Diary of a Teary Homemaker: Savoring the Last Moments

 

Saturday:  I think now that you have items stored, the best thing is to use and replace. Make it be a way of life and at some point, if something happens you have what is needed. Then, when things are better, continue to store, use, replace. This is a way of life, not a one time or one event thing.  Becky~ Frugal Measures

I probably will have font issues with this post because I've used quotes from other's pages.  Y'all forgive me this round and just enlarge so you can see it better.

We spent all day at home.  After getting the weekly plan post typed up, I spent all afternoon online reading from my blog lists and going through comments on the most popular frugal blogs (Prudent Homemaker and The Bluebirds are Nesting on the Farm).  I learn as much from the comments there as I do on the posts.

I made up pizza dough yesterday and popped in the fridge overnight.  That was the best crust I've made in a while.  I think it's because it had risen before I put it in the fridge and the rising held.  Our pizza today was much better than last week's which came out rather bland.  I used turkey sausage and added additional seasoning (Montreal Steak because it's got fennel and makes the sausage taste like Italian sausage).  I had some cherry tomatoes in the fridge that had gotten a bit soft.  I chopped and cooked those with my tomato sauce, home-grown basil and oregano and a bit of seasoning.  The sauce got nice and thick and made a really good base on the pizza dough and added a whole extra layer of flavor.  My little 8 ounce can of sauce and six cherry tomatoes the size of golf balls made enough sauce for two pizzas, so we'll have some for our next pizza as well.

For tonight's supper:  1 1/2 cups cooked taco meat, 1/2 can each of drained rinsed black beans and whole kernel corn, a can of diced tomatoes and cooked penne pasta were combined to make a Taco Hamburger helper dish.  I think I picked up a link from Frugal Measures several weeks ago that led to a whole slew of Hamburger Helper type recipes without buying hamburger helper.  The woman made up a base recipe that called for 1 pound of ground beef, 1 cup hot water, 2 cups milk, 1.5 cups of pasta, 1 tbsp. cornstarch, 1 tsp. each of garlic powder, onion powder, sugar and salt.   

Since my pasta was cooked, I thought I could cut down on the liquid used.  I added in some grated cheese at the end.  John was very happy with this and went back for seconds.  Even so, I've enough for at least two more servings.  I'm glad he liked it since we shall be eating it again, lol.

I ran a full load of dishes this afternoon in the dishwasher and did my supper dishes by hand.  That was just a couple of plates and the pan I cooked the Taco Pasta Skillet meal in.  I've put all the dishes away, so I won't have that to face after church tomorrow morning.

Sunday:  "Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come."   Henri Nouwen

I borrowed the above quote from Debra at Life as I See It blog.  She shared it a couple of weeks ago and it really resonated with me when I read through it.  I think the goals are worth sharing and asking ourselves each evening, reminding ourselves of each morning.  I'm challenging myself to do this.  Why are good habits so much harder to form and hold onto than bad ones?  Try, try...I will!

Last night I took myself off to bed at a reasonable hour and actually felt a bit sleepy, but I was bothered by an itchy scratchy throat.  Today it's a stuffy nose and same.  I haven't any fever, and I'm not feeling any malaise so I shall strike it all against allergies once again.  I'm rather tired of them to be honest but here I am all the same.

We heard Pastor Mark Rutland speak this morning.  He is such a good teacher, and we really enjoy his sermons.  John has heard him in person before, but I never have.  I enjoyed him just as much in person as I do on a televised service.  It was a pleasure to be able to shake his hand and tell him how long we've enjoyed his sermons.

After service we headed to visit Steven.  He was so happy to see us and asked us to pray for him while we were there which we gladly did.  We assured him he was in prayer not only in this house but in many others and at church on two different prayer lines as well.   

We found him clear and lucid but obviously uncomfortable. The muscles on his right leg have contracted badly so he cannot straighten it out at all.  I don't care if they claim he is ready for release, he obviously needs more rehab than ten days, but it's not my opinion that matters or my battle to fight with anyone.  He is eager to get out of the hospital (I'll just bet!!) and to begin afresh in trying to find a new vocation.  He was a first-class lineman and also a former tree surgeon, and obviously both professions are out for him.  He hopes to go to a tech school and get a job in welding. I believe he also does small engine repair.  He's a hard-working guy so I am sure he will find a way to make a living for himself and his soon to be family.   Please continue to keep him and Katie and Caleb and Taylor in prayer though as they all settle into this next season of life.

I'm so glad we got a chance to see and speak with Steven.  I do want to share that he made a point of asking John in person if he could marry Katie.  I think this is a man-to-man thing and it seemed to please them both to be asked and to give an answer.  So there we are.  No wedding plans at present but an official engagement.

John took the 'long way' home which really isn't all that long but does run about the backside of the main highways.  There were a couple of points in the roads where we both stopped momentarily and just gloated in the glory of autumn colors before us.  I had made up my mind that if the peanut man was in town we'd stop there.  He wasn't.  I was so sad.  

John in the meantime suggested we order dinner from our local diner.  The Sunday special wasn't cheap as it was a proper Sunday dinner, but it was delicious.  We had fried chicken with real mashed potatoes (real ones!), well-seasoned green beans and homemade (again real!) rolls.  This is twice now John has got us lunch on a Sunday after church.  I don't know if we'll keep this up, but it is awfully nice to have a ready meal after church.

After lunch we took off the trash we forgot to drop off when we left this morning.  When we came home, I sat down in my chair and apparently went right off to sleep as did John.  We woke just about coffee time this afternoon.  

After coffee I got up and put myself to work. I noted yesterday as I was going through my home notebook that I hadn't been keeping my freezer inventory list up to date.  With all the cooking for the past two months I was pretty sure I had used a lot of my stock, even with that mid-month restocking last month.  I had.  Now I know what I have and how long I might be able to not shop. 

While I was rustling about in the freezer, I pulled out both vegetable soup and a small container of chili and mixed those in a big pot for tonight's supper.  That was very good and soothed my scratchy throat.

It's been a rather nice day.  

Monday:  I'm finishing a cup of coffee as I type this out.  Then it will be time to start making that afternoon push to go get Caleb.  I have supper in the oven heating through.  I've found I can pack it hot, right out of the oven and well wrapped in a towel and into one of the insulated bags where it will stay warm enough to eat when we finally arrive at his home.  It's worked really well for me thus far...and I suppose it will until the end of this week.

I've decided to have the hot dogs today but I'm baking them with baked beans instead of wrapping with biscuit dough for pigs in blankets simply because we were out late this morning and past noon running local errands and this appeared the easier course.  I'm making whole kernel corn and coleslaw on the side, have fruits and muffin if more is wanted by anyone.  

The muffins are made by the Pumpkin Banana bread recipe.  Instead of making two loaves, I made a dozen muffins and one loaf.  The loaf has been cooled and is now wrapped and, in the freezer, to go with Katie to the new house this weekend.

Not telling tales out of school but this afternoon after lunch it hit her that she's moving, and she panicked a wee bit.  I reminded her that things always work out and they do.  Will there be enough money for gas?  Will she have the promised help?  Will she be packed in time?  How smoothly will it go? Who knows?  But we'll take care of each need as it arises.   We're on call just in case that falls through.  What will she do for food?  I didn't tell her I was already planning ahead for that part, but I am and started this morning before her panic ever began.  

We went into town to do a variety of errands.  I needed to go by city hall and the post office, then over to the county seat to attend to two or three things.   They are all dusted and off the books and I'm not in the least sorry.  We paid all the property taxes for this year.  I've now got 14 months to gather funds to do this all over again next year, lol.   But I'm not worried about that either.  

I noted on our rides today that the autumn colors are really starting to show in earnest.  Bright red, deep golden yellow, copper...It burned my heart a bit, truly it did.  It's the signs of another season passing, of another year nearly done and of a life season ending all at once.   And it hurts but feels good at the same time.

I went off to bed early last night after switching allergy medications.  I tend to avoid this one because it does make me terribly sleepy, but the sore throat completely went away, the sniffles are very nearly done and I'm only sneezing now and then instead of the constant snuffling I was doing.  No fever still, so apparently, it's just plain old allergies, a new lot of them.  I wonder how much has to do with the dust floating in the air as they harvest soybeans and peanuts and cotton.  Probably quite a lot.

When we got back from running errands, we found a box on the front porch. It was my latest Stitch Fix which I'd meant to stop and failed to do so.  I wasn't going to open it right away, but John has grown to quite like my getting new things and wants to see what I've gotten.  He plopped the box in front of me, turned on the overhead light, sat down and waited for the fashion show to begin.  

I tried on all the things, and I have to confess I like all but one a whole lot and that one piece he liked enough on me to urge me to keep it.  He was very complimentary over how they all fit. I'm thinking though I might really need to tweak my top size down a size.  Things are not huge on me, but they are definitely 'roomy'.  However, the cut of the things is so flattering that they fall nicely.  But I have noticed especially with oversized cardigans they are just a bit bigger than they need be.

Now I might well have determined to send back the whole lot but once I'd tried it on, John said, "I'm so glad you've got new things that look so good on you!  I'm glad you got these things."  I sighed internally, lol, and thought "Well...I guess I'm keeping them then.  I will say that all I've received goes well with other pieces I have gotten so it's starting to feel like a cohesive wardrobe as pieces can be swapped about from one outfit to another.  That's important to me.  

Best go check on supper and start the exodus of the afternoon...

Tuesday: I really ought to have read my little quote from Sunday this morning, but I have been off kilter in some way all day long.  I was groggy rising from bed. The stuffiness is still lingering but I'm not snuffling.  I do have a tendency to cough from the postnasal drip and my ears are stuffy.   

However, as I sat over coffee trying to get the CVS app up and running.  Since John was going to the chiropractor, I thought I'd run down the block to CVS and spend the ECBs that John told me was wasted money if I didn't use.  Well, he's right.  It's a 'FREE' sum so to speak and I ought to use it.  But as I was in the midst of that ticky bit of business, I spoke hastily and upset John.  Not a great way to start the day.  I was in the wrong and I knew it.  

This afternoon I've offended Katie and hurt her as well.  I apologized but an apology is a poor substitute for having said something painful to another in the first place.  It doesn't make it any less hurtful to the recipient.  I could have wept this afternoon at the sheer stupidity of what I'd done.  

Never mind.  

At CVS I took time to go by the coupon kiosk and download those coupons.  This gave me a good idea of what I might purchase.  I'd found nothing in the ad that ticked any boxes, but the coupons items happened to be on sale which was helpful.  My total was $42 and after coupons, ECBs and such I paid $12 out of pocket and got $4 more back.  Which I need to use by next Tuesday.  

I also have a Kroger coupon or three I need to use before next month hits.  Which is so close if we breathe hard we'll rustle the leaves.

After CVS I sat in the car with the windows down and listened to the ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) sounds of leaves rustling on the tree and scampering across the pavement of the parking lot.  It was very soothing and somehow took precedence over the traffic and the dogs pack of dogs barking their heads off in sheer panic somewhere in a neighborhood nearby.   I felt rather peaceful after sitting there.

Last night I'd gotten a $2 perk as well as a 'Happy Club Anniversary' bouquet from Publix.  I knew I needed some produce, pet food and eggs...Guess which one I forgot?  Eggs of course and that was the most needed right behind the pet food.   Prices were so so.  Not good enough to warrant shopping and yet nor so much higher than other stores where the same items are sold.  I wasn't foolish.  I spent too much but I wasn't overindulgent in any way and even left off several items (not the eggs, the eggs were just plain forgotten).  I did get my free bouquet of flowers which is lovely and I'm quite happy over them.  I probably wouldn't have bought flowers this week at all if I hadn't been offered this opportunity to have free flowers.

We ate a meal in the car on the way home.  Not my ideal as you all know.  I hate juggling my food, John's foods and my drink while he drives.  We both tend to eat far too fast, and nothing is very satisfying no matter how good it might be in truth when it's eaten too quickly.  

When we came home, I puttered around putting away my few shopping items and then finished clearing up the kitchen.  I'd done dishes before leaving home, but I hadn't put them away and I needed to clear up things from the bathroom and our room that I'd left scattered.  

My ear was throbbing away, and I kept asking John 'What?  What did you say?'   At one point he suggested I was yelling.  I was honestly not trying to yell.  But I apologized and told him "I'll talk too softly too thinking now that I'm talking too loudly.  Just help me adjust my volume please."  

And along about then I was having a text with Katie and hurt her.  Sigh.  There are times I want to run away from home and hide until I get right with the world all over again.  And no, it's not just me feeling sorry for myself. I was wrong in both instances, this morning and this afternoon alike.  There's a saying I use often enough and which I failed to heed, "Least said, soonest mended."

I roasted the whole chicken I'd taken out for us finally.  I had just enough time this afternoon to let it cook properly.  We had baked potatoes and fresh Brussel Sprouts with it.  I realized when I took out the sour cream that it was in fact a lactose free sour cream.  I hadn't noticed it when I grabbed it off the shelf a couple of weeks ago, only that it was marked down to 99c for a 16ounce container which is a good price these days for sour cream of any kind.   

I realized when I saw the lactose-free on the label that I could make a casserole Katie really loves which I haven't made because Caleb is lactose intolerant.  So, after supper I took the two breasts and made a Poppy Seed Chicken Casserole for tomorrow night's dinner for us all.   That will replace the chicken pot pie I'd thought I'd make this week.  

Tomorrow is our last night picking up Caleb.  I'll keep him on Saturday while Katie and all hands are loading up the moving van, but the days are done.  I shall miss him running about in his pajamas and Katie's boots (last night they were full length boots that I had to fold over so he looked like Puss in Boots.  All he needed was his hat with a feather in the top.

Josh ran over this evening to return some dishes I'd sent things into the house across the field.  "I have to go right back," he told me.  I said "Ok...You want to take a muffin?  I only have one and not enough to send any for the others, but you could eat it on the way."  It occurred to me after he was gone that likely I'd just spoiled his appetite for supper.  Goodness, I need to put my best foot forward tomorrow!

Slow Down

Wednesday:  Today almost falls on the 'lost' side of days.  We were super busy yesterday and I still managed to accomplish things.  Today...I've made the bed and cleaned up my makeup bag.  Yeah.  That's pretty much it.   

I did spend time catching up on my Bible study.  I made breakfast but it was super easy so no fuss on my part.  Doing dishes got done while I waited on lunch to warm (leftover pizza).  I made a lovely colorful salad to go with our slice of pizza.  That made for a really good lunch.  

Honestly, I've done just that little.  It helped a lot that I took time last night to clean the kitchen properly before I left it and that we didn't mess anything up after we got home yesterday.  

I also answered a half dozen phone calls today, which is highly unusual.  For legitimate calls not expired auto warranty calls.  

We're having our afternoon coffee and then we're off to get Caleb and feed him supper.  Katie's been so zealously packing that I scrambled for silverware and plates the other night.  I am taking paper plates and some plastic utensils with me today.

Thursday:  Another day of doing very little.  I don't feel bad, but I don't feel exactly well.  It's the stupid cough that is dragging me around.  I've resorted to cough medication once more.  Sigh.  I am still just as sure as anything that it's allergies but nevertheless, the cough and scratchy throat are the real aggravation.  It disturbs my sleep.  So cough medicine it is and I'm happy to say that it works.

We had a very pleasant evening with Caleb yesterday.  I will say that little boy can do things so quick sometimes that he absolutely is like a blurred image.  As I was fixing plates for supper last night, and later when I was doing dishes, keeping one eye on him and one eye on what I was doing proved to be mighty near impossible.  After supper, John was outdoors moving some things around so the moving can could be brought up nearer the house (or we thought but it looks like power lines are going to prevent that) I was fairly jittery.  In just those few minutes of washing and rinsing dishes, I'd fought him for the water, where he insisted on washing his hands three times, and then chased him down repeatedly to take back some item he'd snitched from the counters.  It was ridiculous.  I finally distracted him with a promise of TV.  

So, he decided then to overturn the toys Katie had packed up and dump them on the floor...I will say though that two things were very impressive to me last night.  One was when he wanted a change of program and was impatient with John over it not coming up right away.  John said quietly enough, "I'm trying...so just sit still and be quiet and I'll get there."   And Caleb not only sat still but quietly said "Ok."   The other was when he decided to throw toys from the bin despite our telling him "No!"  John walked over and said, "Give me your hand."  Caleb put his hand in John's.  "Now I can pop this hand if you don't want to mind, or I'll let you pick up the toys you've thrown out and we'll forget about it.  What's it going to be?"  Caleb took his hand from John's hand and picked up the toys.

Is it a new wave?  Probably a start of one.  It's another season of growing for him is all. He's learning the consequences of actions is all.  I'll be curious to see how he's changed when we go visit him.

I've been asked several times if Caleb understands that he's moving.  I've mentioned it to him several times that he'll be moving to a new home and have a new school.  Right now, all Caleb is interested in is his routine and schedule.  I don't think he'll be traumatized by a move.  No child ever is.  The things that remain the same, Mama, furnishings, toys, foods, routines will move right along with him.  A new house or new school might feel strange at first, but he'll adapt and probably more quickly than Katie will simply because he's at that lovely age of just taking it for granted that he's taken care of.

And it will be hard for us.  I was reading back through earlier this year when I'd been keeping Caleb full time for months and then Katie got a new job and put him in nursery near her and I was at loose ends.  It will be less of a wrench this time.  The main difference is that my time truly will become my own once more.  There'll be no call from nursery to come fetch him because he's sick or keeping him on holidays.  I'll miss seeing him at some point in every week as we have for the past three years.  Katie is prone to come visit and stay a couple of hours.  I'll miss that.

This morning, I stood at the window and looked out over the front yard.  The sun poured through the golden leaves.  The grass has that golden brown and green hue that frosted grass has.  The sky was clear and blue.  This year, we've had all the lovely colors starting early, here in October, instead of it being November.   We were on a back road yesterday heading to pick up Caleb and off in the woods I saw a Golden yellow Hickory tree.  

Every year I look for those golden leaves so I can spy the trees, which grow wild in the woods.  I laugh each year too because the first year I was married, back in 1978 when the recession started to be felt, I'd been let go from two jobs in three months' time.  For Christmas that year, I determined I could give everyone cookies, but I had no nuts.  On our property was an old hickory tree and I went down into the bottom and picked up nuts every day and then painstakingly shelled them out to use in my baking.  

Pecans are much easier to shell out, let me just say that.  Hickory nuts have outer husks and then thick hard shells.  They are similar to a walnut but smaller.  The nut inside looks very similar to a walnut too, with two perfect halves but they are tight in those shells.

Those cookies that year were a true labor, but I was so overjoyed to have something to give to family that I didn't mind.  I literally had sore fingers, but I had free nuts and I made good use of them.  

I keep saying "I don't know what I'm having for supper tonight..."  But I do.  I think I'm just psyching myself out, lol.  I made a big pot of Spaghetti sauce today about noon.  I put zucchini, carrots, finely minced broccoli stems, onions, celery, tomatoes in the sauce.  It's simmered along all afternoon long.  I took a bit of the meat and vegetables from the pan and put into a smaller frying pan then added a little tomato and some catsup to make sloppy joes for lunch.  Are we having Spaghetti tonight for supper?  No, we're not.  

What we're having is Chicken Pot Pie.  I have a big container of pot pie filling that I've thawed out and will make that easy pour over crust that John's so fond of.   I'll use some apples to make a Waldorf salad to go alongside.  I might open a can of Greens.

Friday:  I've just finished baking the bread for Shabat.  I've no idea if we will get to have Shabat tonight or not. In the past 8 weeks we've only managed it once.  The other nights were taken up with Caleb or most recently with the small group we belong to.  I miss Shabat.  I miss the ritual of candle lighting and prayer and communion.  However, I know that God knows why we haven't been able to participate.

Yesterday as I finished up our supper, Katie called asking if I'd help her pack.  She really didn't want my help in packing.  She needed to do that on her own, but she needed company.  She'd done a great deal more than I thought she might have done already.  In two hours, we pretty much wrapped up three rooms and she was already working on the last of the living room things when I came in.

I took Caleb Chicken Pot pie and peaches and cranberry sauce which made him happy.  He was very happy over the peaches.  He kept holding up each piece and shouting "Peace" lol.   I helped him get cleaned up and put him in his pajamas and then we put him in his room with the baby gate.  We had no illusions he'd sleep but he was contained.

So, while Katie packed and taped, I cleaned up the things she was leaving behind.  My goal was to try and corral all the things that she isn't taking but it wasn't possible.  However, I have an idea of what areas she's not taking things from and what I shall need to do when I come to those rooms.

We sat down for a rest break afterwards and she shared her heart.  She is ready to move, no doubt about that.  She regrets leaving this job which she has truly enjoyed and loves.  Her boss has left an open-ended invitation to return any time.  I understand the regrets.  There's a whole lot of unknowns on the other side.  How will she like the new job, the new neighborhood, will she get on well with co-workers and neighbors and Steven's family?  Will the new nursery be suitable for Caleb?  Will it work with her office hours which are theirs as well?  So, will they hold over for a wee bit while she gets off work and drives there or will they charge her so much that she must move him?  Will Steven's recovery be such that they do have the future they've planned?  I don't mean his physical recovery, but his brain injury.  Can she manage on the new salary?    

 None of these things are things she's said mind you, but just what I myself am wondering. I am not assigning my thoughts to Katie, but I am saying that she must have her own set of questions, fears and doubts and they or may not be where my thoughts go.  But I can see a certain fear of the unknown and that I recognize too well.  That is definitely there.

Long ago, when we were stepping out in our Christian faith to do some pretty tough things, someone in our church said to me, "You do realize that we must do this and that and that and face this?  That's scary!"  And I said "Yes, it is.  We'll just have to do it afraid, won't we?"  

I felt a huge amount of fear the day we stood on the side of the mountain and said "God, we're going to trust you with it all:  Our finances, our children, our lives."  And what has happened in those years since then?  Job threats, near death experiences, loss of babies, wrecked marriages, financial losses, a wage that didn't rise in 12 years, bills that did rise over and over again, major expenses and repairs that sucked up savings, the loss of two churches, the deaths of friends and family.  And then retirement, a market crash that ate up retirement funds and a retirement that didn't look a thing like our dreams.

And what we also got was the joy of having family nearby, seeing grandchildren grown through a stage that is my absolute favorite, five grandchildren born after those seasons of loss, seeing God's provision when there appeared to be no hope at all in so many ways, a church we love and enjoy, and a growing sense of peace even when the hard things happen.  

All that to say:   I trust that this move too is part of God's greater plan and I'm going to trust him for all the things I want to worry about.   It will serve a purpose that is necessary for us all.  

Supper plans tonight: Spaghetti with Meat/Veggie Sauce, Garlic Toast (or just Bread and Butter) and Green Salad

And that is the end of this last week of October, the last week of Katie and Caleb nearby.   There's a new life season ahead of us.  And I'm going to look forward and trust just as much as ever.

How was your week?