Diary of a Homemaker: The Way it Was

Saturday:  Last night on the way home we'd briefly discussed what we might do today.  In the end, it was left up to me to decide and since I was tired, I gave myself permission to just wait and see how I felt today.  I thought we might just possibly like to stay home today but part of me desperately wanted to get out of the house, too.  Then I thought of how late it was when we were leaving church and the fact that we will be out again come Sunday evening.

This morning we were both up early.  John began to look online for things we might do. He called out a number, all of them a long drive away.  Finally, he suggested we just leave the house, lol.  That suited me.

We ended up in Warm Springs.  It was a lovely ride up.  The sun even deigned to shine upon us which was especially lovely.  We found parking outside the restaurant and then took a long drive home after our delicious lunch.

When we returned home, Caleb had returned.  He didn't have much to say about his visit with his Ninny, but Katie said he cried on parting with her.  I hope he can see her again sometime soon.

At one point this evening, he fell in the kitchen.  I gently scolded him and said "Well there's no need to cry.  You were goofing around and fell."  And he replied, "Yes, I do need to cwy!  It's my butt hurt!"  That made Katie and I both laugh out loud.  Silly boy.  

Sunday:  Up early for church.  As always, made cheese toast and coffee for our breakfast.   

I had a lovely new pair of pants, a soft rose pink that just happens to match a sweater of a similar color.  I thought I looked right nice today.  So of course, I had to spill coffee all over the ivory shirt and pale pink pants.  Here's hoping that comes out.  I've treated it with Shout.  I'll check it tomorrow when it's washed.  If it's not out after washing, there's an alternative treatment with vinegar and cold water to try.

We went by the grocery after church to pick up a few necessary items.  I wanted to pick up some things for Taylor's birthday luncheon next weekend as well as some chicken breasts that were supposed to be on sale.  Then over to Lowe's where I longed to just keep looking and popping plants into my buggy...Alas, I knew I had a limited amount of money to spend, had told John I'd be buying soil only and then I snatched up a rose bush from the rescue shelf that was marked down, and got some more herbs to plant.  I added another basil and oregano plant and dill today.

I went out after I'd made our lunch today and planted some coreopsis seed heads that I'd removed from the plants.  I've read multiples of times that Coreopsis will rebloom all summer long.  In our area I've only ever seen it as a one-time bloomer in the spring of the year.  I'm hoping that by deadheading and sowing the seed heads, I can both cultivate new plants and have a chance at keeping my own planter reblooming.

I snipped the spent blooms off two of the rosebushes outdoors.  I didn't quite complete that job. It was plenty humid and warm outdoors which didn't encourage me to spend a load of time out there.  I came in wet with perspiration after just a half hour out there.

Now it's time to start getting ready to go back to church.  

Monday:  I had a hard time getting out of bed today.  I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep and sleep.  However, I could hear that the day was going on and knew that John would be waiting on me to help out with Caleb.  When I came out of the room, he told me that Katie was home sick with strep.  Ugh.

We've done our best to keep Caleb away from her and let her rest.  Laundry got done, our room got cleaned and picked up, I managed to get all the receipts logged into the checkbook, touched up our bathroom then on to work hard in the kitchen clearing it up two or three different times.  Seriously how can we make so many dirty dishes when only one meal has been eaten?

The weather is very overcast, and the house feels dark and gloomy.  When I step outdoors the air is damp and cool.  Despite all the lovely blooms, it doesn't feel much like May in Georgia.  

Caleb has decided to take quiet time in his bed rather than in his quiet space.  He's leaving his Mama alone, at least.  He can be very sympathetic when someone is hurt or sick.  I'm glad he has that quality of compassion.  I was resting my head in my hands earlier today and he asked "Sad?"  I explained I was tired but not sad.  Such a sweet little boy!

Tuesday:  Caleb asked last night if I would cook bacon.  I assumed he meant for breakfast and so I planned to make pancakes for him today to go with it.  I mixed up two batches and cooked both, so there was plenty to go into the freezer for future meals.  

I have not done a great deal these past two days.  I've puttered and that's about all.  For one, the weather is cool and cloudy, but the atmosphere is heavy.  As if the weather is waiting for a storm to break.    It most certainly does not feel like end of May.  I wonder if we'll have a mild summer this year.  

Katie felt better enough to head to work today.  I imagine she'll come home to crash afterwards.  

Our supper is pretty much ready.  I do need to bake it but it's prepped.  I was going to make a lemon-flavored cake, but I ran out of steam by the time I'd cleared up the house and kitchen.  I considered just making lemon pudding which I think would be equally nice and certainly easier, but lemon cake is still top of my list.

later:  All that planning ahead this week has come to naught already.  We've had these two days heavy with an oppressive atmosphere hanging over us.  Sickness in the household.  Lots of upcoming expenses ahead, and a five-week period of birthdays that is daunting to say the least, plus there is Father's Day tossed in there as well.  John and I don't buy one another Mother or Father's Day gifts but we do like to do something a little special for the weekend, if only a special meal.  I've been thinking a lot about that today.  

Jessica @ThreeRiversHomestead is planning to have a Pantry/Freezer challenge month in June and frankly I long to declare I'm doing the same.  I say this knowing full well that I am low on flour and sugar and out of several basic pantry items (tomato sauce for instance is now at 0, as is BBq sauce, salsa and most all of the salad dressings except Ranch).  It seems silly to me to plan to participate in a pantry/freezer challenge when I know that my supplies in the pantry are lower than they've been in quite a long while.

By the same token, I could participate and plan to purchase those things I know we have short supplies of.  Had I a garden, we'd have fresh produce aplenty, but I've no real garden besides a few tomatoes and herbs at present, so...Nor do we produce our own dairy or eggs.

I readily admit however, a very real reluctance to continue to spend as I have been doing and feeling I'm hitting one mark only to miss fifteen others.  I find I often reach this point where I feel I am both overly saturated with goods and things and feeling it is necessary to continue to spend more and more because of outages or scarcity or fear.   I have to find a way to restore my proper spending balance.   I can't do that if I continue to spend and spend and spend without stopping to put some checks and balances in place so that I know when I must quit in one area and spend in another.

Wednesday:  I keep trying to be productive in some manner each day.  I don't feel I always succeed.  I have this vision of doing a whole lot more than I can actually physically manage, lol.  I have to find balance in this area as well as others.

This morning Caleb asked to go outside during breakfast.  We did go out after housework.  I worked in the yard, doing far more than I'd meant to do.  Caleb wandered all over the yard.  Periodically he'd just say "Gramma" a half dozen times, I think just to assure himself I was still there.  I don't know.  He does this a lot indoors and out.  Other days it might be his Mama he does it to and on still others, John will hear a endless 'Grampa...' Today was a 'Gramma' day.  I confess after a bit it gets rather irritating, especially since I always think he's about to ask for something, so I always reply only to be greeted with silence and then a few minutes later another, "Gramma..."   John and Katie are far better at ignoring him when he does that to them.  

One thing I love about letting him wander around is that I can see he's willing to explore if he knows I'm there to touch base with.  He's already grasped the fact that if I call to him when he's out of sight, he will answer "I'm here..." and I can pretty well gauge about where he is.  I do try to keep him in sight though.  I don't want to lose track of him.  

After our morning outdoors, he asked to come in for lunch and then he pretty much put himself to bed for quiet time.  He loves his routines, but he also likes knowing he can determine to go on to lie down early if he chooses.  He wasn't too early today but he was a little earlier.  Of course, he was also earlier coming out of his room but that too is acceptable to me.  

He's doing super well with potty training these days and often will go in by himself to attend to his business.  But he's not yet fully there.  He absolutely does not go to do number 2 in the bathroom at all.  I remind him daily that it's okay to go potty for that as well, but I never fuss when he doesn't.  I just remind him again that it's perfectly okay to do like all the rest of us and go potty.  I figure he's going to catch on sooner rather than later.  He just suddenly took to it on his own.   We still have days when he just doesn't want to bother, and he'll fight us all day long but then the next day he went all by himself all over again without much urging and then started telling me he had to go.  One step forward, two steps back is the way it seems to go.

This afternoon we went back outdoors where I did more yard work.  I got dirt all over me and felt itchy and sticky.  I left Caleb and John outdoors and came in to take a shower.  I was sitting in the kitchen contemplating supper when John and Caleb came in from outdoors.  John helped me decide what supper might be and since he did all the thinking, he said he'd do the little cooking required, too.  Then he asked if I wanted to go for a ride.  I said "Sure..." and off we three went.  Caleb took a nap about ten minutes from home.  

Last night he'd been overtired and by suppertime he just had a complete meltdown.  John and I decided we'd best go on and feed him when we got home, since he was already dozing off, and try to circumvent a repeat of the previous night.  It went just fine, but sure enough about ten minutes into our meal he suddenly was done and ready for bed.  Katie never did get to properly finish her meal.

I am weary from all the outdoor work.  I was watching a Parisienne Farmgirl vlog the other night.  She's created a HUGE garden that requires a load of work each year and she was discussing the various things that she was working on.  At one point she was very candid and open and nearly wept as she spoke of not knowing how long she could hold on to all that work, her fear that at some point she won't be able to do it all and will have to watch it decay around her.  I understood that too well.

I look at the very minor work I was able to accomplish in this yard over the years, all hard won with hard work by myself, and look at the dreams I have for this place and know it will never be anywhere near what I will actually accomplish in the end.  Already I have downgraded plans to a point where I just keep planting more and more pots of things because I haven't the strength or energy to dig the beds any longer.  

But I long to keep on as long as I can and I suppose that is what Angela at Parisienne Farmgirl will do as well.  Just keep going as long as she can until she knows that she will have to concede some portion and let it go.

At least this afternoon the sunshine came out at long last.  It's still cool, much cooler than I'm used to for this time of year.  I don't think we've ever come to Memorial Day without a few days in the mid-90's. 

Thursday:  Caleb and I went off to the grocery and my plan, unknown to him, was to take him out for lunch and a playtime at the 'castle' as he refers to any play space.  He was fine on the way over to the grocery, telling me how when he grows up, he's going to drive the big trucks.  All the way over to Perry he talked and talked about his desire to drive those big trucks and he was speaking clearly and in full sentences.

We arrived at the grocery and from the moment we got to the shopping cart, he was adamantly NOT going to (a) get into the seat (b) have the 'seat belt' as he called it put on (c) wanted to squat in the seat and screamed his head off the whole way through the store...Sigh.  I agreed to skip the seat belt until I caught him ready to climb out of the buggy.  At that point, I spoke calmly and quietly to him, hugged him, etc., but I insisted he sit properly and put the 'seat belt' on.  He was not consoled by the selection of foods that he wanted, by any distraction or even by reminding him to breath and calm down. 

Things were so bad with him that a clerk reached in the buggy and handed him one of the lollipops I was buying for his rewards and popped it in his mouth.  Seriously.  I was not upset with her, but when a complete stranger sees that a child is out of control and wants to help stop it herself....It speaks volumes about how loud the child is, doesn't it?

At the car once more, he was fine.  I gave him his juice, let all the car windows down, put him in his car seat and proceeded to unload the groceries into the trunk.  He was sweet as could be once again, but I knew there was no way I could manage him on my own today at the castle for play and that made me feel sad.  I'd really wanted to take him to play.  

Fortunately, I know the town so well I could easily drive away from the fast-food places and out of town in the opposite direction.  When he asked to go play, I explained that we couldn't do that today, but I didn't tell him it was because he was bad or out of control.  That just seems like a poor excuse to a child in my opinion.  Obviously, they already know they have been difficult.  I certainly know when I've been difficult!

He was asleep before we got a mile down the road.  Five minutes later he gave that big deep sigh that comes with the deepest of sleep.  Was he just sleepy and tired all along?  Perhaps.  I gave a big deep sigh myself and drove slowly, taking the longest possible route to the next town so he could get a good nap in.  

John asked me to buy lunch out today.  He'd given me money to purchase something.  He gave me a decent sum and he didn't tell me to get anything in particular.  I know he was thinking of our anniversary, which was today.  I have been longing for some fish, so I went to Captain D's and ordered myself fish and chicken for the fellows.  Caleb woke as I finished placing my order, so I handed him food to eat on the way home.  He ate every single bite, too.   And once home, he went right to his room for quiet time.  

But no, the difficult day with him didn't stop there.  It seemed that if Gramma requested something or suggested something or told him to stop doing something, he was determined to quarrel about it.  But Grampa was King...And so it went.

I opted to make a super simple supper of Burgers with all the fixings tonight and let that stand as our meal, since we'd eaten well for our late lunch.  I have a new to me burger seasoning that I just purchased from Amazon this past week.  It is soooo good!  I'm glad I made this purchase.  As with most things, I tend to stick to the basics and not buy too many pre-mixed seasoning blends.  I love the Montreal Steak Seasoning and wondered if this blend would be too similar but it doesn't taste the same and is really delicious.

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I'll be honest, the day drained me.  It wasn't just Caleb but the heavy lifting, the wrestling of the full shopping cart which had a wonky wheel, the stress of the little boy's upset, etc.  After supper, I opted to rinse and stack dishes and leave them for tomorrow.  John and I went over to Sam's to get the onions he'd set aside for me from his planting.  They were in the midst of their dinner.  I went in long enough to speak to Bess and the children but we didn't stay long.  It seemed wrong to interrupt their supper.  

When we got back home this evening, John and I looked at each other and he said "It's remarkably like the day we got married.  It's all about children and getting done what we have to do..."  And I agree, it pretty much was.  

I've had 29 years with this man.  Some of them were difficult, some were just plain hard.  I can say honestly that few of our troubles came from within ourselves.  It was always people outside of ourselves, sometimes children, but mostly others.  There were lonely years when I spent days and nights, holidays, birthdays and anniversaries without him all on my own.  But I knew he was THERE, even if he wasn't physically present, he was there ready to take a phone call, to offer his support, to share in whatever was happening at that moment, good or bad.  Yes, there were times I needed him, and he was busy with a patient, but all I had to do was text and he'd get back with me and listen to whatever was going on.  When he was having a rough time at work, I was ready at all hours to listen to him, too, day and night.  I just knew that whatever we went through, we weren't alone, we were always together.  

And so perhaps he was at home on the lawnmower, and I was off dealing with a cranky three-year-old and a wonky buggy (why do we never get the good buggies on these sorts of days, lol?), I knew that whenever I got home, I could tell him all about my day and he'd tell me all about his and we'd both know that we had the support of the other.

 Has ours been a perfect marriage?  Not at all.  There was a stretch there when I didn't think we'd make.  Oddly enough, it wasn't anything John did but how I personally was dealing with a particular episode in our lives.  And he assured me that he's had his moments as well, but again, it was what he was going through during a particular season.  

He's struggling now with the season we are in.  There's a strain with the rest of the family that we sense more than know for a fact, as there have been no confrontations, but we're fairly sure of the reason.  We know that we must see this season through.   Just as we've seen other difficult passages through.

I was thinking the other day of my Aunt Myrtle.  She was Granny's sister, my great aunt.  She and her husband were married for over 56 years.  During the last days of my uncle's life, Aunt Myrtle told me they were sitting on the front steps looking out over the land they'd lived on since they'd married.   And in that moment, they'd discussed their marriage.  "We both said we'd do it all again, hard parts and easy ones alike."   And that's how I feel about John.  I'd do it all again. It's been worth every moment we've faced together.  And like Uncle Brown and Aunt Myrtle, I want to tell him so often enough that in the end he'll know it.

Friday:  Bread is baked.  Supper is thought out.  I've made breakfast and lunch and cleared up behind both.  The house is clean.  The bed has fresh sheets.  The baths are sparkling clean and have fresh towels.   I know what we'll be eating this weekend, which is always more than half the battle, isn't it?

John is off mowing and I am about to bring Caleb out of his room.  We need to go plant onions.  I say 'we' very loosely.  He'll play with chalk, scooter, wagon and I'll play in the dirt.  

Tomorrow is the beginning of the great birthday saga.  My gift for Taylor has not arrived.  I have an emergency gift that I can use but I'm disappointed.  I don't mind saying.  I'd really hoped her proper present would have arrived.  

We finish the week strong and I'm not complaining.   It's been tough in spots but all in all it's been a great weekend.

Now off I go to do the great release, lol.  I hope you all have a lovely holiday weekend.  I'd quite forgotten it is a holiday weekend myself.  Blessings upon you and yours.  If you have time in the next week come tell us all about your week and weekend.