Coffee Chat: Nearly Autumn

Hello dears.  I've just taken cookies from the oven.  They are chocolate chip and quite warm so you must quickly take one up...I think as good as chocolate chip cookies are, there's nothing like a warm one filled with melt-y chips.  I almost always choose the largest one on the pan first, but then I think better of it and put it back, opting instead for the one with the most chocolate chips showing.  Does anyone else do that?  Have some coffee and a seat and let's talk for a bit.  It's too  full of gnats outdoors to be pleasant to sit outside on the porch as I'd like.  I've been out three times already trying and without a breeze to shoo the gnats away it's a botheration to be out there. 

And there goes the second reason I've no desire to outdoors...John is mowing the lawn.  It's slowed it's growth finally but not to the point of waiting more than 10 days to cut again.  You see his funny hat to keep sun off his ears and neck and the sunglasses?  Maddie runs and hides when she sees him.  We thought it was the mower that upset her but it seems it's John in his mowing garb.  Such a silly doggy!



Silly or not, she's quite good at predicting weather.  Last night I hurried out to take pillows I'd been airing from the line and there she was in her dog house.  She always looks so apologetic for having been IN the dog house but I know her well.  I scanned the skies and there was nothing to indicate weather coming in.  I listened hard and heard nothing.  But I promise you I hadn't been indoors five minutes when the heavens opened and rain poured down for the next 45 minutes.  Not one of the weather folks predicted that shower...

We've had a lovely time during John's days off.  Mostly we've just been at home, but we did make a trip over to the mountain last week and we enjoyed that a great deal, including the part where we got lost.   And over the weekend we went to Katie's where Matt grilled steaks and we watched Taylor dance and prompt the characters in her favorite movie to say their next lines.  I was able to admire the many things Katie has done to her downstairs.  It's lovely, truly lovely and her work was worthwhile.

Mostly though, we've been at home.  We rested and relaxed and though we did push hard a few days to do lots at home and in the yard we also spent a few days doing much of nothing.  Meals have been hap hazard and mostly consist of leftovers presented in a new way or not eating much of anything at all, because we haven't been hungry.

The trip up to the mountain and to Katie's which is a 3 hour drive for us, presented many trees showing the first beginning changes of color.  We'd noted this in early August when we went down to Sam's, that trees were beginning to be tipped with color down South of us in the wet areas.   So we weren't really surprised to see those changes north of us, not as subtle as they'd been in August in the southern part of the state.   However, this week we've looked at our trees about our land and the Turkey foot oak is sporting many red leaves, the Ginkgo which always changes early on our place is green gold and the Pecan and Sweet Gum sport gold leaves amongst their greenery.   We see the signs of a changing season all about us.  The mornings are cool and glistening with dew that takes hours to dry out.  These are autumn mornings here.  In summer months we seldom have heavy dews.

I am ready for autumn this year.  Ready to see summer end.  Looking back I see no real hardship to make me feel so glad to have it go.  It was hot but not excessively so.  It was humid but nothing out of the ordinary.  We had rain enough and that was pleasant though it meant more mowing of the lawn.  But for some reason, summer felt like it was terribly hard.  

I could blame John's work.  The stress of not knowing until the last possible moment if there would be a job was burdensome.  And then the strain of there being no change on too many fronts where change was needed and the getting used to the new schedule, the waiting to see if finances worked out.  There was no raise again this year, but we're getting used to that, sad to say.  In the last 23 years of service I doubt we had a raise half of those years.  The new schedule is tougher but we no longer have that one short pay period that always  left us struggling to make ends meet until  the larger pay period.  Now the two checks each month are the same amount and that's a help and a sort of raise, I suppose, though John must work the mandatory overtime that makes up the increase.

But it wasn't all the job, either.  Some family issues, some sorrow, misunderstandings...and that one big sorrowful thing.  There were illnesses among the family but nothing lasting though some were more worrying than others.   There was no family day but we visited and were visited by the two children within the state.  I heard from Amie and JD.  I  got first day of school photos of JD's children.  Yes,  those things happened.  We've had worse seasons where family is concerned.  

I can't say just why I felt so strained and worn down in August, really I can't.  But I can tell you that this rest time has been wonderful, just what I personally needed.   It's also  been a time of insight for me as well, which  I hadn't thought would happen.  Some of those insights were humbling experiences that sort of took the wind out of my sails for a bit, but I see the benefit of the revelations.  In a funny sort of way, having those insights come at the time they did, helped me to relax a little and stop pressuring myself over things I am not called to.

So yes, I've benefited from this time off and I could tell Monday morning that I was back in my stride, ready to begin the new season that is so evident about me.

I'd noted at Katie's that she'd put up an autumn wreath and had a few touches in each room of the house.  That pleased me because I'd been thinking with all the trees changing that I was ready to put a few touches in my home.  I don't start my decorating with blatantly fall looking things but I try to add hints of the season.  Colors here come on slowly.  Autumn is a time of blooming here in the South.  Mallow blooms pink and lovely, and goldenrod waves.  There are yellow flowering weeds and white blooms and here and there some purple flowers,  not to mention all the tall grasses that come into maturity.  It's like a second spring, really.  The leaves on the trees start to show their bit of color but not until all the flowers are done and the first frosts have come do we get the rich brilliant colors of autumn.

So I wanted subtle colors mixed with rusty looking greens and barely tinted leaves.  I think I achieved the look I wanted rather well.  Later in the season, when it's well and truly autumn, I'll bring out my pumpkins,  remove the greens from the floral displays and wreaths, and add richer, deeper colors.

I'm anxious to spruce up the potted plants.  The petunias are done and the snapdragons died back.   The baskets of impatiens and salvias look bedraggled.  The herbs look pitiful and the mint died.  It's time to add new plants.  I hope this week or next there will be autumn blooming plants in the market.  I'd like to have some asters this year.  I haven't had asters in years, not since I planted my very first flowers as a newly married young bride 40 years ago.  Funny, I haven't even thought of that first little flower bed until just now!  Oh my gracious...

I promised myself this year that I would find a good source of flower seeds and begin to plant some of those old flowers, the ones I grew up with, the ones I first grew when I planted my first flower gardens.  All these years I've meant to do this, and haven't.  Lately it seems I must do those things I've pushed aside too often.  I must make the effort to listen to the music that thrills my soul and have the flowers I crave to see in my yard.

And more...One of the insights I had this past week was that I want to do more of those things which I'd intended to do, those things that are simple enough, the good intentions sorts of things.  I'm telling myself, "Just do it..."  And so far, I have.  The soul satisfaction of doing something is so much greater than the thought of merely doing can ever be.

I won't share the deepest most personal insights with you because I've mixed those up into Coffee Chats in the past and they don't 'fit'.  Really these chats are not meant to be heavy things.  They are meant to be a neighborly sort of break in the day and so I'll keep those deeper more personal things for sharing at another time, when it's heart to heart time,  but I will share those insights which deal with my home and work and finances in these coffee chats.

For one thing there's the insight that my wardrobe is a mess.   Over late winter and through early summer, I indiscriminately purchased the cheapest items in my size that I could find.  Not one nice piece among them and I do mean I spent very little.  I took a small portion of some money gifted me in Spring and bought accessories meant to pull together the motley lot of things I'd purchased because I found way back then that I had nothing much to wear.   I've realized since that what I've ended up with at the end of this summer is pretty much what I had at the end of last autumn.    The shirts I bought from Walmart, which were about $4 each,  either shrank badly or didn't wear well for one reason or another.  The things I'd ordered from Zulily that looked nice online were too snug or didn't fit at all and the fabric was often weird in some way.  I ended up giving all of them away.  ALL.

The only piece I have left from all my purchases over the last 7 months is a white t-shirt I picked up at Ross for Less.  Fortunately that was a better quality piece.  Every other piece of clothing is gone and done.  I realized this week I might have taken the same amount of money spent on all those so cheap pieces and had perhaps two more decent shirts, such as that white t-shirt.

Fortunately I have some money set aside to purchase new clothes with and I have been thinking long and hard about what I shall try to purchase.   I need to basically start fresh.  I have a nice pair of skinny jeans, a white t-shirt, a denim jacket and a blouse I truly love wearing in a sheer Navy print.  There's  a deep V-neck charcoal gray t-shirt that I can wear over a tank top and the white jeans I've had for two or three years now can still be worn.   I have a black trench coat that works very well for me.  Those are the things I can use through the fall that are in my closet, at present.  I have a pair of boot leg jeans but I'm not keen on them.  They fit just fine, perfectly in every way really,  but I loathe that awkward flare of the boot leg.  I don't feel it suits my figure very well and I'd prefer to relegate those jeans to wearing about the house in future if I can replace them.

I got quite frustrated Sunday morning in trying to dress for church.  I usually wear jeans to church.  That wasn't the problem, it was finding a top that would look nice with the skinny jeans because I'd worn the others to Katie's the day before and sat in something on the porch bench that necessitated their being washed.  I'd bought several tops that were meant to be loose and more tunic length which I think looks best with the skinny jeans.  I put on one of those Zulily shirts and it was so ill fitting I nearly ripped it off.  That was the day it really came home to me that I had nothing to wear of all those things I'd purchased this year.  Shame on me for wasting my funds and shame on me for thinking I could get by with things I hadn't tried on or shame for buying things that were lesser quality.

I normally wear jeans to church as does most of the pastoral staff, but I'd like the option of wearing something that aren't jeans now and then.  I don't need a lot of dressy clothes, but I need some.  I'd noted when I dressed for Jason's funeral that the black pants I'd had in the closet were looking well worn.  I don't own a dress and haven't a skirt that fits.  My life is a casual life for the most part and I don't desire to dress for  the life I don't have.  But let's face it...some occasions call for something just a bit nicer than jeans, even if they are a dark wash!

I want very much to assemble a wardrobe that works hard and does whatever duty it's called to do. I have some knowledge about how to go about it...but I'm still a little nervous about this upcoming shopping.  For one thing, I'll be buying more than I normally do in a season.  I've never really had to start with so little before.  I plan to try to establish a base color with accents.  I can't say just yet what that base color will be because I haven't been out to see what is available.  I don't want black though I think black pants are versatile, dressing up or down.  I want a blazer or jacket of some sort, besides the denim one.  Not a jacket for outdoors.   I like black but it can be very oppressive looking with my black hair.  So I'm not really thinking I'd want to have a black base to my wardrobe.  I like navy.  But will I find anything in Navy that will work?   It's hard to find basic neutrals in this day and age when clothes are seemingly meant to be worn for a season and then  done away with.

And in the meantime, the few things that I have in my closet that won't do for wear outside have made the house clothes drawer overfull.  Sigh...

Well, enough chatter I think.  It's good to take time to sit down and talk again after time away.  It's good to be home!