Modern day western culture engagements have little to do with what a betrothal was in Biblical times.
By the time of the New Testament, Greek customs had been adopted and embraced by many of the Middle Eastern countries Greece occupied at one time or another. A man and woman might become engaged, but it was not a legally binding arrangement. Either could break off the engagement with no penalty or loss. I love you, I love you not. Goodbye! That is much closer to our idea of engagement, and heaven help us, marriage too! I'm sorry to say.
But Mary and Joseph were different. They were Jewish by birth.
Marriages were arranged by the fathers initially but the contract drawn up was agreed upon by both the bride and groom's families. Often marriage partners were chosen based upon family genealogical lines and might well be cousins.
While it is likely that theirs was an arranged marriage, Mary would have consented to be betrothed. Women were no longer handed over or sold into marriage as they had been in the past. They had to consent. So we can be fairly sure that her betrothal was her choice. It is not known if the consent was a matter of respecting the father's choice of a partner or if a girl truly had the opportunity to say 'No'.
In the Jewish tradition, a betrothal was considered a binding contract, both legally and spiritually. There were three partners named in the contract. The man, the woman, and God Almighty.
Jewish marriage customs changed over the years. Initially a woman was sold into marriage. Her father was paid a price, called 'Mohar' which in ancient Hebrew is 'bride price', for her. This price eventually came to mean that it was payment to the bride, and was intended to be used to purchase the things a woman would require to set up her own home. Initially, brides didn't have homes of their own but lived with their in-laws. Eventually this again changed and the Mohar was given to the bridge's father who might or might not share the wealth with his daughter. By the time of Mary's betrothal however, the Mohar was no longer paid to the bride nor given to her father.
In 77 B.C, the Pharisee priest, Simeon ben Shatach declared the Mohar for every girl bride would be 200 dinars, 100 dinars for a widow. 200 Dinar today would be worth about $15,000. The amount was written into the Ketubah, or marriage contract, and was considered a lien of the wife against the estate of the husband, to be paid only if he died...or divorced her.
This reform served two good purposes. It made marriage easier, encouraging young men, who might have thought to remain bachelors because they could not afford a wife, to marry. It also meant a man who married was likely not going to dissolve a marriage by divorce. Most could not afford such a price if a divorce was granted. Thus the law doubly insured women would marry and be protected by their marriage contract.
It was not uncommon for the groom to also gift the bride with jewels, fabrics and household goods that were her sole property, as well as give gifts to her family. These were called 'Mattan'. The Hebrew for the word means a lavish gift, a gift that transforms something or a situation. Sometimes this gift might be an increase in status for a family.
Once a betrothal was negotiated, the couple would wait between six and twelve months before they came together in a physical consummation and moved into the home where they would reside.
This extended period of time of engagement before 'home taking', as the ritual was called, gave the couple time to come to know one another, though this too would not have been as we know it now. The year long period allowed the families to get to know one another. It is likely that a bride spent more time with family and shyly gazing at the betrothed than in any real conversation. This time of betrothal also gave the daughter and son added time at home with their parents, enjoying the last days of being part of their first family. The young lady had time to learn household skills, gather the textiles and goods with which she would expect to set up housekeeping and it gave the young man time to build or purchase a home and furnish it for his bride to come.
This was betrothal in those days...
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