Opinionated Again!

 

I got well and truly ticked off the other day at a statement made by someone online.  Ticked off enough that I quickly wrote out a response before reading anyone else's comments.  I found the majority of people were in agreement with me but still, the offhand comment made really riled me.

What was it about?  A wife had written about her husband's recent unemployment.  She is a stay-at-home wife and mom.  He was a career man with a good job.  His recent unemployment came at a bad time for them.  That's about how unemployment usually shows up.  She was commenting that it had been a whirlwind week for them, trying to update his resume, trying to get insurance squared away for the family since COBRA payments weren't an option, juggling finances, etc.  

And along comes this person who says, "Gee if you really cared about your husband, you'd be out working instead of having him support you."  Now as it happened the wife had gotten not one but two part time jobs that week to help bring in some income.  But the idea that this person who commented held that oh so very popular belief that a woman at home is just living off her man and not doing anything at all to help contribute to the household well-being hit me wrong right away and so I fired off my comment.

The person making the comment was a woman.  As it happens just the day before I'd been in the salon getting a haircut and was in conversation with the stylist.  We were discussing my daughter's recent decision to be a stay-at-home mom and full-time homemaker at this stage of life.  At this point in their lives there are three children aged five and under.  Daycare costs are stupid high.  Work from home jobs tend to have odd hours that required her to work from 3-10pm.   Because they live near the school, the two oldest cannot ride a bus from school to the house.  No job would allow her time off to go get the kids from school.  Other jobs required her to start at 7am.  Again, school schedules were a problem.    

All of that to say though that I made the statement of how happy I'd been to be at home.  And I hoped that my daughter would find her happiness there as well.  The stylist said, "I always wondered if I could be at home like that...but I really wanted to do hair."  I told her, "My mom had no interest in being home.  She wanted to be a nurse and that's what she was.  She worked full time and then worked really hard at home, too but she had the life she wanted."  We agreed that women who wanted to work should have that opportunity and those who wanted to make their career in their home should do so.  

I'll tell you from personal experience that the majority of negative comments I received in my years as a stay-at-home mom and wife were from women.  For some reason, wanting to be a stay-at-home mom or wife is controversial.  I've been accused of not helping my husband financially.  I've been accused of undermining women's rights.  I've been accused of being lazy.  I've been accused of not being realistic about living and of wasting my education.  On and on.  

Let me tell you something.  I worked HARD here in my home.  I did support my husband financially by being willing to do all the extra things it took to make ends meet.  I didn't have the chance to be lazy.  I didn't waste my education.  Honestly that little vocational business degree didn't ever earn me a lot of money, but what I learned has helped me immeasurably in managing our finances and running our household as efficiently as any business.    As for undermining women's rights, why don't I have the right to choose to be at home?  Why does my life have to look like another's in order to support women? 

Another common misconception is that as a stay-at-home wife and mom, I have no right to think or act independently of my husband.  That somehow choosing not to earn money at a job outside the home, I have to think, speak and act as another says.  

My husband has never forced me to share his opinion on any matter.  I vote the way I see I should vote.  We laugh sometimes over the fact that we likely cancelled each other's vote.  My husband is more likely to speak his mind than I am, but I will tell you that my not speaking out isn't done out of fear of what he says or thinks.  I'm more reserved in sharing my opinions but I have strong opinions and I'm not afraid to voice them if you trip the right switch.  

We don't always agree on financial decisions, but we agree that only one of us can be right.  If we aren't convinced, we agree to trial periods and if things don't work out, then no stones slung, we'll just switch it up and do it the other way.  We didn't always agree on rearing children.  We worked it out.  A relationship is a partnership not a dictatorship.

Recently Jessica of Three Rivers Homestead had her ninth child.  It was a hospital birth due to a set of circumstances that were out of her control.  She posted her birth story which I've noted some women like to do.  More power to her and to those who enjoy hearing all about it.    However, she found her platforms where she shared flooded with all sorts of criticisms.  One thing that was the same across both boards was those who objected at the number of children she'd chosen to have.     When did we lose the right to choose how many children we might have.

Truly, I always wanted four kids.  I had three naturally and acquired two more children through marriage to a man who had two sons.  Jessica and a few other women enjoy being pregnant and having a large family.  They want all the children they can possibly have.  Let them!  There's no harm in their having a large family.  Their choice to raise a large family doesn't mean you automatically must also have a large family.  It's a choice you get to make unless nature has determined otherwise.

My last opinion for today is based on something John brought up this morning.  As many of you know I tend to follow food and nutrition trends.  Years ago, long before the internet I told John I felt the need to swap shortening and oleomargarine with real butter and olive oil.  It was an expensive swap, but we made it and I never looked back.  I

In the 1980's there was a huge brouhaha over the fact that french fries were often fried in Tallow.  Everyone was urged to switch to seed and nut oils.  Then in the 1990's there was an outcry against movie theatre popcorn which had been popped in, gasp and horrors, coconut oils. 

As you all know, the trending news in the next twenty years sang the praises of coconut oil.  And lately they have been crying the praises of lard and tallow and butter.  So, John's question to me was about a restaurant chain that had decided to use Tallow to fry French Fries.  Was that good, he asked?

Well, he opened a can of worms, lol.  I told him that indeed meat fat had never been bad for us but had been banned.  I explained the reduction of cholesterol and its effects on the human brain and way more that he was shocked to hear I knew.  And just to back up my opinion, he later stumbled across a well-known man who had a nutritionist on the program who said all the things I'd just that morning told him.

I think it's past time the food industry stopped forcing just any old thing into our foods and we all returned to good solid foods.  Seriously!  We can't all afford organic fruits and vegetables, or farm and pasture raised meats.  It costs a lot of money even from the few farmers who do raise such.  Some things should become the norm once more and available to all at a price that is affordable.  I think the day of the 'anything for a profit' food industries are going to come to an end.  In the meantime, we do what we can do.  

I'd always heard that so many of our ancestors 'died young' and certainly statistics prove that people did die young.  But goodness, how many old folks there are on those old censuses I've been reading.  Lots of folks in their 80's and 90's which hardly seems old in this season of life, but you understand what I mean.  

Women died young due to childbirth complications.  Children died young due to diseases that no one had understanding to prevent.  There are vaccines in this world that have been a load of good to this world.  I disagree that we need all of the vaccines available now.  But some things are important to be immunized against.  Men died in farm or manufacturing accidents or were struck down by the same diseases that ran through the communities.  Kidney failure and tuberculosis were common in those days. Those were the contributing factors to deaths of all ages.  

Anyway, it's funny how things that go around come back around again isn't it?  And that's quite enoug of my opinions for this week!

 Amazon Associates Affiliate link:  If you use my link to enter the Amazon site and place an order, I may earn a small commission on qualifying products.  Thank you!