch a classic movie on, or recorded from, Turner Classic Movies – we’re obsessed with black and white movies from the 40’s. Our church is offering many online opportunities to stay connected and we participate in at least 3 a week. I guess I can sum this up by saying that the key for me is to just keep moving – once I sit down for too long without an activity, I’m apt to mindlessly spend time on social media and then I’m disgusted with myself for doing so. I’m also fortunate that hubby isn’t interested in following politics or the news – a practice I share – so we sort of live in our own little bubble and if there’s anything that we should absolutely be aware of in our world, our kids keep us informed. I keep busy with very simple and wholesome things – and as you said, Terri, I look for ways throughout the day to add beauty to our little world – whether it’s for just the two of us, or our neighbors or community to the extent that we can while following social distancing. For me, I have to CONSTANTLY be mindful to stay active and not let my mind fall prey to negative or depressing thoughts – a constant battle that I win most of the time so far, thankfully.
If we are going to stay home and pretty much not get into anything strenuous now I dress pretty much as if we are going to town. Makes me feel pretty and a bit different. Not so much a slug. :-) I try toMake myself only sit for so long. The night before make a short list of what Needs to be done..the usual hoe making things to keep all neat and clean. Then add at the least a few extras that I make sure I check off. That way even if I do find myself tired I Have accomplished a bit extra over the usual things. If I am to do a bigger project I divide it into 2 or more parts and at least do one or them.
I too feel as you described. I take it that is a natural thing for a lot of us. We are going through an unpresidential period. Nothing is for sure about anything. Our emotions on so many things are pushed one way and the other often. I try not to listen to too much news but in our little house if the tv is on you can hear it in most rooms easily. Also hubby wears hearing aids. They need worked on. His are from Costco but that department is closed 'for this duration". :( So no hearing aids. We feel it is probably time they will need replacing too. So the poor guy is feeling cut out of a lot due to having to have everything repeated again to him. [[ so I have to repeat some of the news he wants to hear to him when I wish I did not even hear it in the first place. :-))))) ]]
Since we seldom get out there is not the deadlines we used to have. We used to know we had to do this and that before we had to get ready and get into the car to go someplace. Now I don't know if even the hair salons are allowed to be open. Are they?? I have cut my hair for 30 + years so don't think about it anymore but many can't and what are they doing now?
I have noticed the one day a week we seem to not do much of anything here. But that has been happening now for 2 years. No plan as to what day. It just seems we both get worn out and one day a week or so,....besides Sunday.....we just relax and read etc for most of the day. Other than cooking and cleaning the kitchen and the small tasks needed I do not do much of anything that day. Then our batteries are replenished and we are ok again till maybe a week later sometime. We allow ourselves that time. Never worry as nothing is not being done so we can have that time and since retirement your time is basically our own.
I have a friend in another state. Both retired now. She and her husband take a drive from home. Each time they make a different turn then another and discover different areas they had not know. They have lived in the same house for 50+ years so new is a real discovery! They have since found lovely streams to picnic by and places to go and walk the dog they usually take etc. No destination in mind just a quiet place to discover. Just peaceful and together. Her husband was not too excited when this started but has since loved to do it. It is 'their' time to talk and pray together etc. A real mini vacation. Sarah
Sarah, could you turn on the Closed Captioning on the tv for your husband?
Terri, What would you eat if you could just go to the store and buy anything you wanted? I have been thinking about that since you said it here and cannot think of a thing myself. I am just sick of cooking and eating in general.
I too have not been motivated. I work and my husband retired 3 years ago, I am home (working a little - mostly emails, calls) but overall I don't even want to do anything. We should be decluttering - and deep cleaning - all the things I longed to do if I had the time and now I do and I don't want to. I need a new routine. I miss my grandchildren (you are so blessed to see yours regularly) I missed my granddaughters 4th birthday last week. While my children are close by I wouldn't want to take a risk. My one DIL works in Dr office and my one son still works for the school district maintenance (mostly alone). We are in Ohio. Thanks for the suggestions, instead of feeling sorry for myself and the things I cannot change, I am going to make a list of what I can.
Liz, I think under the circumstances you are doing very well!
Carolyn, yes the plan to keep busy put into practice is definitely key!
Sarah, how lovely about your friends who are finding 'new' right near home! I'm sorry about husband's hearing problems. There are things that really do make life harder than we'd think aren't there? If you don't have a smart tv would your husband watch close captions on computer screen videos? That might be a help to you both.
Lana, and there's the rub...I can't think of a blessed thing! lol I can make most anything I want and we seldom eat out anywhere that isn't easily replicated at home...It's just boredom all around I think.
Meg, none of my family is working outside the home just now, of those who live nearest by. Katie is going to school from home, Sam is online schooling and work and Bess and John and I don't work. We don't shop often or visit others. We try to keep at least ten days between visits as a rule but obviously now and then there aren't. But yes, I am blessed that we can see this bit of family rather than abstain entirely from it. Taylor hasn't been down in a month for both her sake and Caleb's. And my other Georgia grands' mom is an LPN that works in a nursing home, so we'll not see them until all this has died down. So I do understand about your not getting to see children and missing them so...Hugs for you Honey!!
Terri, your post hit it on the spot for me. I love staying home, but do like going somewhere now and then. This having to stay home just changes my mindset too. I’m going on the 3rd day without having put any makeup on or doing a thing with my hair after my shower. This cold weather isn’t helping. It is to be a high of 37 today. Well, I popped myself out of the mood by thinking of the dear boy we sponsor in Kenya. They were looking at food shortages BEFORE the locust invasion and the virus. I saw two news clips on this. So now I think of how grateful I am for the conditions in our country and then how can I help? I am talking to my husband later today about making extra donations to Compassion International and sending more to our sponsored boy’s family. I am also looking at where to donate to a food pantry or homeless shelter in Milwaukee as there is a greater need there. It’s making me feel a bit better already.
Well off to make my soups and stromboli and then finish 2 masks that I have started. Blessings to you dear friend!
Oh, may I ask what Katie is studying?
I just loved all the ideas in this post! : )
Angela, I am repeating them to myself today as I struggle to get anything done, lol.
Karen, Associate business degree, and licensed to sell insurance. She's partly finished the insurance thing but has to complete another course in that. She felt the associate degree would help her in whatever she chooses to pursue. I tend to agree.
Wonderful for Katie! I think the Associates will be very beneficial too. She is a busy girl, isn't she?!
Would you say I am in La La Land if I told you I sat on the couch with the cat and watched it snow for at least a half hour today? About the 3rd time in a week we have had snow! And yes, that is very unusual. Usually out doing some spring clean up by this time. In my defense we had walked around the grocery store and bought about $150 of groceries. I am sure we can live well for another 6 weeks. Everyone was polite and respectful of space, store was not crowded, shelves were stocked, although didnt check sanitizer. Had limits of 2 on about everything. Having a weird sense of humor thought it quite funny there was no limit on laundry products and the shelves were full. Maybe I am not the only wearing clothes several days if they still look and smell clean! I got 3 kinds of meat, as they say there is going to be a shortage. Tomorrow will be dividing it all up into small packages and freezing. Gramma D
Hi Terri - Great post! I feel like I go back and forth between energetic and focused days to days of malaise. I like to make lists so I have been trying to make a list each morning and work my way through. My lists include deciding what is for dinner and doing some prep, taking a walk, spending time on reading and embroidery, organizing and cleaning, writing notes to family and friends, etc. We did some driveway visits with friends this weekend to help us get through the Easter weekend without family. Thank you for all the ideas you shared. Blessings, Shirley
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