Sunday, August 30, 2026: Well hello! I'd said I'd rest through the first week or two of September, but today I felt strongly that I wanted to write and so here I am. I've written all of the posts I plan to publish for September on the Fresh Season blog. They are scheduled ahead and will come out each Monday of this month. We'll call it 'writing lite'.
But as we come to this week marking the last two days of August and the start of a new month, I do feel ready to 'talk' a bit, which is how I always see what I write here. It's just a chat between friends and neighbors over a cup of coffee as we stop to rest between chores and appointments and living.
August has been hot. And dry. We've had lots of thunder but little rain. The grass pretty much died, which meant that for the past two weeks Sam's had no need to push himself to mow lawns on his weekend off.
It's been too hot to go anywhere or want to do anything, which suited me perfectly, as I found myself sticking very close to home and happily alone. That might sound sad to you, but let me assure you, as an introvert, sometimes that very thing just feels like the nicest thing in the world. It's a vacation for my spirit! I barely poked my nose out of the door.
And what did I do while tucked in my home? I read and read and read. Five books to date, some heftier than others. I read the first in the Anne of Green Gables series, then the second in Sarah Maas' Court of Thorn and Roses series. I read a book written in monotone but which I found myself picking up periodically, Farmer's Wife by Helen Rebanks. I don't know what sort of book it was meant to be but it didn't live up to the rather good reviews, yet, as I said, I couldn't seem to just leave it. I read a new to me Emilie Loring book ghost written after her death and published by her son. The story based on her own outline and it was good enough. I read most of Tamar Adler's Feast on Your Life. It's laid out in daily bits...and while I can't say I found it half so compelling as her first book, I've enjoyed reading in small doses. I think I read something else but couldn't tell you what.
I watched multiples of movies, marathon watched my way through new to me vlogs and tv series, went to bed stupidly early (8:15 last night!) many nights, took long naps most afternoons, slept in most mornings and did not start one single project or feel in the least guilty about acting so thoroughly 'retired'. I began to feel a real affinity for the month-long Parisian vacationers.
But this past week, while still sleeping in late and going to bed extremely early, I began to think long and hard about what I really want my life to look like, balancing dreams and practicality, work and leisure, taking into account how I really feel (lonely, to be honest, a wee bit bored, but so much more rested), what I really want (a well-balanced life), and how I see my future (promising enough adventure to suit me, but not taking me so far from my natural love of being at home). I'll publish a post about that at the end of September on the other blog and will flag it on a future post here if you're interested.
In the meantime, I am ready to return to living. Truly living. Not just sitting about watching tv, sleeping and forcing myself to eat.
Today I was up early, and though I missed leaving directly at 10am, I was on time for church with room enough to spare to speak to a few folks. I admit that I'm sheltering pretty hard still, not being particularly outgoing nor seeking out everyone I know. I really did withdraw quite hard in August, and I've barely even spent time with my family. But that too is due to change.
After church I went to Katie's. She ran to pick up something for lunch, so I stayed at the house with Cody and the two little boys. Henry has a game he enjoys playing where he throws a stuffy out of the play area and then waits for someone to bop him with it.
Cody and I talked over their future plans to move onto the property here, something that has been in the works since well before John passed away. Caleb held my hand the whole time I was sitting on the couch with him and Cody, which was very sweet. He's gotten taller and is snaggle toothed as can be. Henry will be two in another week. Time has a way of speeding up and sliding past you, just when you've taken a notion to slow down.
I feel more optimistic than I did at the beginning of this month. Physically, I'm better. I really feel better. All of the rest and nourishment didn't hurt a bit! I'm ready to begin my long list of projects now and to adjust my life to a more routine schedule, to face whatever lies ahead in the season that is nearly upon us. And I reckon that is a good thing.
So let the projects begin and living start afresh. I'm ready for a new season once more.
Tuesday, September 1: My nod to autumn at the moment: Jake Westbrook's five volumes of vintage Autumn music. I turn to that music as the soundtrack for my life every September and I see no need to change it. It's perfect music as far as I'm concerned. Even if it feels less like autumn than an open portal to Hades outdoors. Ugh.
But as a soundtrack goes, if one must be in the autumn of a life as well as coming into an autumn season, it seems to me that Jake's music just hits the right note of giddiness over a new season, sadness at passing time and mellow moodiness. I've listened to many other of his volumes of music, but the autumn group suits me best of all of them.
Dry and crispy may describe most of plants in the yard but the Gardenia has taken a notion to bud and is blooming slowly, sending out the most glorious scent. I've snipped a few blossoms to have in the house. John loved gardenias above all flowers. I think because he could actually smell the aroma of them. He seldom could catch a whiff of anything much, which made him the ideal paramedic but hindered his enjoyment of many scents others took for granted. However, he could smell gardenias, and vanilla, and he appreciated them greatly. I used to clip a few buds of the Gardenia and bring indoors throughout the two blooming seasons each year.
Before I had a Gardenia bush in my yard, Granny always snipped blossoms and brought John little bouquets of them from her bush. Granny wasn't sentimental but that she'd known how much he loved them and kept him supplied with blooms during her own plants blooming time said a great deal about her thoughtfulness and how she felt about John.
Katie gifted him this bush for Father's Day years ago and chose it expressly because it blooms twice each year. John loved to go outdoors and sit on the porch just to sit near and inhale deeply.
After I gave the house a vigorous House Blessing yesterday, I decided it was time to make some changes. I tackled moving furniture. It's past time for the very beat up and shabby looking things to leave this house. It's time to stop fighting the fact that my dining room is badly off kilter and I just need to create my own boundaries for that space, ignoring all the advice to center the table off the light fixture or the window both of which are NOT centered to the space.
I haven't moved furniture about in ages. I did remarkably well considering how I felt two months ago. I realized as I began to disassemble things and move items about, that the house was decorated last in March, when I changed up the mantle and side tables with blues and greens for the Spring season. That was just before John died. And I've not touched it since. Nor can I say I even have noticed any feature of the living space in those five months behind me either.
I won't even discuss how horribly dusty/dirty everything felt. There was nothing for it but copious amounts of vacuuming and dusting with damp cloths because there was too much for a dry duster. Oh, my goodness! I'm not nearly done either. But I'm not trying to run myself in the ground right away. I'm trying that more balanced approach to life, remembering that I've nothing but time before me.
I have a feeling the mess won't go anywhere overnight so I'll leave it as it is at present.
Thursday, September 3: Another day past. I have a Quiche in the kitchen which will serve me supper tonight and then go into the freezer for future meals. I'm pretty happy over that. It's the first good thing I've made this week. No... It's about the first good thing I've made in months! My cooking has been off for weeks now. Just now I am just not interested in eating summery salads and yet it's entirely too hot to even think of comforting autumn meals.
I also made a lovely homemade Maple Coconut Pecan granola that smelled so amazing I had to eat a couple of tablespoons of it as I put it away in the jar. Oh, gracious but it's good! I seldom want cereal and don't always want hot oatmeal, but I do love a good granola. I'm happy I finally broke down and made some for myself.
The living and dining room are no less chaotic than they were. I've a ton of work to do, but today I've only puttered. I forced myself to work on one thing then rewarded myself with two or three chapters of my book before I did another thing. Some days only incentives are enough to bring ambition up to par. In the meantime, the whole large space of front entry/dining/and living rooms is a shambles.
The new mattress helped considerably with back pain over the past two months, though I was still plagued through early August with it off and on. But lying flat on my back made my neck hurt horribly. I could hardly turn to see what oncoming traffic might be headed at me and confess right now that I sometimes went on prayer at a stop sign.
Sam convinced me a new pillow was the surest answer and recommended for about the hundredth time that I get a COOP pillow. (Amazon affiliate link there...) He's only been telling me for at least three years I should get a Coop pillow. I waited until I had a little income at the beginning of this month and ordered one. It arrived two nights ago. No more sore, stiff neck! It was pricey, but since I needed just one, I figured it was doable. The sound sleep I've had made it worthwhile. Highly recommend!
This weekend we'll celebrate Henry's birthday early since Taylor will be here this weekend. On Tuesday I'll have Caleb and Liam, a cousin, because it's a teacher workday in their county. Next Friday I have Grandparents' Day at both Isaac and Millie's school, then on the following Monday, at Caleb's. For once, I can actually visit three schools and see three children. And they have planned times between Isaac and Millie's schools so that I can easily move from one to the other without having to find something to do in between or run home only to turn around and go back.
I've just looked around again at the mess in my house. I'm not too worried about it being a mess. Frankly, I think it's going to be worse long before it's better. My goal is to focus in on one area at a time. Right now, I've got the seating arranged and the furnishings in place in the dining and living area. The mantle is half done. The other half is not working for me, so I'm contemplating what sort of tweaking will work with that. The bookcases look like a nightmare. Books are turned every which way. There's stuff piled on chairs waiting to be put in place or put away as fancy determines.
The dining room is pretty bad. I can't move one piece of furniture that is moving out until I can clear all the stuff from another piece off the dining table where I stacked it. Then I must unload the second cabinet before I move it because it's far too heavy to move with the items in it. I've tried and realized right away that even with gliders under the cabinet feet it's not going to work at all.
It used to bother me mightily that I had such a mess at the end of the day, but I think it would be obvious to just about anyone that I'm in the midst of a fruit basket turnover in this living space and that this is no ordinary mess. I think the likelihood I'll have company after 7pm in the evening is pretty slim anyway, so I guess I can leave it for another night.
Friday, September 4: The living room is looking rather nice once more, aside from the need to dust and cull the bookcases heavily and vacuum. Never mind. The mantle has been 'fixed' and looks lovely and autumnal. I've hung pictures. I switched out the pillow covers on the chairs. I neatened the books on the bookcases since I didn't feel I had the necessary energy to completely pull them apart and do the full job.
I tried hard to clear the dining table and it's nearly there. Not quite nice, but far better than this morning. The furniture is all in place for the moment, and I even managed a good bit of decluttering as well.
I did most all of the work, including making my bed afresh with clean sheets as I chatted with a friend on the phone. It's a habit we've both developed, to wander around our homes with the phone on speaker and chat while we do housework about once a month. It works quite well and eliminates a lot of my tendency to start a task here and then get distracted and start a task in another area. I find that when talking, I tend to stick with the one job, finish it up and then move to the next one.
At noon, I took sheets and towels out to hang on the line in the hot bright sunshine. They smell so very good when they come indoors and the sheets have a lovely crispy cottony feel that I can't resist. And besides it's so darn hot outdoors that sheets dry in about 15 minutes even doubled up on the line. I can't get that service from my dryer!
I couldn't help but notice how very dry and pitiful the yard and plants looked as I worked out there though. Even the bahia grass is dry and dying. I expect it will be a fast mow for Sam this weekend when he cut grass.
I am pleased as I look around my living room tonight. I needed this fresh look at my old things and I needed to remove some of the stuff that cluttered the space. I do believe it' just the change of perspective I've needed.
Saturday, September 5: I woke extra early this morning. I decided to be a little leisurely and made myself a cup of coffee, then took up my book by Miss Read, Thrush Green. I finished it this morning. It was just the lovely sort of read I needed just now. While they were all in the Spring, marveling at how lovely May is, what I noted most was how often they waxed poetic over living in the country.
A sense of recognition hit me hard. One thing I've always known was how very much I've always enjoyed living in the country. And I say sincerely that while I lived for 13 years in two different small towns, I longed deeply for the country and the views it would afford me. I vowed when I moved here, I'd never take it for granted and I don't think I have, at least not too often. It's been home and a real refuge over the years and it makes my heart feel full of a deep contentment that can't be rightly described.
Henry's party was a lovely affair. Calm and peaceful and pleasant, just like he is himself. He's not really two just yet. That comes later in the week, but it was a good time to gather and that little guy has no idea just yet what a birthday is, but I got a couple of photos of him that showed a dawning realization that this was not an ordinary day. I think the cupcakes that followed singing Happy Birthday really impressed him.
I took Sam's trio of kid over with me. He met us there and took them home again after the party. It was hot but the kids wanted to go out to play. As usual adults took turns sitting on the porch with them and 'keeping them safe' as Liam told me when he came to ask if I'd take a turn sitting outdoors.
At more than one point, John's name came up. I think sometimes it's a little painful for us all, because we're so keenly aware that he's not there. But by the same token, it feels right. It's as though he is with us all yet. He was among us in thought if not in fact and that's a rather lovely feeling, too.
I shall end this week here. I'm anxious to really enjoy the new season that is ahead of us.
No comments:
Post a Comment