For June: A Fresh Start

 I confess, when I prayed for a fresh start this month, this wasn't quite what I had in mind...

Windows 10 updated over the weekend.  It was a massive update that required multiple restarts.  I use Microsoft Edge which basically hijacked my computer last year and refused to let me use any other operating system.  The update apparently does allow you to use other browsers but it essentially wiped out every one of my saved favorites, my blog list, my favorites files which were packed, my Pinterest boards...I've had to find passwords for accounts that I thankfully had to renew recently because of my email account exodus from Yahoo, so I can access my most important accounts online.  But yeah.  Everything was new and unfamiliar and every last old thing was gone.

I am a little sad to see some of my files and things gone.  I was much amused that all of the files are gone but I was able to migrate files from early 2016 over from Google Chrome which I wasn't able to do last year when Edge took over. 

It made me wonder what if we had something like this in life, where the clock was literally turned back, we were restored to a set date in the past and had the opportunity to begin anew from that point. I tried to think what date I'd choose to 'begin again'.  Food for thought, right?

I guess I've had that time in my life already.  It was the date about two years ago when I found myself in the hospital.  I had come very close to dying twice during that time.  I looked long and hard at my life and determined that if I was being given a second and third chance then I was doggone well going to change some things!  And I did.

Some of the changes had to do with adjusting my attitude.  I decided that I was tired of thinking of what I couldn't do and was ready to do what I could.  I'd rather 'do something and fail than do nothing and succeed' as our family motto reads.  Result: slowly working my way around the house with landscaping and flowers.  Continuing to make my home as pretty as I can.  Generally making the best of what I already have.  It's a creative pursuit to live as I do and while necessity in part demands it, I wouldn't give anything for the joy it brings me to see the small changes I was able to make.  Was it exactly what I wanted?  No, not at all.  But it's better than doing nothing and whining about it.  And some of the things I've done turned out surprisingly well!

I made some physical changes.  I changed how I ate and became much more focused on health.  I was determined to be healthier.  I'm happy to report that aside from a small weight gain I've been very healthy overall and manage diabetes with just the very basic medication of Metformin and a good diet.

Some of the changes had to do with personal relationships, most especially blood line.  There were two or three in my life that were very toxic for me.  I had tolerated and allowed a lot of abuses in the name of peace.  I realized during that hospital stay that peace at any price is never peace.  It was hard to distance myself from some of the relationships that were the most hurtful.  I am still in relationship with this people but I have emotionally distanced myself.  I don't tolerate abusive behavior.  I speak up and out.  I'd been the peacekeeper my entire life but I won't believe the lie any longer that it's okay to treat people badly because they are family.  Bull.

I won't tell you that any of those situations are perfect.  I've been distanced from some of the grandchildren because of it, but it was a price I ended having to accept.   I've had to be firm with another family member who can be particularly abusive towards me.  It saddens me that I can't do the things I'd like for this one but to do so would mean spending more time in an atmosphere that is not only negative but draining.   That relationship quickly turns abusive, not just emotionally, but physically.  It's a relationship pattern that has gone on for as long as I can recall.  I can't stop the abusiveness.  I can stop my willingness to accept it but only if I maintain a hard distance.

I decided during that time in the hospital to really embrace those people who were loving and kind towards me.  Fortunately that meant my children, my husband, some of my children's partners.  There were things I really regretted and most of them had to do with not spending time with my family.   I say this sincerely, if I had it to do again, I'd have spent less time at church and more time with family celebrating birthdays and holidays and special occasions.  Unfortunately, I didn't.  I will from now on.

I guess most of all, I saw how foolish we can be to let things worry us and burden us that oughtn't.  There's never enough money but we live well enough.  There's never enough time, but I'll make the best of every minute I can.  I think living well has been the result of my crisis point.

All that to say that I hate losing my boards on Pinterest (and my account there) and I hate losing my bookmarked files but in the end it's not a crisis.  I'll just start fresh new ones.  It's just a tiny blip.  And it gives me an opportunity to start fresh all over again.


Debbie said...

((((((HUGS)))))) I, like you, had to distance myself from abusive and toxic relationships with certain family members in my husband's bloodline. Their actions have caused such hurt, pain and anger for myself, my husband, and my now adult children and none of us want my grandkids exposed to it at all. Life is too short to have to deal with all that crap. We have chosen to focus on our family, friends and all the good things in our lives. We recently came close to losing one of our beloved girls after she developed some horrible infections after giving birth to our youngest grandson. Many hours were spent at the hospital with her praying for her, supporting her and taking care of our newborn grandson so that she could get the care she needed, the support and love that was so essential and to give our son time to get things done during the day and get some rest so that he could be there with her at night to take care of her and baby. Our girls came into our family through marriage to our sons and we love them dearly...they truly are our daughters in every sense of the word.

Lana said...

Ugh! Hubby and I both had the Windows update and none of those things happened here. Who knows why? Computers do what they like sometimes and we have no say in the matter.

Julie Baker said...

God bless you Terri.

Anonymous said...

Hi Terri,
So sorry to hear about your computer troubles! I think it might be worth it to contact customer service with Windows and see if they have any suggestions for recovering your files. I actually "googled" "Windows 10 updated and deleted my files," and got a hit on some suggestions from the Microsoft support website. Also, I think you can contact Pinterest and "reactivate" your account. I don't think it's lost. I think you may need to reinstall or reactivate. But, then again, I'm a Mac user. Anyway, might be worth a try.

Lorita said...

It has been my understanding that even though you delete things on computer they are still there in hidden files, so a tech should be able to recover the things you lost. But don't quote me on that! I know nothing about Windows 10. I still have Windows 8 on my used laptop and haven't used it a lot so still have a lot to learn with it. I have Vista on my old desktop and installed a desktop sidebar that I had sticker notes on it, and a calendar and clock face instead of only digital time. I haven't found a way to put it on Windows 8 desktop and I miss it.

I like your idea of being able to 'reset' our life clocks to a set date to live over differently, to live more focused today. It really is something to spend some time thinking about.

Angela said...

Is anything ever really EXACTLY how we want it? I came to the same conclusion awhile back- peace at any price isn't peace; it is tyranny.I agree about church too; my father (who is dead and it is too late) rarely saw his children or grandchildren because he was "supporting the church." Seize your fresh start my dear!

Karla Neese said...

OH, I feel your pain!! We updated to Windows 10 at work in the past months and it has been a painful process!

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