Coffee Chat for February: Now and Then

 

Come in, come in and do choose a nice hot cup of something to sip on while we have a bit of a chat.  

Things have changed all over again.  Katie has decided to look for a work from home job and decided to leave her job that had her traveling quite the distance to and from work, after making a circuit from her new home over this way to get Caleb to school or my houses.  She is currently spending her days with Caleb which seems to have made him very happy indeed. Her plan is to get him into behavioral therapy so that she can help him to learn to calm his anxiety before he starts school.  I don't know if she'll do that or not.  The move to the new house hasn't upset him nearly so much as we thought it might.

In the meantime, not being with him every single day means that when I do see him, I'm shocked at the changes in his vocabulary and facial features.  He's been quite a talker here in the past year and his vocabulary has really exploded.   It's such a far cry from a child who could barely speak a year ago that it never ceases to astonish me.  He was bouncing the ball in the house the other day and when his mama said, "Stop bouncing that ball!", he told her, "I'm not bouncing...I'm driggling."  Where he's watched basketball is beyond all of us, but that word for dribbling tickled all of us.

I was beginning to worry that Caleb was a bit too attached to me and John and was wondering how best to begin to decrease his dependence upon me.  I'd hoped Montessori would prove to be that answer, but it ended up being problematic with the random open/closed days and his behavior issues. I hadn't realized that Katie and Cody were thinking along the same lines or that they'd determined she'd come home and look for work that could be done from home.   

Over the past week, they moved into a new home.  It's in a quiet neighborhood where the houses are older, build in the days when a ranch style home was a true ranch.  I was surprised at the roominess of it but I don't know why.  I knew from homes I'd lived in that were of the same style and from old magazine blueprints that homes back then were fairly well designed with plenty of room despite their small footprint.  

Katie said the back yard was small, and it is, but it's a nicely laid out square of a yard that will be plenty big enough for the children to play in.  They just need an entryway on that side of the house so the children can easily access indoors when they do go out.  

I've mentioned that Cody's little girl is about 5 months younger than Caleb and is on the autism spectrum.  They started her in a special school program where she attends 2 or 3 hours a day and what a world of difference that has made.  When we visited with them on Sunday that child was in my lap and John's, where before she'd shied away from any physical touch at all.  She is still not fully proficient with language but she's speaking more and more words.  She kept telling us "Happy!" when we visited the other day, so I think she was glad to see us.  I was watching her and Caleb playing, and they are so similar in size that I told Cody, "It's like you have a set of twins!"  He laughed and said, "It really is!"

As January wound up, so did my big push to declutter and re-settle the house.  Now I am ready, in this month to return to my old routines of cleaning and decluttering by zones each week.  Ironic that this month, our first month free of childcare, has proven to be a busy month with lots of activities and appointments and such that those old routines are difficult to incorporate.  I don't anticipate every single month being like this one is turning out, but I do wonder if perhaps I'm meant to find a 'new' routine way to clean...We'll see how things go once we're out of the whirlwind of February!

The first week of February, I went back to the old Zone 1 are, Kitchen, Laundry and Back Entry. Though the kitchen is relatively new, it does need a good cleaning.  For one thing, the toaster had left crumbs all over one cabinet.  I plan to find a tray just large enough to fit under the toaster and hopefully contain some of those crumbs. It has a crumb tray but even with routine cleaning and gentle shaking, the toaster still manages to drop crumbs in that cabinet.  To be honest, I don't think John ever cleans that toaster either and he will sometimes put it away himself.  There are times when I do it and other times when I just want to clear the counter as quickly as possible and don't bother.  

 I also need to sort out the utensil drawer near the stove.  Things are getting jammed and it's rather irritating.  And third, the area under the sink is the least liked area at present.  I'd hoped I could fit a trash can there but the cans that would fit I can't afford.  And as it happens it's a space full of things already.  Like dishcloths and soap and the emergency water bottles I keep filled (and rotate weekly by watering plants from them and then refilling with fresh water).  I need something to help better organize the space.  Right now, I'm skimming by with a big diaper box and a tiny wire shelf. 

I'm not as pleased as I could be with the spice drawer nor the coffee/tea drawer.  Yes, things could use some tweaking.  And isn't it interesting that it's only one cabinet area but every one of the under-counter drawers that needs a bit of help?  You can tell I'm not accustomed to having those sorts of drawers to use so that's where I need to figure out what will work best in each one.

I am reacquainting myself with the fun of doing genealogy research.  I'd offered to help find names of people most likely buried in the old cemetery of the church where I grew up.  This past weekend, I found I had a book in my possession that I didn't even know I held and therein I found six or so people who had been buried in the cemetery and for whom there are no markers or headstones.  I also discovered four who had been in and were removed...It seems it wasn't uncommon back then to simply move family about as you wanted.  The family removed these people to the 'new' town cemetery which I'm sure was more fashionable and therefore the thing to do.   

Granny told me some of her family had some of their relatives moved from one church to the church they all attended.   I don't know who it was that was moved but only that she said they had waited at the church all day and well into the start of the evening before the men finally arrived with the remains to be reinterred in that cemetery.

And Elizabeth Slappey, who is no relation to me but the resident at the graveyard where I occasionally go and have a cup of coffee or a meal?  Moved from a family plot out in the country near Marshallville to Ft. Valley. Her and all the rest of the family!  I don't really know how old the cemetery at Ft. Valley is but it's been there a good long while.  I don't know if it was because their family was keeping up with others, or why.  So apparently it was just a thing in those days, sort of like the Israelites wanting to remove the bones of their ancestors to take with them to the new land.

I don't know...have any of you had family that disinterred family and moved them?  Just curious.  I'm not looking for gross details just curious if you knew of ancestors being moved about with the family.

The woman doing the research for the old cemetery has corresponded with me several times now and I am thoroughly interested in this project.  I hope to meet up with her in the next few weeks and walk over the old cemetery and share with her my memories of where rocks or stobs marked graves, where trees once stood that supposedly were at the heads of graves, and other features.  I'll also be getting her information on family members of mine that are buried there so she can add that information in.  She had her first article published in our local paper this past week and I was pleased as if it were my own.  I now have a clear idea of the sort of things she'd like for information to add to her articles.

I've spent my free time doing different bits of research once again and finding myself endlessly curious about things.  I like to periodically take my notes on each family member and write down questions I have.  Why was this one living in that area, so far from home?  Where did this one go when the family split up, and why?  Why is there such a large gap between children here?  How does that name keep tying in with the family name over and over?   Were they just neighbors or kinsmen?  I've really enjoyed digging to answer these queries of mine as well as adding to the family lines I've been working on.  I like being able to build a story about these people. 

With my newly restored 'freedom', I've been busy reveling in what I see as an opportunity to reintroduce myself to my own interests now that this season of life seems to be decreasing in responsibilities.  Things like genealogy research and being creative and reading and studying and gardening and challenging myself to learn and do new things.  I love learning things.  Not necessarily useful things.  I just love taking a thought that occurs while reading or studying something else and then tracking down information about it.  I think that's why I love genealogy and old books.  Just full of opportunities to learn something new, like this past question about moving dead relatives.  

I'm also looking forward to cooking some meals that I haven't made in a year or so because others didn't care for them.  Caleb didn't like anything that even hinted that it might be spicy.  He doesn't even like fizzy sodas!  And Katie has her own share of likes and dislikes.  More and more over the past year, I curbed seasonings and set some recipes aside because I knew they certainly weren't going to be eaten.  Now I can branch back out once more and I'm looking forward to that as well.   It will be nice to eat as I like without considering myriad likes and dislikes.  John isn't fussy overall.  He doesn't want me to serve fish or live to him.  I can eat all I like of both, just allow him to have an alternative.  But some of the things we haven't eaten in a while were meals, we really liked but due to Caleb's likes/dislikes and allergies and Katie's dislikes we just didn't serve them.

later:  And again, things may change.  Sam has a job interview set up.  If he should get this job, I'd be taking care of Millie full time and the boys after school as well and then come summer, it would be full on childcare.   John nor I so much as whimpered when we talked this over later that evening.  As of this moment, we don't know what is going to happen, but we both agree that if we're needed for childcare then that's just what we'll do.  In the meantime, I will enjoy what I can of my free time.  Sam confesses what he really wants is a work from home job.  It's what he's been doing the past three years and he's applied for some positions that allow for that, too.  He's also said he's not really wanting to go back to work until Millie starts school in August, that he'll manage financially until that time thanks to listening to his intuition last summer and getting his supplies built up and paying off debts.

In the meantime, I'm not going to fuss nor worry.  Things will work out as they will work out regardless of whether I spend hours fretting or just get on with living my own life until...At this stage of life, I hope I remember far more often to just live my life until...and forgo all that useless worry that never does amount to anything at all.

Between Sam's circumstances, watching Katie embark on a new season in her life, and our current state of being alone together a lot, John and I have been discussing a lot of 'life' things.  We've looked back at our own pasts when we were getting divorced.  My own divorce took place two years before John's so I had a stint as a single mom thrown in which makes me appreciate how difficult it may be for Sam, and why I was so sensitive to Katie's needs.  

But we are very mindful at the moment of having been in their seasons of life: divorce, single parenting, hopeful new relationship, working to blend a family...John and I have talked about marriage and divorce, our pasts, and our marriage over and over again.  

This past weekend we attended a church held "Marriage Tune-Up".  We had couples in the group who covered quite the range of demographics.  Couples who had been married just three weeks to couples who'd been married 60 years.  Couples who had been married once and couples who had been married twice, thrice or more.  Couples who had children together and couples who had raised a blended family of children from their previous marriages or had His, Hers and Ours families.   Couples who were mixed race and couples who were not.  Couples who had trials and pulled their marriage out of the gutters of despair and couples who never knew those sorts of crises.  Couples who had failed and tried again with good success and couples who had failed and wanted to do better this time around.  

It was a very nice class with a wonderful speaker, Dr. Mark Rutland.  We spent a lot of time laughing, and a few times there were distinct sniffles as we wept when his words struck deep into our hearts.  Did we learn anything?  John and I both agreed that we did not, but we were reminded of a great deal that we'd forgotten, of things we knew but needed to be more mindful of once more.   It was lovely and we basked in the honeymoon glow of it all day yesterday.  And today...lol...You can probably guess.  Snip.  Snap.  Snark.  Silence.  Nothing serious but a reminder that we are married, and this is part of marriage, too.  That we can be loving and still be frustrated or aggravated or tired at the moment.  

We've a busy week ahead of us with a really busy weekend ahead as well.  And then...Well then, perhaps we'll settle down to a quieter life once more.  I am always a little fearful that we'll be busy like this forever.  Silly, I know, but it's an introvert's idea of hell to be perpetually busy away from home.  I have never longed for a social butterfly sort of life.  I like balance.  And symmetry, which is all about balance.  I like being out and social but if I spent more time at home than I did out and about...that's quite all right with me.

I want to try one more time to read this book I've pushed off reading and maybe add another two or three to a stack near my chair.  I'm still pushing my way slowly through Jesus Through Medieval Eyes.  I'm going to tackle the Goudge book of the month, Towers In the Mist.  I skipped about in it this morning and some passages read okay, and others bored me to tears.  Perhaps I won't read that book this month.  It may just not be my 'time' to read that book.  I firmly believe in certain books fitting us best at certain times, but we shall see.  I've stacks of books on one shelf that are new to me, never been read and some that were chosen to be read over at some point last year but I never got to them.  I want very much to be a reader once more.  I enjoy, truly enjoy, losing myself in a book and for some reason the past few years (gee could it be that little toddler stage that ended my reading?  Hmmmm) I've left it off.  I'm ready to renew my love with literature once again.  

I suppose I should end here.  I've got soup heating for our supper and want to make a pan of cornbread muffins to go with it.  That sounds perfect for a rainy afternoon.  And it's just what I need right now after a lovely chat, a bit of cozy time right here at home.

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