Shabat Thoughts - Lost
Two weeks ago we took a road trip to Warm Springs and got lost. It was the most awesome time we've ever spent being lost and if getting lost were always like that...Well, it could happen more often!
But getting lost isn't wonderful. Getting lost usually ends up with a harsh word or several and every now and then it ends with cold silence and no truce/no surrender flags to show that the war isn't going to end anytime soon.
At best, being lost momentarily spoils a few miles of a trip. And that's just a road trip. There are those times when we're lost spiritually, not "I don't know Jesus" lost, but confused and unable to discern the path and feeling like you're in a black out sort of lost, where waiting on God is mandatory. And very difficult. Getting lost brings up all sorts of control issues and fears and anxiety and multiple unknown factors. Getting lost is not nice.
So getting lost this particular day was remarkable all by itself in that we were totally relaxed and easy and the hardest thing said was, "Oh well, let's just stick with this and see where it's going. We have a map right?" We did. A map is very reassuring in its way. That opened up the world to all sorts of possibilities, right there.
We ended up sitting on a mountainside, overlooking a beautiful panoramic view of miles of farmland, forest, and rolling hills dressed in evergreen and russet and gold with the most beautiful blue sky above us and a cool breeze. It was breathtaking.
Maybe it was the beauty of the scenery or the crisp air or perhaps it was just that we were ready for just such a talk as we had with one another but it proved to be one of those conversations that is deep and heartfelt and timeless in that awareness of time was gone. We were completely focused upon the moment and not pressured to be anywhere else.
What did we talk of? We talked of the things most couples talk about when they are together: our home, our children, our current finances. And then we spoke of the harder things, the things we don't normally speak easily of. We talked of the time of life we are currently in, of the need to lay aside dreams we've spent a lifetime dreaming because they are better suited to younger people, and of our deep down feelings for one another. We talked about our faith in God. We talked of the scariest thing of all: letting go of all our own expectations and just trusting God for every last thing.
Did you get a shiver up your spine just then? Because I did, then and now too, yet I can tell you sincerely that all the 'losts' I've ever been don't scare/thrill me half as much as the idea of losing control, letting go and seeing just where we'll end up if we stop trying to figure out this life all by ourselves and let God take over. No map, no hands on the wheel, a sort of free fall faith. We wept, not out of fear, but out of excitement, out of the very daring of a faith that has grown and grown since the day we realized that our God was an awesome God and not the skim milk God we'd been led to believe He was.
I'm going to get lost...Want to come?