Coffee Chat: A Made Over Life



Good Afternoon loves...I've been busy today already, as I usually am on John's work day.  Busy, but my brain just ticking along.  It has been for days now.  I can't share all the details of why my brain's been busy because it is another person's sad story and not mine...But  there was a bit of  "There but by the grace of God..." involved in my thinking and then the awareness that it was indeed by the grace of God that I am where I am today.



So this morning, I've folded laundry and put away dishes, made the beds, rolled up the rugs and swept the floors and mopped them and did some general straightening.   I've totted up the checkbook and finished off the bills and made myself a lunch.    All the while I was busy, my mind was going round and round and round thinking of another person's sad story.  Let's have a cup of coffee and a chat.

I sat down after a bit and took up the slipcover whose seams I am ripping apart so that I can make it over.   I thought about this task and my life and then I began to study the act of deconstruction.   I could have taken a whole new piece of cloth and started fresh but there's plenty of good left in this slipcover.  It's only a year old.   I could have left it as it was.  It wasn't a good fit for my chair though and it was never going to be right as it was, so I decided to take it apart and begin again, to make it over.  It's a lot of work, all this un-doing and refitting and sewing and such.  Some might well think it's not worthwhile, but I do.  I've seen the results before of how much nicer something can be than what it was, if one is willing to take the time to start over again.   And that's when I had a thought that shook me.   This was what happened in my life.  I got made over into something new and better.  I pray that it shall be just so in this  young one's life.

I've never really shared my story and I don't mean to go into hard details now.  You've all heard bits and hints  but there's more to it.  I was a very unhappy woman at one point in my life and eventually my actions gave voice to the great grieving within myself that had hold of me.

My body rebelled against my depression and abuses and  busyness and my immune system began to fail.  I was sick more often than well.   I fell into the endless spiral of not feeling well and being depressed and being even more depressed and not feeling well.  The more I felt ill and depressed the deeper my despair and the more I sought other ways of easing the pain and discomfort.  I was, in short, a mess.  Everything was all wrong and  no one could see it as clearly as I.

I am purposefully vague on the details here.  If you've been on the barely coping side of  a life you know that our means of coping can be as individual as we are  but our methods are almost always the very wrong way of dealing with it all.  Being addicted to busyness (not routine busyness mind you but excessive busyness, constant motion) or food or hiding behind closed doors and blanket draped windows is just as wrong as drink or drugs or sex or any other abuses.

Well the break came at last in my marriage ending.  I came with my children to stay at Granny's on a Saturday.  I put a deposit down on a rental home on Monday.  On that sunny Tuesday morning that came next, I headed to work  with a deep sense of dread and a heaviness of spirit.  I remember telling Granny , who stood in the morning sun seeing me off,  "I want with everything in my being not to do this.  But I have to go..." and I remember the look of  deep intuitive concern on her face.  I was 2 miles from work when a drunk driver in the opposite lane suddenly veered into my path.  I was doing 55 miles an hour when I hit him.

Not a tragedy.  Just a car accident, but it proved to be the beginning of the making over of myself that was so desperately needed.

The ripping apart of a life is a very painful thing.  It just had to be got through, that un-doing of what had been.

Some months later, after a lengthy recovery, a co-worker shared with me the wisdom of her auntie.  She'd been telling her about all the things that had occurred and were occurring in my life at that time.  "You tell that girl that God is pruning her back...There's new growth after pruning."   Her words rang with truth to me when Billie came and reported what she'd said.

Life wasn't easy.  It seems that I needed to be still more deeply pruned and it took longer than you'd think.  Growth after such a deep pruning as I had was difficult and slow,  but eventually I was indeed full of new life.    Just as I sit here patiently ripping out thousands of tiny stitches,  knowing it will take time and care to fit this cloth back together again to cover this chair, it took time to heal and time to find my way and time to grow and time to reach this place.   Every thing takes time. 

Today, if I turn and look back at myself and the life I once had, I am astonished to the point of gasping out loud at the wonder of what life  is like now.  It's the astonishment of one who has seen the Master at work.   I'd been broken, completely undone physically and mentally and emotionally,  but I was made whole again.  Rarely is anything so broken that there isn't a bit of usefulness to be found in it, a place where one might start anew.  And that was my prayer this morning for that one who is suffering just now.  May she find, as I have done, the joy of  the made over life.

Tragedy, sorrow, heartbreak.  It happens, doesn't it?  It happens and yet on some scale the little things continue to demand our attention.  Laundry and dishes to be washed, meals to be gotten, floors to be swept.   These seemingly empty chores prove themselves to be something more when we're filled with worry and fear and grief.  They assert themselves as a great reminder that whatever comes, life goes on.  The work they demand of us centers us, reminding us that sorrows come and go but there's still a life to be lived.   These tasks the world at large assure us are menial and inconsequential give a continuity to life we're desperate to find when we are grieved.   We might glare out the window wondering how on earth the sun dare rise again when life has been so tragically altered, but it doesn't stop the light from flooding the room. 

At some point in the process we wake up one day and know that the light is always going to be there, regardless of what our life might seem in that series of tragic moments.  It is just as He has planned it. 

Enough.   Enough has been said.  When I am tired after working and rising extra early and the weather is iffy I can become morose.  No need at all of that.

The slipcover is indeed in the process of being made over albeit in the ripping apart stage at present.  I'd forgotten, hidden as it was under the slipcover, that the chair had become so worn and torn but it's a good chair overall and a slipcover will hide those scars of living soon enough.

The bookcases were made over last week.  I put a fabric backing inside them and I am well pleased with how this makeover turned out.  Putting on the fabric was easy enough  I simply used cellophane tape to hold it on while I nailed the back board onto the cases and it worked just fine.  No gapping or wrinkling occurred.  The  wearying part was taking out all the books and putting them back again.


I love love love this area of my living room.  It is, in itself everything I hope to make all the rest of the room eventually.  Click to open the photo in a larger screen and you can see the backing fabric.  I did all three of the bookcases.

John and I took Friday as a date day.  We drove into town to run an errand and then made our way northwest to the little town of Warm Springs.  We had lunch at the Bulloch House restaurant which isn't a house any longer but an old store building that has been made over.   It's really just plain old Southern country cooking, which I grew up eating and now and then like to have once again for nostalgia's sake.  The town is small and the area in general is rural but there's something in the air there...People still travel to Warm Springs to the Rehabilitation Center and I'd dare to venture that the atmosphere that permeates the town is a healing atmosphere.

After our meal, we wandered across the street and John guided me to the antiques store and said "I'll be right here when you get done...take your time."  He settled on a bench in the sunlight.  Now some men might say that, "Take your time" and not mean it, but not John.  He means what he says.  Besides, I know that he has a natural ability to close his eyes and relax and zone out just about anywhere you can name no matter how much noise there is.  I think it's what gives John his atmosphere of immense calm.

So in I went to explore the shop which didn't look very promising if you want to know the facts.  There were a lot of new things, like brand new,  and I was almost put off but I continued to look and I found among the new things plenty of lovely old things.  Oh the many things I never came out of the store with at all!

There was a lovely, absolutely gorgeous lime green (a nice lime not atomic nuclear looking green) two piece canister set for a very reasonable price and I contemplated that pretty hard.  In the end, I could only imagine storing coffee in it and it had two strikes against it for that purpose.  The canisters I have now are clear and show a tiny bit of oily residue from the coffee grounds which I didn't think would be any more attractive on that green glass.   And they had no rubber gasket around the top to seal them so I felt it would allow the air to enter and the coffee to become stale.   Then too, I imagined myself letting the lid slip and chipping the edges.  No.  They were too lovely to come home with me for my purpose.  I was sure someone somewhere has a far better use for them.

There was more than that besides but I came out with enough.   A pretty picture to use in our bedroom which now has me changing my mind about a good bit of what I'm using currently.   And a lovely little Limoges china jewelry box. ( I took a photo of that too but now I can't find it).   A blue and white china cat to sit on the mantel.  A ribbed glass 1930's bottle which the tag said was a water bottle and distinctly smelled of Tang to me.   Those things were treasure enough for me.  I'll have to do a bunch of photos and show them all to you.

 
The birds are on gold foil paper and the surrounding accent mat is teal blue.  Perfect for our bedroom wall...


I soaked this bottle with soapy water for three days and then aired it dry.  It stopped smelling of Tang but we'll see how the water tastes when I pour it.  I'm pretty sure the light discoloration is tannin from tea.   That part doesn't bother me in the least.


Thitty Tat, as Isaac says it, now sits to one side.   I wanted Staffordshire dogs but goodness their price is well beyond me and the cat looks better than those few I can afford.

 I am still looking for something else for the mantle, something a little taller than that small ginger jar.  And I hope to add green plants to it eventually, perhaps some potted Ivy.  The peonies in the big Onion jar (which Taylor and Josh refer to as a pumpkin) are from Walmart and cost $2 each.  They are really beautifully made.  And all wrong for the onion jar but I popped them in there the other day anyway.  I filled the two small silver frames with some pretty little antique country prints I found online.   If you see the whole wall from the bookcase side of the room, those three small framed prints on the wall are not as odd as they appear.   It is all balanced with the framed seed packets that are on the left side of the mantel.

 Back to my story of the antique store now that I've fully distracted you.  I took my things to the counter when I was convinced I'd bought all that really ought to be mine and nothing that I'd regret purchasing nor anything I'd regret leaving behind.  Sometimes this thinking takes more time than it does others.   I stood around after laying my items on the counter and looked about a little more in the area near the register.  I noted that the man started to hurry behind the counter and I stopped him.  "I'm in no rush.  No need to hurry on my behalf.  I have the day off and nowhere I need to be any time soon."   He immediately slowed down because the lady whose things he was wrapping up wasn't done shopping yet.  "That's such a nice attitude," he told me, "So many people just want to rush through things."   "I know," I told him, "I'm fortunate my husband has the same attitude of not being in a great hurry all the time.   He doesn't mind one bit sitting on that bench in the sun."  "Don't you find it fatigues you to go out anymore when everyone is in such a hurry?"  I agreed with him and thought back to Tuesday and Wednesday when I was in the midst of two sizeable towns and the traffic and hurry and rush really wore me down.

Funny thing was, later when we were having our supper, John told me he and the man on the opposite bench had pretty much the same conversation.  I like when we're that much in sync.

We took a rather long way homewards and before we turned off onto the road that leads out our way, we decided to go on and get haircuts.  We'd only been driving three or four hours...No, really, we were so relaxed and at ease that we just felt we could squeeze in haircuts even if it did mean an extra hour or two out of the house.  I was eager to go into the grocery next to the salon.  They have the most gorgeous floral department there with a wonderful variety of flowers.

I came home with pink carnations, white stock and purple statice this week.  Oh it's a lovely bouquet!  I've made up my mind that this year, my 60th year, I shall have a real bouquet of flowers as often as I can get to the store and buy one, or find one for the picking in the yard or the wild.  Flowers are a necessary luxury for me, just as books are.  Go on and take away the TV and movies and most of the eating out, and much of the real jewelry,  but leave me flowers and books and real perfume.    I'll give up a great many things for them.  What are necessary luxuries for you?

My gracious!  The weather is indeed being completely temperamental today!  Foggy, rain, sun and now it's squalling like a nor'easter was upon us.  We'll just ignore that and go on with our conversation shall we?

I had the boys here yesterday.  I started the day with Isaac.  I kept him all day long and he was sweet as pudding until we laid him down for a nap and then he called 'ampapa and mamama until he realized we weren't budging so he cried a bit.  Getting no results with that either, then came  the sweetest of sweet moments: he sang to himself until he finally went right off to sleep.  


Josh came in later, after school, when his dad came to pick up Isaac.   Josh is always looking for something extra here.  Yesterday he spied the aluminum foil wrapped bundle on the counter top.  He came to me and quietly said, "Gramma....Is that thing wrapped up on the counter a cake and can I have it to take home?"   I smiled and told him he could have it but it wasn't a frosted cake.  His dad walked into the kitchen just as Josh was slipping it inside the diaper bag and asked him, "Did Gramma say you could have that?"   Sam told me today that Josh was disappointed in the cake because it had no frosting, but he ate it anyway.

Josh simply has to have something from here to go home with him, which reminds me of my Great Aunt Martha.  She never left any home she visited empty handed.  Aunt Mary Jo used to tell of a visit with a rather abrupt departure from her home, "She left here holding a whole dill pickle because it was the only thing she could think to ask for before they left."

Isaac will be two tomorrow and got his first haircut at the salon, which he took in a  rather manly manner.   Josh, who has cried over every single haircut he's ever had in the last two and a half years, decided he'd step up and be a man about it as well.  Josh wasn't much changed by his hair cut but Isaac...well from toddler to little boy in just a few snips.



Sam's just called to tell me our whole road is a right mess.  Apparently all that wind took down some trees.  The county is not clearing up to suit him or the neighbors he stopped and spoke with.  That makes me think of Granny who regularly had words with the men operating the machinery.  I have no problem with the roads crew.  If things aren't done correctly, a phone call will bring them right back out to fix things I've found.    I guess I'll mosey down and get the mail and see how bad it looks that end so I can let John know it might be rather skitchy going.  The other end of our dirt road is a mucky mess because they've been logging up there.  So goes life in the country!

Talk to you all soon!

16 comments:

Lisa from Indiana said...

My one luxury is to be able to be a stay-at-home wife. In a world that pressures women to be out in the workforce, it feels like an incredible luxury to be able to run and care for our home...a luxury that I'm willing to scrimp and save in all other areas to be able to do. My family needs me and I am helping them thrive. That is worth any sacrifice.

Sandy Dixon said...

Well said Lisa! Terri I am loving the English Country Style you are creating. Your home looks so cheerful and comforting and welcoming. Thank you so much for sharing both your home and life. Walking that road in faith and wonder at the wisdom and love of the Father. I too like antiques. Not expensive things just things that remind me of the past and are useful. I just had a birthday and in an antique shop in Fayetteville Ga. I found a very small metal kitchen hoosier cabinet. quite rusted on the doors but the enamel counter was in great condition. Inside was yellow and orange flowered contac paper definitely 60s! anyway it just fit a small space in my kitchen and I made it my coffee bar. Everyone who has seen it says "Aren't you going to paint it?" Nope! Its been touched by life just like me!I hope you have a blessed rest of the week. I have gathered together all my Gladys Taber books and the old magazine articles she wrote. My email is sandyrider1@yahoo.com. I would love to share them with you

Wendi said...

I love fresh flowers. My daughter loves carnations. I use to thumb my nose at them but not now. After letting her pick out a bouquet or two I like how much value is found in carnations. They are inexpensive as far as fresh flowers go and they last a long time.

My mom tend to be in rush often. She wants to rush at registers and will go to this one and that one. I tend to pick one and stay unless it is moving extremely slow. I feel after the time spent shopping a few extra minutes in line will be fine. She's the same way at a restaurant. Once she is finished she wants the check now. I'd like to tell her to relax, a couple more minutes of wait won't hurt. I know better then to say anything of the sort!

I like the print you picked up for your room.

Carolyn said...

Would you believe that I had that very same bird print in the 80s? I loved it and if I recall correctly, it is from Home Interiors. I was a Home Interiors rep back then. Brings back some wonderful memories!

Anne said...

Yes, books and flowers are must haves in my budget and in my life. Along with occasional chocolate or other treat items. It must be very occasional though, as it is extremely hard to keep the waist down at 70.

Costco has wonderful bouquets at a very reasonable price and I almost always buy my gift flowers there, also.

Allegra said...

I love that corner of your living room, it looks so restful and serene. Books and plants and hazelnut coffee are my necessary luxuries. Thank you for stopping to chat with us, I always get excited when I see you posted,there's always good reading to be had there, and coffee chats are my favourite. And thank you for sharing a picture of the boys, that's enough to brighten up anyone's day!

Chris M said...

Terri, Your analogy of deconstructing the slipcover to reconstruct it is golden! And, then there’s the slipcover itself! It may be true you can’t put lipstick on a pig, but a slipcover can beautify and extend the use of a well made piece of furniture. Just wonderful. Take care and I hope the project goes well and comes together in due time. Chris

Debby in Kansas said...

I agree with Lisa about the opportunity to stay at home. Most people would gasp at what we live on & think it was entirely nuts, but I'm pretty simple. My other luxuries would be crafting materials and an occasional designer coffee....two per year, to be exact! I love the Eggnog Lattes at Starbucks in Dec. And we have a local coffeehouse that makes a delicious blended ice Almond Joy coffee that I buy once in summertime.

I smiled at the flowers because I've been a carnation girl since I was a wee one. I've always loved the smell. My boyfriends, parents, husband etc. were all shocked that I wasn't one for roses.
I know the boys were secretly thrilled about that....and my husband was stunned that I didn't want a diamond engagement ring either lol. (Mine is antique set garnet) And, I ended up firing our first wedding florist because she tried to shame me into roses when I was quite clear about wanting carnations. "Carnations are for funerals and junior high Valentines. Roses are for weddings and sophisticated events." My new florist did lovely flowers with my beloved carnations....with no nastiness.

Isn't it fun to do a room that tickles you? I'm tickled pink with our new master bed and bath. The colors are just so pleasing to my brain. I have a couple of things I need to still do for my living room. We have a high ceiling on one side and it really needs some height. I looked at armoires, bookcases, etc. and couldn't find anything that I even liked, let alone loved. Then, I was at a church rummage sale and I saw a wide shelf that looked like it was probably part of something else at some point. It was in perfect condition and only $3 so I grabbed it. It turned out to be the same shade of wood as my grandma's cedar chest and the same width of my husband's grandma's high boy dresser. The dresser is black so I'm going to just paint the front edge of the shelves black to make them go together. Once we hang that over the highboy, it'll fill in all those acres of wall perfectly.

Mable said...

I got very ill a few years ago and was bedridden, to the point that my husband had to help me to get out of bed and up off the toilet and would hold me up while I showered. I longed to be able to do all those annoying chores like cooking every day and doing dishes! When I could finally make a meal again, even though I had to sit on a stool to stay upright, I cried with joy.

terricheney said...

Lisa, I am with you! Being able to stay home has been the greatest luxury of all my life and all the rest is just icing on my little country cake.


Sandy...A little hoosier cabinet! My! I love the English Country look and have for years and don't know why on earth it took me so long to catch on that half of what I own was leaning towards that look. I like rusty/crackled stuff.

Wendi, I agree that carnations are good value and they have just a slight aroma, enough to let you know you have a real flower on hand. My mom is much the same as yours. She's very impatient about things, from traffic lights to waitstaff to clerks in stores. Sigh.


Carolyn, How neat to know where the picture is from. I had a few items from that Home Décor business and really enjoyed them. I guess I'm coming back around to it all, lol.


Anne, there is no Costco near us. I hear such great things about them and Trader Joes but we have no access to either.


Allegra and Chris, thank you both. I'm so happy that the coffee chat resonated with you.


Debbie, the flower I love best of all is violets. You can't even buy them anymore they've fallen so far from favor yet they were a regular item at florists years ago.


Mabel, I know. At rehab hospital I had to name a goal...Mine was to be able to go the bathroom alone once more. It took weeks to reach that point. And after the PEs in 2015 I missed my little daily homemaking routine. I too wept when I came back home and did my first chore, even though it took weeks to get to the point I could.

susie @ persimmon moon cottage said...

Your living room is so pretty. I like the fabric backing you put in your bookshelves. It looks very nice. English Country Style is a decorating style that I really like, too.

Carnations have always been one of my favorite flowers. I like their spicy/floral scent. Does anyone else remember when Avon had flower scented cream cologne? Carnation was one of their scents, along with lily of the valley, roses, honeysuckle, and lilac, and also peach scent. I was a pre-teen at the time and between my Mom and I, I think we had all of their floral scents. I wish they still made them. The carnation scent was so realistic.

Your grandsons are so cute!

Karen in WI said...

Good afternoon Terri. Lovely story stemming from the slipcover. I found it helpful today.

That little corner of your home looks like such a pleasant, cozy place. You did a great job with the bookcase and I find it charming!

You have a very lovely husband to serenely sit on a bench as you shop. My dear husband is a gem like that, but we only tend to leisurely shop while on vacation.

I’m with you on the little luxuries in life! Coffee, warm woolen socks on toes stuffed into shearling slippers, and a calming essential oil blend for a warm bath are my little luxuries. I have been trying to take more time out to read books (you have inspired me here too!).

I love hearing of your visits with the little ones. I do so miss my boys being younger. So much simpler back then. It’s so lovely that they live near!

Thank you for the post. It’s my little afternoon break before I take my youngest son to his indoor baseball practice. I made a cheesecake for Valentine’s and just finished up the sour cherry pie filling for on top. I need to quick get back home to make homemade mac & cheese. We are very low key on this holiday, but I always like to bake something special. Have a lovely evening with your husband (if he isn’t working?). Hugs to you!

Debby in Kansas said...

Susie, I do remember those Avon scents! My mom & grandma bought Avon my whole life. I still buy a few things, but I find it much more difficult without a *real* Avon Lady. I remember in my old neighborhood, our Avon lady was Bobbie and she had a big bag full of samples. My mom would try out different colors and if she couldn't decide, Bobbie would give her a tiny sample to try for a week. And then, whenever my mom's order would come in, Bobbie would include 1 or 2 samples of a new cologne or lotion. Roses, Roses was probably my first cologne that was just mine! And I'm sure the carnation one you mentioned. Thanks for the memory!!

Anonymous said...

I am totally in love with the bird picture! I also will take the round table when I come for the picture. LOL. Very clever idea, the backing on the book cases. I have started getting ready for a new session of Bible Study for our ladies. I found one on Mark that I am so happy with. As we sometimes want answers to prayers right now the people had gone for 400 years when God was silent as they waited for the Messiah prophisied by Isaiah and Malachi. Yet God was working all that time. Even after God had spoken and John the Baptist and Jesus were born there was another 30 year while they grew up and began their ministries. Today I was telling a young woman from our Moms of preschoolers group who had been through a lot trying to buy a house and the deal that fell through and was finally able to rent a home that was way beyond her expectations and may be able to buy if they want, what I knew of what was falling into place while she was in such deep despair over where they would live. I know her landlord and the couple of people who connected them with each other. She was amazed. So often God seems silent but is putting those puzzle pieces together bit by bit. I have worked on this study several days and am delighted with it. I smiled when you talked about lawn mowing. We might have one under our about 8 inches of snow. Gramma D


Anonymous said...

Lovely and astute observations my kind friend.

"The Joy of a Made Over Life." So much said in your one short sentence.
Reading it immediately brought to mind the good Lord's promise "to make all things new." I have long been convinced that He is the ultimate creative recycler. :-))). He doesn't give up on us and helps to remake us if we are willing.

Your living room is so so charming! Your cozy chairs are especially inviting! I once owned a blue and white china cat just like your new find...also...your blue and white tea pot looks so pretty on the bookshelf! You've done such a lovely job of arranging them...the fabric backing takes them over the top!

This is such a lovely and touching post and much appreciated.

Love,
Tracey
x0x

P.S. I think Lisa voiced the most prized necessary luxury for many of us...staying at home and taking care of our family has been the most blessed gift of my life. I think it's very sad that it is considered a luxury in today's culture.

terricheney said...

Debby and Susie, I too remember some of the scents from Avon: rose and honeysuckle were my favorites as I recall but alas I didn't get to own them. I think I just had samples. But I do remember the Avon ladies (used to be one myself long ago) and the little lipstick samples were my absolute favorites.

Karen, your simple celebration sounds mighty good to me! And I love your little luxuries.

Dora, if ever you come this far south, you might be surprised what all you'll take home with you. Our climates are indeed a contrast aren't they? The Bible Study sounds awesome.

Tracey, thought about you a lot this week and kept you in prayer.

The Long Quiet: Day 23