Coffee Chat: December Thoughts about the New Year

 

Hello dears.  I hope your Thanksgiving holiday was as lovely as ours.  I thoroughly enjoyed it!  It was such a happy, relaxed day and the company we kept was so nice, the food excellent.  I don't recall having such a pleasant day in years.

This morning (the first Saturday as I write this), I put up the Christmas tree.  I had to remove the extra strand of lights because I'd lost the plug ends.  You'd think I could have found them...It's only a four-foot-tall tree and not so terribly wide but no, much as I dug around, I couldn't find the two plug ends.  John took one look at the unlit lights on the tree and asked, "Do we need to replace it?"  

I told him I added an extra light strand last year because I didn't think the strand that was wired on was quite enough light.  I assured him we'd only need an additional strand of lights not a whole new tree.  I found both ends and the lights work just fine.  I wound them back onto the tree and now it looks absolutely lovely.  The second strand makes a world of difference.  Later:  It looked lovely with the lights on. Without lights it seems to need lots more fluffing because right now it appears to have a very bad haircut!

I didn't bring out the decorations just yet.  I might bring in a few things next week but today, I just wanted the tree up.  When I opened the bag, I discovered Caleb's little tree and his box of ornaments.  It made me sad.  For two Christmases he enjoyed that little tree here and it grieved me for a moment me that that season was past.  Perhaps I'll set it up in the kitchen this year and fill it with cinnamon ornaments and popcorn swags?  I don't know.  The funny thing about me is that I well remember how grieved I was at giving up my life in order to care for Caleb full time.  But I see from this side the opposing side of the coin about how much it enriched my life overall and that's why I grieve for that time now.  It's also why I'm rather reluctant to put that tree up and make it 'mine'.    I know they have no room for the tree at their home, but I'm loath to get rid of it... 

As I write, I've put on some vintage Christmas music.  It goes well with a lit tree, I think.  Puts me in the mood for a month of enjoying the holidays.  

I've hit another season that has brought changes.  I've always been an autumn in coloring.  However, as my hair grays, I've noted some colors are just not working for me.  I love rusts and mustard golds, but they aren't doing me any favors.

So, I turned to Pinterest.

One stylist suggested that I relegate myself to wearing only silver jewelry, black and gray.  She went on to say a person with gray hair shouldn't wear tortoise shell glasses, just silver frames.  Then another said, "Wear pastels only..."  Her example was a star with gray hair wearing a pink shirt.  Okay...but the star looked so sallow in that shirt that it immediately brought a "No!" to my lips.  The color was obviously quite wrong for her.   

Another said, one should forgo the autumn colors entirely and look to other color seasons, especially winter.  Bright royal blue and fuschia pink were her suggestions which are stunningly lovely on women with the right coloring but NOT on me.  

Finally, I found some sensible advice.  Two stylists suggested things that sounded reasonable.  One suggested graying autumns forgo the bright clear colors and look at grayed versions of autumn colors.  She showed examples of those colors, and I really liked them all.  The other suggested the five universal colors that suit all seasons: rose pink, navy, aqua, periwinkle, beige.  I have some of all but periwinkle in my wardrobe already.  That reassured me that I have good instincts where this new season of life is concerned.

Second Saturday in December:  I had so many posts going out this first week that I thought I'd overwhelm you all if I posted a Coffee Chat, too. This first week of December flew past.  Did you feel that as well?  I was shocked when I got up this morning and realized the week was done.  "Where did it go?" I asked John and he said, "I don't know...I was just thinking the same thing!"  It makes me want hurry to decorate the tree and get the rest of my decorating done.  And yet, the last thing I want to do with this month is hurry it along. I want to enjoy it and savor it.   Yet here I am feeling the pressure of time passing.  Ack.

I ordered new Coir mats to go in front of the entry doors.  My plan is to use them indoors since they are holiday themed.  We'll see how the doors open with those in front of them.  I may end having to put them out on the porches, which means that Rufus will snuggle down upon them.  That's what he considers his guard duty, to block one of the entry doors so we can't open it until he's up.  He's quite good about getting up mind you but still...I hadn't planned to have new holiday dog beds.  So I really hope they shall work indoors.

John has lunch with a friend this next week (this week when you all read this).  I thought I'd go out to get a few things done.  I want to find stockings for us this year and I would like to get small things to fill them with.  John and I have not talked about doing big gifts of any sort.  He's asked three or four times what I would like, and I've replied each time with a new item.  Apparently, none of those he considers suitable or worth his time and effort.  I'm not being snide here, I'm just saying.  John is generous with gifts to me.  But John has a tendency to only buy what he feels is the thing that is most suitable.  I may genuinely want a new slow cooker (I did once but not now) but he made it plain that is NOT a Christmas gift.  He wants me to have something nice, something for me.  He just doesn't want to make the decision about it.  If he keeps asking, I'll keep sharing things I've thought I'd like and perhaps one might be what he wants to give me.  Or we'll do as we did for our anniversary, and he just won't do anything at all.  

And yes, I've reminded him of what I asked to have for our anniversary, and I got an affirmative but no action.  So, there we are.  Do not for one minute think I am being put upon.  I know how to squeak loud enough and often enough to irritate him into doing what I want when it's important to me.  And I will.  

Lest you think that he's selfish in this area, I assure you he is not.  I've been waiting four years for him to pick out the last Christmas gift I was going to buy for him...He looks and then looks again and tells me each time, "Well I'm just not sure that's the one I want."  He's that way with all the things he looks at for himself.  The truth is, John would rather give than get anything but gift giving overall creates a strong anxiety in him.  I don't think until this past year I realized how strong that anxiety is with him.  It's made me a lot more patient about things, because I do understand.

I got up super early this morning.  I was awake quite late and then rose around 5am which seems to be a Saturday thing of late.  I sat here in the living room with the tree lights on and the propane heater going so the room seemed especially cozy and nice.  It was so quiet.  The dog had finally given up barking and there was no tv on and I just sat here sipping my hot coffee and soaking up the quiet.  Well as much quiet as one can get when the heat pump outside the window is running non-stop and the fridge and freezer compressors kick on routinely.  But it's been very nice.  Alone time and quiet time, too.

Sitting here in the dark with the heater glowing and the tree lights on reminds me of the long-ago days when John worked, and I'd rise early to see him off each day.  After he'd left for work, I'd take my second morning coffee to the living room and sit and admire the tree, appreciate the warmth the propane heater puts out and wait for daylight to come.  And then I'd begin my day's work.  

When he retired, I decided that at last, I could sleep in and it's made a world of difference for me, because I so often have poor sleep, but it's also meant I almost always feel I'm terribly behind.  Here lately, these early mornings seem to be my thing, coming once or twice a week.  And though I do nothing but drink coffee and perhaps read, or simply sit and think, until John has gotten up, I find that the early morning days are still my most productive.  

I've been thinking of the year ahead and my goals or resolutions for a couple of months now.  I'm truly not ambitious these days.  I have no desire to create big life goals.  In fact, after a lifetime of working and pushing, all I really want to do is what must be done and to simply enjoy life.  Yes, I want to be the best person I can be in whatever season I'm in, but I'm not so keen to put the pressure of long-term goals and big life changes upon myself any longer.  Goodness knows big life changes seem to come frequently enough without my instigation!

Some of the things I've been thinking about for the year ahead: 

Take a daily walk.  I don't want to count steps or set a goal to walk so many miles.  I just think while it's cool enough to stand being outdoors (right now it's downright cold!), I might start pushing myself to walk.  For one thing, I think that connection with the natural world around me would benefit my mind and spirit.  And physically, I think that walking would be a tremendous help.  I'll start slowly and build up my endurance.  My goal is simply to walk.  Period.  I used to walk quite a lot, and I enjoyed it.  Admittedly I don't know how well this will go in summer when it's 100F or so.  I'm thinking early morning walks might be the answer then.  We'll see how it goes. I refuse, absolutely refuse to let this become an obsession or a source of guilt.  I want to ENJOY walking.

Play in the kitchen more.  This one I've been thinking about for years.  As you all know I've been cooking for more years than most.  I've been making meals on my own now for 56 years and that's a long darn time. And with the current economy I am making more and more foods from scratch.  I cook 97% of our meals each week, three times a day.  I spend a lot of time in the kitchen...but I seldom get time to just play in the kitchen.

I would like to learn to make different breads and sweet rolls and perhaps to make candy like fudge or brittle or pralines.  I'd like to try and make recipes from other cuisines.  I don't want to do the sort of cooking that involves hard to find and expensive ingredients.  I just want to learn to make things that use what I typically keep in goodly supply already.  I want to learn to use my pasta attachment for the mixer. I want to can a few more things. I thought I'd allot myself one half day a week to just play in the kitchen and learn something new.  

Work my way through a reading list of classics.  I was in my late twenties before I ever read Lucy Maud Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables.  I found that series of books so lovely and so full of laughter and emotions of all sorts and I wondered that no one had ever brought them to my attention prior to that ripe old age!  I'd like to read more of the great classics.  Having watched "Robinson Crusoe" and "The Man of La Mancha" and "The Count of Monte Cristo" this year, I realize that as much as I enjoyed the films, there was likely a great deal missing from film to book.  I thought I'd work my way through some of these great classics.  I can only imagine that as impactful as I found the movies the novels will be even more so.

Make it my habit to rise earlier.  Since the time change occurred, I've naturally been awakening earlier.  I'm not saying I will not give myself permission to sleep in.  My sleep issues have been life long and I'm at leisure at this point in life to be able to get in the additional rest that my body requires but...I cannot deny that I love getting up early!  I feel I accomplish a good bit more and that my energy works far better in the early morning than it does mid-afternoon.  I've always accomplished far more when I rose early.  I don't necessarily want to be up at 5am every morning, but I don't mind being up to see sunrise and in winter that is nearer 7am than 5am.  If it also means I get to have a bit of alone time, then that will be an added bonus for me.

Read my Bible daily.  This is an area where I slid a LOT this year.  The truth is, I found Bible reading was pretty dry stuff overall this year.  I felt uninspired and I never did hit on a study that intrigued me long enough to keep me going.  Thanksgiving found me led by God to read Genesis and that whole chapter seemed so fresh and literally throbbing with beauty and tragedy and hope, that I wondered why I hadn't found the Bible so all year long.  I felt rather let down when it was over.  I realized that just as I have had my mountain top experiences, there has been lots more of trekking through the dry places.  And somehow, I've always gleaned something from even those dry valley experiences.  As well, I shouldn't quit reading just because I feel I'm doing it out of habit.  Of all the habits I might get into, daily Bible reading is hardly the worst I could take up.

Acknowledge ALL the major holidays...and plan for some of the minor ones as well.  When my kids were little every holiday was acknowledged in some way.  Whether it was St. Patrick's Day with construction paper shamrocks and a repurposed Halloween cauldron with gold coins and corned beef and cabbage for our meal or fourth of July with flags and grilling out we enjoyed those days.  We didn't always do something big, but we had some sort of decoration and something special to eat.  That's something I started to focus on midway through this year with John.  We planned to cook out on July 4th and Labor Day, and we ate foods we would not always eat.  It was fun to break up the monotony of our days and it didn't cost us a ton of money.  I want this year to be the same.  

And if I also happen to indulge us on national doughnut day or peanut butter day so much the better.  Again, it's cheap and fun and it breaks up the days, so every day isn't exactly like the one before it.

Travel.  Ok.  I have accepted the fact that (a) we cannot afford to truly travel, (b) that John is a homebody of the worst sort in that he can and will happily spend every single day at home watching tv and (c) he is severely prone to being a rutty person and (d)he is prone to anxiety when we are in a new place.  

I've also accepted that this endless sitting at home is simply NOT working for me. I figure right now we've the luxury of time and are relatively young, yet.   We can sit at home and watch tv later in life! So... once a month, I mean to push for us to go visit a state park or historic site or museum or destination within an easy day journey of our home.  I'll pack picnic foods.  We can afford gas.  John can take an anxiety tablet.  We can work with what we have.   There's so much we can do in our state in a short distance, and we can be home by suppertime, well before dark.  

At John's request we are planning to spend Thanksgiving in St. Augustine next year.  I've already started saving towards that goal.  If I can possibly swing anything more then I'll plan accordingly.

Be on top of the card game! Every year without fail I get Christmas cards sent out.  I can surely manage to send out birthday cards early enough to arrive at their destination even given our rather ridiculous mail situation here in Georgia.

And I'd like to send 'just because' cards to let others know I was thinking of them.  

Plant more perennials, flowering bushes, shrubs, and bulbs.  I love flowers.  They bring me great joy.  I may never have the beautifully landscaped yard of my dreams, but I surely can manage to plant a few extra things each year that will give me the impact of blooming year after year without much bother on my part after planting.  

I want to make a budget for the annual flowers as well.  I so enjoyed the flowers I had this summer, most all of which were perennials that returned from last year's plantings.  I may not have a large budget, but I do have a green thumb, and I can revive most neglected discounted plants back to life so this can be affordable for me.

Stop living in a tizzy.   Anxiety and worry have netted me nothing.  Trying to force family relationships has netted me nothing but frustration and hurt feelings and misunderstandings.  Pushing myself to work harder has netted me nothing but being tired.  I'm done with all the big ambitious things I think I ought to do.  I just want to live well and I can't do that if I'm always in a state of overwhelm or upset.  If I'm blessed beyond measure I have about 20 years left on this earth, more or less.  WHY should I live them in a state of high anxiety?  

Live on the 'better' principle.  Remember the old grammar rule: good, better, best?  Whether it's self-care or home care or work in general, ask myself "How can I do better?" I have a tendency to get frustrated because I can't do/be the best right away.  I hate saying, "That's good enough!"  But sometimes, it is.  Sometimes, I could do/be better and I know it.  That's pretty much the whole principle of these resolutions/goals for 2025, to live better, to do better, to be better.   Not to try and be perfect in everything and frustrate myself but to look at things in general and seek the better options.

And with that I shall end...

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