Hello loves. Come in for coffee, or hot tea if you please and let us have a nice little chat. I'll offer you crisp buttery toast to go with it. How does that sound? I made apple cake last week, gave about half of it to Sam and Bess and we polished off the rest as our afternoon snacks with coffee. I haven't even made up my mind yet this week what I might bake, so crispy toast is the best I can offer.
Isn't the coffee good? Honestly, I never found an affordable k-cup brand that is as good as this coffee. It's got such a nice rich flavor. Just plain ol' Great Value Medium Roast. Cheap as chips as my British friend would say, although these days it's about as much as chips and for coffee it's cheap but not so much for chips which are ridiculously priced as are any potatoes these days.
Have a seat and let us talk for a bit. Are you warm enough? It's cooler this morning, too cool to sit on a shady porch. I suppose we might pull chairs out to the yard and sit in the sun which sounds rather nice at present. I'll lay odds for all that it feels cool in the shade the sun will fairly burn us up, lol. Feast and famine.
We've nearly completed this month of September. Just a few more days and then we're into October. October is going to be a fast winding down of another season in my life. At the end of that month, Katie and Caleb will move. I'll see far less of Taylor after October, since she'll obviously be spending her weekends where her mama is, as well she ought.
I find myself terribly torn. On the one hand, when Caleb is tired and I'm weary and we're both irritable, I think, "Not much more of this to deal with!" And on the other days, when he's feeling cuddly and I'm more rested, I think "Not much more of this to cherish!" It's all the same in the end. I'm going to miss him terribly. I've kept him off and on since he was a little baby.
I have a photo of him on a very fussy day lying on a quilt on the floor. He was just grizzling away. John lay down with him and talked to him and asked "Hey, what's your troubles? Tell Grampa all about them..." and he looked at John and fussed a little more and then he lay quiet, content to have Grampa on his level. Though the two fuss at one another now, there is a bond between them that has been lovely to watch grow. It is to John that Caleb runs first. And to John he goes to each night with a grand big hug to say goodnight. Gramma gets a fist bump, lol.
It's also letting go of Katie again but not in the way I had to let go when she first left home. She's a grown woman. She's been through some hard things over the last few years. No different than anyone else going through hard things but I wanted to offer her something during the hard days that I'd never had. Support. A place to lean. Someone to count on.
Briefly, I'll go back through my past for you. I did all the hard things on my own. After the car accident, my mother was there to visit at least four days out of seven, but only to tell me how badly I'd messed things up. My dad didn't show up but once. My brothers never came. My grandmothers weren't there. My mother told me each time she visited that I was neglecting my children, that I'd messed up her life plans, that I was a complete idiot, that I'd made nothing but bad decisions and was selfish, lazy, careless, etc. Three months in the hospital and rehab facility, listening to that.
Sorry to say I believed it, too. I did. It took John two years later to point out the very obvious fact that it was an accident. I was hit by a drunk driver at 8 in the morning on a weekday. I wasn't at fault. It was a set of circumstances that happened to me without my playing any role other than being where I was supposed to be at the time, on my way to work. I was showing up, doing the responsible thing and then the unexpected and awful thing happened. Just like Steven on September 1. Crap happens, to paraphrase in a nicer way what most would say.
When it came time for me to be dismissed from rehab, I had no home to go to. My husband at the time had sold our home to his uncle including all the contents. He made it clear that he didn't want me to come home. I had nothing to my name except a job awaiting me. No car. No furniture. No clue where my two children were.
I had to ask to be allowed to live with Mama and Daddy until I could get back on my feet and return to work. From one form of hell into a worse one... Mama doubled down on the complaints. I was expected to 'earn my keep' and apologize daily for messing the pattern of her life up. Though I was using a walker, could barely rise once I sat down on any piece of furniture, I cooked and cleaned, did all the laundry, paid rent and a portion of funds for food to boot.
I had my children only briefly but due to the intensity of Daddy's drinking and Mama's fussing each night, I asked my mother-in-law if she would keep the children for me. That was painful to say the least.
I chose to do what was best for my children. My mother-in-law and I had many differences, but she'd gone through alcoholism with my father-in-law and we both knew the horrors of it. The three months that followed I was living with my parents and just visiting with my children now and then when I could get Mama to take me to see them. My mother-in-law couldn't drive. I scraped together enough money to buy a car and went back to work a month after getting out of rehab. I was still using a walker. I saved every penny I could.
Finally, in September, a co-worker called to tell me she'd spoken to a former neighbor that weekend and had told her I'd rent her vacant house. I got it for an unbelievably low sum. I was able to be on my own with my children at last. I started again, from scratch. An empty rundown house, two children, a demanding job, a car that was in the shop more often than it ran. Money tight. A million things that needed to be done and paid for and cared for.
But in the months and years after, I had my children with me. I confess I held on tightly to them all. I worried and fretted. I spent many hours in prayer. Then I did what good parents do: I let them go out into the world on their own.
When Katie was 18, she married and moved away. It was hard to let her go then. I suffered. I had been a mother for 30 years at that point and had been taking care of my children on my own for a great deal of the time. Yes, John was present, but his job schedule was such that he missed out in great gaps some of the parenting that was done. Katie was the last one at home. When she left, I lost my role. I was ready to not be a hands-on parent, or so I thought. Until she left and then I was sidelined by grief. But I got through that phase, and I didn't want to be the same person I'd been. I realized that a mother of grown-up children has a whole other way of being a parent and I embraced that.
Katie's life fell apart twice. The first time I wasn't nearby, and I couldn't help but her brother stepped up and did. The second time I promised myself that I'd be there for her. That I'd support her through thick and thin days ahead. That I'd do my level best to do so with grace and compassion. I wasn't perfect. I was tired, weary and overwhelmed at times, but I kept trying to be better and be there for her all the way through. I did for her what no one had done for me, and I wasn't sorry that we were there for her. John was just as involved as myself. We carried her until she could stand on her own.
What is the pay-off? I've watched as Katie has learned her strengths and as she's worked to strengthen herself in the areas where she was weak. I've seen her take control of a mental health diagnosis and then do all she could to manage it. I've watched her dig her heels in and refuse to give up when she needed to do the hard things in order to get to the next level of independence. I've watched her lie down for moments in sheer frustration but always get back up and fight to move ahead once more. She never stayed down and never gave up. She went on. I've watched her grow and grow. And I'm damned proud of her and who she is.
I know that there are a few among you who think I do too much for her. I know because you've been bold enough to say so, though I hadn't asked for your opinion. I don't think I do too much. I've done what was necessary and encouraged her to get to the next level so that my involvement would be further decreased. And she has done so. She's gone from being completely broken to excelling in her life. She is showing up every.single.day and not asking for a blessed thing except a little bit of help watching her son on the rare occasions when he can't be in nursery or for a few hours so that she can visit her fiancé in this current crisis. That hardly seems like 'a lot' to me.
When my own children were sick and had to stay home from school or nursery, I stayed home to care for them. I used vacation time and sick leave which meant when I was sick, there was no time to take. Going without pay was the only other option I had. When child support is not coming in and you've nothing but your own modest earnings to stand between you and the acquirement of basic necessities, you work regardless of how you feel. Who else is going to attend to the electric bill, the grocery, the mechanic, the car payment? I've been there and I had to make the choice of being with a sick child and figuring out how I was going to deal with financial repercussions when I had no backup. I wasn't about to place my daughter in that position. No, nor any of my other children who live nearby.
I wanted to be there for Katie. I'm not sorry that I tried to relieve those things for her. I didn't take away all of her worries and cares. I barely eased them. But I hope she knew and felt, someone was in her corner always.
Do I do too much for Katie? Not by my standard. She doesn't ask. What I do is given of my own free will. The trick is to do what I can without getting in her way and preventing her growing. I've learned to do what is needed without taking away her power, authority and integrity. I don't attempt to talk her out of things, other than the quick parental, "Are you sure?" that all parents must ask at times that is almost always born of my fears. Then I step out of her way and let her go.
I choose to go in now and do the laundry and wash the dishes while I'm there. It is I who make that choice because I recall those days when I could not keep up with my own house and work and other demands, and no one was there to help me.
Another reader repeatedly asks why Caleb's dad isn't helping. Why do you think? Because he's chosen not to be present. You can do all sorts of things to people, but you cannot make them show up in life just because they have a responsibility to attend to. If your opinion is that he ought to be there, I'll agree. Katie will agree. But not one of us can force him into it. It seems unfair to dump a little boy in his lap and drive off when the little boy is not wanted. I've seen the results upon children who had such done to them and I wouldn't do it for the earth to my grandson, nor would his mother. So, stop asking already.
Gracious...I do sound irritable, don't I? Well, I am and I'm not. If I share that I'm tired or that Caleb's had a bad day or I've had a wearing one that's just me saying, "This is hard." It is hard. I'm 63. It was hard when I was 32.
Katie is making a choice to move, to participate in Steven's recovery and I applaud her decision. Yes, I worried just at first. I reminded her that I couldn't be there to pick up the loose ends, that I wouldn't be able to help. I realized quick enough that was my ego talking. I saw that this is the right next step in her life.
She's moved beyond the need to have the same depth of support from me. If I didn't get out of the way, I could cripple her. I could tell her she can't manage on her own. I could tell her she'll always need a crutch and I'm it. Well, who am I kidding? I raised my children to go out into the world on their own. Since they were old enough to understand I've taught them to be responsible, to take care of themselves and those in their care. Haven't I done my job?
She's already set things in motion. She knows what has to be done, and that she can't do it on her own. She's carefully considered options and has begun creating a support system of her own. Once she's in her new home, new town, new job, she'll deepen that support system about her. She knows what she needs to do, and she'll get it done.
My daughter has got this. She can take care of her life without her and dad me on the sidelines running around with a safety net. It's time for us to put that safety net down and shout with joy as she takes off into a new phase of life, one in which she is the strong one, the capable one, the able one, the heroine.
I've had a bit frustration lately. I'm busy enough but I don't have a block of time I can devote to a project or dig deeper into any task. It's all surface and repetitive things. Make a meal, do the dishes, wash the laundry, make the bed. I'd be a happier woman if I were socked knee deep in a project that I didn't have to leave. I long to be creative but I haven't time to be creative with much except how to get a hot meal into Caleb at the end of the day in the least amount of time, lol.
Fall cleaning has called to me all this month long but you'll see none of it in this house I'm afraid. My fall cleaning streak ended the day we heard of Steven's accident on September 1. All we've been doing since then is trying to keep up with the bare minimum and that's quite all right. It's the season we're in. I'm doing my best to embrace it.
If I share what I do in a day, I'm not looking for anyone to applaud me or sympathize with me or condemn me. I've been sharing what I do for almost 25 years. That's one of the reasons some of you come by to visit, to hear that another homemaker has been at work in her home. Let's face it, you read here to see that someone else is doing the very same things you do in your own home. Homemakers do the tasks we do day in and day out. Back years ago, when a stay-at-home homemaker was less uncommon, they shared those tasks with one another in their conversations over the fence or at the grocery. Homemakers are still doing the same thing today via blog, vlog and Instagram.
It is my nature, it's who I am, that when I see something that needs to be done, I do it if I possibly can. I don't expect I'm going to change at this date. What difference does it make if I'm doing those things for my son or daughter in their home instead of mine? It's still homemaking. It's still doing something for the comfort of others. It brings me joy and it makes me tired, all at the same time. At the end of a day, I usually feel as though I've accomplished something. It's the reward of working hard. Some days, it's hard and I feel I've accomplished nothing at all. Those days I don't see the rewards just the wearying repetition of it all. It's just the same with any other job.
Katie has been so excited to decorate a new space. I understand that so very well. I reinvent my home every now and then. I daydream of what I might do with a new space. I like to express myself in a space. And since, in some ways, who we are changes as we go into and through each new season, whatever that might be, then inevitably my home is going to express that change, too. Right now, my home is different than it was at the start of the year. The living room chairs are arranged differently. The things on the surfaces of tables and mantle and bookcases are different. The colors are different. The kitchen is different than it was at the start of the year. So is my bathroom.
Anyway, Katie has a sure sense of who she is at the moment, and I like what I've seen of her plans. What she does won't be exactly like the pictures she's pinned for inspiration, but the essence of what I see is that she'll have. There's a balance in the decor that keeps it from being too much of one thing or another. It's called Dark Farmhouse, but it is a mixture of light and dark colors.
It's so well balanced that I find I am automatically drawn to it, almost as much as I am to the English Country Cottage that I've embraced in my own home. In fact, the two styles have many similar elements. Her Dark Farmhouse is a more streamlined look with clean lines on the mirrors, decor elements and furnishings. It's not minimalist but definitely not densely packed fancy nor English country which has an eclectic element and might appear cluttered to some eyes. It almost has a Craftsman type feel to it. It's hard to describe but it's really pretty. Oh, let me show you a picture or two of it. I'm not using one of her inspiration photos, but you'll get a better idea of what I'm explaining so poorly.
Here's a second example. All the walls are dark, but the curtains, and bedding are light. Flooring is more neutral wood tone, and the wood furnishings are a medium dark color. Again, it's the balance of it that appeals to me.
Here's one last example. This entryway idea appeals to me a great deal. I'd love to do my entryway wall in this way. I've been wanting to redo it for some time now. I'd work with what we have in that I'd paint the lower portion of the wall a dark color and the upper portion white, leaving the white chair rail that is there already. Then I'd get new frames for my collection of door strike plates, old keys, antique locks. Perhaps I might take a piece of board and attach antique doorknobs to it for a coatrack.
Of course, this is all just theory at the moment. Would this go with my English Country vibe? I think I could make it work...At any rate, it's given me ideas and is feeding my creative side.
Honestly, I'm wondering if I wouldn't like something similar in my kitchen...I'd still have white cabinets, but I'd like a medium wood tone on the counters. And maybe I do want a darker accent wall on that bumped out space where I plan to put the extra cabinets and counters, the one where my chest freezer and island are now. Hmmmm...As I said, lots to think over and play with if only in my mind.
Truly Sam and Bess have done Dark Farmhouse themselves, only I just didn't realize that was what it was called. I think it's just an aesthetic we're all drawn to.
There's little about my own home at present that I don't like. I'm tired of looking at pillow covers in one room, after six years of using them day in and day out. I want something fresh there. I'd like to replace a few lamps. I'd like a new heavier cover for the guest room, something that will go with my cute little curtains. I'd like to be able to progress to the next phase of our kitchen remodel. Little things that cost a bit but aren't prohibitive. I'm impatient to do the work necessary on the porches before we have a cold wet winter to do further damage.
But all those things will get done eventually. I'm a right now, I'm ready! sort of girl, lol. Not as driven and impatient as my two youngest children who fairly burn a path through their next planned project once they are focused and then have it all done and over before you can turn around. But I do know where they get their impatience to have something done. I don't have to look too far to see that person...
What other news do I have? John went to the chiropractor yesterday. No, I didn't push him to it. He decided to go on his own. Result? He's in less pain. She said he was so out of alignment that one leg was an inch shorter than the other. He was fully re-aligned when he left the office. He's walking about without a cane, isn't yet quite pain free, but it's stilla great leap forward. He's better, genuinely better. Not completely recovered but better. I'm so very grateful I could cry.
My granddaughter is expecting her second child, a little boy, at the end of October. Gramma to 12, and now Great Gramma to 2. I found another awesome sale at Gerber and ordered her several things. I got Artemisia her first birthday dress while I was shopping for baby boy. It's hard to buy things for them in North Dakota, only because so little of what I can buy is really suitable for cold weather. I just get what I can and trust in their ability to find the heavier layers they need in the stores near them. It's the only way I can shop for those babies, really.
I had hoped to be all done with Christmas shopping by the end of October. The November birthdays are starting to stack up on us. We've got five of them now. Who's to say that the newest baby won't hold off being born until it's November. His due date is October 31, so it's not a hard stretch to imagine another November birth. So, February, June, and November are our heavy birthday months with May following close behind and two stragglers in April and July. I'll finish out this year, but I think after this that we're going to have to just send cards out and call that good enough. I don't think I can buy a decent gift for the small sum we could afford to mete out to each one. I might do what a lady suggested to John some years ago. She just tucked a small denomination bill into the birthday card and let that suffice. Her theory was that it was a little bit of pocket money, enough to buy a coffee for the adults and enough to let the kids go buy themselves a treat of some sort or combine with other funds they might receive.
All of that to say, that I'm not sure I'm going to be ready for Christmas by end of October, much as I'd like to be. Pure rabbit trail getting there, huh? I was doing well getting gifts there for a bit and then I got off track and I haven't caught up with myself. I pretty much lost the month of September for shopping plans.
I guess I've finally wound down in my chatter. It's getting time for me to get my stuff together for the evening shift. One more month to pack all the love and cuddles and discipline I can into that little boy...That's the important thing.
16 comments:
Oh Terri I am in tears this moved me so!
This mothering stuff is never an easy road. Like you, I had no support. I can well imagine the hell you were living in. I have felt for so long my only worth was in the THINGS I do. I know in my soul I am a child of God and worthy for no other reason but oh those words...scar.
I want and have wanted to be a support for my children. A soft place to land. A help for my children. Not RESPONSIBLE for them but there.
Thank you for sharing! I am trying to do some painting. I got a wall primed today. One. Not exactly pinterest or instagram worthy but it is something. : )
Enjoy your month of love! I know you will miss your girl deeply but you have given her wings! Bless you
I, too, was heartbroken at your story of terrible injury accompanied by parental/family neglect. And I totally understand, as there was no one there for me during my lonely single parenting years. And I didn't even have health challenges. At least we finally got great second husbands, a blessing from God.
I also like the decor aesthetic of the Dark Farmhouse but I am completely amused that every decorating or dress trend has a descriptive name these days. One of the decorating trends on You Tube is called Dark Academia and the dress trends just never stop. Two of the latest ones are Coastal Granny and Cottage Core which has about six offshoots.
I'm going to certainly miss the little imp stories. He is just so clever. I've been quite enjoying them as I no longer have any access to my grands. Dang, but life can just kick in the rear end, can't it?
Thank you for yet another awesome post, Terri, filled with hard-won parenting wisdom! Thank you, also, for filling in a bit more of your story and the ‘Why’ behind some of your actions…..truly feels like a ‘sit down’ visit, covering serious as well as lighter subjects.
Will your area be affected by the hurricane? I started praying for you and yours yesterday just in case! May you be blessed with peace in all you do.
I want to add a different perspective to what it seems like others have said about how much you have supported Katie. The idea of cutting off your kids, minimizing helping them, is a very American philosophy. I spent a lot of my work life in Alaskan villages of 200 or 300 people; often there were only 4 or 5 whites among the Alaska Natives of the village. Their culture encourages people to help each other---even grandparents helping their children who are helping their own children (meaning, the grandkids). Some kids take longer or need more help launching on their own; it is no one's business but your own (and John's, of course) how much you continue to help a kid. People have learned this pop-psychology phrase of co-dependent and they don't even know what it means even though they seem to be constantly throwing it around as if mouthing a word from psychiatry makes them a psychiatrist. Unless you are doing something deadly, like buying heroin for them, your continued support might be just what a child needs. Only you know that...she sounds like she is making her own way just fine.
AMEN to Mable’s comment!!
A mother's harsh words live forever. I so wish we could all just erase them and not be crushed by those opinions that are not even true. I have spent my adult life trying to prove her wrong which only brought more judgemental words.
I am dark farmhouse too. I want to paint my living room dark navy. We are long overdue for new furniture. I just need the courage to jump in with both feet and feel well enough to even care.
These long distances between family members is the hardest thing we bear. I just pray that I can get well enough to travel again. They have been good about coming to visit though. Now I understand the pain we inflicted on our family when we moved 500 miles away and never looked back.
P.S. I had to laugh about you tucking money into a birthday card. My grandmother died when I was 50---I was SO lucky that she lived that long. 99 and 11 months and still living on her own and not taking any meds. Anyway, back to the point of my story. She would tuck money into my birthday cards but she lost track of inflation and what a dollar could buy. On my 50th birthday, I opened the card and there was a crisp one dollar bill! I laughed so hard. And I still appreciated it because I knew it came from the heart.
Katie and Caleb have been blessed to have such great support from you and Jon. ♥
I embraced a neutral color scheme in my home many years ago when I was working full-time at a very stressful job (one I loved, but it sucked the life from me sometimes) and walking into our house that felt quiet and soothing at the end of the day was therapeutic. I'm not against a pop of color here and there, but I need the neutral. I discovered a love for textures and add interest that way. All that said, I really liked the photo of the entryway with the coat hooks and the dark wall color. I'd not heard of the term Dark Farmhouse, but now I need to go look at it.
I am a mother that has always helped & do things for my children & they are 44 & 48. I know people have thought I do too much too but I think it’s because they don’t want to do those things. We are a very close knit family with one child & family living about a mile away & my daughter & husband lives with us. We have plenty of room & they help with my handicapped husband when they are off work. It works out perfectly for us. Their children are grown & in college. I pick up Grandchildren at school but now most of them now drive themselves. I miss that. I cook a lot & run errands as we are retired. I can’t imagine not helping out. I do things for neighbors too. We choose to do these things because we want to & it makes us happy. My Mother always helped up when our children were little & I will never forget it. I miss her everyday & my children were extremely close to her. She lived with us when she was older until she passed away. There is nothing wrong showing love & support to anyone especially your family.
Angela, I thought of you as I was writing this piece. I knew you'd just experienced that unexpected sensation of grief when your last child left home. Yes, parenting is hard. As I listen to my children tell me how tired they are with their children, I keep thinking that they've no idea how much more tiring it is to deal with their grown-up worries. It makes the younger years look like pure child's play.
I smiled when you said you were painting. I started my bathroom in January, and I couldn't get the cutting in finished because I couldn't reach. John was going to tackle that and then sciatica happened. It was May before it was finished.
Anne, I wasn't aware that we shared so many similar experiences.
I'm very blessed to still have Josh, Isaac and Millie just across the field, but yes, I shall miss Caleb. Right now, he's in a word explosion stage. Every day he says some new word. He's not yet talking in sentences except on the rare occasion, but Josh, Hailey and Zach were all the same way they are all honor students so I'm not worrying over that sharp minded little boy at all, lol.
Conni, Thank you. Initial predictions for the hurricane's path had it passing far east of us, but outlying bands of rain hitting us. Newer predictions have nothing but sunny days ahead, so at best we'll get only a little breeze off the whole thing.
Mabel: That is a wonderful thing to share!! Thank you so much for that new perspective.
I also loved the story of your grandmother tucking that crisp one dollar into the birthday card for your 50th birthday. The way you reacted is the really lovely thing and that the memory of that still makes you smile. I love it!
Lana, Would you have been the person you are, had you all not moved? There's the question. In the end, your family may have missed you all, but look at the way your children have felt free to go further afield. I think you did an awesome thing. I wish I'd been brave enough to do it. Although my family lived close by, only Granny spent any real time with us. My mom and dad never visited once I moved from home after I married the first time and yet I lived within 30 minutes of them for years upon years. They weren't hands on grandparents, at all. So my children wouldn't have missed much...
Prayers will be answered and you will be better soon. Just try hard to embrace this season of rest while you are healing.
Tammy, I've heard of people who worked in loud or chaotic environments, or even in a world of color who needed that visual break to calm them at day's end. I crave color in my life but I lean hard on neutrals to keep it balanced and from being overwhelming.
I love that entry wall a lot too. Katie' has plans to do something quite similar but with an antique bench. I think it will be awesome.
Chari, Thank you. Not having had that sort of support, I suppose it's made me pay more attention to those who want to say I'm doing too much. Including my own mother. Admittedly, Mama says it and then points out that she herself is going without my time and attention because I'm tending to children...So her point of view might be skewed, lol.
I don't think it's anyone's business to comment on what you do for your children. We each parent in our own way to meet the particular needs of the moment and of our specific child. I know your daughter has been blessed by you and appreciates everything you do for her.
Terri, Reality is that we moved away because we were being smothered. Mom expected us to be at her house for something at least two days a week and we just had no room to breathe.
I love your honesty. Mothering adult children is hard. And did you do too much for her? Absolutely not! You weren't smothering her or enabling her. You were being the helpmate she didn't have and needed. My goodness, isn't that the very role we are called to as mothers? I love that you gave what you didn't have for yourself at her age. That is grace. That is love. That is healing.
Terri, Although I don’t comment often, I had to weigh in here. I’ve been walking through a very similar situation with my adult daughter who has two children, 3 and 7 and on her own…as in no dad around. Many of the days that you have posted about picking up at daycare, and your schedule being cast to the wind have been my days as well. It’s hard….but what kind of mothers/grandmothers would we be if we stayed home and decorated instead of helping out? What kind of people would we be? God has placed us in positions of influence in our families, and I consider myself privileged to be in a position to help out, with time and labor if nothing else. Like you, I have been in a similar situation myself and know how much it means for someone to “have your back”. Sometimes the “neighbor” we are loving is our own family. And there is nothing wrong with that. I wish all the best for Katie and for you. You are are great example of a Godly wife, mother and grandmother from what I can see:)
And I am in camp dark farmhouse! This is the first I’ve heard of it!!
My heart ached for your younger self when you had no support, only criticism. There is a difference between being supportive to a grown child or taking over, thereby diminishing their self-worth by indicating that you don't think they are up to taking care of their own life. One of my brothers once said that your kids won't always do what you think they should but it is their life.
Dark farmhouse...who knew? I guess our house is kind of like that with some traditional thrown in. Some of the all white houses are pretty but I wouldn't want to live in one.
Unknown, There is apparently an unwritten rule that if you publish something publicly, then you are open to the criticism of others and they have a right to express that criticism whether or not you invited comments. And some people are just plain damned rude and hateful.
Unfortunately, it came to my attention too late that Katie reads the comments here and has been hurt by these criticisms uttered by others. I was aware that she read the blog, but not the comments. I tend to be the non-confrontational sort, but I will delete hateful comments. However, if I'd known she was reading and being hurt by those comments I'd have spoken up sooner. It wasn't until I wrote this post that I knew she did.
Lana, John talked about this last night. It wasn't smothering that drove him from his home in South Florida but a desire to feel safe (they had three robberies in under a year with people who came into the house at night while they were sleeping! He said, Mom and Joe never said anything about how it hurt them to have us move and take the boys to Georgia, but I think now it must have...However, they understood why he was leaving. And such was their relationship with Mr. Harry (his dad) that Joe and his mom would stay with Harry and Eleanor when they came up.
Karla, keeping a two-year-old is hard. Mothering an adult who is fifteen times harder. I keep thinking that whenever my children complain about how hard it is to keep their little ones. They're just practicing for the long days and nights ahead.
Sally, when my mother worked, I understood her commitment to her job overrode any need I had. My mom was never the type to spend time with the children though and didn't change after she retired. We went through some pretty tough situations when I really needed help, and none was forthcoming even if I asked. I wanted to be a different sort of grandmother. And a different sort of mother. I am. But yes, I've often thought that sometimes the place where I most need to be a witness to my faith is within my own family, as much as I can be.
Fun story, we walked into the back lobby at church last weekend and I stopped dead and said, "Dark Farmhouse!" They'd added in dark wainscotting and chair rails over the past week. I LIKED it a LOT!!
Donna, my mother believed unrelenting criticism drove one to 'do better'. Not for me. It devastated me and has taken me a lifetime to overcome. I hope that my own children heard the praise and that when I corrected them they realized it wasn't criticism but correction.
I'd definitely like to add some dark farmhouse elements to my own home. Most English country is not light and white but full of color, some quite deep, so I think Dark Farmhouse will meld well with my overall plan.
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