Monday, November 9: And what have I been up to all weekend long? Not much and enough.
I got up Saturday morning and went to the freezer, planning to pull out a Croissant to heat as my Saturday morning breakfast. Only the freezer door was open...Uh Oh. I found on inspection that a few items had thawed. I quickly turned the temperature to a colder setting and shut the door, after I'd pulled out the three packages of ground venison and beef that were completely thawed.
I formed a plan of how to use 3 pounds of ground meat. I went back to the freezer in about an hour and discovered the bell peppers had completely thawed, as well. I pulled all of those out, as well as a package of solidly frozen shredded zucchini. Why did the bell peppers thaw but not the zucchini in the same basket? Turned the freezer to a still colder setting and shut the door.
I ended up making a pot of spaghetti sauce with 2/3s of the meat and took the rest to make stuffing for peppers. That used up all but one baggie of the peppers, too. I had enough meat stuffing mix left to roll into Porcupine meatballs. I always use the Porcupine Meatball recipe to stuff my pepper halves with, so bonus meal from that.
Then I made half the spaghetti sauce into lasagna soup, which used a baggie of broken lasagna noodle pieces I'd also saved in the freezer. I ended up putting half the lasagna soup into a freezer container and had two containers of spaghetti sauce, 1 dozen Porcupine Meatballs and 6 Stuffed Peppers went back into the freezer much later this afternoon. I had the rest of the lasagna soup for my main meal midday.
About 2pm I heard the freezer dripping heavily and found all the fruits I'd saved in the bottom basket were completely thawed except the peaches. All but the peaches went into the trash. I also chose to keep the cranberries which I shoved back into the basket because I'd intended to make Cranberry Jam and Juice from them this week anyway. No harm done with those thawing out and then refreezing.
I turned the freezer control to Turbo freeze and then left it until about 7pm. I found everything inside was fully solid once more. I added in the things I made earlier. I'd checked carefully each time and took out those things that had NO ice crystals in them at all. Some things never thawed out. There was no apparent rhyme or reason to why some things thawed and others didn't.
By the time I went to bed that night I was feeling very iffy about the freezer even if things were solid. I'd just paid for a new stove...was I about to buy a freezer, too? I determined if I was going to have to do so, I'd get a smaller one than I have now. I left it until Sunday morning to check once again.
It was working just fine. I set the temperature to the point I'd normally keep it and checked it again yesterday evening when I came in. It's fine. I lost nothing more than old fruit and veg I'd been feeling guilty for hanging on to because it was all from 2025.
Today I'm grateful I managed to salvage the thawed meats and the freezer appears to be working.
I went to church yesterday and after that stopped to pick up Fried Chicken for Caleb, just because he turned 7 and he's always excited to see Fried Chicken for a Gramma lunch. Henry took one look at me and yelled "Eat! Eat!" Obviously, he associates me with food. But to be fair to the hungry little monkey, before he realized I had food, he squealed with delight and went running in circles upon first seeing me.
After lunch, I sat on the porch while Caleb played. Before I left the house, Cody wanted to check my oil levels, pronounced them good and Caleb in a sort of copycat move was inspecting the door latch I'd said wasn't working quite right. He took his finger and wiped the dirt all around it and said "WHY is this so dirty?!" Then he wiped his finger on his shirt, just as Cody had done when he checked the oil, lol. I'm glad he has a man to look up to and mimic, truly I am. But it was so darn cute!
I went over to visit with Mama. I didn't stay but 15 minutes at most. She seemed so very tired, more than usual. She moved her leg to one side and indicated I should sit on the bed. She reached out and held my hand and signaled that she was going to be quiet and I nodded. We stayed like that for a long moment then she weakly said, "I'm going home. I'm going to go home tomorrow." "Are you, Mama?" "I hope so," she replied. Then she reached out and took my hand, and we sat quietly together for another little while. "I'm going home..." and then she stopped and said, "To Tony's. I'm going to Tony's." She took my hand and held it a little longer then said wearily, "Go home. I have nothing to say. I love you. Go home." So, I told her bye and left her.
Honestly between church and a special song that I'd heard John play repeatedly in his last months, and that visit with Mama, I felt a bit shattered. At peace but shattered at the same time. There's grief coming for me and I know it. I decided I might as well head to the salon that always mucks up my hair. I don't know why. Maybe I just needed to compound my sorrow? Torture myself a bit further?
I told the girl "Throw away the instructions. This is what I want." Sigh. She sighed deeply, dropped the clippers, picked up the scissors and cut it EXACTLY as the instructions I keep telling them to rewrite says cut it only by hand instead of with the clippers... What's different? I have no sideburns. They were meant to be tapered. She cut them off. She left me with white walls above my ears. I have hair sticking up at the part where it was cut so short. I looked in the mirror, thanked her, paid for it and walked out. I'll either learn to like what I get there or stop believing that I'll get a good haircut and just accept the same look. I can't complain over it because I keep doing it to myself. I reminded myself that the last time they cut my hair was in August and it lasted me until the second weekend of November. I don't suppose I'll need another cut before mid-January 2027 now. So, there's that.
I drove home from there. It took me forever to drive home. I don't know why. I didn't take a particularly long route. But the sun was starting to set, and I wanted to have a cup of coffee and remove the womanly thing that binds so tightly at times and put on my gown and robe and snug into my chair. I made a piece of cheese toast for my supper and had a container of yogurt as dessert and watched vlogs the rest of the evening. Then I toddled off to an early bed.
Today I am grateful for peace in what has been a tumultuous relationship.
I was up early again this morning. Since the time change, I've been rising somewhere before 7am from 6:40 to 6:55. It's the daylight pouring into the room does it. I got up and dressed, had my coffee, very leisurely. I can do that now it's cooler because I've pulled out my Yeti coffee mug and even without the lid, it keeps my coffee hot for a good long while, long enough to drink it slowly and awake more fully before I tackle anything.
I did laundry, Friday's bed and bath linens that I'd left last Friday. I cleaned up the rooms and ran a full load of dishes. I hung laundry to dry and put away dishes. I made bread and Cranberry jelly (five jars on the counter). I talked to my friend as I worked around the house for a solid three hours. I folded laundry and cleaned up the kitchen and planned supper for at least two nights. And here it is just past five and starting to look like sunset is hurrying the sun into the west. Perhaps I'm waking so early just to have enough daylight to work by...
I should think about tonight's meal. If only I could determine what I'd like to eat. I have a chicken breast and I think I'll roast it...and maybe I might use some of that fresh bread and cranberry sauce and make a sandwich from the meat. That sounds appealing, with a tall glass of milk to go with it.
Today I am grateful for the skills I've learned, like making bread and jam and how easily I can do both.
Wednesday, November 11: I've just heard rain drops on the return air vent. That vent is just three or four feet from my chair so I can clearly hear whenever we have rain falling, often long before I see it. It wasn't meant to rain today, and it doesn't seem to be lingering, but it's looked like rain nearly all day long now.
We are nearing the 'real' weather change at last. If the forecasters are correct, then we'll be having our first frosts at the end of the week. And we'll have some cooler and cold days to relish. Oh, it's so easy to be glad to see it this time of year when we're weary of 80's and 90's, lol. Not so much a happy thing at the backside of February.
Good smells are coming from my kitchen. I'm making a pot of Sausage and Potato Soup with the addition of a can of white beans. I have a box of super greens I picked up yesterday to use both as salad greens and cooked greens and I plan to add some to the soup pot as well. There's also an apple crisp in the toaster oven. It all smells lovely. There will be leftovers of both. I'll put some of the soup in the freezer. And the crisp will be a sweet for the next several days. It's made with a lot less sugar than the usual crisp recipe.
My current focus in eating is to increase fiber intake...I was out of anything I could possibly make a salad from as well as fresh fruit, until yesterday, but I've a better stock of foods on hand now. I figure if I can increase fiber, it should also help me lower the glycemic impact of meals. Hence the beans and super greens in the soup.
Today I am grateful for soup. I love this time of year when soup is such a comfort to have on hand. I put four pints into the freezer, so there's future soup to be had as well.
Yesterday I worked on my monthly budget. I spent every penny. BUT I am completely debt free, having made one last big payment on the last medical bill I'd been paying monthly since about June. It was for John's final day in the hospital. I have a fresh lot of groceries and full tanks of gas in my cars. I have met all my birthday obligations for this month except one. I am perfectly fine with being on a tight budget for the remainder of this month just to be able to declare that I am 'free' once more!
I am so grateful to be debt free once more! It's taken me far longer to reach this point than I'd thought it would last December when we ended our year but here I am at long last. And what a lot of things I've worked my way through financially compared to where I began this year. Legal fees, cremation costs, medical bills, car repairs, a mattress and a stove.
I went to BJs Wholesale yesterday to do my monthly shopping. I do have a couple of things coming from Amazon (monk fruit and walnuts). I will still need to purchase potatoes. I didn't want a ten-pound bag, so I didn't buy them at BJs. I'll need cat food which is on sale as of today at Publix as a buy one get one deal.
I don't shop at BJ's every month but there are many things I found are quite reasonable there. Yesterday I found both Eye of Round roast, and beef shanks for less than $5.50/pound. I also got boneless skinless chicken breasts for less than $2/pound. The breasts I cut in half and think they may still serve me more than one meal even so. The shank pieces were so thick and meaty I fully expect to get two meals off of each of them, as well. I didn't go to get meats but I'm happy with the ones I chose to buy.
I bought one splurge item. It was a huge box of Walker shortbread. I find one cookie so satisfying when I am simply yearning for something sweet. But to buy a small box is a ridiculous price for 10 cookies. This is a big tin box so they should keep well for a good long while.
After grocery shopping, I stopped for lunch, then picked up missionary mail and finally drove home. I stopped at Dunkin and got a White Chocolate Raspberry Decaf Iced coffee. Yum. I won't do that again soon, but it was really good and such a treat.
I am grateful to have the funds to enjoy little splurges like a specialty coffee, flowers and a favorite purchased cookie.
What I find hardest to take just now is that if I come home at 4:30 or 5pm these days it feels like I've lost the entire day. And it does seem that things take longer and longer for me to do on these short daylight days.
Today, I was up early and finished putting away the groceries. I put the bulk flour in a storage bucket, divided the meats and put into the freezer, then cleaned the kitchen really well and did general housework. For today's lunch I made a sandwich called "The Virginian" which is bread slathered with apple butter then topped with thinly sliced apple, deli ham and sharp cheddar which is then grilled. That was very good. I couldn't finish my sandwich though. I put half of it aside for lunch tomorrow. I got the idea from Kelsey at Seed & Sparrow. She and her husband had taken a short trip and had the sandwich at a restaurant in the area they were visiting. She shared how to make it on her channel, and I am here to say it's very nice.
I had a funny sort of morning. I did things, housework and food prep and such, but I was listening to some inspirational speakers, and they had things to say that made me pause and examine myself and my current grief state. Not only am I grieving John but I'm grieving my mom as well. She was let go from rehab because her insurance denied further therapy because she didn't meet the rehab standards. I think, though it wasn't said, that she may have refused some therapy sessions. She's now been moved to my brother's home with my niece caring for her during the day. She continues to want only to sleep and not talk, nor eat very much.
I am grateful for good, inspirational speakers who share on social media.
Let's just say the gloomy day suited the mood.
I had a nice conversation with Katie, all text since she was working, while I ate my lunch today.
later: This soup is soooo good! Truly good. I did not add cream to the whole pot but only to my single bowl of soup, so I could easily freeze it later. And it was so simple to make.
I do love soup and I'm so thankful that it is soup season! I'm posting it over on Blue House Journal Recipes.
Thursday, November 12: I'd just washed my face and put on my night things, when someone tapped at the backdoor last night. I cautiously asked who it was before opening. It was Bess. Bless her, she'd been struggling all day with missing John, reminded of him due to its being Veteran's Day. And then Josh had come home and told her about a Mentorship Breakfast they are having at school next week. When Bess asked if he planned to attend, he told her no. "My mentors are Dad and he's working, and Grampa and he's gone." Bess said it just tore her up.
We shared a long deep hug. Truth told, I'd been feeling terribly sensitive all day long yesterday and cried several times. And after she left, I sat down and boohooed hard. I've been fighting crying, really crying, for days now and it was time to let it out and just give in to the need to weep. After that I felt exhausted and went off to bed.
Up early this morning. My new stove arrived at the store yesterday. Sam is going to pick it up for me Friday on his way home. I have already called the Propane company to come install it next week. Before I had coffee, I'd started a load of clothes, and they were soon ready to hang outdoors. Today has been steadily windy. I expect it's blowing in the colder air we've been told to expect this weekend.
I hardly know what to do with myself...I finished all my housework and had dinner prepped and cooking well before 11am. What to do with myself?
I've been experiencing something of a writer's block these past two weeks and hadn't anything ready to go up on the other blog. I went to the study and sat down and found inspiration for a post. In the meantime, my dinner was smelling pretty awesome and wafting good scents all through the house.
When I emerged for air, I was shocked that it was 2pm. I realized I was really hungry and I decided that today dinner would be at midday. Namely because it required only minutes to finish off. I had taken stew meat and realized as I was getting it browned that I'd used the last of the potatoes in my soup last night. Stew was out...Instead I decided to make something I have never made before: Beef Tips in gravy. I started water for instant mashed potatoes to heat and went outdoors to bring in the laundry which had dried beautifully.
I was standing on the porch looking out at the patio when I realized that the basil and chives and the flowers would all be gone by weekend if we had frost...So I stepped down to the patio and harvested the herbs, admired and talked to the flowers and thanked them all for doing so well all through the hot autumn days. I always thank my flowers and plants for giving me so much joy.
I stood on the porch in the sunshine and folded the clothes before I walked back indoors. And I brought in a big handful of chives and basil leaves to air dry and save for future use. Boy was the basil fragrant!
Indoors, I made my potatoes and sat down to eat. That was lovely. I don't know why I've never made beef tips before. It was nearly as comforting a meal as soup or stew would be.
While I was finishing up my lunch, I heard a noise outside and lo and behold the lost Amazon order finally made its way to my house. It has travelled back and forth from Macon to Columbus for over a week. Every day it would be sitting at either the Macon depot or the Columbus one. I wondered how many times they'd passed within 3 miles of my home while driving that route... I was at the point of just cancelling the order altogether if it didn't arrive today. ta da.
This order was important because it was meant to be a birthday present for Caleb. ta da. I'm so unimpressed with what I received. He'll like it but it's far too little to consider as a proper birthday gift, even if it is a second gift and not the primary one.
As well I'd ordered a splurge item of gingerbread syrup for flavoring coffee. More disappointment. It is flavored but does not taste like gingerbread. I'm going to mix up some gingerbread spice mixture and add to my coffee. I may skip the purchased stuff altogether.
It's been a lovely day. Windy as I said, but the sun has shone like gold on everything today. The trees have all lost their leaves except the Sweet Gums which are shedding steadily today. The sun cast skeleton tree shadows across the lawn which always tugs at my heart, sort of the way hay bales in a freshly mown field does.
Today I am grateful for this lovely day of sunshine, wind, leaves and skeleton tree shadows.
Friday, November 13: Today was Granny's birthday. I've thought of her a lot lately, not just because her birthday was coming up but because of Mama.
I was up early this morning after a fitful night. No clue why I had such a hard time staying asleep. I was more than ready for bed last night and slipped off before 9pm to crawl into the bed. I went off to sleep, too, but I kept having nightmares. Thankfully I also kept waking myself and saying, "No more of that...I'll dream of something else." It seemed to work, because none of my dreams were the same, but they didn't improve any in nature.
I was getting dressed when I felt strongly that I needed Eggnog in my coffee. Eggnog before December is even here? I never buy Eggnog either because I can't find any that doesn't have Carrageenan as a thickener in it. I settled for grating nutmeg into my cup this morning and using my usual half and half. I could make my own...if I can find a recipe that doesn't call for heavy cream and will make no more than a pint.
Leisurely coffee. I admired my holiday cactus which is full of buds and has one bloom. It will be lovely, as it is every year at this time and probably will bloom right up through Christmas.
I washed bed and bath linens this morning. They tangled up something fierce in the washer and kept throwing it off balance. I've no idea why. I seldom have that issue with my machine and I've no idea why it was so bad today. I had to stop it and untangle the linens and redistribute them.
When I went outdoors to hang them on the line, I found it was cold. And it's gotten steadily cooler since I got up. In fact, we've already hit our peak high for the day. The heater has come on routinely all day. We have finally hit the cooler days of autumn. The heat has lingered overly long this year.
Josie and I had a long messaging session this morning. Darn it, the package sent for her middle one's birthday was stolen. Apparently, that's been an issue of late in her apartment building. I don't know why they don't deliver to the door of each apartment or at least try, but they sit it out in the open in the lobby, and someone obviously picked it up. I hope they enjoy playing with dinosaur toys...
We had a long, lovely conversation about many things after that.
Then I had a message that Sam was coming home sick and was planning to stop and have them load the stove on his way home. He didn't bring it here today, which is fine. Perhaps tomorrow if he's feeling better or on Sunday. I can't use it until after the propane company comes next week anyway.
I folded the clothes while I stood on the porch in the breezy cool air while my lunch heated. When I came indoors, I had to put on a jacket. It's only 57F out there and that's our peak for the day.
And that's pretty much it for me for this week. Not an exciting week but a steadily paced one. Not a bad week, but hard in places.
Today I am grateful for a long conversation with my granddaughter, the cold breezy day, and sheets and towels flapping in the wind.
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