Coffee Chat: This New Normal




There's coffee dears...and tea if you'd like and ice, too if hot drinks seem too much on this sunny afternoon in the South.

Welcome to my second 'New Normal' of this year!  Seriously, how many 'new normals' can we cram into one year?  There was retirement with John home nearly all the time and now this self isolation thing which is necessary.



Well no fretting!   We've all experienced a few new normals over the lifetime we've had and there one thing about them all...They last until the next new normal comes along!  In other words, every thing changes eventually and we begin to adapt all over again.

Yesterday morning we woke to a dreary foggy morning that turned into a damp grey day...Not exactly soul inspiring stuff, especially in the current phase of life we are all in.  I'd planned, despite the copious pollen to get outdoors today.  Not so inclined to get outdoors when everything is damp and sticky.  John did venture out after lunch but came in again as his eyes began to burn.

Pollen be darned...It didn't stop me from jumping at the chance to jump in the car and ride with him into town.   No we weren't going to break social distancing.  We picked up mail.  We took trash to the dump.  We went by the drive by drop box at the post office to drop outgoing mail.  We went to the gas station to get gas for mowers.  People who also came up to pump waited until John was back in his car before they got out of theirs.  I'd grabbed the hand sanitizer on my way out of the back door and we used it.  We washed our hands well when we walked in the back door.

I cannot tell you how happy it made me to just get out of the house.  I have a slight problem.  You see I am a pro at social isolation.   In my 20's my life was threatened by a friend of the family who had mental issues.  He followed me each time I left the house.  Often I'd look outside my window and see him drive by.  I was scared but there was no help forthcoming from our small town law enforcement nor my husband at the time.  I hung blankets over every single window and stayed in my house for months refusing to leave until I heard from his mother in law that he'd moved back to a town an hour's drive away.

There was a second incident in which I was raped at home by an acquaintance of my husband's.   Having the same husband and the same police chief I felt sure I'd have no sympathy nor justice...  That too had me hiding at home.  Later, there were medical reasons to stay at home for weeks on end: a bad case of shingles that lasted over long despite treatment.   Then the pulmonary embolisms in 2015.

I fight the need to self isolate even without cause but given the right circumstances, I can easily become entrenched in staying home and nothing will lure me from it.  I've hinted at this before but never fully explained it.  What happens to me is purely psychological.  It's not agoraphobia but after a prolonged time at home, I begin  to have panic/anxiety about leaving.  It gradually worsens so that I won't go outdoors nor answer the door and then later won't answer the phone...So yes, I have issues, as we all probably know by now, and I battle them.

All that to say I was more than a little eager to get out of the house  and  I won't break restrictions until we go do our normal grocery shopping (is that even normal any more?)   I'm so grateful I live in a rural area that means something like going to the post office or gas station means 'an outing'!


Do you know what else has happened to me during this season?  I find myself getting more and more creative in the kitchen.    I sincerely believe at this time it's my duty to use all I have on hand.  Stores assure us all that there is plenty of food but it's the distributors that can't quite keep up.   Well, there are folks who are waiting on food...and I don't know what might be in or out when I go to the grocery store, so I'm playing at home with what we have and trying to make the very best use of it.   We seldom eat out but just when they determine we must social distance, you know I begin to think I'd love to get food to go...Well delivery has never been an option here and there are no drive thru options, either.  I refuse to drive 30 miles round trip to pick up takeout.

For one thing in the time it takes to drive to the drive thru, get our order and drive home again...I can usually toss something together and we'd have eaten already.  I've long believed if you drive that far you must naturally add the cost of gas to the cost of the food, too.  So whatever the current price per gallon is plus the cost of food...And then my mind will think how much of each ingredient I might have gotten for the cost of it all.   Every now and then I think it's worth it.   Mostly I don't!

My creativity isn't leading to new recipes, unfortunately.  No it's just figuring out how to use what I have and let nothing get away from me.  I'm staying on top of things at present. And we're eating tried and true things: chicken fried rice and chicken pot pie and meatloaf and lentil tacos and such as that.

The day might well have been grey at the beginning but I looked out the kitchen sitting window this morning as I had coffee and thought how lovely it was.  The new green upon grass and trees was stunning even on a gloomy morning.

On our way into town I commented on the wisteria draped over tree tops.  It's invasive in our area and most of it is ancestor to some home long gone which had their own vine of wisteria in the yard to clamber over fence or lattice or arbor many many years ago.  The aroma is heavenly.

John has no real sense of smell.  It's been fortunate in his job line.  What he can smell are odd scents like a struck match or vanilla.  But today when we were nearing one of the most heavily draped sections of wisteria he lifted his nose and sniffed..."What's that?" he asked.  "Wisteria," I told him.  "Hate the stuff...but it smells good!"  Indeed it does.

I was reading my 1930 March issue of Better Homes and Gardens and the editor asked in his column, "What are your garden memories?"  I can say most assuredly that flowers populate my memory as much as people, and seasons as much as places.   The editor was, of course, referring to flowering plants.   Granny didn't really have a flower garden until after Granddaddy died.  She had a few things here and there but it had to be planted to suit him and what he wanted was straight regimented lines of plants.  So I have no childhood memories of her yard.  Mama's yards were filled with things others had planted.  In one old house we lived in with a lovely pantry with BINS for flour, sugar and meal and open shelves for baked goods...oh but I meant to share about the 'garden' didn't I? At that old house there were loads of daffodils in the yards to bloom in late winter and early spring, followed by the wild roses which clambered over fences at the side of the yard....There may have been some bridal wreath spirea,too,  a lovely old fashioned flowering bush that I love to this day.

But when we moved to Grove Park, the yard had a banana bush, sweet shrub, scotch broom, flowering almond, violets (white and deep purple), forsythia and wisteria in place.  I think perhaps the house was built on an old home site and so the plantings were from the older home.  It was a wonderful thing to go outdoors there and just sniff the frosty spring air filled with a perfume that to this day remains in memory.

My first marriage home had no flowers except dogwoods later in the spring.  No, nor did the house in Andersonville where we lived next.  But when we moved to the house that I loved...I thought there were no flowers planted there.   And then spring came.  Stars of Bethlehem popped through the lawn under the dogwood tree there.   I'd never seen these little flowers before.  I see them now, in various yards but I'd never seen them until we moved there.   There was also a small tree with pink blooms that smelled like heaven, sweet and beckoning and elusive all at once.  I have no idea what that tree was.  It never got very large.  It looked fragile. The flowers were not showy.  Indeed they hid shyly behind other plantings.  But each year those blooms unfurled and bewitched us with their scent.

I've been thinking and thinking about the living room Sam and I were in the other day, how it so spoke to me the personality of the girl who'd passed away.   I keep looking at my home wondering if someone walking into it would recognize me in the choices I've made.  I can't be objective enough to say...

I've been looking at new homes lately, old houses from a favored website that shows interiors and another that shows new mobile home models.  Do I want a new place?  I suppose I keep looking for the ideal home.  Do I see any I'd trade my own home for?   I know too well John's opinion of old homes that need restoration and renovation.  That's a big NO from him, though I do dream over them.

As for the mobile homes?  None that I've seen thus far have sold me on buying new.  I'm awfully critical of the mobile homes I've looked at recently.  I realize more and more that this home's floor plan has great merit.  There's little wasted space.  Guest rooms here are larger and have nicer closets than any I've seen online.  I am not saying our home is ideal.  Our guest bath has a narrow entry passage due to the air return register being next to the door.  The bathroom itself is probably as big as any in a 1940's or 1950's stick built home's bath,  but that narrow passageway somehow seems to shrink the room.

On the other hand, our bathroom is HUGE.  It's the garden tub in the corner that takes up a deal of floor space. I insisted upon that tub long ago when we were looking for a home.  I seldom use it, though all the grandchildren have adored it because it's bigger than their swimming pools.  The truth is I'm just oriented to a shower.  I've never soaked in a tub much and I suppose it was a fantasy of sorts to think I would have candlelit soaks in that tub.  But the tub is a smidge too short.  I can't lie down in it.  If I do my knees must stick up and out.   It's a deep tub but not quite deep enough given the shortness of it.  There's a step up to get into it but the step is too narrow and slippery if your foot is wet, so I end straddling the side nearest the sink and praying a lot as I get in or out.  I feel terribly wasteful filling it up with hot water and then letting it all run down the drain again because after 10 minutes or so I'm over it all anyway.   So it's really a waste of space.  And because the tub is such a space hog the separate shower is a snug one.  Not ideal at all.

And then there's the rather odd cabinet that stands between the doorway and the toilet.  I like that it offers some privacy but as I said it's odd.  The cabinets are possibly 20 inches wide and the interior of each of the three sections are possibly 30 inches deep and thirty inches high with no shelving at all.  They are the most useless lot of cabinet I've ever in my life come across.   There's a load of wasted space in each because they are so deep that even if you put a shelving unit in them the unit is too far back in the cabinet and there's all that wasted space in front of it.

And since I am being critical, I might as well share the few other faults this house has...There is no proper pantry.  There's also a 2 foot deep 2 foot wide segment of lower cabinet that we can't even access at all.  It's a black hole area where things go to await small children old enough to understand that they are to crawl in and retrieve things.  Josh is just the right age.  He'll soon be too big to get in there.   The upper cabinet also has a black hole section which not only is unreachable but takes a sharp turn to the left and who knows what I've lost in there.  I finally blocked that section off with a piece of scrap wood top and bottom, so nothing goes back into that area.

While the closets are decent sized, there are only  three closets in the whole of the house.  And the laundry area is a closet really and we've had to cozy the washer and dryer up together because if we don't we can't open the dryer door, so there's a good wasted foot either side of each appliance.  There's only one shelf and it's hung far too high to be useful to me.  But for all my criticism, no, I shouldn't want to replace my home with any I've seen thus far.

We've a good floor plan and comfortable sized rooms.   We've got our lovely porches.  The house fits the land.  Only on occasion does the house seem too small.  It's almost a little too big for John and I unless we're spatting or he's playing guitar and I'm trying to have a phone conversation at the same time. This house is our home but there's no real emotional attachment to it though it's seen many happy years. My liking our home is practical, it's not emotional.  The land has more value to me when it comes to being sentimental.  I love the land because for me it represents the happiest childhood days, a peace and security I knew nowhere else in the whole of my life.  The house just happens to sit upon it.  And while John and I have worked hard to pay it off and make it our home, in the end, it's just a house albeit a pleasant one overall.

Only Katie was  raised here and I suppose in a way Sam was, since he was in Junior high when we came here.  We have made memories here.  But I find memories are portable.  They move with us from place to place. 

I have never been strongly attached to a house except the one that I tell you often and often I loved and I do.    Sam and I drove past that house the other day.  It looks small.  Unhappy things happened there but the house itself was peaceful and staid.  It wasn't pretty and had been mistreated over years but it was solid and patient in waiting.  It embraced me and I felt loved by it if that doesn't sound too far fetched.   And for the record, Sam has no especial attachment to that house though he spent far more years there than in any other.  His memories of that place are not pleasant.  It is the land here that speaks to him of the same peace and safety and steadfast love that I also feel.   I expect if Amie were here to share her thoughts she'd agree, too.  I know my cousins all felt the same and each happily accepted their piece of that one segment of childhood we might consider idyllic.   And now it's Sam and I who own all the land here.

After we returned home yesterday the sun shone out bright and overbearing and then it poured rain, hard.  Puddles in the yard all over again.  We went to bed with the sound of pounding rain.   No surprise to wake to a grey morning, but the world was greener still and more lovely than yesterday.   I am always amazed at how nature so stealthily and yet obviously changes when we blink because there's so much change that it can hardly all happen in the space of a few hours...but it does!

I pulled myself from a bad dream and out into the kitchen for first coffee and found John far too chatty.  He's usually good to let me have at least that first cup without talking to me beyond saying "Good Morning" but not this morning.  He wanted to tell me all about a tv program he'd been watching and I nodded and "uhmmmed" through it but lordy, I just wanted him to stop, lol.   I didn't let my ill temper better me but that much struggle throws me behind, y'all.  I'm serious.  I had to drink all my cup of hot tea, too to climb out of the path of that dark mood that glowered at me this morning.

I was reading instagram posts and notes from friends and most all mentioned feeling a sort of malaise with all the social isolation and bad news and expressed their sincere desire to do something and I think that gave me the push I really needed to get over myself.  I got up and took pictures of all the back entry, laundry and kitchen and then I set myself the task to really straighten and clean and address issues that could be fixed right away.  I guess it took the better part of 3 1/2 hours.  John stopped me to make lunch finally because his breakfast was long gone.

I'll be sharing those before and after shots in another post...and for now I shall bid you adieu.  The sun is shining and the wind is blowing, John's outdoors mowing.  I've just rummaged the clearly emptier fridge and planned a meal to serve us tonight.  Another day has drawn to an end (at least as far as visiting goes) and there are things to be done before night falls once more.

Hugs to all...Talk to you later!






12 comments:

Tammy said...

I have the same cabinet in my bathroom, and a useless garden tub as well. I thought that tub would be so lovely, but it's tiny, really, and the only one who likes it anymore is Layla. I'm sure it seems enormous to her.

Your question to yourself about whether or not your house would reflect "you" is one to ponder. I like what we've done, and when it's clean and in order, it's very peaceful to me. Warm, comfortable, and informal. Hopefully that's a reflection of both Greg and me.

Lana said...

It has rained and rained here since Sunday night but we needed it. I do feel better when the sunshine is coming through the windows on any day.

We are so attached to this house that is like a part of our souls. We do know now that God means for us to stay here for now and it makes a peaceful place for us to know that. We can't possibly even begin to keep up with the maintenance anymore but He did not say I want you there in that neighborhood and the house has to be in perfect condition. He said I have work for you to do with the people here. It has given me rest to realize that. We have put off doing things like putting in a stair lift but we have not ruled that out. We just really don't want to drill holes in our beautiful hardwood staircase. Another possibility is building on a downstairs master bedroom. So we stay and we are happy to still be here. Our kids are happy we are still here, too. SO these two people will remain here and rattle around in this big house where every inch was filled when we had five kids at home.

I am enjoying being more creative in the kitchen, too. We can be at a drive thru in about 7 minutes here but I won't do it. I don't trust that we will not pick up the virus. The Chick fil A near our house at the lake has closed up due to an employee having the virus. That gave me real pause and I suspect it was passed to many before it was found out. The people in that area don't stay home when they are sick and they are not good hand washers which we have learned from hard experience. So, no drive thru for us!

Anne said...

Terri, I'm absolutely outraged that you were stalked and raped by two different men with not one whit of justice done. Because after all, you are only a mere woman and should have to put up with men doing whatever they wish with you.

Outrageous enough that law enforcement didn't think you were important enough to be protected, but your own husband.....it barely bares thinking about. I'm so glad times of changed, somewhat, at least.

I just needed to have you now I am red-faced furious on your behalf.

terricheney said...

Tammy, shame of it is I see these sorts of cabinet in the new mobile homes too...WHY? Just to say there's a cabinet there? They are all but useless.

Lana, I have been thinking about the drive thru thing too. One news report said that they have to be six feet from other workers...Seriously how do they think that is going to happen? They are crowded spaces and too many people manning too many stations.

Anne, I shall say this: the police chief and my ex are both dead now. I was such a...not a victim, but somehow felt with my upbringing and people in my life and with their reaction that I deserved it. I eventually understood better and was outraged then but it was too late to do a thing about any of it. I'd never put up with such behavior now.

Anonymous said...

Terri

I cried when I read how you had been stalked by one man and raped by another. And yet you still have so much love and joy. We all should be loved and protected by our husbands.

Your lucky children and grandchildren. Your steadfast spouse. What great blessings have come into your life after so much sadness.

I was always so small for my age and was the designated one to get into small spaces. Sometimes not voluntarily!

Best wishes from Best Bun.



Anonymous said...

Truth be told all of us have many stories that make up our lives but yours is a very traumatic one for sure. Naturally we here had no idea but then your letting this out might be what someone else needs to hear that another has had to endure it too. I am so sorry you had this happen to you and have had to carry this with you. There are so many hurting people. I can remember so many instances you have talked about in your posts through the years and people have responded and thanked you for the insight and healing too it gave them.

Can your bathroom be redone with shower only or a different tub with shower. Then any area left for a better cabinet? Tubs are nice at times for sits baths or even washing small mini blinds ! etc. Only thing is as I aged getting Into a tub and Out was a problem..especially when they are deep or have a step up. I have not used a tub for years and when I had to step into one on vacation I couldn't manage. ! :((((( Doctor said from using a shower for so many years and not getting in tub my muscles had lost their memory of how to squat down like that. Note to others: keep trying to sit down on curbs or ground etc always through the years or loose the ability. He said it can be regained with much work..he talked of physical therapy for a long time. I am trying to sit on lower and lower things was time goes on here at the house to try to get used to sitting lower and lower. :) A slow process. Also keep using stairs to keep legs strong and used to that exercise. So many homes have no stairs. Yours has the porch stairs....good! And if necessary years from now, you have enough land and space to put in a graded way up to porches for use with a wheel chair if ever needed. If you redo the bath try to make the door wide enough to accompany walker or such if needed at any point. Why they don't make every home with all doors wider when first built is beyond me. So many homes cannot be converted and so older or disabled cannot use them. Sad. Mine too has problems.

Even though we all have tried to be frugal all these years,... it is interesting we can even find MORE ways to do so. but we seem to be able to. Fun. I too am finding ways to reuse the tiniest leftover or ingredient that needs using. Using any household things better and less waste. Scares me to go out too. We have to evidentially but hope hubby will stay in the car. I know stores better and can shop faster. We went out once to sight see. Looking only at older home areas or parks etc or just the beautiful clouds. Love being home too but getting out to 'look' is invigorating on our many rainy days. Yes it does rain in California. :-)))) Sarah

Kathy said...

I am sorry. I am glad you were able to rise above your circumstances and make a happy life for you and your family.
I think we have all live through hard times, but hopefully we can come through stronger and wiser. Thank you for your witness.
Sending hugs.

Chris M said...

Terri,

The only thing I can say is I’m so sorry. That’s a lot and I know the effects of everything are cumulative. There are so many things I’d like to say, but they seem .... Mostly, I want to say I’m glad you are where you are today.

I have this incredible smell memory associated with lilacs on a warm, humid late spring evening. It’s almost magical.

I, too, am being creative with what’s in the pantry and minimal shopping. We’re doing fine, but I live in a county with the highest number of cases in our state. Home, it is!

Anonymous said...

I haven't had a bath for 40 years. I just dont like sitting in water for no reason when I can get in and out of the shower doing just what needs done. Now my knees dont let me anyway. A few years ago I thought I am going to see if I can still get in and out of the tub. Fully dressed I got in the dry tub. I struggled and struggled to get out. All I could was some poor EMT trying not to laugh at this old woman sitting in a dry tub, completely dressed. I did finally make it out on my own.
I have been making the most of food. I am well supplied and will need very little in the next few weeks. The other day I cooked a chicken leg and thigh intending to make a sandwich for lunch. After I thought a bit I took the meat off the bones,boiled the bones and skin and added some bouillion and made quite a bit of broth. I chopped a lonely carrot left from Christmas, some almost dead celery some onion, the chicken meat, some left over noodles and had yummy chicken noodle soup for several meals all for the price of less than 1 can of Campbell's with practically no chicken and hardly any noodles. Stay well. So far, I am enjoying my staycation! Gramma D

Anonymous said...

What a life you've led thus far Terri.
The blessings and banes have shaped you into an amazing person.
Thank you for providing this haven and trusting us by being your truest self.
Much, much love,
Tracey
Xox

Anonymous said...

P.S. Gramma D I just loved your tub story!
And your chicken soup sounds miraculously delicious!
Love,
Tracey
Xox

terricheney said...

Gramma D, Your "lonely carrot left from Christmas" is a testament to the lasting quality of carrots! And chuckles over the tub.

Tracey, hard as some of the things in life have been I am content with who I am today for the most part..and it took what happened to me to 'bring me up' so to speak.