Time for Yourself...What's Keeping You From Taking Time Out?

I just love how relaxed this woman looks.  She's got that whole pot of coffee sitting at the ready there.  You can tell this woman is ready to indulge herself in a little bit of 'me' time.  

I haven't children to send back to school any longer and John's schedule is more erratic than ever.  Admittedly, by the time I pencil in time with Mama, contemplate the must attend to items on the calendar, and peer hopefully at any possible family engagements, my calendar is pretty much full these days.  I've heard often and often from newly retired folks that they not only don't have trouble filling their 'empty' days but they need a vacation to get a bit of rest from being retired!   A little time alone is as necessary for me as breathing.   A little bit goes a long way towards restoring me and curing what likely is ailing me, too.

That said, I am more than familiar with how hard it is to get quality alone time.  The aforementioned calendar items often keep me too busy to truly indulge in time spent solely on me.  I tend to overbook those days when I know John is going to be at work or classes and I work far harder than I might on a day when he's at home. Partly this is due to the fact that like many of you have shared, you manage to get more done when your schedule is strictly your own to keep. 

But leisure time alone...Now there's the luxury item on every woman's list, I think.  Last Friday you might have called the day 'my day' for instance but just hear what all I did.  I  started off with a morning of housework.  Then I ran errands on my way to Mama's so we could lunch out.  After spending four hours with her attending to some shopping she wanted to do as well as eating out, I took off to get a haircut and pick up a few necessities for the weekend.  While I was doing that, Mama called with a need for me to come back to her town to remedy a problem.  My brother came in before I could leave and we spent the better part of an hour talking over some personal business.  By the time I got home, there were just 30 minutes left until Shabat time.  That 'day to myself' was packed and I was worn out!

I thought about this as I stood in line at the checkout at the grocery yesterday.  I scanned quickly through the lovely Cottage Home Christmas magazine ($12.99) and put it back on the rack.  The next magazine that caught my eye was one I'm unlikely to purchase but one article title caught my interest and created a brainstorm of sorts.  "How to Carve Out a Day for Yourself...Or at Least An Hour..." read the title and I thought immediately what a terrible cop out it was to hint that you deserve a whole day to yourself and then snatch that dream right away from you as though it were an impossibility and  suggest that an hour really should do you well.

Phooey!  For all that I stay busy and love being busy, I like a day to do as I choose now and then.   I am all too well aware of how hard it is to make and stick to the plan to spend a whole day doing nothing but just what you'd like to do.  We are our own worst enemies when it comes to taking personal time.   I've felt guilty over carving out time for myself and so stayed home and martyred my way through odious jobs.  I've cut days short because I altered plans, not because I had to do so, but because I didn't make me a priority for  just a few hours.  I let someone else's wants get ahead of my own personal needs.  I still struggle with that issue even now that the children are grown up!

I read a most interesting post on Facebook, an oddity I admit, that was written by a parent.  He asked his readers to go ask their children what one thing they could do to be a better parent and then to immediately post it, just as the child said it.  Eye opening!  Do you know that nearly half the children said "Nothing.  You're a great parent..." and about one third suggested "Maybe you could take a little time to do something just for you."   The remaining third of the suggestions were random from 'Not yelling at me so much," to "Let me eat ice cream right now."  The age of the children interviewed ranged from 2 to 26 and it wasn't just the adult children who thought that mom deserved a bit of time all her own.

Yes, an hour to yourself can be beneficial but a whole block of time of four to eight hours...is that feasible?  Well believe it or not that is just as doable.  It really is a matter of blocking that time out on your calendar, creating a plan on how you'll spend it and sticking to it.   Not just blocking it in and planning you'll maybe do it if no one else needs you.  You have to be committed to your plan just as committed as you are when you arrange an appointment.  That's why you must plan what you'll do on your day, too.  A failure to plan is a failure in this case, trust me.  I've ended up with absolutely NO idea how I meant to spend my day and so I scratched it off the calendar page and did housework instead.  No fun!

All of us have some little something we'd really like to do.  How often have you ladies shared how leisurely some of my "...I plan my Leisure..." header photos are when I've planned my week?

Know why this doesn't appeal to me?  I've never found it comfortable to sit in my bed.  However, I have planned time to go to bed specifically to read!  I even keep a dollar store pair of glasses bedside because it's hard to focus my bifocals when I'm lying down reading, especially if I choose to roll over to my side.  And it keeps me from pushing my glasses out of shape if I happen to fall asleep.  I don't much care if the dollar store glasses do get a bit wonky!  And just as an aside for $6 you can get some pretty funky framed glasses that you might never indulge in otherwise. Makes reading in bed twice as fun if you can do so with leopards or polka dots on your glass frames.  

Can I just share what an ideal autumn day might be like for me?   I have two different scenarios playing in my mind at present, so I'll share them both.

Scenario One:  I get up early, breeze through the household basics, then shower, dress and make up and go off to the city where I indulge in a lovely cup of specially brewed coffee.  A long leisurely stroll through a bookstore follows. I gather a few books or magazines and take them to a chair and sample a bit of each.  I might buy one...or two!

I go off to the fancy beauty store next and spend time looking over lipsticks.  I choose a pretty new shade for autumn.  I might even sample a new perfume.  

Then I go to out to lunch.  On my own.  I don't mind eating alone and I've got a new book (or magazine) to help fill the time between ordering and eating.   I don't go to a fast food place.  I can do that any day at all.  Nope.  I'm taking myself out to eat at a nice place with real cloth napkins and heavy silverware.

After lunch, I'll go to the candle store and buy a nice fall scented candle or melts.   I just bought a lovely scented candle, Salted Caramel.  My gracious, it smells good!

I think I'll finish off this morning out with a stroll through a flower market, even if it's just the grocery store flower mart and buy myself a big bunch of pretty blooms to take home.

Want the frugal version of the same day?  Go on and indulge in the coffee.  Stop by the library and spend the morning creating a pile of books to bring home.  Look through their magazines while you're there, too.

Stop at the drugstore to buy the lipstick (or a nail polish) in the perfect autumn shade.

Stick with a real meal out.  Seriously.  You'll feel super spoiled.  You don't have to order a big meal.  Most places have a soup and half sandwich option for about $10.   John and I recently had a nice sandwich at an Italian place for $7...Now tell me you haven't spent the same amount getting a burger and fries at a drive thru!  So go ahead and go inside a real restaurant. Indulge!

Stop at the garden center and buy a potted mum.  A gallon pot will cost about the same as a bunch of flowers but you have the bonus of weeks of blooms and the option of planting it in your yard. If that's a budget buster for you then just STAND in the flower market and admire all the glory.  Go up and smell and touch and admire the textures and colors up close.

Last part of the day?  Go home and arrange the flowers.  Try out the lipstick or nail polish.  Grab one of those new books or one of your library finds and settle into a chair and read...

Scenario Two: I plan a day at home but PLAN it.  I make myself an indulgent sort of breakfast.  Pancakes for one, say...I set up a small pot of coffee just for me, with warmed milk to temper it and serve it in one of my pretty cups and saucers.  I find when I drink from a tea cup I'm more prone to drink the coffee quickly, while it's hot, rather than let it sit about cooling off as I do with a mug.

Have a spa morning at home.  Manicure, pedicure, shave, mask your face, exfoliate, shower, moisturize.  I could substitute a soak in the garden tub for the shower.  

Put on something really comfy.  Fresh pajamas maybe or shrug into a thick cushy robe and slippers.  Put on my diamond earrings and spray on perfume.  Plant myself in a chair with a really good book and while away an hour or two or three.

Have a big salad for lunch or bowl of soup.  Sometimes I even make my own favorite comfort meal, just for me.  Finish off the meal with a nice piece of chocolate or a small serving of gelato.

Take a nap.

When I awake, have a cup of hot tea or coffee on one of the porches and then snuggle up with that good book once more.  Or indulge in one of my favorite movies on dvd.  "Washington Square" comes to mind or a lovely version of  Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice".  

Have a frozen entrée ready to slide into the oven at dinnertime.  Serve it on the china.  Have a glass of wine with my meal. 

See if you don't end up feeling very relaxed and indulged after this day!

This scenario takes a little more pre-planning more than it does money.  Be sure you've got a bottle of wine on hand, and a luxury bit of chocolate.  One bar of good chocolate doesn't cost much but you will have to purchase somewhere other than just a grocery store, unless you have a very upscale store nearby.   As for the wine, you can buy tiny bottles or even single glasses that have a sealed top at most supermarkets.  No need to purchase a great big bottle if it's not something you typically indulge in.  

If you don't have spa beauty products make your own out of pantry items.  A sugar scrub is a nice thing and takes just olive oil and a bit of sugar.  It leaves your skin feeling moisturized and smoothed.  A raw beaten egg or a bit of mayonnaise  or even a little olive oil can be used as a hair mask.  You don't need great gobs of it and it shampoos right out.  For that matter, plain old egg white makes a nice facial mask that tightens and firms skin.

A manicure and pedicure don't have to involve polish but it's a nice touch.  Even if you prefer not to do that last bit of color, we can all use a nail trim, pushing back of cuticles, removing calluses, etc.  That sugar scrub makes a great treatment for your hands and feet, as well.  

I don't know about you, but I've got loads of good books here at home, and dvds, too.   So you see an indulgent day at home needn't cost you more than a few dollars, if that.  The bulk of this day is to plan it out ahead of time and then indulge!

As you can see if you have a reasonable plan you can indulge yourself for a few hours or even a full day.  I don't make it a habit to do this nearly often enough...but that said, I don't think I'd want to do it too often either.  I like things to feel special and if it's something you typically do, then it's soon become routine and isn't special any longer.

I've convinced myself I need to plan such a day very soon.  I  need to go look over my calendar and see what time I can carve out just for me...