Saturday: I did not go to sleep very well last night but I think I know the culprit. I'll make sure in the future to change that bit of routine. Once I did go to sleep though I slept very well indeed. It turned off quite cold in the night, so the heat came on. As I write this afternoon, the AC is running. I dislike days when we must use the heat pump day and night, especially to play the cold/hot game. Give me one or the other!
John and I went out to breakfast this morning and got out of the house without hearing the first little 'Grampa? Gramma?' from the boy. We had a nice meal out at Cracker Barrell. If it seems we are eating out more lately, well we are. These Saturday dates are our sanity savers and I for one plan to budget them in and will trim elsewhere if necessary. I don't mind if we do inexpensive options, and once the pollen is decreased, we might well resort to a Saturday picnic somewhere but in the meantime, to get away and just be Terri and John and not Mom/Dad, Gramma/Grampa is awfully necessary.
I suppose we are the rare generation that feels we've lost ourselves in the busy days of living, but I do feel I've lost myself and I need to retain some portion of who I am throughout these demanding days we're in at present. It's been an especially difficult adjustment for me since at the moment, there is no reprieve, no one else to assume duties except on weekends. We don't have dairies, or blog posts or vlog from the past ages where we could hear how a woman might feel about the day in and day out work at home, on the farm, in a factory, etc. We just have the stories like Anne of Green Gables, who dreamed of being a writer and Jo March, who had the same dream. And frankly those were my heroes, though I didn't meet Anne until I was 30 years old...
Anyway, I consider these days out a necessity. I hope to do a weekend away soon but I'm really kind of waiting for John to feel a bit better. He is improving but he's not quite back to where he was. And yes, I am still vaguely worrying over this fact. I'm glad to know that others share my same fears/anxieties about their husband.
Not a quiet and pleasant afternoon at home. Caleb has been a pistol these past two days and while we pleased him no end with a gift of three new Matchbox cars today to add to his small collection, he still kept three adults hopping about. Then Katie ran off to do an errand during what was meant to be quiet time. First the tv stopped playing ('would you like to continue?' message... Please just stay ON!). He cried over that, and I went in to fix it and discovered he needed a change, then I left him with the tv in tears because he'd planned to come out when I went in even though he had another hour of quiet time to go. Then he took a tumble off a bed or something and smacked his face, so Grampa went in to see about him and he cried and cried and admitted finally that he'd gotten scared when he fell but his 'nose' hurt. It's his face that looks bunged up though. Then he did come out for good, and I texted Katie to hurry home. After all, it's our day off!
I had a text from Bess this afternoon. It's possible she may have to work on Wednesday, and she asked if I'd keep Millie for them that day as it's Sam's day to go into the office. Of course, I said yes, but I expect if this does occur there will be no napping that day of any sort. And I'll expect to have the boys come over after school that day as well.
Our week is filling up and we haven't even started it yet!
This post from Debra was well worth reading...and she does ask some pertinent questions.
Sunday: Did you ever feel you weren't doing enough? I don't mean housework but in trying to gather your foodstuffs and provisions? I am feeling very much that I want to start gardening, but the sheer amount of stuff required (soil, seeds, equipment, pantry supplies etc.) is prohibitive.
This feeling of mine is a result of reading Annabelle's latest blogposts for this week and John reporting that two banks had failed this past week. In reading, I found they were both in California and not national chains, but it is sobering to read of any bank closure. 'What would we do?" he asked. "Well, we'd do without I suppose." We discussed moving money into safer institutions, small credit unions perhaps.
Then I began to think of all that was required to be at a certain level of security within our home. What pantry provisions we need now, how much more we'd require, again equipment to help promote that level of comfortable security.
Then I decided that the very best thing I could do is what I'm doing. Build up my supplies and stocks a few things at a time. Stretch things I can stretch into greater supplies. Look for good low-cost quality items to fill the pantry and freezer. Stock up when I can as I can. Plant one planter at a time and harvest everything that comes into my home, be it given to me or purchased in bulk from a farm. These things I can do.
And as with everything stop looking to do it all now and do it one small bite at a time. Slow and steady paced still comes to the end of the race.
Monday: I was beyond weary when I finally got to bed last night and that was very early indeed. I think I went to bed around 8:30pm. I fell asleep and that's all I remember until around 6ish this morning. I rolled over and went right back to sleep. I tell myself that I'm going to try rising an hour or so earlier than Caleb and get in some Bible study time. I've literally done nothing beyond sing a few hymns to myself and watch a few sermons with John on television during the week. Actual Bible study has fallen by the wayside entirely. It would also be a time to have a solitary cup of coffee. But I end staying in bed and trying to sleep and often succeed. I know that I also need that rest prior to starting my day. I need that Bible time too... I'll have to sort that out and make it all happen.
The morning was a rocky one. Lots of temper tantrums and NONONO's and tears. And of course, in the midst of all that, he goes potty like a champion. I always feel torn as I'm rewarding the potty effort with a treat that has come literally on the heels of a long string of battles.
In between bouts of fusses, I tried to get a few things done towards meals this week. I put chicken in the crockpot only to realize once it was good and hot that I wasn't having that dish for supper tonight but tomorrow night. I didn't want to cook it today, but it was too late. I'll just have to try the recipe with the cooked chicken tomorrow. I'm assuming just not cooking it as long will be the answer.
I'm torn between breaking down and crying because everything seems just too darned hard today and shutting down my mind and then heading to bed ultra early again tonight. I feel tired. And I know that feeling tired affects my outlook. It makes me want to overindulge in foods I normally wouldn't eat, pick a fight and whine about life in general. Not a good thing.
I also feel the need to write but I'm too weary to contemplate picking up a pen or starting a chatty post. Whatever I do, tonight is not the night to do any of it! I think I'll retreat into my latest book, The Blue Butterfly by Leslie Johansen Nack. It's a story of Marion Davies and William Randolph Hearst. To be honest, I mistook it for a biography of Davies, but it's a fictionalized account of her life with the newspaper magnate. Interesting, but not the factual account I thought I was getting.
I'll say goodnight to you all. Caleb's already asleep. Katie is out for the evening and John won't be home for another hour. At least the house is quiet about me and that is very restful.
Tuesday: Katie took and passed her life insurance exam this morning. As of this writing she is a fully qualified agent, able to sell and write all types of policies. This was the last item on her list to complete for her licenses and I'm proud of her for getting it done.
John was up too early this morning, and apparently worrying at that. No good came from it as you can imagine. He was testy to say the least and having been there myself, I suggested he go lie down after lunch and get a little extra sleep. I'll go wake him shortly. Not sure he'll be much improved, but we can hope.
Caleb still refuses naps entirely but he's at least happily playing today. He wants the tv on in his room, but he isn't watching it at all. He's playing with blocks right now...Building castles he tells me.
I have done next to nothing today, but I did manage while everyone else was out of the room having quiet time to take advantage of the quiet to write an extra post which I've just published. It felt good to get that one written. It's been on my mind for quite a while now.
I plan to spend the rest of the afternoon trying to read my book. I'm not sure if I like it or not. There's nothing I can put my finger on about why I shouldn't like it...No coarse language, no explicit details. It's almost as though there's no depth to the book. I don't feel invested in any of the characters. There's no feeling that I'm getting to know anyone, only that I'm getting a litany of explanations of how things went. Mind you I'm still less than 100 pages into the book, so it might pick up as time goes on.
I had planned to clear out my house drawer but honestly with the cooler weather here to stay for at least a week, I'm not inclined just yet to move those heavier winter items out of the drawer and leave behind the summery ones. Nope.
I suppose I ought to go over my list to see what other tasks I might be doing, but I have a case of 'Don't wanna', an all too familiar malady, since it's all Caleb has said today, "I don't wanna!" Sigh. Perhaps I should have shot for the nap today as well?
Off to wake the bear John.
Wednesday: Yesterday we had two potty successes. Today, he refuses adamantly and hard that he is not going to go potty and has been completely against it. Why? No clue, but after attempting repeatedly this morning, I will simply ask if he wants to go this afternoon and if he says "No" then I'm not going to push it further. I'm not just letting him have his way. I want him to want to do this and I'm reminding him that he has the chance of getting a prize if he is successful, but it's not worth trauma and drama over, you know? He's not going off to college tomorrow with wet pants.
John had an appointment this morning, so Caleb told him and his Mama goodbye and then handed me the remote to the living room tv. Apparently, it's a big deal to him to get to watch tv in the living room. Reminds me that when Katie was his age, we had to hide remotes and she was always seeking for 'the power' as she called it. There are some Youtube videos where there are certain trucks/cars and an adult individual plays with them. You can't see a thing but the drawn roadway, lego buildings and the vehicles. What you hear is an explanation of what each vehicle does (ambulance, firetruck, tractor). So that's what Caleb watched this morning.
He fussed when John returned and retrieved the tv to watch his own programs, but he also took up his vehicles and began to play with them in the same manner he'd been watching the adult use on the screen. He moved blocks with an excavator, a red truck became a fire truck complete with an ear-splitting siren, etc. He played for a good two hours on his own after that little round with the tv and used his imagination to create his own roads, obstacles, etc.
I have done nothing at all this week. I'll be honest, the cold weather that has returned has truly made me want nothing but to snuggle under a blanket and read and eat hearty meals, lol. Kidding, not kidding!
Thursday: I feel dull, dull, dull, these days. My life is literally revolving around what I cook, what we eat, cleaning up behind and making repeated trips to the bathroom to potty train Caleb.
Honestly, no matter what I do, nothing changes with him. He knows what to do but refuses or has just gone. I've tried every half hour, every hour. I've coaxed, I've bribed, I've encouraged, I've fought him tooth and nail. I've rewarded and used timers. We've dropped diapers and used pull ups. I put underwear under the pull-ups so he'd feel wet when he used his pull-up instead. No matter. He just went around with wet underwear and never said a word to let me know he needed to go. I have to go back to what I'd said two weeks ago. For all that he's old enough, he just has no interest whatsoever in going to the bathroom.
What he does have an interest in is helping around the house. He loves to help put away laundry and dishes, set the table, pick up toys. Silly boy decided yesterday that he needed to use the carpet sweeper to clean the floors. He pushed it all over the house, came back to the kitchen with it, sat down in a heap on the floor and said "Tired. Worked hard." Oh boy! Maybe I've been saying that "I'm tired. I've been working hard," a bit too often?
I was going to plan a weekend away for John and me, but he confessed he'd much rather go to St. Augustine. I refuse to drive down and stay one night then turn around and come home. That's a ridiculously long trip to make for one night. I can't imagine feeling like anything at all the week after that. I think I'll just go on and make plans and see if he wants to come along. If not, then I may just take off and go all alone. But not this weekend. This is our weekend to go to small group and senior's supper and Taylor should be with us, as well.
Friday: I had a terrific tear this morning, mad at absolutely everyone. Instead of continuing to fuss, I took myself off to clean the master bath and bedroom. It's surprising how deep cleaning the shower, making the bed fresh, vacuuming deeply can cure a grump. Did I have good reason to be mad? I did. I still do, but I feel better.
My house is Shabbat ready. Bread is in the oven, filling the air with the most delicious aroma. There's a pizza dough in the fridge waiting for this weekend. A corned beef is in the slow cooker. I made a "Happy to me" cake (Caleb's name for it). It's not anyone's birthday but if that is his idea of what cake is for then that's fine. He had a beater to lick and had chocolate from forehead to under chin when he was done. I've made two meals, cleaned up the kitchen three times.
I am tired. Done. We have an evening out this evening. John's already announced his intention to leave home for a bit tomorrow again, so another Saturday date. We'll need to pick up fried chicken for the weekend. Sunday, we have church, lunch with the children and then senior afternoon. It will be a busy weekend.
This week has been hard on some level but no more or less than usual. My grump is an honest one and will be addressed before the weekend is done. I'll have to choose my time as our schedules must collide in order for their to be more than a hasty remark.
What was your week like? Did you find good bargains, have fun? Is the weekend full of plans?
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12 comments:
Sounds like the young master has turned his use of the potty into a power game. Have you considered just letting him pee his pants and walk around until he is uncomfortable enough to tell you? Put rubber pants on him and just let him stew in his own juices, as it were. Don't you think he will figure out that it is not much fun to sit in a cold and clammy diaper? And if he wants to sit in your lap, the simple response is that you don't want to have a wet butt on you so, no thanks, come back when your pants are dry. Or maybe it is just a matter of development. Some kids mature physically and emotionally very early, while others take their own sweet time. How frustrating for you!
Tons of great deals here this week and some freebies. I am so glad to want for nothing in our pantry because this bank thing is worrisome.
I was just talking to my sister for two hours and we both griped long and loud about restaurants. Breakfast out this morning where there is a sign on the door to add 20 percent to all the prices on the menu. We knew that but today portions were half what they were. We came home and ate again after forking over $23. I would rather just invite friends who want to meet here to the house in the future. Cracker Barrel here is terrible which is a shame since we have a pile of gift cards that the kids have given us. Okay, enough harping!
Good and bad here. But let's focus on the good:
A couple of long telephone calls with family members.
Found out that one sister-in-law (I don't know her well) has quietly put my eldest in contact with an opportunity for DD's side job. That has led to other good contacts.
So kudos to a family member that I had thought was kind of snobby and standoff-ish. She's also rather beautiful, so maybe I have a bias, misjudging good-looking people as shallow!
And eldest kid loves her new day job.
Last week, I found cashews and mixed nuts on a great markdown at Kroger. (8 oz cans for $2.50). I bought 4 cans to stock up.
DH wanted to buy cordless tire compressors for the kids' birthday gifts. When he went to place the order, the price had been reduced!
I have been getting over a sad thing ... everyone around me has been supportive, which is a wonderful blessing. And I've been gentle with myself. I watched TV during the day. (That's very rare, unless I'm sick.)
'Mrs Harris Goes to Paris' on Amazon prime.
And 'Secondhand Lions' streaming for free (with ads) on Tubi.
DH and I started watching 'The Paradise' streaming with ads on FreeVee.
And I'm watching 'Sherlock' streaming with ads on Crackle.
Secondhand Lions is a family favorite.
I do need to gripe about our small town Kroger...overall, they have great markdowns.
But they keep selling out of the specials!
I wish corporate would send them more stock. Yesterday they were OUT of corned beef. And completely out of the cheese on sale. I should have asked for a rain check...
I'll probably run over tomorrow and see if they've restocked.
So sorry to hear of the little guys resistance to the potty training. Maybe that is his way of keeping some control over his life that seems to be out of control to him. I don't know. My progress towards my doctorate in psychology stopped after one semester. :D
I do know the weariness of having someone extra in your house. My son has been here since Christmas. He's making progress towards getting back on track and stays in his room whenever he's here, but it's just so hard. I think we all just need a certain amount of psychological room and if we don't have it we go a little nuts. I realized finally that I don't even travel well with anyone but my husband. If forced to spend every moment of my vacation with another person, we really get on each other's nerves.
Also, I love Annabelle's blog, but the woman makes me feel like an absolute slug.
I'm sorry you had such a rough week. {{{hugs}}}
We had a couple of nice-ish days temperature-wise, but the wind was blowing too hard to be out for long. I did get some tidying done in the garage one day, and got some work done on cups the other.
Greg's mother's 85th birthday is next week, but this Sunday is the only time most of the family can be here to celebrate, so we're hosting her birthday lunch here that day.
Bradley will be at the district spelling bee in Omaha tomorrow, and they have to be there by 8 a.m. Since Omaha is 100 miles away, and we're keeping Silas and Layla, those two are spending the night tonight. I hadn't planned on that, but we decided earlier this afternoon. Guess they're going to help clean the house tomorrow for Nanny's birthday party on Sunday!
We're cooking ham steaks for the party - those are something we don't use until the rest of the pork is getting low, so I'm happy to feed it to extended family. I ordered a cake, and will do rolls. SIL is bringing sides. MIL just called and she's bringing devilled eggs.
We hopefully have had our last snow event yesterday and today. Nick came up and said he drove through a wall of snow on the highway. I was working on a cup, and the sun was shining, so I didn't realize it was snowing, but it was. Bright sunshine and snow falling from the sky. Then this afternoon Greg got Layla from the school bus (Jess had a work meeting), then right after he got home, there was a mini-blizzard. The sun is shining again, so fingers crossed there will be no more snow.
I don't think I told you that when we were in Florida last month, we drove up to St. Augustine for a day trip. We got tickets for the trolley and rode all around learning the history of the city, had lunch at a little place my aunt had been to before, then got back on the trolley to finish the tour. I was surprised by all of the traffic and people, but we did enjoy the tour. Do you stay in that downtown area when you visit?
I better get ready for the kiddos. No idea what's for supper, but I'm getting hungry. Greg is being all "I don't know what I want. What do you want?". I have no idea, I just know I don't want to cook it. LOL. That sounds like leftovers to me.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend and that next week is better. ♥
Anne, I am delighted to hear that we feel the same when we read Annabelle 's blog! Ha!
Mable, I had thought of that, but I have a fear he'll leak onto carpet or furnishings and they'll smell like pee. Not my favorite thing. I know I'm particular and you all probably know it by now but yeah...I thought of getting him some cute underwear to try and see if he'd like that. Not sure truly if it's power play or not but I'm not giving up. I did learn from a mommy psychology major to TELL him he's going and not ask if he wants to go try. Also have found the timer works fairly well. Hardest part is on my weekend off others may not ever bother to ask so it's like starting fresh all over again. I either apparently have to give up my 'off duty' time to pursue this or forget it (Have already told repeatedly which makes no dint).
Lana, I can't think of that group where you can sell unused gift cards but there is some place where you could do that and at least put that money earned into your entertainment fund. Or simply regift them to others (pastor's day) or as a random blessing, etc.
Anne, I know...Her and Brandy at Prudent Homemaker both make me feel such a slacker, lol. Fortunately, they are both terribly likable and sweet women who don't mind now and then showing the seedier side of their lives. And remember we see what they do as only a highlight, not the actual labor, which is surely intensive at times.
I agree with the pyschological distance too. Katie pretty much hunkers down in the bedroom with Caleb when she's home. I appreciate the space but I also feel guilty thinking she thinks she can't be out with us with him. However, they both seem to crave that alone time with each other and that's perfectly natural too I suppose.
It's telling that John looked at me at lunch today (survival dating is awesome, lol) and said "You're just super laid back today." And I realized I really was!
Slughorn, I am so pleased to see this list of really lovely things from your week. I'm terribly sorry for whatever hurt you experienced but glad that you focused on the lovely parts. I need to do that more often.
Thank you for mentioning Mrs. "Arris Goes to Paris being on Prime. I read that book in the 70's as part of a Reader's Digest Condensed Books novels and adored it. I was so pleased when I saw they'd made a movie of it. I'll be sure to look that up and mention to John that I want to see it.
Bess, my daughter in law is a beautiful girl. She doesn't CARE that she's beautiful. She might or not wear makeup, brush her hair but she's truly just a natural beauty. And she's just as lovely a person. Perhaps your sister in law is the same. Or has a real affection for your children which is a blessing, too.
Tammy, We usually stay on Anastasia Island. You cross the Bridge of Lions and the Mantanza Bay to get out to the Island which lies between the Mantaza River and the Atlantic. We stay in the Crescent Beach area about five miles to the south of St. Augustine. I'm so pleased ya'll got to have that day trip and hope you found it enjoyable. When we'd take the green trolley's we made it a point to board with a different driver every time we boarded so we could hear a whole new lot of the history, as different points stuck with different drivers, even though the route was the same. Now we do the Red Trolley because it's a less expensive ticket and can be had for the one day of touring.
I love a good ham steak. Your luncheon sounds delicious to me.
And yes, put those kiddos to work, lol. It will go twice as fast and you'll enjoy your time with them more after the work is done.
Cold here. Not getting out of the 40's which is really cold for us.
I think you will love Mrs. 'Arris...such a sweet film. I am not very interested in clothes but the Dior fashions were very interesting to see.
I think one of your other readers may be on to something when she said that there is so little your grandson can control at a time of what must feel scary and chaotic to him, that controlling his own peeing/pooping may be him trying to exert some control on the world. We did foster care for about 15 years and sometimes I would think how most adults would not do well with being forced to move from their home into the home of strangers, maybe even change jobs (schools for a kid), eat strange foods, and learn new routines. No wonder little kids in those situations throw tantrums and become resistant to instructions. And even though your grandson is with his mom and loving people, it must still seem so confusing and maddening sometimes. You and John are his safe harbor, even though he doesn't always treat you that way! I am filled with admiration when I read your blog.
Mable, At present, he has a handful of little cars, a squishmallow and a teddy bear that are HIS and not things gramma had. He's very possessive of those things. I was thinking the other day at the rate things are going, he will have outgrown all the toys that are packed away (and clothes) and wondered why Katie didn't bring a few more things with her. Of course, at this age, outgrowing things is the name of the game anyway, isn't it? He's already well beyond some of the toys that were stored and clothes too, including those that came with him.
I know she was thinking this would be a short-term thing and it's turning into a necessity for his sake as well as some of her own things that need to be in order first, that they stay a bit longer. I wonder at times if he will become so dependent upon us that it's impossible for her to move and him to ever go into a nursery again, but I set those worries aside and hope for the best out of all of this.
I've been listening to a girl on Instagram shorts that does foster care sharing some of her tips for making kids feel at home. She mentions things that most of us never think of, like arriving with a paper sack of clothing or how one girl she'd fostered cried because she'd done her laundry and folded her clothes. She said it made her decide to fold clothes for all the kids all the time even though it's her least favorite task.
Boys usually potty train completely at age 4. Another thing granddaughter's pediatrician told her was some kids won't potty train because they don't want to start school. That he advises parents to specify they have to start school even if they are in diaper.
Terri - On the trolley, we ended up with I think 4 different drivers. Each one had their unique presentations and we enjoyed that. We did not leave the downtown area this time, but have made a "next time" list of things to do when we go back.
Our birthday luncheon went very well. Greg grilled the ham steaks, then put them into the crockpot on warm to serve. SIL brought cheesy potatoes and green beans with bacon. She'd added some kind of sweet something to the beans, so they weren't my favorite, but they got eaten, so no complaints.
We sent ham home with his parents and Nick, then my brother and nephew were here later, and I sent some with them as well. We only have a bit of ham left, and I plan to make a breakfast casserole using it.
I think you're doing great with Caleb and the potty training. I know you're reluctant to just put unders on him, and I understand. Perhaps when it's nice enough to be outside for extended periods of time, he can wear them then? As for weekends, you may need to just give up a day to do what you do during the week, so Katie can see how he's doing. I'll be the first to admit that Jess was happy to let me or their other family train each child. I think that was one less thing on her very full plate that she just chose to not address and left it to others. Afterward, she was very good about taking them and keeping it consistent.
I hope you have a wonderful week! I don't know about your weather, but we've turned a corner and temps are forecast for the 50s and 60s the next few weeks. Perhaps spring really did arrive yesterday? With warmer temps and daylight extending into the evening now, I've felt myself lighten as well. I spontaneously smile as I make supper, because the sunlight is streaming in and the house seems happier for it.
Juls, Thank you, lol! I thought hard about Bess training the two boys and about Samuel and realized that all three were indeed pretty much potty trained by age four. Caleb will not start pre-K even until he is nearly 5 since his birthday falls in November. He and Millie will be in the same age groups due to that. The likelihood he will not be fully trained by then is rather slim. I'm doing my best to just be cool about it and take him routinely and get him used to the idea of going and how to go.
Tammy, I know you are too right. I think Jess has some of the same issues Katie does (or so I think. Please correct me if wrong!), so that only so many things can be focused upon at once or she gets very overwhelmed.
Long family discussion last night and it looks like we're going to have them in the house until end of year at the least. This rather changes my 'urgency' to train him. I don't see much point in hurrying it along. It also changes a lot of other plans and things, some good and some not.
The main issue at present is the lack of underwear to put on him. I'd happily use if we had more than four pair. As you can imagine four pair will hardly last a morning. Lots of reasons for my NOT buying them. At some point, I'll encourage Katie to do so.
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