Saturday, October 31: Halloween. It doesn't mean much to me personally, but I used to make a big deal of it for the kids. I'd take them trick or treating, would put out candy for trick or treaters to pick up at our house (when we lived in town, out here NO ONE comes to my door except grandkids). I'd decorate with simple homemade things, like plastic bag spiders and ghosts made of old sheets and construction paper bats, and I'd make a special meal, something fun for the children, like Mummy Dogs, and Dirt Cups.
It was also my father-in-law's birthday. So sometimes we'd have a special meal for him, with birthday cobbler. He always preferred peach or blueberry cobbler over cake.
I went out earlier to get in the Toyota, and the check engine came on and didn't go off. I switched over to the Honda and drove into town, but asked Sam to come read the codes on the Toyota so I'd at least know what was going on. It took a bit, but we eventually sorted out the problem. It was a dirty sensor that we happened to have cleaner for. That cleared the check engine light and fingers crossed we can go more than a week without another car repair, even one as simple as that.
He locked his keys in his truck and decided to come inside and sit to talk for a bit. I had reheated leftovers from my meal out on Thursday and we shared those. It wasn't a big meal, but it was a good one, and it was nice to eat with company. He walked home and got his other set of keys after that.
When I went to town this morning, I went specifically to buy small whole chickens that were on sale for $1.49 a pound. These are chickens that weigh less than 1.5 pounds each, broiler-fryers like I used to buy when I started housekeeping. Lately, when I want a whole chicken, I end up with those big roasters that weigh upwards of 6-7pounds which is a lot for one person.
I also wanted some of the good Mayfield milk I've been spoiled by. I bought a gallon of milk total today. The bread was an incidental item, because I wanted to pick up a box of mini-Moon Pies to put one each into the children's treat bags and the Moon Pies are on the bread aisle. I saw the bread and thought, I should get a loaf just so I could have toast tomorrow morning.
The grandkids descended upon me all dressed in costume this afternoon. It was meant to be a sort of party here, with supper being provided by Bess, nothing fancy just something simple, and then they would all leave here to go into town to trick or treat.
On his way here, Josh stepped off their porch and twisted his ankle. I guess he was hurt pretty badly (at least a very serious sprain though we don't know yet) because Sam took him off to the ER. Anyway, the children didn't get a cooked supper before they were leaving.
For the second night in a row, I scratched hard and managed a reasonable meal for five children of PB&J sandwiches, crackers, cheese and sliced up apples. They all left here a little later than planned but are off to trick or treat. But their first treat, was from Gramma's house. I'd made up little baggies of stuff for them earlier. I made Henry a toddler treat bag with graham crackers, a mandarin orange and a Dum Dum lollipop.
Henry is a wild man these days. He's free. He gets to run around the house without any restraints, and he laughed and laughed the whole time. Then he climbed up on the ottoman and looked so proud of himself. I recalled that Josh did the same thing at about the same age. That was 10 years ago. And it's the same ottoman! I tried to get a picture of Henry, but I think all I got was a blurred image.
Tonight ends October. It also ends Daylight Savings Time. By 5:57, the sun will be setting. And now the year really begins to end. It is a great forward rush downhill from November 1 until December 31, or so it seems to me. In November of every year, I begin an annual review. I like to look at the year behind and determine if I've made progress, what I've done. This year is different.
I'll be honest, I'm torn. I can say that 2026 has been a good one, though you might not think I'd say it given John not being here. I saw far more family and renewed friendships I'd let drop, and I've hung in there, despite all the ups and downs. I'm very blessed in that I don't mind being alone, and I don't feel lonely when I'm alone, except that I am lonely for John. I'm also very blessed that I've always filled my days on my own quite well with a mix of work and entertainment for one. I've learned to say, "No" this year. And as I practice saying it, I find the guilt I used to feel in turning down requests from others has diminished considerably. I've learned to be protective of myself and my own mental/emotional health rather than pour myself out empty because I felt it was expected of me.
But I have to say that it has been a hard year in many ways. I've had to learn to say, "No" and that was far harder than some might ever believe. I've had to walk a fine line of realistic thinking about finances, and physical self, age, and relationships. I've had to do things I didn't know how to do and figure things out one step at a time, some of them scary and difficult and all of them things I'd at least have had John's input on in the past. I've had to learn to be alone 24/7 instead of just for hours a day, as I was when John worked. I've had to discipline myself in areas that I found John had always sort of disciplined us both in before he died. And it's been difficult in that missing John is a constant. It's not going to stop any time soon, I don't expect.
So yes, 2026 has very mixed reviews from me...And I don't know that I want to do a more in-depth annual review than that one right there. I think I've pretty much summed it up!
Last night, Isaac came over and sat down on my lap. He's too big now, truly. "Do you remember, Grampa always bounced me on his knee? I loved that!" He gave me a big grin. I smiled back at him and said, "If he were here now, he'd hate that you've gotten so tall...but he'd love having you sit down on his lap anyway."
That's the first time Isaac has mentioned John since he died. He's had difficulty being here without looking sullen or upset, and we've all felt it was actually his missing John that caused those episodes. I've talked to all of the grandchildren about John, reminding them of funny things he did or said, or how much he enjoyed them, talked of things he liked or disliked that I see similarly in each of them. It's good Isaac has come to a place where he can remember John with joy.
Sunday, November 1: Bess met Katie and Cody and all the kids in town with Mummy Dogs. She was late, but she went on and got food all ready and took it to them all, so they had a bit of a cooked warm food to go on top of the PBJs and after all the walking they did in town, I'm sure they were ready to eat something solid instead of the endless candy stream!
Josh chipped a bone in his ankle and sprained it.
Last night, about the time the kids finished up trick or treating, it began to rain. Just a slow drizzly sort of rain. When I got up this morning it was still drizzling and was mighty grey outdoors. It does seem the colors on some of the Virginia Creeper and a few trees were suddenly super vibrant. It looked like autumn.
And it reminded me yet again, that as impatient as I am to see autumn arrive, it's not until November that I begin to see the vibrancy of color and feel the cooler air that I've so longed for since September 22. That's why November has become my favorite of the Fall months.
Church was nice. I arrived plenty early today and had conversations with a few people prior to service. Then over to Katie's to see the children. Henry didn't greet me with squeals as he usually does but then he did just see me last night. Cody made me coffee and a sandwich which was lovely. There's nothing so good as a cup of coffee with lunch this time of year, especially on a cool, drizzly day.
Then I headed over to see Mama. I don't know. She was quiet and vague and told me she'd be going home next Friday. I found that hard to believe. I asked if she'd had therapy and her roommate, who talks constantly but I'm not sure to whom, said something about the therapist being a jack***, lol. I don't know if she's actually got in an earbud and is having phone conversations or she just thinks she is because she often picks up on things said on our side of the curtain and has conversations about that subject, lol.
Mama doesn't turn on tv or lights. She just lies in bed with her eyes closed and tells me she's tired and she's going to be quiet...And she wants the curtain pulled between the two beds at all times. My niece came in a little later and I quietly asked her about Mama's going home next week. "February is the discharge date they gave us, and she did have therapy this week. She can move from the bed to a wheelchair, now. They're going to bring her in a bedside toilet next week." So, there we are. There's some progress on one hand, but no more interest in life than before. And honestly, I don't know if once she goes home, she'll ever employ the skill to move on her own.
When I got home, I grabbed Josh's bag of goodies and went up to the Manor House to see him. His ankle was starting to bruise but it wasn't badly swollen. So, a sprain but not a really bad one. He'll feel it for a little bit.
I'm quite liking stopping by there on a Sunday afternoon for a bit. It makes the day feel well rounded. Sam was making Seafood Chowder, and it surely did smell good. I've never had Fish or Seafood Chowder but always thought it sounded nice and by the aromas in his kitchen, I think I'd probably like it.
And then once I got home, I put supper in the oven here and settled to do my first of the month bookkeeping. I have somehow lost my electric bill. I do recall getting it about a week or so ago and I recall opening it to see the amount. I was in the car at the time...Where it went from there, I cannot tell you. I'm going to have to see if I can look it up online.
But not tonight. I'm beginning to feel very much as though it's time to wind down.
I talked myself out of stopping for fast food all the way home. I have the money to buy a meal out without pinching pennies, but I knew I had food right here at home. Why did I want takeout? Because I'd navigated yet another visit with Mama and I felt I deserved a 'treat' for it.
I know where that habit came from. Back in the day when visits to Mama were super draining and wearing, I'd stop off for coffee or a treat on my way home. Well, I fought my natural desire to 'treat me' well simply because I'd done something I considered a duty and instead made my supper here.
I had half a roasted chicken breast in the fridge. I knew I wanted to use it. I'd planned another whole meal but realized that I'd NOT bought broccoli as I'd thought I had, which pushed that recipe out of the running. So I chose another recipe, Chicken Cobbler. I already had ready-made biscuits in the freezer, and I used a handful of frozen green peas, half an onion, and one small potato, cubed, which I combined as my vegetables for this dish.
Please tell me how I ended up with three very generous servings out of the amount of food stated above? I ate so much my tummy felt stretched and I put two servings in the freezer. Seriously, I barely had a cup of chicken, and only about one and one-half cup of vegetables.
It was delicious and a very cozy, warming sort of comfort meal, perfect for this season of the year.
I finished the Karen Haskell book last night. The Secret Recipe of Ella Dove turned out to be quite a good book once I got past the feeling that it wasn't, lol. Seriously, it picked up pace and turned into something nearer the charm of the first Dove Pond book. I have one more of the series, but I am not going to pick it up to read next. I'll read something else. I've not decided what just yet.
Monday, November 2: One thing about the time change, I'm waking when light hits my room and these past two mornings that has been somewhere near 6:30am. I do try to go back to sleep but I can't. And really, I don't need any more sleep. I'm in a natural circadian rhythm and I rather like it.
I got up early and thought about my day ahead. Doctor appointment mid-afternoon, four over ripe bananas on the counter, dishes in the sink, the usual jumble of weekend clothing in the bedroom. The day was pretty clear cut, lol.
Before I even had coffee though, I sat down with my monthly budget and ledger sheet and went to work. I paid off the credit card that has been looming over my head. In full. In two weeks, I'll be able to pay off that last medical bill, which still has a sizeable balance on it. And I've made up my mind that I will take money from savings to buy my new stove. I'd rather go into the New Year ahead with clear credit and then start rebuilding savings than to carry more debt into 2027. If things go to plan, and we know how plans are, I maybe will break even come March...We shall see.
I enjoyed my coffee sitting in the kitchen next to the window, with all the green plants about me. I know outdoor morning sun is the most beneficial, but surely all those green houseplants I sit amongst is, too? I always feel I've benefitted from sitting there with them.
After I had coffee, I started to clean up the kitchen. I mixed up banana bread and while I debated making doughnuts with the last two bananas, I found I do have a regular 6-cup muffin tin which fits my Cuisinart countertop oven. Which was great because the doughnut pans don't fit. I made a loaf of Banana Nut bread using vanilla and Brazil nuts. I discovered I was out of walnuts. I've just ordered more. Then with the muffins, I'd planned to make Banana Chocolate Chip, but I decided to add in some cocoa and make them a double chocolate Banana muffin. Those turned out really nicely. One recipe made 16 muffins.
Isn't it funny I can get a regular loaf pan in the countertop oven but not a doughnut pan or jumbo six-cup muffin pan? If ever I buy another countertop oven (and heaven only knows if I'll ever need another since I have really good appliance life as a rule), I'll buy a little larger one. In the meantime, I'm pleased to almost have the hang of using this one. I overcooked my supper last night (Blech) but my baked goods are as good as if they were from the big oven.
After routine housekeeping and baking, I got ready for my doctor's appointment. I'll likely know tomorrow how my A1C looks but I'm very hopeful. I'd lost nearly 10 pounds since my last visit, and my blood pressure was considerably lower than last visit. I think those are good signs that I have improved my health with my few changes. I know that Intermittent Fasting works pretty well for me. I've made a few adjustments along the way beyond that because honestly while Intermittent Fasting works well at home, it's hard to stick to when you're away from home as I was the last couple of weeks when Mama was in the hospital, or if you're eating with others on special occasions, etc.
I also cut out most chips, and don't keep the bingeworthy ones in the house at all. And I've given up drinking sodas and switched to either diet, or more frequently, just a good glass of unsweetened iced tea. If I order coffee out, I'm more likely to order an Iced Coffee with Milk. Not having the sweetened additions to the coffee makes a huge difference. I admit it's not my absolute favorite but if I'm having an Iced Coffee, I find that just having a really good coffee as the base does ease the pain of not having the caramel and vanilla syrups in it. And in winter/cooler months, I'm happy with just a good cup of coffee with two creamers which is how I'd have it at home usually.
I've also made an effort to walk a bit further when I'm out. I seldom seek the most distant parking space, as John would do, but I don't look to park right up next to the store either unless it's raining super hard or my back is out of sorts. I'm not ready to be one of those who gets out and walks just for the sake of the walk. I'd do it happily in St. Augustine or a botanical garden or antique store, but just to say I'd walked 'x' number of steps daily... Nope.
Anyway, I'm happy with the progress.
I wish life was easier. It seems to me that it's just been a really rough year all around. Right at the tail end of October, Josie had oral surgery, Taylor had ear surgery, and Josh sprained his ankle. Then on Sunday there was drama that was, I believe, manufactured to be upsetting and stir up trouble. I do not get people who just live to manipulate and control and hurt others. I know it's just a troublesome season overall and this too shall pass, but gracious goodness! Let's just pass and not linger on and on, okay?
Wednesday, November 4: Yesterday I didn't do much. And today is shaping up pretty much the same. Do I have stuff to do? I might, if I looked hard, find a great deal to do. Yesterday, I mopped the kitchen. I didn't even do a proper mopping. I left rugs in place and mopped around them, but I cleaned the floor and that suited me just fine.
Bess texted to say she'd be over for coffee at about 8 am. I was awake but still lying in bed at that time. I got up and dressed, waited and waited, made myself coffee and waited and waited and then made myself breakfast and waited. She got here about 11:20 a.m. No kidding, I forget that Bess lives in another time dimension than others do. I know this after all these years with her, but I tend to forget it. The irony is that I am very keen to be on time and yet I keep having people like Bess as my friends.
I wonder what that says about me. Do I appreciate their more relaxed attitude? Am I just looking for aggravation? I have no idea. Yet I can tell you sincerely that the number of friends I've had who were punctual were few and far between!
After Bess got here and had coffee, she wanted to work on an application she's doing online and that's when I went and mopped the floor. I ended up making us lunch a bit later on and that was nice. I do find I appreciate company at a meal these days when I eat so very many meals on my own.
And that was pretty much it. After Bess left, I worked on a Sudoku puzzle I'd started working on the night before and watched a few vlogs before I stumbled upon Disney's Cinderella. Believe it or not, I've never seen Disney's Cinderella before. That led me down a rabbit hole of searching to see how many versions of Cinderella I can access on my television. And that led to the decision to watch ALL of them over the course of November, including the adaptations and knockoffs that are more modernized. I just think it will be fun and why not have fun?
I had really good news today. My lab work came back, and I've officially moved from diabetic to pre-diabetic. Mind you, I intend to keep moving that number backwards if I can, but I'm so proud of accomplishing this over the past 3 months! It wasn't hard changes I'd made, just a matter of balancing choices. And I feel I can now make a few more tweaks and perhaps move those numbers a bit further.
This morning, I had planned to go grocery shopping, but the forecast was for rain and thunderstorms. I might as well have gone shopping, because no really heavy rain or thunder came until mid-afternoon. Instead, I went into the guest room closet and gave it a good tidy up. I really need to do a declutter in there, refining the work I did earlier in the year, but I tidied it instead. And then I moved the stuff I was fearful of taking to the shed, due to it all being rather delicate, into the closet for now.
After that, I worked on my memory journal for October. I don't know why I feel anxious about that each month. I always manage to fill the pages, and I so enjoy reviewing pictures and jotting down notes to help keep those memories fresh. I worked on that for hours, far longer than I'd thought I might.
After lunch, I cleared up the kitchen. I have a plan for supper, but I don't know if I'll use that meal for tonight or not. Lunch was heavier than I'd anticipated it being. I think I'd rather eat a lighter meal tonight.
Now I am off to get a cup of coffee. I've been looking forward to that all afternoon long.
later: I just have to share what has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. It seems that the internet is on fire with dire warnings based on this report or that and it's spreading into bigger and bigger rumors. The commands to stock now and stock heavily and to get ready has increased in urgency over the past two weeks.
As someone who has often felt the urging to stock up, do a little extra prep work, etc., I have to share where I am on all of this. I'm not worried. I'm not increasing what I have on hand. I am maintaining about what I've always maintained which is enough.
I am reminded that Y2K was going to bring the world to a complete standstill and it didn't. The economic crash in 2009 was bad, but we made it through, mostly because we had at that time already listened to the urging John felt to get out of debt. When the Covid Shutdown occurred, we managed through various shortages by adjusting our needs to suit what we could find. In a hurricane season when we lost power for a week, we survived fine. It wasn't comfortable and I lost a bit of food in my freezer, but we managed and restocked slowly after the fact. When we found prices increasing, we adjusted our budget and wants to what we could afford. When avian flu sent chicken and egg pricing soaring, we managed without those and we learned to be very careful with what we did keep on hand.
Here's the truth. We cannot be prepared for every single thing that might come our way. If you are prepared for a, b, c then d, e, f, and g might not be covered. In the end, we have to trust. Not in other entities, not in our government agencies, nor in kindly charities. We have to trust God, and we have to trust in what He has chosen to train us in. Not everyone is able to have a supply of fuel and generators and unlimited food resources. Not everyone is going to be in town where they might get to stores or services offered.
But in the past 26 years, we've faced a lot. We've learned to adjust here and there. We became aware of shortfalls in our home systems and corrected those areas as we were able. We do what we can do. I know that I have a plethora of super frugal recipes that I can draw from which rely solely on pantry basics and which stretch food far more than it seems I might (case in point is that Chicken Cobbler).
Essentially, I refuse to worry over something I'm not facing already. There is enough to worry over at present that is here and now. I don't know what might lie ahead. But I do know Who is in charge.
Thursday, November 5: Well, best laid plans and all such. I'd planned yesterday that if it were dry today, I'd definitely go grocery shopping. But there was a snafu with Kate's bank account, closed for fraudulent activity...Which meant no auto-deposit of her paycheck and no alternative option available until next week and in the meantime... I offered her enough cash to cover groceries and gas until it's all straightened out. And that was my grocery money.
Not a problem, truly. I have a base of available funds for emergency purposes, but I don't consider this an emergency. Nor am I in dire need of food. It just means I'll do without a few things I'd like to have for the next few days. I have good basic foods yet to eat and plenty of that. I'll not go without anything essential. Next week I'll have funds once more to do my monthly shopping. The main thing is this: I'm not out of coffee!
This morning, I decided it was time to stop avoiding buying the stove. I was torn between two models. Manuals were on the site so you could read through what was required. I took advantage of that and I learned something.
One had a central grill/fifth burner, also an oven light and a time display. Little luxuries I have wanted for years. It requires a 120V plug and I have a plug behind my stove that has power to it and can be used to plug in the electrical components, but the main fuel will still be LP gas, which is what I want.
The other selection was as basic a model as my current range. Both stoves have electronic ignition, but the more basic stove's ignition runs off a battery, while the electrical connection fires the fancier stove's ignition. Both stove tops can be manually lit at the burner if power fails and neither of the ovens can be used if the power source fails.
Do you know what made the choice easy for me? The thought of having to pull out the basic stove and replace the battery. That did not appeal to me at all. While the other stove would be restored the moment the power came back on.
It seemed to me, though it was a little more, that I might as well go with the model I really wanted. I was definitely getting more with the higher priced model, and it wasn't computer generated stuff that made it complicated. So, I placed my order and hopefully it will arrive at the store next week.
I paid cash for it, as planned and took the money from savings, also as planned. And one more decision got made, after weeks of looking and mulling and wondering and dithering. Honestly, I truly do have decision fatigue these days. Making up my mind has never been so hard. I've been very strongly opposed to buying anything major (and I do consider the stove a major thing) before a year, because I didn't want to make what I feared might be foolish emotional decisions. Mind you, the stove is a necessity, and I know this, but I still tried to avoid making a decision about it.
Now that it's done and I've jumped through all the fraud alert email and phone calls from my bank, I am hopeful I'll soon have a new stove. It will just be a matter of scheduling my gas company to come out to convert and install it.
I have literally done little today. I think I'll go start a load of clothes washing. I'm going out with a friend tomorrow, and I won't be doing laundry then nor my home blessing as I normally would. I suppose I should at least attempt to do a quick putter about the house, so I don't feel pressured to do a lot on Saturday. I'll thank myself then.
Friday, November 6: Caleb turned seven today. He told me he'd had a half good/half bad day lol, when I called this afternoon. I've no idea what that means but I was glad to hear that the card I'd mailed earlier this week arrived yesterday and they set it aside for him until today. That's two of the six birthdays down...I have to get two gifts next week. Caleb's will be small, nothing much, simply because he's already got his 'big' gift. He reminded me that a game for his machine is "small". Well, he's right but wrong, too. They may be small, but they are pricey and I just bought him a game that was a downloadable one. I suppose that is considered even smaller by his estimation, lol.
I just took a few moments to order the two birthday gifts I need for next week. Now I have that off my mind I'm good for a few more day and I need to mail two cards. I never thought November would be such a busy month for birthdays in my family!
Today I spent the whole day out with my friend. We always do pretty much the same thing. We drive to some distant town, and we stroll through antique and thrift stores. Today we went to Barnesville, and we went through three stores and tried to go to the local art gallery, but it had closed just moments before we arrived. I usually go with things in mind that I'm looking for, but I don't always pick up anything. The days when I used to feel compelled to come home with anything that struck my fancy are behind me. I'm very specific these days and I know just how and where I'll place an item if I pick it up.
Today I got two platters which I will use on a wall in my dining area. I saw a lovely wall from a Pinterest page that was all plates and platters and mirrors, and I thought it would work well for my entry wall that faces the dining room.
I got with items in mind I'm looking for and an amount in mind that I'll spend. I seldom go over whatever my planned spending is. Today I laughed. I spent exactly to the penny what I'd planned would be my limit.
Having spent my money didn't mean I wouldn't enjoy continuing to look, because I did just that. I debated at one point going back for a pastoral picture I'd really liked but was put off by two things. It was stretched between two slats of wood, sort of like those cloth calendars we used to buy and hang on the wall. It was about 2.5 feet wide from side to side. I didn't like the way it was stretched between the two slats of wood and wasn't sure that I could remove them without doing damage to the picture. And I was just as sure that if I could remove the canvas without damage that I'd have to have a custom frame made for it due to the uncommon size. It was also right at the budget amount I'd meant to stick with for the day. Ultimately, much as I liked that picture, I left it in the store. No regrets.
Until that moment I didn't realize how much I would like such a picture in my home. Now that I know, I'll keep it in mind and look for more pastoral prints. Eventually I'll find one I both like and can fully afford.
When we arrived back at my home it was nearly 5pm. There were three BIG boxes on my back porch. My sister-in-law told me she was sending them to me earlier this week. They were packed full of clothing she'd culled from her closet, some of it new with tags. Both she and my brother-in-law enjoy shopping for clothing. I pulled a dozen or more pieces to try on for myself and immediately put some of them back in the pile, because they were pretty but didn't suit me or my shape. Lots of the clothing was just too big in the shoulders and chest for me. They might suit Katie better. Bess is going to come look through them, too.
I sat down this evening here in the living room and admired the sunset. I'm so glad I did. What started out as a sherbet-colored sky soon flamed into the most glorious deep red and orange. It was absolutely beautiful.
It's been a lovely week, truly. We've been blessed with much needed rain. I've been blessed with friends and family who spend time with me. I've been blessed with the freedom to drive about and see the loveliest season in our state. I've been blessed to be able to choose lovely things for my home to enhance my enjoyment of it. I've so so much to be grateful for!
And though it might be the beginning of the end of the year, it's also the time of the year to choose gratitude over and over again. And that's just what I mean to do.
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