Diary of a Tired Homemaker: Long View

 

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Saturday:  We were meant to be away from home early.  I might as well have saved my breath in asking.  We left, as we almost always do, at 10:30.  I'd cited it being Saturday and crowds coming in to shop but John considered it his day off and therefore we worked on his time schedule.  Never mind. It wasn't as bad as I feared it might be but it was busier than a weekday for sure.  He went into Publix to get the cat food I wanted there and we went into Aldi together.  

It was busy and that's no complaint but just what I expected.  I did however skip the very very good buys at Kroger and asked to just go home.   It was, by that point in time, a combination of realizing that (a) Kroger was going to be far worse than any other store we'd been to yet, and (b) however careful I had been, even with half my list crossed off as an item I chose to skip, I was over budget.  I cannot deny that prices are higher and have been at Aldi.  Not exorbitantly higher but I can say for sure that the few cents more here and the fifty cents more there adds up as rapidly as it does when I round up in our check register to net us a slight savings each month.  It adds up.  In the bank account it is most welcome.  In the grocery store, it is not.  So I asked to just go home.   Instead John drove to Sonic and we had lunch.  The weather was more pleasant than when we'd left home and that helped lunch seem nicer than it actually was.

Once home, there was putting away what we'd bought and that is always a whole job in itself.  John asked why I was so busy and I could only look at him and shake my head.  His part of shopping is loading the heavy things into the cart once we've packed them up, unloading them into the car once we are out of the store and unloading them to bring into the house when we arrive and all the rest is mine.  I am by no means saying he has the lesser task.  Because he's the one doing the lifting the bags are packed full and heavily and he is lifting them multiples of times in a short period of time.    Putting away, rearranging so that stuff fits in the right places, etc., is just another whole job in itself.  That took about two hours time.  

I had about an hour to sit and rest and then had to think about supper.  I didn't buy a lot of convenience items today, namely because once I had made up my mind I would, I couldn't bring myself to pay the prices.   Remember all those 50c extra items...Nope.   I just felt they'd begun to run up our total and I was quite right. I opted for chicken nuggets and a box of chicken egg rolls.   I opted to make nachos and splurged using a little extra cheese than I might otherwise have used on them.  It was a busy day and nothing at all like a Sabbath rest day and I felt we deserved something more from the day than we'd had.   

I'm not complaining mind you.  I'm grateful as can be that for the most part the store shelves were well stocked and not just in a false manner.  There was plenty of items on the shelf.  The only real outage I noticed was whole kernel corn.  We had money to pay for what we bought.  I might have cut back hard but I got enough to manage just fine.   

We were out late last night and up far later still. I am well and truly tired.  Here's hoping tonight is restful and tomorrow isn't too hectic.

Sunday:  Another long day behind us.  That makes three in a row.  I've already warned John that if, in the week ahead, he's expecting anything extra or even anything resembling what he might consider normal, to be aware I am trying to preserve myself.

I wasn't at all sure I meant to go to church today.  In fact, last night before I went to bed, I told John I was seriously considering just staying home.  But I got up, late it's true and got ready in time and made a slightly different meal plan that included less work on my part and we went off to church.  

We came home and Katie came out to dinner with Taylor and Caleb.  The two children played together, in a sort of rough and tumble way.  It's sweet to see the two of them together and the bond between them is very apparent and lovely to see.

Dinner was altered just slightly again.  Taylor asked for mac n cheese.  Of course, she wants the boxed kind and it's not a hardship to make it, so I added that in.  So I'll share the menu we actually had: Gramma's Fried Chicken, Baked Sweet Potato, Collards, Sliced Tomatoes and Macaroni and Cheese.  It was delicious and while it sounds like a lot it wasn't.  I only sliced one tomato, and the sweet potatoes were really small and the collards a frozen leftover that was truly just enough for two.  The children enjoyed some Honey Graham bears cookies I'd gotten for them and John and Katie shared the last of the chocolate pie a lovely lady sent home with us on Friday night.

After the children had played, Katie gathered them up for the drive to take Taylor to meet her daddy.  John suggested I go lie down but I opted to sit in my chair and read.  I've been completely and totally absorbed in a book, The Chilbury Ladies' Choir by Jennifer Ryan.   I cannot recommend this one highly enough.  It's a really good one!  I spent the whole of my afternoon reading and crying over the thing. 

This evening we were off to the seniors dinner.  I am still ambivalent about belonging to this group, although I've had a lovely time.  There are a wide range of ages there from early 60's well into the 80's.  I'm meeting more and more of the people nearer our ages.  Do you know what has helped the most?  Everyone else our age feels ambivalent about it too!  We enjoy the group and the pastor who leads it and we all laugh self consciously when we admit we didn't feel we really belong but we're finding we all are comfortable there.

So another late evening for us.  And the week ahead looms.  Here's hoping for the best!

Monday:  I had one of those nights last night.  It apparently ran in the family because Katie said Caleb was up into the wee hours and so was she by default.  We were all tired this morning.  I'll say this for Caleb, at least he puts his tiredness to quiet play instead of being whiny.  If only Gramma might say the same...

While I was plating up breakfast, John was trying to get Caleb set up in his high chair.  He paused to do something and Caleb said "What are you doing?!" just like that.  Now and then he says something so obviously clear but mostly he is still talking baby gibberish, though he holds whole conversations in said gibberish.

After breakfast clearing up, I took time to bring the checkbook up to date after our shopping over the weekend.  I have yet to go through the bank statement and reconcile my check register.  I'll try to hit that this week as I don't like to go long without getting it done.  I'd rather catch a mistake sooner than later, especially if the mistake isn't in my favor.

After I'd done that little bit of work and held Caleb for a little while, I took the chicken backs and the last of the fried chicken pieces and removed the skin and meat.  I kept the back meat separate from the fried chicken meat.  I made chicken salad with the back meat and was shocked that four backs netted me nearly two cups of chicken salad.  I didn't add fruit or celery or anything.  Those were some meaty backs!   I had about 1.5 cups of meat from the leftover fried chicken.  I'll use that in place of a can of chicken in my Shoe Box Supper this week.  Use what you have!

I cleared up my mess and  it was time to feed Caleb his lunch.  I didn't know until lunchtime that he'd been up most of the night but I took a broad hint when he climbed into the rocker and then curled to lie down in a sleeping position in it that he was tired.  I put him down for his nap and he went right to sleep.  I cleaned up the kitchen then went out on the back porch and watered plants.  I came in and put my feet up and  was just about to close my eyes for a few minutes when I saw one of the cars from across the field drive across the back yard.  

Sam came in to bring John a gift of two new tires for his lawnmower, something he's really needed.  He told us about the playset he'd put together this weekend for the children and complained he'd sunburned the top of his head.   Now Sam is about 6'4" so I didn't see the top of his head but he leaned forward to do something and John said "Sam!  Did you get clocked on top of the head, too?"   I got up and went to look and sure enough he had a 2 inch long gash, not deep, but zowie.   And yes, he had been hit by a beam that dropped and he said that once Bess was assured he was quite all right and not about to pass out she quietly let him be while he vented his frustrations and pain.  Bess is a good wife, lol.

Caleb heard Sam talking and wanted to come out and see what was up.  John decided to put the plastic pieces back on his car (we got the necessary clips in the mail last week) and so Caleb and I sat in the kitchen watching out of the window while John worked.  I don't normally keep such a close eye on him but he was partially under his car and I thought it wise to have someone on look out.   When he came in, Caleb made it clear that he really wanted to lie down again so I took him back to bed and hoped I'd get to close my eyes for ten minutes but no, it didn't work out that way.  I had to get up twice to attend to small matters and then  Caleb was up again within 30 minutes.

Tired,  and frustrated at being tired, I decided if I couldn't rest I'd get to work again so I made up Swedish Meatballs for supper tonight.  About the time I got those started, Caleb wanted supper.   He made John and I laugh as John had him set up in the chair and I had been singing as I worked.  I came over to put his plate down and was singing "Are you washed...In the blood..." and Caleb looked up and smiled right on cue and said "YES!"  God bless little children.

With supper prepared and only needing to be warmed again, we three relaxed in the living room until Katie arrived to pick up Caleb.  Katie was tagged for a new job than the one she'd originally applied for.  She's excited about future opportunities with the company she's with and I'm glad.  We discussed briefly about possibly putting Caleb in day care.  I could see the idea of it makes her anxious but I suggested we see about a two or three days a week and I'd keep him a couple of days as well.   I didn't discuss this with John beforehand but it does seem to me that it's the best of both.  I'd have time to do other things, time to spend with him.  I went out on the back porch with her after that and they left.  

I plated up supper.  I didn't clear up right away because John wanted to take off trash almost as soon as we'd eaten.  I asked to run by Sam and Bess's to see the new playset.  So on our way home from the dump, we stopped to see the weekend project, the new swing/fort/slide set.  The boys were in bed but came out to say hello.  Millie was in bed, too and was quiet but Sam had told us in his visit earlier that she'd been having terrible days the past few days.  Poor baby is teething.  She woke while we were there and proceeded to scream.  Bess said it had been going on all day today and her nerves were shot.  I was sympathetic.  I had succumbed to taking an anti-anxiety pill on Thursday when Caleb had screamed for just two hours.  He wasn't crying, just screaming because he could scream.   Millie at least has a reason other than amusing herself.

We visited with them, all sitting on the front porch.  I told Bess that I'd taken to waving at folks or at least nodding to them as we passed homes.  I'd decided that being nice and throwing up a hand wasn't going to kill me or anyone else and we need a little more friendliness in the world just now.  Bess agreed and said she'd started to do the same.  So when the next car came along down the road in front of their house,  we all put up our hands and waved a good old country "Hello neighbor!" sort of wave.  The man in the truck put out his arm and waved back.  You see?  People respond to friendliness still.  It's time we used it before we lose it.

Tuesday:  I was nodding off last night by 9pm and at 9:30, I gave up all pretenses and went to bed.  I didn't really go right to sleep but I was asleep almost immediately after John came to bed, at a time that was  earlier than usual for him.  

Up early this morning.  I've been allowing myself to sort of free flow about.  If I find myself with a moment to tackle a job and it's right there before me, I do it.  If I want to eat this instead of that, I change things up.   If I feel like doing nothing but sitting and watching Caleb play while listening to music, that's what I do.  It's not just trying to prevent further tiredness.  It's more that I am trying to lighten up and not be so rigid with what I think I ought to do, what plan I ought to be following, etc.  I'm working hard at accepting the limitations I'm under at present and just flowing with it instead of fighting against the strong and most definite current of a different season.

Caleb went down for a quiet time/nap about 10:30 today.  I'd tried to hold out until nearer 12noon to lay him down but he was having none of it.  I'd no sooner than shut the bedroom door on him than John came to ask me to go into town to try and find socks and maybe sweats for Caleb at the Dollar Store.  He was shivering with cold this morning when he arrived.  He had on a jacket but no shoes or socks.  Katie had said yesterday she'd been unable to find any of his socks.  I remember well how socks used to disappear in this household and I still swear that the washing machine ate them on a routine basis!

John had asked Katie to keep the shoes off Caleb because he was constantly standing on my feet.  I'm going to ask Katie to just let him wear them and if he gets too insistent on standing on my feet, I'll remove his shoes.  Besides where else is he going to wear those shoes she'd just bought for him?  And no, I'm not just trying to be contrary to John's wishes though you might think so in another moment, but sometimes, there are better solutions to problems.

Another area where John and I disagree.  Cabinet door locks.  I do not consider it fun that I must remove Caleb from a cupboard, shut the door and shoo him away about every five minutes.  I have cabinet locks.  I asked John to put them on.  He refused saying it would disfigure the cabinets.  Now honestly, I know that it's best to keep things as nice as possible but our cabinets are not that good.  I don't suppose putting a lock on a cabinet door will ruin them in any manner.  I think I'll just put those locks on myself, at least the few cabinets I can't block off.  I'm just so over the whole fuss and fuss thing when it could be sorted out easily.

I had planned to 'do things' while Caleb was down for his nap.  I wanted to cut flowers and empty the compost, wander about the yard and possibly prune back the old fashioned red rose bushes, move some pots about, etc.  But I agreed to run into town and went off to the dollar store.  

I knew when I was on my way into town that I'd come home with more than socks.  It's one reason why I don't spend a lot of time wandering about the dollar store, because it's easy to find things I might want to buy, some from a list in my head and a whole lot of impulse items, useful impulses mind you but impulses all the same.   It was especially difficult to avoid impulses today because they had completely rearranged the store and I had no idea where to find socks.  Oddly there was only one pack of Caleb's size on the aisle where the underthings and socks were located but then there were two end cap areas in completely unrelated aisles that had infant socks.  Why?!  Why not over with the baby things (in the case of the truly infant socks and shoes) or with the other underthings where you might reasonably assume they'd be?  Why were infant socks included at the end of the toiletries aisle?  Why were toddler socks on an end cap in the automotive area?  

So yes, I wandered about and found all sorts of things I thought I'd like but didn't even pick up and others that I felt absolutely had to come home with me.  Admittedly most of what I felt had to come home were food items, like whole kernel corn and the large cans of cat food I've looked absolutely everywhere for and can find only at the dollar store.

I was in the store perhaps 20 minutes and couldn't help but note that it was a busy place.  There were a lot of people shopping there today and I'd say that 9 out of 10 were picking up grocery items.  I wondered if others were avoiding the local grocery the same way I was...

I came home and found Caleb up when I got back.  John insisted that he'd had a real nap but I didn't see how he might have had more than a 30 minute nap at best.   He was in a grand mood however, so whatever rest he'd had obviously had agreed with him.

It's been a relaxed and easy afternoon with Caleb playing happily by himself or climbing into my lap for hugs.  Such days as these make it seem very easy to go on doing things as we are.

I had one of those hectic half hours.  Katie had come up and Caleb heard her car (he listens for her every afternoon and knows the sound of her vehicle) and was anxious for her to come indoors but she'd stopped to help John.  Mama called and I missed answering, Sam texted, Bess texted.   Katie came in and we talked a few minutes.  I went to put away the groceries I'd brought home at noon (corn, lovely golden corn) and while I was in the closet putting things up, I heard a soft voice say "Gramma?"  I turned to find Josh behind me.  He'd run all the way over from his house to get the item Sam wanted to borrow.  I hugged him and found him hot and sweaty and urged him to get water before heading back to run across the field.

While I was in the kitchen with him, he asked for candy.  I've been forbidden to send candy home with them and he especially wanted to take some to Isaac too.  Josh always thinks of Isaac and never asks for anything for himself without asking for Isaac to have a share.  I explained to him that I could give him candy or bubblegum to have on his way home but I couldn't send any to the house.  I looked at the beautiful bowl full of apples and asked "What if we compromise and I give you two apples, one for you and one for Isaac?"  He smiled.  "Isaac likes apples!"  "Good!  Then we'll send two apples home with you...In the meantime, do you want bubblegum?"  Of course he did.  

And just to be clear, I can give the boys all the candy I'd like when they are here, I've just been asked not to send candy home with them.   Mind you, it was never an excess of candy, just a Dum Dum or a Jolly Rancher but a request is a request and I was bound to agree.   I made sure it was understood that my house/my rules when the children are here.

John came in as Josh was leaving and wanted to tell me all about his venture working on the lawnmower.  He is replacing tires and getting them on and off rims is a struggle.  When he went off to shower, I told him I needed to call Mama back.  And finally, I finished up putting our supper together.

Tonight we had the Shoe Box supper but I used chicken I had on hand in the fridge and shredded chicken from the freezer.  This was yummy and would have been just as good with the canned chicken.  It's a super easy recipe. I mix a can of cream of chicken soup with about 2 cups of chicken.  Then you pour over dry stuffing mix, dot the top with butter and then I drizzled broth over the top of the stuffing, enough to dampen  

I'm not sure we're going to see much color this year.  The trees are shedding leaves rapidly and some are bare already but none have really changed color.  It's just that way some years.  Looking out the window, no one would be shocked to learn it's autumn.  It looks very much like mid-autumn.   The golden rod is nearly all gone.  The air this evening was cool, almost too cool to ride without a sweater.  How I love this time of year!  Yet how sad it makes me, too.  It's all too brief, never as long as summer.  

Wednesday:  I managed a routine bedtime last night and was glad of it.  I admittedly don't feel quite so shattered today as I did this time last week and that's a good thing.   Tomorrow I shall have Caleb and Millie.  That isn't a great hardship.  Millie likes playing on her own and isn't prone to being fussy for us.  She might well scream bloody murder when she sees Bess again tomorrow afternoon but she'll be fine until then, I'm pretty sure.  My only concern is how nap times might play out.  We shall just see tomorrow.  In the meantime, this day is DONE.

Have you ever made a recipe that you've made over and over again through years and for whatever reason it just doesn't turn out as anything even resembling what you've made all through the years?   The Arroz con Pollo I made today went like that.  It wasn't pretty yellow rice I ended up with but something that was dirty orange in color.  The rice, which should have cooked in 20 minutes took nearly an hour and it never did absorb the liquid as it ought to have done.  It ended up a mushy mess.  I told John had I changed a thing about the dish I'd have been less upset, but I followed the same recipe I always use without skipping any steps and without adding anything new.  I told John it's one of those things I'm tempted to try again very soon simply to prove to myself that I can still make a beautiful dish of it.    It tasted okay but it fell short in appearance as well as texture.  Oh well.  I've had a lot of successes lately with new recipes and I was due to have a failure with either a new one or a very old and favored one.

I got a chatty post written today while Caleb was down and John had left the house.  There were plenty of things I might have done in that two hour window of time but I was in the mood to chat and chat I did.  Those dishes sat right in the sink and didn't move.  Oh!  That reminds me I need to go start the dishwasher...I hadn't wanted to have it running while we went to take off the trash.

Does it sound like we're making more trips to the dumpsters than usual?  Well we are.  It's not extra trash but dirty diapers sending us out each evening.  I just don't care to have them hanging about the house so even if a bag isn't full it goes out nightly.

Bess walked over to get something and we all walked outdoors together and we began to talk over different plants.  Ginger and Pineapple Sage, coleus and Norfolk pines.  I might not have opportunity to get out and play among my plants just now but I'm determined to root as many of the coleus varieties, begonias and pineapple sage as I possibly can.  I've saved seed from the touch me nots and self sown a few into pots that I'm hoping will come up next year.  It's hard to believe that we're now just three weeks from our first frost date.  

When we came back home we watched our church services online.  It was a wonderful way to end the day.

Thursday:  All week long I've avoided the 'long view'.  I've done my best to take each day as it came but I didn't much want to think about how it might go today with the two babies together.  I'm glad that I avoided that long view because the day with the two babies went rather well.

Millie thinks she doesn't like Caleb.  When she arrived she referred to him as 'That Boy' and so he remained until she thawed towards him slightly.  Then she called him 'The Boy'.  He referred to her as 'Baby'.  

Caleb took a nap this morning and went quietly but when Millie went down for a nap this afternoon mayhem ensued.  She cried and screamed.  Caleb was so upset and distressed that he sobbed, went repeatedly to the door calling out 'Baby...baby..." and wept real tears.  After a half hour of hoping Millie might settle down, John and I agreed it was futile.  He went to get Millie up and the two children sat down and played happily together from that moment on.

When the two older boys came in after school the four children milled about the kitchen sitting area eating an after school snack.  Josh had quite the accumulation of food he brought in, apparently leftovers from breakfast and lunch and snacks at school.  He divided these things up between the four of them, giving some to Caleb and Millie as well as to Isaac and himself.   I'd provided a packet of snack crackers for the boys and one to share between the two babies.  So they had a rather hearty snack after school.  I don't know if this is typical or not.  I've no idea.  But I must say that Josh was very business like in laying out his foods and divvying them up and not in the least resentful of sharing.

It was about 6 when everyone left, including John.  He had offered to stay home but I made it clear that the kindest and best thing he might do for me tonight was to go on to his men's meeting.  I made myself a cup of coffee, a big salad and then I settled down to watch "A Room With A View".  It was a lovely much needed reward for myself and a promise I meant to keep.

Friday:  I'm so glad I was good to me last night as I'd promised.   Tonight we are keeping Caleb.  It was all very last minute and determined hastily.  He was meant to spend the weekend with his other grandmother who had to cancel at the last minute due to a family death.  Katie had a date and was dressed and ready for it when she got notice.  I wanted when she came in to offer, but John can be a bit testy with so much of the grandchildren and he's stretched his patience a lot.  I have grandchildren tomorrow afternoon and evening to attend to, you see, and he was already unhappy about that.  I didn't dare to make an offer of babysitting for Katie on top of all that, much as I wanted to do so. 

Well count on the daddy in him to kick in.  He can be obtuse at times, but he noted that she was all dressed up and heard that the family had had to cancel.  He asked me after she stepped out to put Caleb in the car, where was she going.  "Home, now, I suppose, since she'll have to cancel her date and all..."  He asked me several questions that I couldn't answer and I told him so and suggested he try to catch her before she left if he wanted to know things.  

He did go outdoors and I was not in the least surprised when he came back in with Katie and Caleb in tow.  Katie looked searchingly at me and I smiled and told her "It's fine...HE had to be the one to suggest it.  I couldn't."   She relaxed and smiled.  I'm glad she wanted to be sure I was all right with this but truly it was up to John.   I've asked enough of him and he needed to be the one to 'give' if you understand what I mean.  I'm glad she'll get to go on her date and that she'll have a little fun of her own.  It's a hard life to be a single mom working from home and getting out is not something that happens very often.  She's thrilled to go to the grocery store anymore...and even though I'm not dating, I know exactly how she feels!

I'll wind up here.  Our supper should be about finished baking.  I try to do something fairly easy on Friday nights as a kindness to myself.  

How did your week go?