Saturday: We have had the nicest sort of day. I woke about 4am this morning and just dozed here and there after that, but I slept right through several hours so I'm not fussing over waking up. I occupied an hour or so praying and sort of dreaming through prayers and then really slept for another hour or so.
I heard Caleb run through the living room and stop to say repeatedly, "There's my shoes! My shoes!" John had washed and dried them last night and left them propped on the bookcase where he could see them. They had to leave extra early today so we didn't see him this morning.
John and I lazed about, me eating croissants and drinking a really hot cup of coffee (Lord, that sounds luxurious right there! and it was!), him drinking a second cup having downed a bagel while I showered. I read multiple chapters of my book and then we got ready to go.
Silly Rufus followed us down the drive and right to the dumpsters they placed near the driveway. Mind you I am still loathing those darn things, and I personally won't stop there to use them preferring to drive miles out of my way to avoid doing so, but John has quickly lost any qualms about it. John kept telling Rufus to go home. Since we lost Bean the cat this past week, John was super insistent that Rufus go home, but Rufus paid him no mind at all. John did the next best thing when leaving the dump. He headed the other way out of the road to lead Rufus past Sam and Bess' house where he knew he'd stop off to visit.
On our way up the road we stopped to talk to Sam who'd pulled over and waited. He was on his way to pick up groceries. Sam and I talked food for a moment, as I'd asked about a kitchen experiment he'd been planning. He said it didn't turn out. I was sorry to hear that because it had sounded really good. Then we all debated where John and I should go to eat lunch out today. We never did decide. Sam made comment that he wished he and Bess could get a date and I assured him that if he'd give me advance notice when she had a Saturday or Sunday off, I'd accommodate him as babysitter. I am a strong proponent of married couples getting out of the house and dating.
We headed off on a rambling sort of ride and typical of John he was just following the road and typical of me, I thought he had a destination in mind. It wasn't until we arrived in the county seat, and he said, "Which way?" that I asked, "Where are we going?" and discovered he wanted to go just the opposite of the way we were headed...So, there we were at the wrong side of the stop sign in a town a few miles out of our way, when he said where he wanted to go, lol. That little town is a bevy of one-way streets and the two way one doesn't go anywhere we wanted to head! So, we had to wind around to turn around and head off to the little town in the foothills.
We had a lovely lunch. I was well and truly hungry. The food and service is always good at this restaurant. We took our time driving leisurely back home. Then John went right on through our little town and on to the next one where we bought ice creams at Dairy Queen. I was not disappointed in my strawberry sundae. They'd been lavish with the strawberry topping this time and didn't skimp on it at all. Obviously the managers weren't around, lol.
Another long leisurely drive on a winding back road home...
The air is fragrant as perfume this time of year. And to add to the glory of it, the wild roses were blooming on many a fence line. There was honeysuckled tangled up in them and at roadside verbena, what Granny called Ragged Robin (cornflowers), Tansy, privet, yards were glorious with old roses and iris...It was all so lovely!
John and I talked and talked and giggled and laughed and talked. That was lovely, too.
Now we are home. I can hear Taylor and Caleb fussing gently at one another in the next room. Their Mama is dozing by the sounds of it. I expect the children were meant to have a quite bit of time since they were both up extra early this morning and they had a fun filled morning out with their Mama.
I had a message from Bess that Millie planned to go on "holiday" and apparently, she was coming to our house for a 'proper holiday'...As Bess said, I might want to stock up on tea and biscuits. I suspect Peppermint Peg has been her primary viewing this morning, lol.
I was thinking this morning, as I was doing my usual face care before the mirror following my shower, that I am happy. I balked and bucked and whined and wept over this place in life. I miss time to properly write, and I miss time to dig down into a big project and accomplish things. I miss a great deal but I am happy.
Everyone told me that I'd make such a difference in Caleb's life, that I'd be such a blessing to him, etc. But really, he's been the blessing to me. I'm the beneficiary. Days are hard at times, but I'm reminded that these days go by so much more quickly than we realize when we're plodding along. They go on and we are left behind. I'm having a third chance at being better at nurturing another. It was, much as I protested, just what I was needing at the time. I'm so glad I realized that early on and haven't had to wait years to understand it!
And this summer, when I've got four or five grandchildren at once, y'all just remind me of what I've said. I am the beneficiary, the one profiting. Thank you, Lord! It's all so lovely.
Sunday: Two things happened yesterday. I did a survey after paying for our dinner at the restaurant on one of those electronic thingies. Kiosks I think they are called. I don't mind paying at table with a card. John was never comfortable though with waitress wandering off with our card in hand, and after watching how frequently people said, "Oh wait...Not my card!" when a waitress returned, I was prone to agree.
That, however, is not what I want to write about. I want to write about the survey question. That one where you have to check age...And then you realize that you've just checked the last box. The very last box of options on the page. And all those other boxes are forever left empty.
Then last night we were watching 'Barney Miller' reruns and they had an episode where a man was attacked by a 60–65-year-old woman. I know the show is from the 1970's but those 60–65-year-old women were portrayed much like the 80–85-year-old women I see today. I looked at John in wonder and said, "Seriously. They are supposed to be MY age...I don't look like that!" Now mind you we've done the very same when watching reruns of other programs. One episode of "Perry Mason" left us shaking out heads when one character stated his age as 65. He looked very old indeed. And even more shocking, when we looked up that particular character actor, he really WAS 65 at the time. He'd stated his real age as the age of his character. He was younger than John is right now.
Anyway, just a mild grouse over age at the moment.
We had a lovely weekend with Taylor here. They visited a wildlife refuge as an outing, then we all visited together last night. This morning, Taylor and I discussed the quilt on her bed. I told her that Big Mama had made it and Big Mama was her great-great-great grandmother. I loved the look of awe on her face. "But it's torn here and here and there's a hole Gramma! You'd better fix it." Indeed.
Caleb just came in shouting "I'm here!" and hugged John and then he told him that he was a 'soggy bottom' and he was indeed wet! He went potty before he left home but it's a three-hour trip up and back again and he had juice on the drive so there we were. John asked me to run some water in our tub for him and while it was running, I had to go potty myself. Instead of waiting, Caleb came right on in and looked at me and said "Goodness!" John chuckled the whole while we were getting that little boy washed up.
He insisted as I was dressing him that he had to have shoes, pants and "My hat." I reminded him he needed a shirt as well. He's been talking a blue streak all day long, often in complete sentences and using "I" and "my" rather than the third person, "Caleb" he's been using forever.
We went out on the porch after he was sorted out. He wanted to play with his 'dump truck and sand' that Renee so sweetly sent him. His Mama found some stacking cups and helped him make a sandcastle. Which he happily knocked down with his wrecking ball crane afterwards. He played with chalk. He wandered the front yard. "Can you see me?" "Yes, I can, go ahead." "Can you still see me?" He was constantly making sure I could see where he was.
I got a double fussing at the end. The Sedge Wren has decided to use the birdhouse attached to the old gate as a nesting box this year. Since Misu no longer sits upon the ironing board it's a fine place for a nest, away from predators and in a proper spot. Well little miss bird fussed at me something fierce after an hour or so of Caleb being on the porch. I hurried him indoors where he'd been forty-four times anyway and he fussed as hard as the bird. No winning in that situation!
I promised him we'd go back out tomorrow and play on the patio so the bird could get to her nest.
Lovely day!
Monday: I woke full of zeal and gung-ho and good humor this morning. It waned as the day went on, lol.
I will call this day a mixed lot sort of day. Weatherwise the outdoors looked perfectly beautiful. The wind was harsh and heavy and the air far chillier than I liked. I'd set him up in the sole sunny corner with his box of kinetic sand (the accessory pile has grown and grown). Caleb and I both came indoors at one point and opted for a coat this morning when we went outdoors and honestly, we both ended setting ourselves up near the dryer vent and enjoyed the warm air that came from it.
We were on the back porch as I wanted to give Mama Sedge Wren a break from the constant activity that ensues if we were on the front porch or the patio. As cool as it was today, she needed to be on her nest.
I'd worked pretty darn hard before going outdoors this morning. I was literally 'in the zone' and I tackled all the appliances. I scrubbed, I polished, I wiped, I dusted, I made my arms sore. I really would like to get the inside of the oven clean, and I realized this evening I hadn't touched the microwave and it needs to be cleaned fully as well. But I was weary by the time we headed outdoors, and I was finding Caleb a bit of a challenge before we went out.
Mind you all, he's far better than he was four months ago. The difference is amazing but there are some things that just get wearing at times, and especially when I'm feeling tired.
We were sitting on the back porch, and I was trying to refocus him from something he insisted on going back to over and over again that I did not want him to play with. I was scanning Instagram here and there and I stumbled upon a suggested post that was like a sock in the stomach.
I've been denying for a while that Caleb has more than just the odd behavioral issues. Yes, he is much improved. I've noticed little things all along that I felt were unusual and not quite like other children his age. He's only recently started to occasionally use My, Mine and if prompted he will say "I" and "me", but he's prone to refer to himself in the third person. I can't remember what else was on the post I was viewing but it was familiar and that's when I had to admit that it's likely Caleb may be a high functioning autistic child.
Katie had said to me last week that she was suspicious he might be, and I think Renee and a couple of you have mentioned the same, but I'll ask you, as I've asked Katie, to forgive me. I just wasn't ready to own that there was anything more than his just needing a bit of time to recover from a confusing spell of time.
We are very blessed that Kate's best friend Amber is a special ed teacher who works exclusively with autistic children. She has offered up advice and resource materials and helped Katie understand what we need to document for the doctor visit at his 4-year checkup, etc. Renee, bless her soul, reached out to Katie prior to this and asked if she might send Caleb a gift of an item she uses with her students. But yes, gut punched pretty well describes how I felt.
Almost immediately after reading it, I was fussing at Caleb for doing the same thing again, and John came outdoors to add his discipline to my fuss. John asks questions and Caleb just stares at him every time. Not in an insolent way but in a way that is puzzled, and yes sometimes it frustrates, us. I felt that same punch in the gut again and said "John...I think we need to talk..."
So, there was that part of the day.
The wind has been pretty rough. It was just as rough this afternoon and as Caleb noted yesterday, it was loud. It was unrelenting but we went outdoors to play this afternoon anyway. I admired the way Caleb roamed a bit more freely, looking back to see if I was minding him. I didn't have to ask him to come back but once when he was truly out of sight. I said, "I can't see you..." and his reply as he popped back around the corner was "I see you!"
The wind and the noise were overwhelming to me. I wondered at it, considering that we often get high heavy winds in the winter, and I always find it very exhilarating. I realized after watching the trees that there is much more noise with the trees fully leaved as they are now. Caleb and I came back indoors before the hour was up. We both seemed to be relieved at the quietness that greeted us indoors.
We had a new recipe tonight for supper and the family approved. Katie did make a suggestion for an additional ingredient, and I agreed that it was just the thing required. The recipe itself is old per Jennifer at "A Country Life", where I found it, but there's good reason why it's been around for so long. It's delicious! I'll share it on my Recipe blog sometime this week.
Though I'd just started Home to Holly Springs, I'm putting it down for a few days while I join the Elizabeth Goudge book club on Instagram in reading The Castle on the Hill. I'd only found this book a couple of years ago and read it for the first time, so I'm looking forward to going back for a re-read. They do a certain number of chapters each week...and that's great but I can never put a Goudge book down once I'm started, lol.
It is late. I need to stop for the night. It's been a day. Lovely at times though I've not shared what was lovely, so I'll take a moment now. It was lovely to find the coreopsis I pulled up from the yard in town last fall had bloomed and look absolutely stunning. It was lovely to escape the house for a few minutes this evening and take the trash off to the dump that is farther away then take an extra-long 'around the block' ride home.
I also found my clematis...They come up year after year. I think I'm going to have to move them and pot them elsewhere. I'd placed them on the rose trellises hoping they'd fill in and cover those during the roses non-blooming time. Two years ago, they appeared after not showing up for years and they were about four inches long. Last year they were five. This year they were almost 12 inches, but they are obviously not happy in their environment. Still, I was glad to see them and that they'd managed to grow a bit.
And I found it sweet that Rufus, who never seems to really mind anyone will sit every time Caleb tells him "Sit". He still hasn't given Caleb his paw yet when Caleb tells him "Hand" though, lol.
Caleb agreed to go potty. He went right on by himself, did his business and came out to dress himself without any help. I was pretty darned proud of him for that. He got a big cookie as a reward for doing such a big boy thing.
And lastly, Caleb has added a new phrase to his sentences. "I go check it out." He says this about sundry things. Then he runs off and comes back once he's checked whatever he thinks needs to be checked out, lol.
Tuesday: I'm struggling with my questions each day. No kidding, I've worked my bottom off in the kitchen two days this week and man oh man was it a LOT of work. Truth is, I seem to have been bitten by a spring-cleaning bug and it has spurred me on when I normally would have said 'Enough!"
The wind continued to blow hard today and the morning air so much cooler that we didn't go out this morning with Caleb. This afternoon, John started mowing about the time he got up so no real outdoor time for him today. John made it up to him by taking him for a ride down to the mailbox and back. Caleb was pretty stoked over that. Then he 'rode' in the car with me as I moved the Honda for John to mow that area.
Fortunately, I realized he'd messed with the overhead light in that car, and I cut it fully off. No more dead batteries for us with that overhead light being left on.
It was a hard day. It was hard work. I got too carried away with it and Caleb, who wants to be wherever I am was continually being pushed, squished, bumped, hit, or stepped on. I got so nervous that any unexpected movement would cause me to yelp, yell, or fuss mightily. Poor boy. Not only was he unintentionally taking a walloping, but he simply could NOT stay out of my way. I should have just stopped and spent some time with him. I think if I had, the day would have been easier overall.
I stopped long enough to scratch together lunch, fed us all and put him down for quiet time. He loves his routine, so he never fusses about that quiet time. I kept working during his quiet time though and finally forced myself to go lie down for ten minutes. There's one plan I have not been good at keeping.
Really the problem this afternoon wasn't that I was busy. I wasn't. Nor did I have my computer out or a book. It was that he wanted to go outdoors, and we couldn't with all the dust and debris from the mower blowing about. So given that his morning had not gone the way he'd like (Gramma was too busy so paid too little attention to him in his mind), but Grampa dared to go outdoors when he himself could not. This did not go over well.
I finally allowed him to have more tv time. It was the only way to soothe him down. But no kidding, I felt like I'd been the one squished, bumped, hit, stepped on and pushed around by the time the evening arrived.
John and I went out after supper and sat on the back porch. The petunias I bought two weeks ago are getting sun about this time of day and they perfumed the air all around. John said, "Remember last night when we came home, and I told you some flower smelled really good? I think it was this one. It smells the exact same." Funnily enough we were still out in the yard and nowhere near the petunias at that time. But the mystery has been solved as to what smelled so good to him, lol.
Wednesday: Another long and difficult day. I remembered to include Caleb in the 'work' part and that went well enough. He does enjoy being a helper.
We went outdoors and I think we both got cold. The whole thing outdoors did not go well. Caleb refused to get off the porch and play on the patio or in the yard at all. He opened the door to the house and went in and then he'd come out again every five minutes.
We came in to have our lunch and he went down for quiet time.
John got a new phone, something I meant to mention on my Thrifty Thursday post. I'd recently paid off my phone. His phone will cost the same monthly amount. Up down up. He needed a new phone, truly. But he is so antsy about getting new electronics and he's fussed and fumed and fretted and fussed and gotten mad over that phone so many times today. Well there was something wrong with it and it's all been sorted out this evening after a lot of work on Katie's part. But between Caleb and John my nerves were so on edge I could have screamed. I held on to my sanity with gritted teeth, but when John said, "You know what I was thinking we ought to do?" I replied quickly, "Pack our bags and run far far away!" I was very sincere. He did have the grace to laugh and admit he'd thought of that, too.
The afternoon outdoors was not the success I'd hoped it would be. I couldn't pick up a book or glance at my phone for even a second. I encouraged Caleb to roam a little further afield and he did run about much like a young calf, kicking up his heels, doing a sort of skip here and there and jumping mid stride. He was fun to watch but he wasn't able to concentrate on any form of play and those things we offered him to do (use an old paint brush and a small bucket of water to paint the concrete, play in his kinetic sandbox, ride his scooter) all came to naught but tears in the end.
I patched together a meal tonight. I've struggled with my own questions these past three days. I'm sure if I can just make them a habit, I will get more of a sense of accomplishment, but I don't mind sharing that I'm finding it difficult to focus on much of anything, much less accomplishing anything.
My zone work today included cleaning out the food storage cabinets in the kitchen. Everything was removed, a complete reorganization went on and the shelves were cleaned. It all looked so much neater and nicer. And more organized. It desperately needed that good clearing out.
I couldn't help but think of the upcoming visit of the contractor, and hopefully not another cancellation. I wondered when he might be free to do the work and if his quote would be reasonable, and how chaotic it would all be.
I was whipped by the time Kate came in from work this evening and I immediately pronounced myself off duty and her in charge of Caleb from that point forward. 6:30 on the nose, her supper only half eaten, he got up and announced he was ready for pajamas. I'm not in the least surprised he was a tired little boy and considering the hour long gallop around the yard he ought to have been.
I don't kid myself that these difficult days are all peaches and cream for him either. He's emotional and seemingly incapable of getting things right and he doesn't care to be fussed at any more than anyone else I know. He's just a normal little boy in that he wants to do what he wants to do and he hates to be told No. Even if No is said for good reason.
We listened to another excellent sermon by Reggie Dabbs this evening, a surprise for us. We hear him preach on Sunday and we knew he was both visiting schools in the church area as well as preaching last night's Celebrate Recovery anniversary. He is such a powerful speaker with powerful stories to share and always has a fresh perspective.
Thursday: The irony of how difficult the week has been overall and my happy post on Saturday is not lost on me. Am I unhappy just now? No. I am being triggered hard by attitudes, and I hate having to resort to yelling or punishment in order to gain attention. I dislike that mightily, I really do. On the other hand, I am delighted to hear complete sentences. Just yesterday he answered a direct question with a simple direct answer. That's a major step forward.
I am sleeping like a log at night and staying in bed later for the most part. John and Caleb are very good about keeping quiet and allowing me the peace of a morning's rest. So, it's not lack of real rest that is my issue. Nor is it frustration that I'm unable to tackle big projects or even smaller ones.
As near as I can work out, it's just mental weariness. And quite possibly an overload of noise. Just now, the AC and a fan are running, John insists on listening to videos where people are arguing or accusing (political on that one) which seems to taint the atmosphere since we all must listen to it as well. Add in one little three-year-old who can be willful, stubbornly so, at times and is continually shouting "NO!" or "HUSH!"
Then there are other family matters I can't discuss that were brought to my attention that are reason for deep concern. And this is just an added later to other concerns I've already been made aware are occurring.
Well today I decided that what I needed was not a hard-working day but a relaxed and easy sort of day. I took my time getting up and getting showered, dressed, made up and even made the bed before exiting my room this morning.
I confess I was rather peeved to discover that no breakfast had been eaten by the man of the house because he was 'waiting on me'. That doesn't mean he was waiting on me before he made it. Oh no. He is of the opinion that when it comes to meals, I am the one in charge. Ditto for clearing up, most housework and all yardwork that involves flowers, vegetables, or maintaining existing landscaping as well as installing any new landscaping or cleaning of porches, etc. And often enough making the bed, cleaning baths, etc.
Yes, he does help. There are tasks he considers his to do and he does them without prompting. He will do anything I ask him to do. But I'd dearly love it if he'd occasionally just DO instead of waiting for me to ask or point out that it needs to be done. I'm pretty sure it's a typical male/female thing for people our age and generation.
He had fed Caleb and done a rather good job of what he chose for him to eat, but for goodness' sake why couldn't he just go on and feed himself while he was at it?
Never mind. Just a short rant. I looked at him long and hard and then said, "Okay. Since you waited, will you fry eggs for us all?" I made toast and my coffee while he did that. And he did fry eggs without a complaint or a sigh or any comment. So there was that.
He had a chiro appointment today. I'd planned to go along, let Caleb play at 'the Castle' and wait on him to finish up then order lunch for us all. We didn't have quite enough time for that, and I knew that taking Caleb out of the Castle and back to the doctor office was going to be about as traumatic an event as any we could hope to instigate today. On the other hand, sitting in the car with him in the car seat was not an option, nor was turning him loose in the car. You simply have no clue how many buttons, knobs, switches, and such there are on a car until you turn loose a lightning-fast curious little boy who loves to see how and why something works the way it does, lol.
I told John, I'd just go on to Food Depot. I didn't mention that the number one main reason had little to do with checking out reduced produce and just wandering about to see what I might add to my pantry, but was in fact, the plants that generally fill the sidewalk in front of the store. No need to mention that part at all. He'd only roll his eyes.
That was just what we did. Caleb loves to shop. He tells everybody hello and people are usually kind enough to say "hello" in return.
I bought several types of salvia, some celosia, and tomato plants today. I opted for Better Boy variety. I'm going to give them all a good soaking tonight and try to get them potted up tomorrow. One of those plants is not a salvia...I know what it is but I can't think of the name just at the moment.
I first saw it planted in a lovely little bed with Dianthus, pink single blossom, dwarf knock out roses, and it was absolutely so pretty, blooming all summer and making a lovely little space. Then a friend had the same type in her yard and made her mom up a bouquet of the same stems and roses she'd grown. It's really quite a pretty plant.
We were headed to check out when John called to say he was all done. Caleb was delighted when we pulled up to Burger King.
And he met his first bully today.
Yep. The moment the boy saw Caleb running up to play with them on the playset, this little boy started taunting him. "He's just a BAY-BE. Baby baby baby." He went on and on. Caleb is not really able to understand yet that he was being made fun of. He stood there before the boy looking a little confused and saying nothing, which is typical of him when he's unsure of what's going on. The boy kept on and I finally said, "That's enough!"
Yes, I am a Mama Bear over this child, no kidding. He doesn't yet have the defensive skills to handle a bully in a good nor a bad way. He is truly an innocent. He knew the boy wasn't being nice, but he couldn't figure out why he wasn't nor what there was about it that wasn't nice.
The kid stared at me but obviously realized I meant it because he left him alone when they were near us. However, I could hear him continuing to taunt Caleb when they were elsewhere on the equipment out of sight.
Later, Caleb was happily playing alone, climbing the rock wall and this same kid comes along and starts kicking Caleb every time he got to the top. I watched for a moment or two and then went over and said "Cut it out." The kid turned and stared. I looked him dead in the eye and said "You heard me. Leave him alone. Cut it out." Caleb took advantage of the kid's attention being turned from him to climb up on the landing then blew a great big raspberry at him. Mind you all this time, Caleb thinks this kid is just playing. I could tell he wasn't. There's just a difference between teasing and someone who thinks someone is weaker and defenseless and takes advantage.
The little sissy went running off to his mama screaming, "He spit on me!" His mama said "Oh he didn't mean to do it, I'm sure it was an accident..." to the kid. Call me whatever, but I'd liked to have swatted him on his backside or at the least make him sit in time out.
The bully decided to pester the kid he was with and ended up slamming him hard on the slide and hurting him.
It was shortly after that we asked Caleb if he was ready to go, and he said, "Yes" so we left.
Home. I'd asked myself this morning 'What's for supper?' and decided to just make Spaghetti. Namely because I have three or four jars of sauce in the freezer, and it was an easy meal. Not what I had on my menu this week, but I wasn't ready to go into the big production of making Tuna Pasta Salad today, even though the wind has finally died down and we've warmed up a bit. I'll probably make it tomorrow and save it for the weekend meal.
And that was today...
Friday: The contractor is on his way so this may end up being a little shorter for today, but then it usually is on Fridays.
A busy Shabat cleaning day. Add in one little feverish boy who simply didn't feel good. Not sick enough to want cuddles, but also wanting nothing to eat. He's drinking and taking short little naps, and not complaining of any pain. Just a low fever and the occasional complaint of being cold.
I've made bread and muffins, breakfast, lunch and supper. The house is clean. The new plants are sitting on the porch steps where they can catch rainwater. I figured that would be better for them than well water.
Sam ran by to pick up papers I'd printed out for him. Now I must remember to order printer ink. We all sat and chatted for about an hour.
I'm tired but it's the good tired that comes of a busy productive morning in the home. And that is a lovely thing!
How was your week?
14 comments:
This has been a horrible week of pain and cabin fever since I have not been able to leave the house for a week for fear I would fall. So, today we went out for an errand because I thought I could and I fell on the way back into the house.
I really hate those play places. I vowed never to take a grandchild to them again because they had been bullied so bad and actually hurt. The mother always seems to be inside yakking to her friends while her kid bullies every other kid there. They were all closed up during Covid and now most of them have been torn out and there are very few left here which is fine with me.
Another thought about Caleb is possible food allergies. They can cause the same sort of symptoms as I well know form my own battle with them. The easiest place to start is with a food diary and noting everything he eats and his behavior. You can likely download a form online to help you.
Oh, I could never tolerate kids being mean to mine either. It's so hard to watch, especially when your child is confused by it. There have been times that it's made me realize maybe I'm not quite as nice or mature as I think I am ;)
Good for you for shutting him down.
Lana, the moms were on the playground but they were deep in talk and didn't watch the kids, so you're right on that score. I'll try to keep in mind about the food allergies as well.
I am so sorry to hear that you've felt so unwell this week. Perhaps that is why I felt so impelled to keep you held in prayer all week long, more often than usual.
Obscure, I am so glad I'm not alone on that score. I was still upset enough to tell Sam about it today when he stopped by and I wondered yet again if my own maturity/niceness shouldn't be questioned, lol.
I think had I not felt Caleb was at a distinct disadvantage with the other child I wouldn't have been half so outraged. I really am the sort to tell one of my own kids, "Suck it up", but obviously Caleb has no idea how to hold his own just yet. Sam, who has young children seemed to think Caleb held his own well enough when he blew that big juicy raspberry at the boy, so there's a man's opinion for us.
Hi Terri,
I’m a special educator as well and have been concerned about Caleb and what you’ve shared, but don’t like to “consult” when it’s not my place. Hopefully, you and Katie will be able to identify the necessary resources. I will say, sooner is better than later. There are many wonderful special educators, programs, and curriculum available to help people with autism participate in their communities as fully as possible. In terms of saying, “no” or feeling like you are all the time, there are some other words you can try. I like wait, let’s pause for a moment, whoa, freeze, and stop. It’s also helpful to keep your voice neutral and quieter. A very simple, yet effective strategy when someone starts yelling is to lower your voice rather than raise your own. That strategy will de-escalate a situation rather than escalate it. This is just information, not anything else. Last, when any of us come to the realization that a child might have something going on, we do grieve. I suspect your mental weariness is really grieving. It’s a different kind of grieving, but grieving just the same.
Be gracious with yourself. It’s a lot and you have to keep doing all the things you typically do while processing the other things. I’m glad you’re sleeping. I’m glad you’ve discovered routines that work for all of you. I’m glad you’re happy and recognize the season you’re in.
Hugs … and, I’m happy to be a resource if you need and want.
Two things have saved our marriage....
1) Earphones (headphones) so my husband can listen to videos to his heart's content and I don't have to hear the noise.
2) My husband makes his own breakfast. (I do make sure there are 3 days worth of overnight oats in the refrigerator if he wants them).
You might consider these ideas. They have helped us so much.
Casey thank you for your thoughtful and sweet comments. I am grieving, as is John and Katie. Yet none of us are truly sure what we're grieving. Caleb is a sweet, intelligent, active little boy. As Sam put it on Friday while visiting, "It's just he has behavior issues that he has to learn to handle," and that's true. We have to learn to help him handle them.
Mostly I just don't know what to do or where to start or anything. Thank goodness for internet and the ability to find help via others who have experienced the same things. And as soon as I stop feeling overwhelmed with this new thing, I'll do just that.
I wouldn't want to take advantage of any of you readers who have experience in this area as professionals. But I will happily accept instruction if you see I am struggling hard in some area or another and I will be grateful for it.
Lisa, lol. John's issue with making his own food is, and I quote him directly, "I can make my own breakfast! But yours always looks like it tastes so much better than mine!" We have the same issue on the nights when we are clearing out the fridge for our main meal. I've learned to just heat whatever I am having and split it between us. Then he can add in a PBJ if it's not enough for him.
Yes, though, on the earphones. I need to get him some for his computer. I use them with my computer to listen to videos I want to watch on YouTube while he watches the ones, he wants to see on tv. We do have a mutual interest in some but he's not as into food vloggers as I am.
I was just going to suggest headphones (earphones) like Lisa did.
My husband likes shoot-em-up shows that always seem to have an excess of gunfire, bombs, crashes, and screaming. I told him to watch what he likes, but
1) don't expect me to watch it with you, and
2) don't expect me to listen to that garbage, either.
I have a right to peace, quiet, and my sanity. He wears the headphones.
Please add my vote to the group that thinks John should be wearing earphones even if he doesn't want to. All of that noise is not only irritating you but it might be really triggering Caleb. You might just go ahead and order him a pair.
As for the bullying, everyone of us is enraged. It is my honest opinion that bullies develop because parents didn't set boundaries when they were growing up. There's no way we can control that, just defend our little ones as best as possible.
I have to add my cheer for headphones as well! LOL My husband likes to watch funny videos when he's going to sleep at night so I used to have to listen to them. Now all I have to hear is his occasional chuckle while the bed shakes. LOL The evening videos are a whole other story - he watches those on tv and he likes watching court cases. Don't ask me why. I just know I have enough extended family that could be in some of those cases so I don't need to watch them on tv too. LOL
Our little "granddaughter" (not by blood but a true gift) just turned two and still isn't walking. I could tell something wasn't right by the time she was 6 months old but her mama isn't my real daughter so I tread carefully. Plus, she has a very good pediatrician and decided to just keep my concerns to myself. By the time she was a little over a year I began to suspect autism. So far, there has been no diagnosis of that but she has been to a neurologist and gets physical therapy every week. She crawls well and pulls up but has no interest in walking. She says a lot of single words and a very few phrases (mostly just repeating them). Otherwise her babbling is unintelligible.
I know children vary greatly in their development and I've tried to be very careful not to compare her to what I know my own did at her age as they were quite advanced. But I've been around a lot of children over the years and I know her behavior isn't "normal".
All that to say that I understand some of what you are feeling regarding Caleb. I plan to begin learning more about autism myself as a lot has changed since I was in nursing school in the 1990s. If I find any good resources I'll be sure to share and hope you will do likewise. Life will be different for these little ones but they will have the benefit of grandparents who love them dearly.
Deanna, My oldest didn't walk until she was nearly 18 months old. She had severe speech issues and went through 8 years of therapy. However, no one ever suggested she might be autistic.
As for Caleb, it's hard not to compare now and then. Millie was here today and playing a game on her kindle. Caleb still hasn't quite figured out how to watch a video on his own Kindle. She speaks very clearly and has for months now. Some of his speech is clear and other is still garbled. He's only recently stopped referring to himself solely as 'Caleb' and started saying "I" or "me". He walks well and walked early on. But there are some motor skills he's just not up on.
It's all a learning curve for both of us, isn't it?
Terri, one thing I've been learning is that girls have been far less likely to be diagnosed in the past because they tend to be better at "masking" their symptoms. And you're right - so much to learn!
Terri, you and Katie may want to look at the feingold.org website. Especially read some of the testimonials.
I have used the Feingold diet for about 8 years now for myself. I am extremely sensitive to chemicals and fragrances and drugs. I had just come off major surgery, chemo and radiation and developed a rash that 6 different doctors could not cure over 9-12 months time. I quit gluten and also started following the Feingold diet. It helps you figure out what your most troublesome foods and/or food additives are, and today, I still follow a modified version of the diet. I have learned that there are some foods I can only tolerate just 1 serving of once in awhile, and others I need to avoid completely.
I hope that all made sense and maybe it could help y'all.
Jo, thank you. I have read a few testimonials and I'll definitely do as someone else suggested and track what he eats and how he acts in the days following. Because of my own personal preferences, we don't eat loads of artificial colorants and flavorings. I like to cook from scratch using plain basic foods. I recall that my son Samuel had issues with FD&C red food coloring Lake 40, I think it was called. He would go ape crazy behavior wise. He had so many ear infections and such that he was constantly being given children's medications with the coloring in it. Once I made the tie-in (pre-Internet days) my family doctor worked with me to give him medications that were dye-free. It made a HUGE difference, as did avoiding red drinks (including Kool-aid).
But I think keeping a daily diary especially for Caleb of what he eats and how he acts daily might well be helpful, just as Lana has suggested. We've just been through a rough couple of days, but today he was perfectly reasonable (for a three-year-old; he's never saintly, lol). I found myself wondering what was different over the weekend. Of course, he's mostly in his mom's care then and I don't know what they have when they are out but it's well worth looking into and instructing Katie in as well.
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