Long long ago, John and I used to watch a comedy show with a character who was notorious for being a cheapskate. He'd ask the cost of an item and the reply would always make him start shouting incredulously. "Two dollars?! Oh Lawd! Two dollars!" It was always a ridiculously low sum but it never failed to generate disbelieving outrage on the part of the cheapskate. I'll wager that comedian based his character portrayal on someone he knew very well indeed.
This week, for whatever reason, my mind has been focusing on frugality as a way of life. I've already shared "Frugal Seasons" in which I told the story of various seasons of frugality we went through, some by choice and some by necessity but all with a positive outcome of managing quite well through a sticky financial season.
Now I'd like to share a few frugal personality types I've come across in my lifetime.
The Foolishly Frugal: We are currently watching a man who has changed from being a nomad and travelling full time to beginning a modest homestead. Both he and his wife are self employed. Their overall outlay is low and they are able to enjoy a fairly free lifestyle. There's a great deal the man can do and he's ingenious in some of his repurposing of items he has on hand. It's equally interesting to listen to the research means he's used to find solutions to problems as well as to watch him do things that he'd no idea how to do a couple of weeks before. I admire his commitment to his personal chosen lifestyle and it's interesting to watch it work but daily when we watch his video we hear a constant cry of "I can't afford that! I've got to save my money!" I have two problems with this man.
My first problem is that he isn't just frugal. He's like that comedy character that screeched "Two dollars! Lawd!" When he was building his tiny house he refused to use a certain screw because he needed ten and they would cost him $1 each. He chose to go with a less expensive decreased strength screw to save that $10. Someone suggested he might end up regretting his decision if the integrity of his house failed. His reply was "My house costs $5000. I can build another one if it falls down!"
What kind of foolishness is that?! Why on earth would you be willing to risk $5000 later in order to save $10 now?! There have been several little incidents like that that just make me shake my head. If I absolutely cannot afford $10, then I likely can't afford $5,000 either!
This past winter was harsh on his homestead and his water tank was freezing. It was suggested, since he'd taken time to build a housing around the tank that he hook up an old fashioned incandescent lightbulb to keep the tank house warm at night when temperatures were at their harshest. He screeched constantly that he couldn't afford to run a single lightbulb off his solar power bank. Never mind that it was only for a few hours for a week or so until the blizzard passed. No, they could live without water entirely he said if need be but he couldn't afford a lightbulb!
The Unfocused Frugalite: My second issue with the man is that he's so intent on saving money but he has no determined purpose for it. He just wants to save it and he admits as much. Now I confess that I can credit John with that, too. John likes to save money. He likes to watch the account grow. No harm in that.
I believe it's Dave Ramsey who said "Tell your money where to go." He was referring to a budget for the means of paying your monthly bills, but I believe savings are just another portion of the budget.
When we had reached the 'choose to be frugal' part of our lives it was John, who believes our words say far more than we might credit, that insisted we never say "I can't afford that." "We'll just say, 'I choose not to spend that amount just now,'" he instructed. I saw the wisdom of what he was saying and agreed to change the way I spoke. It was a reminder to ourselves that we were choosing frugality over spending because we had already purposed that money to repaying debt. My point here though is that we weren't just saving money blindly at that point. We had a purpose for it. We called it "Getting out of debt" and we focused on getting out of debt.
But now that we are at a point where we can save, I ask, "What are we saving for?" If I'm meant to think about and purpose where my money is going then why am I saving it? Am I saving for vacation? Property taxes coming up later in the year? A renovated kitchen? The new laundry room to expand my small home into something that works better for us? A new mower? A new car? Future medical needs and financial downtimes? To gift a ministry?
You see, I don't mind saving but I want to know why I'm choosing to save. Frankly, there are plenty of places I can think to put some money to good use right now but I prefer to look at the big picture and know that I'm saving that money for something more long term and lasting. Sure I'd love to have an extended stay at the beach, but ultimately, I'll appreciate that partially enclosed back porch for a longer period of time.
For this reason, when John says "I want '$X' to go into savings I look him in the eye and ask, "What are we saving for?" To date I don't always get an answer other than because we need to save it, but whenever I have a chance I tell him 'Ok...but I'm putting $x of this amount towards a trip in May, $x towards our insurance renewal and $x towards a new mower.' I want to remind him that savings is a blanket and we need to know what it's meant to cover.
The Frugal Apologetic: Some people act ashamed of the fact that they ever spend a penny that might have been saved. I've shared before my viewpoint that the money we save and the money we spend is both our money. I believe balance is key in every life which is why I choose to set aside a portion of our budget for eating out and a portion for birthday gifts.
I follow several frugal bloggers and some of the readers share what they did to save money but inevitably there are three or four who will apologize to other commenters that they picked up supper at a fast food restaurant after an evening spent at the ER or they bought a new appliance after the old one broke.
If you're not spending my money I'll not call you out for spending your own! I want to screech "Lighten up! It's okay!" Because it is! You aren't committing a sin because you chose to spend a little instead of saving it all.
The Frugally Fearful: I can only use my grandmother as a reference here. I've shared before that when she died I went to clear out her home. She had lovely coats and nice leather shoes and beautiful towels packed away for a someday that never arose. The clothes she wore and the towels she used were worn so thin, I could see my handprint through the fabric.
I know that in her childhood, she'd known very real poverty. It was a luxury to have nice things but her fear of want made her continue to use things long after most people would have relegated them to rags. She never bought anything new as long as the old things worked. Most of the lovely new things were gifts from others who'd noticed how poor her own items were.
What's more, no matter how well off they were, she'd shop only at the very cheapest of stores. The less she spent on items the better she felt about making the purchase at all.
She was an excellent steward. Her furnishings and appliances looked as good sixty years later as they had the day she and Granddaddy went out to buy them. But some things showed her fear so clearly that it was almost embarrassing. Those tissue paper thin towels and shirts...the single teaspoon of food that had to go back on the table repeatedly until it was eaten because Grandmother was not going to toss out a single bite of food. Someone would eat that last teaspoon of food simply because it had already appeared on the table four times and they were sick of seeing it!
Grandmother never let her fear go to the point of depriving herself food. But she ate only the least expensive foods and kept on hand basic food items that were generally store brand rather than name brand items.
11 comments:
I think I’m like John, I feel better saving. But if I truly need something (new dishwasher came today), I’ll try to get exactly what I want for the best price. I won’t buy low end items, nor top of the line. I try to find a middle of the road , and quality over quantity. I’m not ashamed to use coupons, especially if we go out to eat, which is something I truly love. I guess cooking and tending a house since the age of 8 can do that to a person. We have had some really tight seasons here too. I remember one time, early in our marriage with 2 babies... $7.00 I left in the bank, and 3 days till payday. However, all the bills were paid, the cars gassed up, all food diapers and milk stocked up. It was just the mental idea of having literally $7.00. Of course that was not the case all the time, but that burned in my brain, kind of like Scarlett O’Hara , ‘I’ll never be hungry again’. A bit dramatic but you get the idea. Best, liz
Our elderly ancestors financial habits were perhaps a product of the times they lived through. My grandfather was the oldest of six children and when his father died when he was in eighth grade he became the support for his family. He never got over that. It is hard to understand how the great depression affected so many lives. I am thankful that I do not have those times weighing me down when it comes to our finances.
I have to admit to being confused about your comment that all your savings must be for a specific reason. Do you include an emergency fund in those specific savings? Without that we would have drowned over the last 9 months. We save a lot of our income just because we don't want to end up in debt.
I am like John-I am a saver
As we get older health care needs increase and health care bills can be large
How many things does one need anyway?
Excellent post, excellent comments! My mom and dad raised three boys in the hills of Kentucky during the Depression. Mommy would save things for "good". You never knew when you would need to go to the hospital and need a nice robe and gown. I appreciate the fact that she was not a spendthrift because I learned from her to plan and not take for granted what I had. Debt free is the way to go!
I, too, sigh at some bloggers and readers who apologize for anything spent on something that isn't the most basic need. It's sad and unnecessary. Like you said, not only is a fast food trip an occasional life saver, but it's okay for it to just be fun.
All, I like saving money myself. It beats those days when the bank account in my household was often in the minus 100's which was an all too frequent occurrence in the first marriage. But I do believe Dave Ramsey is right: tell your money where to go.
I figure if I've a hefty savings I've got a built in emergency fund to cover the most unexpected things. One year we saved for a roof and as soon as we got it on the AC/heat pump quit just as we hit 100F days. Boom! We spent $12000 in a two week period and part of that was from a loan we had to take out in order to leave something in savings.
The year I had the pulmonary embolisms I learned to sock money away for medical needs but after the hospital bills were paid and my health improved, John wanted that money to 'go into savings' and not be allocated to healthcare. Well geez louise, wasn't it savings? I say yes. He said "No."
I myself suggested we set up sub accounts (or sinking funds) to cover all those annual renewal fees and forgo the necessity of 'finding' money in savings to cover what we knew good and well was coming around again anyway. Because of how we manage our bank account, those are part of our regular funds per the balance, but per my checkbook, they are designated amounts set aside for the one purpose. John tends to look at the balance and the moment I pay one of those accounts and the account drops, he wants that money back right away. It took me a year to set it aside. I confess, in this I generally ignore his wishes and tell him that I'll put aside a monthly sum (which is what I was doing anyway).
But this is just a minor thing overall. The fact is we are savers and while I prefer to tag money with a purpose, he doesn't and he doesn't want to spend it or use it for those purposes without seeing it as a sudden deficit in the savings overall. And this is why we live on a pretty snug budget all the days of our lives.
Would I change my own behavior if John were no longer able to have input due to death or illness? Probably. I'd be more prone to save for that mower or laundry room and less prone to wait for the unknown windfall that is meant to provide it at some point in the future. So there is that...but mostly I would go on as I have because now it's all a habit with me anyway.
I see that now that I have much of what you save for in my regular budget and it is added to each month in my ledger. Some of those categories are in a money market account and the money is set up to auto deposit to it each month. It is our budget that keeps us steady with our spending because we can see what is there and not feel guilty about using it. It is the same with eating out since we get that money in cash at the first of every month. As long as we have money we can keep going out but we stretch that far with coupons and almost never pay full price. With out the budget I would be too frugal.
Hi Terri, this is a great post! You are so right, there are not only different degrees of frugality there are different types of frugalites!!! So many excellent observations!
Like you, I prefer to have a purpose/goal for saving. I do better when I think of it in that way. Mike is like John in that he is uncomfortable if he sees the bank balance drop under a certain number. Our son is the same way, as are a few of my brothers, so I'm beginning to suspect it's a more masculine trait Haha! I also need to sometimes remind him that the money is there for us to use (barring emergency / medical /education funds and the like). Everyone needs to make those frugal/non-frugal decisions for themselves. For example, due to some major health problems on both sides of our families, we choose to buy the highest quality foods our budget allows and have adopted the motto "Pay the grocer now or the doctor later". Of course, as I said, we have our own personal reasons for doing this.
I absolutely love how you budget for your vacations/getaways and you've inspired me to do similar. In fact, just a few months ago we enjoyed a long weekend with Rosie and her husband up in the mountains which was budgeted for but not frugal haha; even though we brought our own food and cooked all but one of our meals at the rented cabin. We've talked about it for years but the budget never seemed to allow for it until we began specifically saving for it.
I so agree with John in the power of words! I used to read Charles Capps years ago and we picked up the good habit of watching our words then! In hind site I see a definite improvement in happiness, health, lifestyle and finances since that time. To give credit where it is due, I'm very sure it was a combination of many things...especially faith in the good Lord's guidance and help. That said, I strongly believe it was the good Lord who showed us how to properly use the power of words to our benefit!
I must go and start dinner and do some little chores around the house. Thanks again for this lovely blog and being so generous with your thoughts, ideas and encouragements. You offer such a comfy atmosphere to all of us kindred spirits.
Much love,
Tracey
x0x
Both my parents were frugally Fearful. Hubby is not a saver at all.
I set up automatic "monthly" payments to our Ally bucket accts that are named for the once or twice a year bills. I have another one for emergency savings. I set up a savings connected to Hubby's personal checking so if I died he would still have the ability to get to some money (joint bank accts can go into a 1-7 day freeze so talk to your bank about what can happen). I have the same. Either of us could pay 1 month's bills or even two since we both get SS through our own accts instead of the joint acct. Kind of like another emergency fund. I have a medical savings acct also. Dave Ramsey said to save $1000 for emergency fund first at one time. His snowball debt repayment is what I used when my late husband died and left a negative estate and the joint checking acct got held up in court battle with an ex wife. I had custody of their daughter.
My grandfather was not a very nice man and he controlled the money with an iron fist. No gifts for my grandmother, a food budget that was so small that I don't know how she made it work, and their furniture was minimal---if she wanted to sit in the livingroom, she had to drag a kitchen chair in there to have something to sit on. The tables were orange crates...on and on. They were not rich but they could have afforded better. My grandmother never uttered a word against him, even though he had been physically abusive. The day he was buried, she looked down into his grave and said, "I am glad you are dead, you bastard." Then she turned and walked away from the ceremony. And she finally bought some decent, comfortable furniture.
Tracey, I like my vacations and I'll happily sock away anything extra I can towards them. It's a huge help when I say to John "Let's go!" and he asks "How are we going to pay for this?" and I can reply, 'It's all set aside...' Somehow knowing we've already got the funds makes him ready to go, too, lol.
Juls, yes, we used a debt snowball method to get out of debt ourselves. There was a book by a guy named Don Avinzini, long before we heard of Dave Ramsey, who suggested the same method. As for Ramsey's $1000 emergency fund, I've always felt it was an awfully low amount for an emergency, given all of ours seemed to run into $3-$4K range, but by the time we reached that point we were avowed savers and could meet that need easily enough.
I'll have to check what the policy is with our bank. John and I both have savings accounts of our own and it might be a good thing to have something in place for such an event in our lives.
Lana, yep, I figured you pretty much had that all covered, too.
Mable, When my grandfather died, Granny's finances were wiped out from his medical bills, but she did eventually get new furniture and appliances and a car and got rid of all the things he'd chosen that didn't suit her, lol. In my house, most of what we have is of my choosing already. John has input and we have similar tastes overall, so I don't think he'd be anxious to get rid of much either, lol.
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