I know people who cling to the past. They constantly say, "I could've, I would've, I should've..." Or something along those lines. I often said I wouldn't change a thing about my past. I look at how I acted, or spoke and I vow immediately that I'll change. And for the most part I do. I see it all as a process, not a permanent life regret that I pack and move to every new season of life with me.
One question I asked constantly, all through my life, and ask even today, "What is this moment trying to teach me?" I've asked it about relationships, personal points of crisis, tough spots in my marriage, child rearing, my own growth, and each season.
Some lessons are very lengthy. They just are. Once I think I've grasped one point, another perspective pops into view and I have to change how I act/react to that point.
I'm not saying my way is better than those who have deep regrets. It's just different. This is my way of processing the stuff that mistakes and seasons bring into my life. I don't believe myself to be perfect. I am flawed. I am more than human. But I do believe truly that all things in life, including the happy moments and the awe-inspiring magical ones, as well as the bloody, dark and hurtful, are all moments in which to learn and then move on.
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Lol. This wondering moment is brought to you by the line just above. It made me think of rick rack. Do you remember rickrack? In my childhood it was often used as a decorative touch on a dress. Or curtains, especially in a kitchen. And on aprons. I think rickrack has gone the way of dotted Swiss and pompom trim. Sadly, I say this. Oh, you can still buy it...But you never see it used on much of anything anymore.
I recall in third grade I had a dress that I loved, LOVED, loved. It was A-line (as were all my dresses because they suited plump little girls best...and yes, I knew that very well by third grade). It was a deep burnt golden color with sprigs of flowers sprinkled across it and it had rickrack at the hem, and neck. I always felt so happy in that dress. I can still see myself on the school yard, holding the skirt of the dress up to admire that rickrack trim. I can see the bright clear autumn day and the blue sky above the bare trees.
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It isn't often I've felt as pretty as I felt in that dress. Or even just knew that a dress was becoming. But I have had a few things that I remember well. That golden dress was one of them. Another was a brown and white stripe. I think I had that one when I was fifteen. It was mostly brown with tiny lines of white and they ran head to toe, because you know, plump girl. It buttoned down the front and was made like a coat dress. It was a heavy double knit dress, but despite that I remember it was not only comfortable but that I could see that it suited me when I looked in the mirror. It wasn't exciting but it was just right.
Which makes me wonder when was the last time I had something that made me feel that good? Immediately my mind goes back to a sweater I got from Stitch Fix this winter that was a deep evergreen color. Everything about that sweater is just right. It feels soft and luxurious. It's warm and snug in the right places but not too snug that it feels tight. The color makes me feel perfectly lovely.
And of course, that makes me wonder why we all have so few things that make us feel just so...You know?
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I was never a trend setter in school. I was far too shy and socially awkward to ever be that, but I did once start a trend. Yes, I did! I was newly allowed to wear makeup and I chose a Navy Blue mascara. Girls would stop me on the bus or in the hall and ask where I bought it. Soon the whole group of classes were full of girls who sported Navy Blue lashes. I've no idea if it was really attractive on me or if it was the novelty of it but there I was, that one time in my life, being a trend setter.
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As an adult, and still being a larger woman, I made every effort to always appear well dressed, especially when I was working. I suppose the girl I'm about to mention must have known the boss or his wife, but once they had a lovely young woman come in to 'show' us girls at the hospital how to dress, do makeup, etc.
I noticed throughout the presentation that the woman giving the talk seemed to continually look at me. I became almost self-conscious but then I shushed my thoughts and told myself I was just letting my shyness build up unnecessarily. At the end of the program, the woman stopped me and asked me to stay a moment after the others left.
You can imagine how shocked I felt when she offered me a job on the spot. She said I 'had a great sense of style'.
No, I didn't take the job which was sales related and I knew then that I was not a salesperson of any sort, but I was flattered. As for my 'style' it's pretty much just a sort of polished casual classic look. I just learned through reading loads of 'Charm' books how to make the best of what I was, working with my coloring, body shape, etc.
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Granny was an attractive woman with jet black hair, a white streak (angel's kiss) in her widow's peak and dark brown eyes. She knew how to dress herself well and always looked so nice. I've mentioned before that 'at home' Granny was prone to put on men's pants and work boots, plaid long sleeved cotton shirts and great huge sunhats. But let her get dressed for church or to go into town, back in the mid 60's when one still dressed to go into town, even a town as small as ours, and she'd make you look two or three times. She just carried herself well and knew how to wear a dress.
One dress I recall perfectly. She made the dress herself out of a chiffon material. It was a shirtwaist type dress with a belt of the same material. It was a swirled pattern of sea green, turquoise, and white. It was just a beautiful piece of fabric and Granny was gorgeous in that dress.
Now do you see why I call these 'wandering' posts. I never really know what will set the tone but just mentioning 'rick rack' earlier set me off on fashion. I never know where we might wander next.
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Ok, one more...Carolyn sent me a video the other day about grocery store checker clerks. It was one of those vintage instructional films. I'll linl it HERE. This film is from 1965, but I was struck by the dress of the shoppers in the film. Given that just today I passed 100's of young women (and older ones) dressed in the most casual styles of jeans (mostly torn which is trendy), and t-shirts, the contrast was sharp indeed. And yes, I had on jeans as well (not torn...I won't pay for worn out clothes that I haven't personally worn out) though I had on a pretty chiffon ditsy print top.
It made me think of a day that John and I were watching an old film and they shot a scene in an airport where the 'extras' were real passengers who were boarding the plane. John said, "Look at how they are dressed! When did we stop dressing nice?" When, indeed?
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Just when I thought I was so weary of the world that I'd gladly pass from it if God called me, Spring happened here. First it was the sound of birds, and then it was a gentle flush of almost green tingeing the trees and lawn. And then the roadside weeds that bloom, began putting out flowers. Red clover, white clover, cow's parsley, wild verbena, narcissus.
It prompted me to take Caleb outdoors, something I've dared not do in the beginning because he was keen to disobey jut at first. He's done very well being outdoors and so there we've been once or twice a day and both of us have benefited from it. I've been able to watch the seasonal changes more closely and he's learning to explore the world a little bit further from me.
One thing I noticed this week was that the Faith tree is about to bloom, and the pecan tree has tasseled blooms that will cover the ground in a thick carpet before they are done. The Faith tree, being a persimmon (male) has tiny white bell-shaped blooms much like a blueberry bloom. Bees will come to it in another week or so and they will buzz tirelessly until every last bloom has been robbed of the pollen. They will carry it to the fields and woods and find female trees that they will pollinate. It used to be a shorter trip, as there was a female persimmon just around back. However, we had to cut that tree down after a bad storm here.
I can't say I miss it. In summer, the children were prone to snatch the rock-hard persimmons from the tree and throw at one another leaving whelps and bruises. In autumn when it dropped fruit it was a huge mess. The fruit is highly sugary and sticky sweet and it ferments in our warm autumn air. Deer, fox, skunk, coons and possums all came to dine on those fermented fruits and then they'd stumble about in the yard, drunk as they could be on the alcohol that had formed during fermentation.
Rufus and Maddie kept up a constant barking that drove us nearly nuts, most especially at night. No, I won't miss that tree.
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This morning, the last day of April, I watched as leaves danced in a pool of sunshine, shadows cast upon the table as we ate our early morning breakfast before church.
And this evening, here I sit with a constant movement of light and shadow wrought by sun and wind tossed leaves dancing across my computer and armchair. The trees are fully leafed now. Tender green yet, but fully leafed.
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The wind has been insistent today. It's not only tossed branches about, but it's caused some dead limbs to fall from trees. Caleb looked at the trees tossing to and fro in the sunshine this afternoon and he said, "Windy." "Yes," I agree. "And noisy." Caleb listened for a moment or two and said, "It's LOUD."
We didn't have a windy March. Typically, we have a windy April, but it's waited until this last day to finally get rough.
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That's my wanderings for April. Where will May take us?
6 comments:
Oh yes, rick rack! I loved my dresses trimmed with it, too! But, I remember one that the neckline was just a bit too high and the rick rack felt like it was sawing my throat all day. It was a trial to be sent to school in that dress! My Grandma always trimmed aprons with it and they looked so cheerful.
I loved dotted Swiss! Rick rack was not my favorite because when you washed the dress, you had to iron the rick rack that had curled up and that meant pushing down each curled-up piece.
And I meant to add that in the older movies and pictures, ALL the men wore hats.
Oh yes, rick rack. I do miss it. When I picture it in my mind it is always red.
And there was a dotted swiss dress or two in my history.
What I remember from back in the day were women wearing a dark colored velvet dress with a lacey white collar. It had long gone out of style before I was a woman, but I have seen many of them in movies and I think I have a picture of my mother in one.
Somewhere along the line I was taught how to iron velvet, upside down and into a cloth. But I can't actually remember if I ever owned anything velvet.
Mable, I always wondered why no one sewed it across the top and the bottom edges to hold those edges down...
Yes, all the men wore hats. I think we've become a very very casual society. Mind you I like being casual but I can see how being better dressed would make a big difference in attitude over all.
Lana, Yes, on aprons, lots of aprons had rickrack.
Anne, I never had anything velvet but recall a black velvet dress a cousin had that had a lace inset down the long sleeves and a big lace jabot at the neck. That was in the 1960's and I thought she was the most chic girl I'd ever known. She's a bit older than me but still just as beautiful. I wonder if she even remembers that dress as much as I do, lol.
I can just picture you in that dress and how pretty you looked and felt! I have always struggled (since adulthood) with how to dress myself. I'm finally getting so I know what colors look best on me for the most part. I know that I do not look good with shirts tucked in of any kind and I know that, like you, I simply can't buy already worn clothes. It brings up shame from childhood poverty when one was made fun of for wearing clothes like that. Mind you, I have dealt and healed long ago from that shame but goodness I still want to own ALL of the material I'm paying for in a garment.
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