Diary of a Homemaker: New Days Ahead- part 1

Friday:  We are living in changing times and new challenges seem to be cropping up around every corner, but if we take notice, and adjust our homemaker habits accordingly, we can get through this.  Jennifer @ The Homemaker's Heart with Jennifer

I loved this quote on Jennifer's latest post and am sharing it here.  I am in 100% agreement with her in this statement.  I know many of you feel the same.  Let's be the quiet movement and make our adjustments as needed.

How was your Thanksgiving?  Like anyone else preparing a holiday meal, I'd gotten up early and had been busy as could be from the moment I rose.   As we were eating breakfast yesterday, I'd mentioned that I needed to hurry and finish things as I needed to leave the house by 10am to go pick Mama up.  John got rather testy.  He felt I was putting pressure on myself.  "There is no timeline here!"  I explained to him that indeed he was quite wrong.  There was a timeline.  There was a turkey in the oven and I knew full well he'd never check it.   There was other food that needed to go in the oven and heat or cook.  I wasn't worried about dinner being just on time but by the same token I was concerned that we be ready to eat in a reasonable time frame. 

 

Thankful as can be for Katie who knew I was going to pick up Mama and knows her dad well.   She and Caleb came out early.  She called me to see what my cooking schedule was and handled everything capably until I returned.  I am so very grateful for her and her help.  It helped to decrease my tension a great deal and allowed me to breathe before my return which was necessary because when I arrived with Mama others had started to arrive as well and things were chaotic and tense as I tried to layer foods into the oven to bake or reheat, answer thirteen dozen questions, pass out hugs to grands, greet guests, admire offerings and all of the lovely things that come with being a hostess.

Do you make notes after a holiday meal?  I always do.  I make notes about what was just right and what was off and how a recipe went over.   I noted that the children are NOT going to eat leftovers for supper (see the PBJ paragraph below, lol), despite being told every single year that this is what is supper.  They are never served leftovers at home, except for pizza. 

John wants a PLAIN pumpkin pie with whipped topping and nothing fancy.  He was disappointed today that I'd put both my plain pumpkin pies in the freezer yesterday after no one ate any.  We have coconut, pecan, apple and a pumpkin cream cheese affair all out and waiting to be finished, but he's looked terribly sad all afternoon long.  I've taken pity on him and put out a plain old pumpkin pie to thaw.  He'll have pie after his supper tonight.  Thank goodness I didn't skip making them!

I also added notes about what was a help and what might help me next year.  For instance, last night when I was having trouble going off to sleep, I occupied my mind with figuring out how to use up leftovers.  The biggest obstacle my brain kept bumping up against was that I had a lot of possibilities...but I need to thaw out big portions in order to make any of them. Next year, I'll plan ahead of time what I might make from any leftovers and I can actually freeze them in portions that are suited to what I might make from them.   That would make using up frozen leftovers so much easier!

Another help would be more shallow casseroles.  I have a lovely set of deep round casseroles but shallower ones would be most helpful for reheating foods that might need to be stacked in the oven.  

John and I are sitting here in the quiet of the house at the moment.  Jd and his children, Katie and Caleb, are all at Bess and Sam's.   They are lunching there and plan to teach the older children gun safety this afternoon.  The kids will play on the new swing set/fort/play set and eventually will all roam back this way, likely starving.  I have a fresh jar of peanut butter and lots of pie and a big bowl of fruit.   That should keep them happy until later when I make homemade pizzas.

Last night, after every one had left and I'd told the children there were leftovers for supper, no one but John ate food.  The kids wanted pie.  I started clearing up the kitchen around 4:30 and was just finishing up all of it about 7pm when one of the kids wandered in saying he was hungry...  

One thing I learned as a parent long ago was that one must have set open/shut rules for a kitchen or a child would constantly be standing in it begging for something to eat (and no, no one is going hungry around here!).   I was done in at that point and called to John to come make sandwiches and popcorn for anyone who wanted it but said plainly I was now off duty.  

There was a short and terse conversation between us.  I was accused of whining when I said quietly that I was tired.    I'd just spent the past two and a half hours cleaning, a fact that apparently absolutely everyone was unaware of.  I could have asked for help but I was content listening to the children play and talk, listening to John and JD talk, thinking my own happy thoughts.  I wasn't interrupted, took my time, methodically cleaned and worked steadily without fuss.   To be accused of whining was unfair and bit hard.  I quietly left the kitchen but said on my way out, "And please when you're done, sweep the kitchen floor for me."   There were grumbles and mutterings but he capably handled the making of peanut butter sandwiches, popcorn, milk and sweeping.

Later in the evening, he was watching tv and suddenly switched channels, pulled up the first episode of Downton Abby and handed me the remote.  That is the equivalent of a big apology in my home, just so you know.  Later still as we were headed to bed, I quietly said how much I'd appreciated his making sandwiches and sweeping and how I'd enjoyed seeing a favored program and then I added, "I asked for help when I needed it and it's unfair of you to accuse me of whining when you ask me why I'm asking for help.  Believe me I'm more aware than anyone when I'm whining and I wasn't whining.  Just weary."    

That might sound mild but even saying as much is a difficult thing for me still.  I'm trying to unlearn 50 odd years of keeping peace at all costs, of holding back feelings of hurt or anger and indignation.  I've paid the price in anxiety, insecurity and lack of confidence.  Hidden resentments erode away the best of relationships.  It is a lack of trust in another when you can't share your true feelings.   

John and I were having a quiet meal on our own when he asked me today, "WHY were you left with all the clearing up?"  I pointed out that Bess had left early on, because she is still not herself.  Usually, she is the one to distract the children but she'd have happily done anything asked.   Sam had taken his leftovers and his children and headed home with them much later in the afternoon to do his own clearing up.  Katie was off taking Mama home.  Jd had gone to bed to take a long nap.  To be fair he'd only had about 2 hours sleep as he worked Wednesday night and had a long drive then and another yesterday.   But to be 100% honest, he's never one to help anyone do anything.  He is oblivious.  It's apparently a family trait.   John himself had sat down before the tv and was in a world all his own.  

I didn't want to ask the children to help though they are quite old enough and capable.  Their mom has raised them that way.   I just wanted to get the task done.  Is anyone else with me in that it's sometimes easier to just DO what needs to be done when there is a big job ahead, rather than explain WHY you want a thing put here or to stop and show how to do it or to stop and show where it needs to be placed in the cupboard?  As well, I'd rather needed that time alone in my kitchen.  

Do I think in future John will come out and help or be more aware?  I don't know.  I'd lean hard on the 'not' side of things but he at least is trying to understand and I know that his real concern, despite first appearances, is that I am not over taxed.  So, we will leave it at that.

 Saturday:  It's over and done.  I saw the last of the guests out around noon today which is pretty good considering we were told they were leaving at 11.  But I'm a little ahead of myself.  First there is yesterday evening to share.   

And for the record I know these two days of posts are long so I shall likely send them out ahead and the remainder shall come out at end of week as usual and be much shorter!  I am talky just now and don't want to overtax you all! 

Yesterday about 5, Katie called to ask if I had supper plans.  I told her I was making pizza.  She said she had to run into the next town and would happily bring frozen pizzas but I told her I could easily make pizzas and have them in the oven before she could get back.   I invited her and her young man and Caleb to join us.     The children from across the field all came along with the rest of the family staying here for the weekend.  Sam and Bess stayed home to catch their breath as they'd hosted everyone and all the kids all afternoon long from lunch through to supper time.

Bless Josh, he nearly drove me distracted as I was making pizzas.  He wanted to get on my Kindle, couldn't connect to the internet on it, wanted water, and was trying to help himself but sent a stack of dishes cascading into the sink and wanted something else all at the same moment.  Finally, I said "Look Josh, I can do one thing at a time so which is most important to you at the moment?"  He wanted the Kindle most of all things so I stopped what I was doing to work on that, but to no avail.   I expect that the added usage of our data really slowed things to cold molasses as we had nothing but woes with it all evening long.   

The children might be outdoors all day long but simply doing anything that isn't screen related once it's dark is apparently a thing of the past.  It is a losing battle to suggest anything else, especially since the parents of this generation have made Kindles baby sitters...just as most of mine used TV.   I shall take a hint from Hailey though who asked me if I didn't have any board games.  I don't...but you can bet I soon will!     As well, I need to update my coloring books to something that is more interesting to older children.  I wish they would read.  I have a load of really good children's books.  But I can at least count on art and games.

Supper was a circus.   Three announced they didn't want to eat supper just then; they'd wait until later.  I assured them that was erroneous thinking on their part.  "Supper time is supper time in my house.  I don't make food on demand at a different hour."  They looked thunderstruck.  I noted that they ate however.    

The three men sat and ate and talked.  Katie and I ran from kitchen to dining table and monitored children and plates, passing out seconds, gulping bites of food when we could.   I went into the kitchen at the end and found my plate had been taken as dog scraps and my supper was finished whether or not I was.  It's a good thing she and I ate as we went because the pizzas were gone and not even crumbs remained.  Note to self: with that many folks it might be wise to do a second round of pizzas.

Eventually Sam came and got his kids, Katie took her crew home and the house was quiet.  Clearing up was super easy.  It was all paper plates and sheets of foil.  So not a hard clearing up process.  The evening was pretty quiet once everyone was connected to the internet.   

This morning, I waited for the children and their dad to get up.  Time rocked on to 10am. I had been told they were leaving at 11am, I thought it best to start breakfast and get the ball rolling.  It was while I was making breakfast that I was told they might stay 'a bit longer'.  

I love my son dearly but he is very loose with time and time frames.  School and work schedules matter not at all, his nor that of others, if he's decided to expand a visit.  I simply looked at him and said quietly that I wasn't prepared for them to stay longer.  I'd discovered that the children didn't like turkey and it was what I'd planned to have today.  I had no ready menu plan for an expanded visit and my resources necessitate a shopping done before I could feel comfortable.  I have no fresh produce, no milk, no store-bought bread (homemade isn't a favored commodity).  I reminded him of the children's need to return to school and his own long road trip between his home and his current job site.   And I admitted that I needed some down space between his departure and Caleb's arrival for a week of babysitting.  He looked down hearted and I felt guilty but honestly, I have never seen a family so determined to be as free and easy about time when they are visiting another's home as John's family can be.

Sam and Bess and the children all came over to see them off.  We were still eating breakfast. The boys are sniffling and coughing terribly after spending two days outdoors without jackets running about in the cold.   Tears from the little boys over their cousins leaving and Sam's insistence that they come home.  Lots of stalling on Jd's part about getting in gear to go.   

And while all this was going on, John quietly got up and went into the kitchen.  He washed all the dishes from breakfast.  He washed every cup and bowl and utensil that was left after the kitchen closed last night.  He is the dearest man, truly and an example to me.  I had planned to load things into the dishwasher but he won't touch the machine. So he washed them all.

We have learned to do passes in each room multiples of times in order to insure nothing is left behind.  Postage is prohibitive when having to box up and mail a large overweight package of forgotten items as we've learned on multiple of occasions.   So Jd packed and when he'd finished, Zach and I made the first pass over the two rooms.  We found blankets and sweaters and socks and kindles left in odd places.   Then Jd made a pass through.   Daniel went over the rooms and then John and Hailey went over them.  At the last minute we noted Hailey's backpack sitting on the floor at the back door and called them back to get that loaded up.    

We waved goodbye and it went about as usual.   Amid all the cheerful " see you later" and goodbyes John wept.  I came indoors to find comfort in a bag of chips after the car left and went down the drive.  

It's been nearly a full year since the last time I'd seen those three grandchildren.   JD's schedule has been crazy.  We'd planned a visit in February and I'd been sick and stayed sick with something off and on from then until June.   Then we were caught up with the financial disaster known as July.  And now we're needed to care for Caleb. 

 The time went quickly and at points it was a complete blur.   All throughout the holiday the thought of Amie and her family was right there at the forefront of my mind.  She'd said to me ages ago that her living so very far away was no different than any of the pioneers had done in moving across the west from the east and I'd laughed at the time but she's quite right.  I've come to understand that time with family is precious and often shorter than we think if might be, but real love between folks is never lost.  You don't have to be in constant contact if you're holding someone in your heart.   Those children have been here in my heart all through the year just as Amie and her family have been.    

I'd give much if Amie or Jd were communicators but they are not.   Phones might as well not exist, nor Facebook or even the USPS as far as those two are concerned.  I've tried to foster that connection but it does seem I call at a bad time.  They assure me they aren't on social media, and that seems to be true. They don't have time for email and can't read my writing if I do snail mail or won't pick up packages sent (ask me how many returns I've picked up that had originally been sent to my son, lol).  I'm not complaining.  I've learned to accept that for them both this is the way it is and they are content with it.  And maybe it's because they do know they are held tightly in my heart that they are very comfortable holding to their own ways of not communicating.

I have pulled Jambalaya and Beans and Rice from the freezer to thaw for our supper tonight.  I took a spontaneous nap this afternoon.  I realize as I sit here that I am tired but not exhausted.  There's a new week right ahead of us and plenty to be done in it.  I'm thinking of Christmas and the routine day to day living that must be done in the week ahead.   There are new days ahead and I am ready to greet them.