Time for Yourself...What's Keeping You From Taking Time Out?




I just love how relaxed this woman looks.  She's got that whole pot of coffee sitting at the ready there.  You can tell this woman is ready to indulge herself in a little bit of 'me' time.  

I haven't children to send back to school any longer and John's schedule is more erratic than ever.  Admittedly, by the time I pencil in time with Mama, contemplate the must attend to items on the calendar, and peer hopefully at any possible family engagements, my calendar is pretty much full these days.  I've heard often and often from newly retired folks that they not only don't have trouble filling their 'empty' days but they need a vacation to get a bit of rest from being retired!   A little time alone is as necessary for me as breathing.   A little bit goes a long way towards restoring me and curing what likely is ailing me, too.


That said, I am more than familiar with how hard it is to get quality alone time.  The aforementioned calendar items often keep me too busy to truly indulge in time spent solely on me.  I tend to overbook those days when I know John is going to be at work or classes and I work far harder than I might on a day when he's at home. Partly this is due to the fact that like many of you have shared, you manage to get more done when your schedule is strictly your own to keep. 

But leisure time alone...Now there's the luxury item on every woman's list, I think.  Last Friday you might have called the day 'my day' for instance but just hear what all I did.  I  started off with a morning of housework.  Then I ran errands on my way to Mama's so we could lunch out.  After spending four hours with her attending to some shopping she wanted to do as well as eating out, I took off to get a haircut and pick up a few necessities for the weekend.  While I was doing that, Mama called with a need for me to come back to her town to remedy a problem.  My brother came in before I could leave and we spent the better part of an hour talking over some personal business.  By the time I got home, there were just 30 minutes left until Shabat time.  That 'day to myself' was packed and I was worn out!

I thought about this as I stood in line at the checkout at the grocery yesterday.  I scanned quickly through the lovely Cottage Home Christmas magazine ($12.99) and put it back on the rack.  The next magazine that caught my eye was one I'm unlikely to purchase but one article title caught my interest and created a brainstorm of sorts.  "How to Carve Out a Day for Yourself...Or at Least An Hour..." read the title and I thought immediately what a terrible cop out it was to hint that you deserve a whole day to yourself and then snatch that dream right away from you as though it were an impossibility and  suggest that an hour really should do you well.

Phooey!  For all that I stay busy and love being busy, I like a day to do as I choose now and then.   I am all too well aware of how hard it is to make and stick to the plan to spend a whole day doing nothing but just what you'd like to do.  We are our own worst enemies when it comes to taking personal time.   I've felt guilty over carving out time for myself and so stayed home and martyred my way through odious jobs.  I've cut days short because I altered plans, not because I had to do so, but because I didn't make me a priority for  just a few hours.  I let someone else's wants get ahead of my own personal needs.  I still struggle with that issue even now that the children are grown up!

I read a most interesting post on Facebook, an oddity I admit, that was written by a parent.  He asked his readers to go ask their children what one thing they could do to be a better parent and then to immediately post it, just as the child said it.  Eye opening!  Do you know that nearly half the children said "Nothing.  You're a great parent..." and about one third suggested "Maybe you could take a little time to do something just for you."   The remaining third of the suggestions were random from 'Not yelling at me so much," to "Let me eat ice cream right now."  The age of the children interviewed ranged from 2 to 26 and it wasn't just the adult children who thought that mom deserved a bit of time all her own.

Yes, an hour to yourself can be beneficial but a whole block of time of four to eight hours...is that feasible?  Well believe it or not that is just as doable.  It really is a matter of blocking that time out on your calendar, creating a plan on how you'll spend it and sticking to it.   Not just blocking it in and planning you'll maybe do it if no one else needs you.  You have to be committed to your plan just as committed as you are when you arrange an appointment.  That's why you must plan what you'll do on your day, too.  A failure to plan is a failure in this case, trust me.  I've ended up with absolutely NO idea how I meant to spend my day and so I scratched it off the calendar page and did housework instead.  No fun!

All of us have some little something we'd really like to do.  How often have you ladies shared how leisurely some of my "...I plan my Leisure..." header photos are when I've planned my week?


Know why this doesn't appeal to me?  I've never found it comfortable to sit in my bed.  However, I have planned time to go to bed specifically to read!  I even keep a dollar store pair of glasses bedside because it's hard to focus my bifocals when I'm lying down reading, especially if I choose to roll over to my side.  And it keeps me from pushing my glasses out of shape if I happen to fall asleep.  I don't much care if the dollar store glasses do get a bit wonky!  And just as an aside for $6 you can get some pretty funky framed glasses that you might never indulge in otherwise. Makes reading in bed twice as fun if you can do so with leopards or polka dots on your glass frames.  

Can I just share what an ideal autumn day might be like for me?   I have two different scenarios playing in my mind at present, so I'll share them both.

Scenario One:  I get up early, breeze through the household basics, then shower, dress and make up and go off to the city where I indulge in a lovely cup of specially brewed coffee.  A long leisurely stroll through a bookstore follows. I gather a few books or magazines and take them to a chair and sample a bit of each.  I might buy one...or two!

I go off to the fancy beauty store next and spend time looking over lipsticks.  I choose a pretty new shade for autumn.  I might even sample a new perfume.  

Then I go to out to lunch.  On my own.  I don't mind eating alone and I've got a new book (or magazine) to help fill the time between ordering and eating.   I don't go to a fast food place.  I can do that any day at all.  Nope.  I'm taking myself out to eat at a nice place with real cloth napkins and heavy silverware.

After lunch, I'll go to the candle store and buy a nice fall scented candle or melts.   I just bought a lovely scented candle, Salted Caramel.  My gracious, it smells good!

I think I'll finish off this morning out with a stroll through a flower market, even if it's just the grocery store flower mart and buy myself a big bunch of pretty blooms to take home.

Want the frugal version of the same day?  Go on and indulge in the coffee.  Stop by the library and spend the morning creating a pile of books to bring home.  Look through their magazines while you're there, too.

Stop at the drugstore to buy the lipstick (or a nail polish) in the perfect autumn shade.

Stick with a real meal out.  Seriously.  You'll feel super spoiled.  You don't have to order a big meal.  Most places have a soup and half sandwich option for about $10.   John and I recently had a nice sandwich at an Italian place for $7...Now tell me you haven't spent the same amount getting a burger and fries at a drive thru!  So go ahead and go inside a real restaurant. Indulge!

Stop at the garden center and buy a potted mum.  A gallon pot will cost about the same as a bunch of flowers but you have the bonus of weeks of blooms and the option of planting it in your yard. If that's a budget buster for you then just STAND in the flower market and admire all the glory.  Go up and smell and touch and admire the textures and colors up close.

Last part of the day?  Go home and arrange the flowers.  Try out the lipstick or nail polish.  Grab one of those new books or one of your library finds and settle into a chair and read...

Scenario Two: I plan a day at home but PLAN it.  I make myself an indulgent sort of breakfast.  Pancakes for one, say...I set up a small pot of coffee just for me, with warmed milk to temper it and serve it in one of my pretty cups and saucers.  I find when I drink from a tea cup I'm more prone to drink the coffee quickly, while it's hot, rather than let it sit about cooling off as I do with a mug.

Have a spa morning at home.  Manicure, pedicure, shave, mask your face, exfoliate, shower, moisturize.  I could substitute a soak in the garden tub for the shower.  

Put on something really comfy.  Fresh pajamas maybe or shrug into a thick cushy robe and slippers.  Put on my diamond earrings and spray on perfume.  Plant myself in a chair with a really good book and while away an hour or two or three.

Have a big salad for lunch or bowl of soup.  Sometimes I even make my own favorite comfort meal, just for me.  Finish off the meal with a nice piece of chocolate or a small serving of gelato.

Take a nap.

When I awake, have a cup of hot tea or coffee on one of the porches and then snuggle up with that good book once more.  Or indulge in one of my favorite movies on dvd.  "Washington Square" comes to mind or a lovely version of  Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice".  

Have a frozen entrée ready to slide into the oven at dinnertime.  Serve it on the china.  Have a glass of wine with my meal. 

See if you don't end up feeling very relaxed and indulged after this day!

This scenario takes a little more pre-planning more than it does money.  Be sure you've got a bottle of wine on hand, and a luxury bit of chocolate.  One bar of good chocolate doesn't cost much but you will have to purchase somewhere other than just a grocery store, unless you have a very upscale store nearby.   As for the wine, you can buy tiny bottles or even single glasses that have a sealed top at most supermarkets.  No need to purchase a great big bottle if it's not something you typically indulge in.  

If you don't have spa beauty products make your own out of pantry items.  A sugar scrub is a nice thing and takes just olive oil and a bit of sugar.  It leaves your skin feeling moisturized and smoothed.  A raw beaten egg or a bit of mayonnaise  or even a little olive oil can be used as a hair mask.  You don't need great gobs of it and it shampoos right out.  For that matter, plain old egg white makes a nice facial mask that tightens and firms skin.

A manicure and pedicure don't have to involve polish but it's a nice touch.  Even if you prefer not to do that last bit of color, we can all use a nail trim, pushing back of cuticles, removing calluses, etc.  That sugar scrub makes a great treatment for your hands and feet, as well.  

I don't know about you, but I've got loads of good books here at home, and dvds, too.   So you see an indulgent day at home needn't cost you more than a few dollars, if that.  The bulk of this day is to plan it out ahead of time and then indulge!

As you can see if you have a reasonable plan you can indulge yourself for a few hours or even a full day.  I don't make it a habit to do this nearly often enough...but that said, I don't think I'd want to do it too often either.  I like things to feel special and if it's something you typically do, then it's soon become routine and isn't special any longer.

I've convinced myself I need to plan such a day very soon.  I  need to go look over my calendar and see what time I can carve out just for me...

12 comments:

Angela said...

Love that top picture! Boy do I remember those days- haha. I try to make my Sundays a day of rest except for meal preparing. I find I just need that now days. I can't work 7 days a week anymore. If God thought it was a good idea to rest on the 7th day, then it must be so!

Vickie @Vickie's Kitchen and Garden said...

My sister was just reminding me to take a time out for myself. I love your scenarios! I'm going to try and remember to do that.

obscure said...

I do take those days for myself out of the house - I spend the day wandering around the city. But I've found that I must get out of the house - otherwise I can never justify the time spent on myself when chores are calling me! When my oldest son was an infant I'd put him in the stroller, get a cup of coffee, and walk across the street to the tiny volunteer garden behind the historic library - he'd nap and I'd read a book or the paper and hide in that little sanctuary in my bustling city.

Lana said...

Our weeks at the lake are our special time like this but I'd rather do it with my husband than alone. Shopping alone feels like running errands to me.

susie @ persimmon moon cottage said...

Parts of your scenario 1 is exactly what I have been planning to do pretty soon. I have three books I plan on buying at the bookstore, a 2018 calendar while there is still a pretty selection.(Hopefully the new ones will be there by the time my Me Day comes around). I was going to go to CVS, (because I will have already blown my budget by the time I leave the bookstore) instead of a high dollar store, and look for some new blusher instead of lipstick like in your scenario. It's supposed to cool down into daytime temps of the low 70's in a few days. That's what I'm waiting for.

Anonymous said...

My husband and I love the chocolate at Aldi's. It is German I believe and is preferred by us more than the chocolate at other stores. Also, I have heard that the wine at Aldi's has received good marks from some professional wine people and it is very inexpensive. But I do not know if all Aldi's stores are the same. We live in northwest Ohio. On a side note, I enjoy your blog so much! Jennifer from Ohio.

Anonymous said...

This is such a lovely post! I wonder why we must be reminded that we are worthy of rest and self-care? I love your blog, Terri; your writing is so calming, even when you address the touchy family issues we all encounter.

Bookstores and libraries, is there anything better? Chocolate maybe.

Mindy

Terri said...

I'm in agreement with Jennifer on Aldi chocolate and wine. They are delicious and inexpensive. We typically by the choceur brand of chocolates. It is some of the silliest I've tasted.

I am pleased this post resonated with you all. I am not an indulgent sort but I do believe every woman must do a few things that are just for herself.

Debby in Kansas said...

I'm not sure if I should be proud or feel guilty that I regularly take ME time! As an early riser, my energy all but goes kaput by 2 or 3 pm. So, that's when I take time for my hobbies/home décor stuff. I sew, paint stuff, make cards, work on old photo albums, make gifts, etc. It all depends on what's coming up. And Sunday, church & meals aside, there is no activity. We read, nap, play a game, etc. IOW, we rest!

Aside from that, I can think of two times I can say I REALLY took an all-day(s) break from life!! Both occasions were my birthday. The first, my best friend sent me the last two Harry Potter books as a gift after I'd been on the library waiting list for months and avoided all HP discussions. I literally spent 3 solid days to read them, doing only the most basic things like eating!! The second time was an anniversary of sorts. My mom had a major stroke that ended up leading to her death on my birthday several years ago. I dreaded the day and my husband encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to make it as easy as possible. And I did. I took my newspaper to McDonald's for breakfast, read it entirely and did all the puzzles while I enjoyed my coffee and burritos! Then I went to Hobby Lobby for about 3 hrs. I went up and down every single aisle in the store and stopped and looked at whatever tickled my fancy. I went to World Market and did the same. Then I went to Target, bought a magazine and took it to lunch with me. The lunch crowds were gone and I enjoyed a leisurely lunch nested in the back of the booth with my leg stretched out! Then I came home & spent the rest of the day reading and asked my husband to bring me home a kraut dog for dinner!

Beckyathome said...

To get time to myself, I have to get sick. So, right now, while I have this horrendous cold that everyone has so kindly shared with me, I've been able to lay on the couch for hours today, just interrupted by an afternoon drive to my diabetic doctor, which is a long ways away. And, my daughter did the driving for me, since she still has her permit, and I want her to have all the experience she can get--so a drive to Portland in very heavy traffic, followed up with a drive through a tight parking garage, including parking, and a very long, traffic-filled drive home was lots of great experience, I think. I'll be back to the regular schedule tomorrow, but it was nice to just rest today. I actually would have cancelled, but I had already rescheduled the September appointment to October, and it was necessary to see the doctor. I would have also skipped work Thursday, but it was the one day when there was no one else to cover for me--not usual at all. I have high hopes that the cold will just be gone one day when I wake up:)

Every family and situation is different. At my house, there is almost always someone here. This house is very small for 5 of us, plus we often have extras. And, this has been going on for over 30 years as our oldest was 5 when we got her, and she is 37 now. Mind boggling!! Because I need some space to keep my sanity, I tend to stay up later than the others, or get up earlier. Rob has always been great about taking kids with him wherever he goes, so once in a while, I may get 2-3 hours at home to putz around--one of my favorite activities for a Saturday morning. Because this has been my "norm" for so many years, I am used to it and know I will always keep myself busy, but it doesn't mean that I am not looking forward to the season of my life when I do have just a little more time to myself. That being said, I have no regrets with the way I've chosen to spend my years--I'm not sure what a perfect day would be for me, but I have a feeling it would involve my husband and I taking a bunch of kids somewhere fun, or just the 2 of us spending some time. I really enjoyed our recent trip to the beach--just the 2 of us.

Tammy said...

I get plenty of alone time now with school in session, but can tell when I don't. I do take breaks through the day, and make sure I have some down time. I don't turn on the TV, and often have just silence.
When I was working full-time and things were stressful, sometimes on Friday afternoons I'd rent a movie before I left town (the days before streaming...), then come home and change straight to my pajamas and crawl into bed with a book or magazine. I'd have Greg bring home take-out for supper, and no one was allowed to bother me for anything for the entire evening. I'd eat my take-out (usually Chinese) in bed while reading. Sometimes I'd invite Greg or the kids to come watch the movie with me, but usually I just enjoyed it by myself. By evening's end, I was good. Ready to spend a little time out in the living room with the family before bedtime. I only did this two or three times a school year, but when I did, it was because I needed it.

Deanna said...

I love this! I recently gave myself most of a day "off" and have another one scheduled next week when my husband is out of town. I'm trying to make self-care more of a priority. Thanks for sharing this post!